A Rise and Fall
by DeathandJunkfood
Summary: As Voldemort is rising in power, Lily Evans is falling in love. It happens so slowly she barely notices, and so quietly that she's the only one to know. James Potter has loved Lily Evans since practically the moment he met her, but even he's starting to lose hope. A Marauders' era fic that spans their fifth to seventh years, with all the pranks, angst, and fights that that entails.
1. Sturm und Drang

**Disclaimer... I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to the fabulous JKR. Please read and enjoy.**

Fifth year was OWL year. And OWLs meant a lot of things. Stress, among other things. And looking at career paths. Career paths meant leaving Hogwarts. Lily was in no way ready for that.

She took a deep breath to steady herself as she dragged her leather trunk awkwardly along the platform to hoist it onto the Hogwarts Express.

 _Calm down_ she ordered herself, _you're not even on the bloody train. You still have three entire years left. It'll be fine. You'll be fine. Take a breath, Evans._

Lily abandoned the heavy leather trunk beside the gleaming crimson train that was puffing smoke as merrily as a chimney at Christmas. She nodded her thanks to the uniformed wizard that hefted it up onto the train.

The witch turned to face her parents, and noticed just how blindingly obvious it was that they were Muggles. Her father was in a morning jacket and tie, her red haired mother a flowery dress, and they were looking around with wide eyes. They had seen this sight twice a year for five years, but every time they looked as if they were seeing it for the first time.

Perhaps it was because their contact with their daughter's world was so small. They held on to every piece of it they could, because they were like parts of her.

Lily smiled, and moved towards them, hugging them tightly, hiding her face in her father's grey wool coat so she could let her face slip into her now-habitual worried frown. Next year she wouldn't let them come. It was too dangerous, with the number of Muggle killings on the rise.

They weren't widely publicized, of course, and the Prophet never suggested that they were anything but horrible accidents, but people knew. Of course they knew. In this new world of fear and secrets and violence, where they were hungry for every scrap of news, every piece of concrete information.

There was of course, the fact, that police hadn't been able to find anything _wrong_ with the bodies. Not a mark to suggest how they'd died. And then the expressions of pure terror on their faces, almost as if they'd died of _fright_. So Lily, and probably most of the Muggleborns that read the Muggle papers, and a few wizards and witches that were able to put two and two together, knew.

Voldemort was coming. No, that wasn't quite right. Voldemort was _here_.

Lily fixed her smile firmly on her face as she pulled away and kissed her mother gently on the cheek, her father saying something about owls, and remembering to write.

Petunia wasn't there, of course. She hadn't come since Lily's first year. When she had spat ' _freak_ ' at Lily, with tears of rage in her eyes.

"I better go" she said, detangling herself from their arms regretfully, and smoothing the green knit dress she wore.

"Be careful dear. And have a wonderful year" her mother told her fondly, reaching out to tuck a lock of Lily's flaming hair behind her ear.

"I will" she promised.

With a final wave, Lily clambered aboard the train.

Inside, it was noisy and crowded, squeals of delight as friends reunited mixing with the whistle of the train and the voices of parents and family members on the platform.

She eased through a cluster of excitable second year Hufflepuffs on her way to the Prefect's carriage, but stopped at the sound of a familiar, relieved voice.

"Lily!"

The witch turned to see Severus Snape shoving past the Puffs as he moved down the carriage.

"Hullo, Sev" she said, fiddling with her badge awkwardly.

"Oh" he remembered, eyes falling on the badge, "I forgot, you have to go the Prefect's carriage, don't you?"

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine, I saw Mulciber a few compartments back"

Lily wasn't able to help it, her lips twisted into a frown at the other boy's name. She couldn't exactly fault Severus for having friends within his house, but they were just all so _awful_. She'd seen them pouring over the Daily Prophet at breakfast last year, sniggering and making snide remarks when they found an article about the murder of a well-known Muggle supporter.

"Right. I should go…" she trailed off, her feet already turning away.

"Ok"

They stood there for another heartbeat, awkwardness hanging between them.

Finally, Lily moved, and walked away.

She felt slightly nervous as she passed into the Prefect's carriage, all gleaming golden wood and velvet.

It wasn't divided into compartments, rather, there was a large table in the centre, stacked with parchment, ink and quills, and the carriage was ringed with cushioned benches.

It was already partly full, and she could see a few new Prefects from her year talking to their house mates. She joined the Gryffindor group, and greeted Remus Lupin. Lily didn't mind Remus. He was hard-working and quiet, and _much_ nicer than his mates. Lily could feel a scowl start to grow on her face at the thought of that absolute _git_ , James Potter.

"Oh congratulations, Kalia!" Lily told the new head girl as she spotted the shiny badge on the front of her robes. The girl was an extremely pretty Hufflepuff, who smiled at Lily and tucked her long, glossy black braids behind her ears.

"Thanks" Kalia said, sounding nervous.

"We all knew you'd get it" her friend Benjy assured her.

Prefects trickled in steadily in clumps, chatting to friends about their summer holidays. Lily caught a few fearful remarks about Voldemort.

"Alright!" Kalia finally said loudly, gesturing for them all to sit down. The head boy, Caradoc Dearborn took a seat at the foot of the table, smiling at the new Prefects welcomingly.

The train ride passed in a flurry of new schedules, patrol times, and overviews of point docking systems. As the sun dropped, the lanterns lit magically, and Lily glanced out the window.

A spiral of black was unfurling, keeping pace with the train. It seemed strangely malevolent and Lily could feel her mouth go dry. She was about to point it out to Remus when there was a squeal of brakes and the train rocked, knocking the lights out with a bang.

Several people screamed, and Lily could see both Kalia and Caradoc jump to their feet and reach for their wands in the dim light.

Lily's heart was pounding wildly as she reached for her own, whispering ' _lumos_ '

A dim white light ignited, illuminating the frightened faces of the Prefects.

One by one, more wands lit, until the carriage was full of soft white light and raised wands.

Lily tensed again as there was the sound of shattering glass.

"Get into pairs" Caradoc ordered in a low harsh whisper, "we have to make sure the students are ok"

A hand grabbed Lily's and she looked up to see Remus Lupin looking at her seriously. She felt a surge of gratitude for the boy beside her. There was a sort of nameless fear that had settled deep in her stomach, born when she first saw that streak of black. She wasn't quite sure what it was she was afraid of. Death Eaters? Voldemort himself? It seemed unlikely that they would board the Hogwarts Express, unless-

A wild thud in her chest, and she pulled Remus closer.

"The Muggleborns" she whispered. And then it was fear for herself, and fear for those that didn't have magical parents and just plain and simple, thick choking fear.

Lily spoke up, fighting against the lump in her throat.

"What if they're after the Muggleborns?"

There was a rumble of angry voices in the carriage, and Lily was touched to see that even the Slytherin Prefects looked horrified.

"Change of plans" Kalia said briskly, holding her wand aloft, "get into groups of four. If any students are injured, bring them here. If there are people aboard, don't try to fight. Just run. Everyone knows Stunning Spells and defensive jinxes? Ok. Good. Be careful, people"

Two Ravenclaw Prefects that Lily didn't recognize joined her and Remus. They looked fearful, and Lily hoped her own face didn't look so terrified.

The train rocked again and she heard the bang of a spell and a scream.

"Come on"

The exited the carriage slowly, following the bobbing wand lights of the group in front of them.

Lily heard a wild, careless, keening sort of laugh that made the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She was suddenly thankful for the warmth of the people beside her and she took a deep steadying breath, laying a hand on the smooth wooden wall of the corridor to steady herself.

The Ravenclaw girl beside her shot Lily a fearful smile.

There was the crashing shatter of glass and another high pitched scream.

Their group started to run, making it to another carriage where Lily could see the flashing lights of spells, and moving bodies trying to make it out. Her heart was in her mouth, and the air felt too hot.

She heard Remus shout, " _Sirius!_ " and felt him scramble away, dodging a Stunner and something more dangerous.

A dark cloaked figure lunged out of the gloom and Lily raised her wand, the Ravenclaws beside her mirroring her action.

" _Impedimenta!"_ she cried, and the person fell back

Lily could see students running towards her, and started shepherding them back the way she'd come.

"Go to the Prefect's carriage" she told them, and hastily removed her badge with shaking fingers, "this'll let you in"

The group of students scurried away and Lily moved towards the fighting.

"MUDBLOODS!" she heard someone shriek, and her stomach contracted at the hate in the voice, and at the word itself. Funny, how even after dodging curses and hexes, a word still had the power to make her hands go clammy and her heart thump with rage.

"MUDBLOODS DEFILING OUR WORLD, STEALING OUR MAGIC, RUINING OUR CHILDREN. MUDBLOODS AT HOGWARTS! YOU WILL ALL PERISH WHEN THE DARK LORD RISES"

Lily could see the screamer, a slim young woman with long glossy black hair and a pale, strangely delicate face, brandishing her wand like a knife and cackling as a student that Lily knew to be muggleborn fell before her slashing wand.

A boy ducked under the curse she sent at him, and hit her squarely with a Stinging Hex, laughing as he did so.

"Nice one, Sirius!" she heard, and Lily recognized James Potter's voice as she sent a Stunner at the woman, who dodged it.

"Sirius?" the dark haired woman whispered, lowering her wand, and her companions did likewise, "Sirius Black, my cousin? You shame us, boy. You shame our family. I won't kill you, today. You won't be so lucky if I see you again"

As Lily stared in shock, she and her companions twisted on the spot, and disappeared.

Her entire body felt frozen, but the attackers' disappearance let her move, and she hurried down the train corridor, checking that none of the students were injured. There were a few cuts from the broken glass, and some mild hexes that would wear off soon enough, but nothing too serious that she could see.

"Evans!" Lily heard, as she was fixing the glass in the windows, the Ravenclaws turning the lights back on.

James Potter stood in front of her, smiling breezily as he stuck his wand back in his pocket.

"Nice way to start the year, don't you think? A visit from the friendly neighbourhood Death Eaters?"

"We're lucky no one was hurt"

The levity was wiped from James's face, and he looked at her sadly.

"A student was taken" he told her.

" _What_?"

"When the fighting first started, one of them grabbed some second year Ravenclaw and Disapparated"

"Oh Merlin, we have to let the school know. Do you know the kid's name?"

James frowned, running a hand through his hair and Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Jemma? Jemma Markel?"

"She's a Muggleborn" Lily said softly, sagging against the wall.

James shot her a sympathetic look, and she immediately straightened, turning her back on him.

"Hey Evans"

Lily turned, expecting a snarky comment or an inappropriate suggestion.

"It's good to see you" was all he said, before turning away.

* * *

They arrived at Hogwarts shortly, injured students being handed off the train, and terrified first years following in Hagrid's wake like ducklings. Hogwarts loomed, safe and comforting in its solidness, golden light shining out the windows, and smoke puffing from the hundreds of chimneys. The lake shone hard and glittery in the moonlight.

Lily ignored the carriages, and sprinted after Hagrid, her feet pounding the dirt. There was a cut on her cheek from broken glass that she hadn't gotten around to healing, and she could feel warm blood on her skin, trickling down to her jaw. Lily pressed a hand to her face absently.

"Hagrid!" she yelled, panting, and the groundskeeper turned around.

"Lily Evans? Why aren't yeh up at the carriages with the others?"

"Hagrid, we were attacked on the train. A kid was taken. Jemma Markel"

Hagrid's massive face was grim and aghast, and he patted a small first year boy on the back in what was probably meant to be a comforting manner. The boy was knocked face first into the solidly packed dirt, and Lily winced in sympathy, having experienced a few of Hagrid's pats, herself.

"Tell Professor McGonagall when yeh get up te the school"

"Ok" she nodded, "Ok"

The carriage ride seemed to take an eternity. Mary and Marlene, her two closest friends, discussed the attack raptly, hands waving wildly.

All Lily could think of was Jemma Markel. _Taken, taken, taken. Gone. Gone. Gone._

"Lily, did you see the attack?" Mary asked finally, brushing her springy black hair out of her brown eyes, and looking at her friend anxiously. Mary was a shy witch, but smart, and she was a half-blood, making her safe enough.

"Yes" Lily said finally, hollowly, "I saw. There were maybe five of them. One- she said she was Sirius Black's cousin"

"Must've been Bellatrix Black" Marlene told them, settling back into the plush seats of the carriage. Her mum worked for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and she normally knew the latest updates on Voldemort and his followers.

There was silence in the small space for a moment, before Lily spoke again.

"A second year Muggleborn was taken"

Mary let out a small shriek, reaching out to clutch Marlene's hand, who was staring at Lily with wide eyes.

"It happened before I got there, Potter told me"

"Bloody _hell_ " Marlene swore, her pale face furious.

Lily didn't say anything as she stared out the window at the approaching castle. Just this morning she'd been afraid of OWLs and career paths, and now- Now a girl had been taken by Death Eaters and her false sense of security had been shattered. None of them were safe. Not Mary with her half-blood status, not even Marlene as a pure-blood, no one. Because who could ever be safe in the face of such toxic hate?

The rest of the trip passed in silence, Marlene still holding Mary's hand.

Once they got to Hogwarts, Lily saw Kalia take McGonagall aside, and was selfishly thankful that she hadn't had to break that news as she saw the Transfiguration professor take a stagger-step back, her indomitable reserve shaken. McGonagall was pale, and she pressed a hand to her lips, already looking around for Flitwick, who was the girl's head of house.

With a weight in her stomach, Lily took her seat at the Gryffindor table, frowning as James Potter sat directly across from her.

"Hullo Evans" he said, sounding suspiciously cheery.

She told him so.

He shrugged.

"Can't a bloke just be happy? We're back at Hogwarts, no one died on the train, I have an _excellent_ prank planned for tomorrow's Care of Magical Creatures, and apparently Peeves is making havoc in the Potions department, so that class might be delayed"

"Jemma Markel was taken by Death Eaters, Potter. She's twelve years old"

"The Ministry will get her back"

Lily pushed her dark red hair back, resting her elbows on the table.

"Of course. Because they've been so incredibly proactive about Voldemort rising"

James shrugged again.

"Why are you here, Potter?" she asked.

"Just saying hello"

"Well, you've said it"

James stood, and moved down the table to where Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat and talked, and Lily felt a twinge of what was _definitely_ not regret as she watched him go.

"You know, you're always very snippy with him" Marlene informed her, shaking long blond hair back over her shoulders.

"He bloody well deserves it" Lily said grumpily, "he's a prat"

"He's not _always_ a prat" Mary said fairly, "just when you're around"

"So I bring out the worst in him?"

Marlene sighed, and turned to face her friend.

"He's immature" Marlene told Lily, "and being a prat is how he tries to get your attention. I'm not saying you should give it to him, but if you're a little nicer, he might stop being such a git"

"Shh" Lily said, sitting up, "the Sorting's starting"

The Hat sang, and the group of trembling first years were led out, starting with 'Angler, Lara!' (Hufflepuff) and ending with 'Yarrow, Nakaia!' (Gryffindor)

The new students were duly applauded, but Lily could see worry on the faces of the Ravenclaws as they realized that one of their housemates was missing.

She turned her attention to Dumbledore as the headmaster stood, an elegant figure in crimson robes with gold embroidery. Guess he was feeling his Gryffindor pride.

"Welcome back for another year" he told them, smiling, before his lined face turned serious, "much as I hate to delay our delectable feast, I'm afraid that this cannot wait. I am sure most of you are aware that the Hogwarts Express was attacked this evening. Those responsible owe their allegiance to the wizard known as Voldemort. A student, named Jemma Markel, was taken. She was Muggleborn, like many of you"

The whispers that swept the hall sounded like waves washing on a beach, low and gentle, contrasting strangely with the horrified expressions of the students.

"We will be doing everything in our power to return her" Dumbledore continued, looking out over the Great Hall gravely, "but for now, let me just say this. We are threatened by a force the likes of which we have never seen before. It is hateful. It is cruel. It is powerful, and yet it is ignorant. It doesn't realize that our worth is not determined by our blood, our family, or our house, but rather the choices we make, and the paths we walk. So I ask you, do not give in. Do not let them win, by giving them your fear"

The second he stopped speaking, food appeared on the golden plates, and the talking started.

"Blimey" Marlene said, cutting a generous slice of ham for Mary, "I don't think he's ever done a speech before the feast, has he Mar?"

Mary shook her head and offered the gravy to Lily, "Things must be really bad. Did you listen to the Hat's song? ' _United all the houses stand or surely we must fall/ to monsters in the mist, and spells from every wand'"_

Marlene nodded, taking a bite of steak and kidney pie, "it was bloody grim, that's for sure"

"I want to know why the Hat though it would be a good idea to rhyme 'stand' with 'wand'" Lily said and poured pumpkin juice for the three of them.

Marlene shook with laughter, "is that a joke from our grim Tiger-Lily? You must be feeling better if you're mocking the Hat's lyrical skills"

Lily waved her fork in Marlene's general direction, glancing up at the enchanted ceiling. It was gloomy and grey, threatening rain, and from time to time lightening flashed across the sky.

"Lily makes fun of the Hat's song every year" Mary pointed out, "It's practically a tradition"

The redhead pretended to ignore her two friends, scooping up a bite of mashed potatoes aggressively.

"Looks like we got a new defence professor" Mary said quietly, nodding her head to where a heavy-set witch in worn looking black robes sat, surveying the students with a strange eagerness.

"She looks like she can hardly wait for lessons to start" Marlene observed with distaste, and hid behind her goblet of pumpkin juice as the witch's eyes swivelled towards them.

"Ooh, she doesn't look fun, does she?" Mary breathed, casting a glance at the staff table, and the witch's cold eyes.

"Not much" Marlene agreed, and took a warm roll from the basket on the table.

"She might be perfectly nice" Lily suggested, sounding doubtful.

Both Marlene and Mary shot her identical, incredulous looks.

"Or not?"

The feast on the table disappeared to be replaced by pudding, and Lily lunged for a large slice of chocolate cake just as Mary scooped up a tub of mint ice cream.

Marlene regarded them with some disappointment.

"Oo' rnt avin any?" Mary asked around a large bite of ice cream.

"I was _going_ to, but you two have put me off"

"Orry" Mary said, not sounding very sorry at all.

Marlene eventually caved and chose a slice of key-lime pie before the food on the plates disappeared.

Dumbledore stood again, this time smiling. His half-moon spectacles flashed white in the light from the candles, and the gold embroidery on his robes shone dully.

"I trust you are all sufficiently stuffed. Now, as the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts was recently vacated by Professor Talley, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Professor Jugson"

The stocky witch gave a brief wave, and Lily noticed James and Sirius sniggering into their napkins a little ways down the table. Idiots. Honestly, it was fifth year. She could understand a first year getting all giggly about the unfortunate name, but they should be a little more mature by now. Of course, James and Sirius had never showed the remotest interest in acting their age.

"It is late" Dumbledore continued, "and as such, I must ask you to take to your dormitories. Prefects, thank you for your bravery on the train, and now please lead your first years to your common rooms"

Lily jumped up, waving goodbye to Mary and Marlene, and corralling a few first years that were trying to join a group of Hufflepuffs.

"This way, you lot" she ordered, grabbing a tiny brown haired witch who was spinning around confusedly.

Remus showed up in a moment and took charge of half the group, making Lily smile gratefully. They were really rather bouncy, these first years. And small. She was almost positive she hadn't been that small.

"Amortentia" Lily told the Fat Lady, who giggled and blushed as she swung open to admit the first years.

"Come on" she told her little gaggle of witches encouragingly, "just up there. I'll see you all in the morning, alright?"

They nodded solemnly, all wide eyes and tightly shut mouths as they trooped up the stairs.

She sighed, and took a seat by the fire. The day had been far too long, and she just wanted to enjoy the warmth of the fire on her face for a moment before the common room was filled with noisy Gryffindors. The armchair was cosy and overstuffed, and Lily's cold feet began to thaw.

She closed her eyes, remembering the flash of curses and Bellatrix Black's mad, mad laugh. It was so warm in here…

Lily had just started to drift off into an uneasy sleep, when a voice spoke beside her ear.

"Baby-sitting tire you out?"

She bolted upright and glared at James Potter who was crouching by her chair and looking very pleased with himself.

"I was sleeping, you bloody prat" she informed him.

"Last time I checked, you had a bed for that"

"Sod off, Potter"

"Sweet dreams, Evans"

* * *

When she woke the next morning it was to grey skies and cold air, despite the fires burning just downstairs. Lily groaned, pushing her face deeper into her pillow and pulling the quilt over her head. Her bed at Hogwarts was _much_ more comfortable than her one at home.

Finally she struggled out of the down mattress to see a very sleepy looking Mary emerging from a pile of blankets, shoving masses of curly black hair out of her face. Somehow, Marlene was already up and pulling on knee socks calmly as the other girls exited from their beds, some more gracefully than others.

Lily was already standing when she heard a thud, and moved until she could see Anna Rogers lying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling.

"I appear to have fallen" the witch announced.

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled the other girl up.

"Mmrgh" Camilla Lovegood rolled over and sat up, tiredly detangling herself from her bed clothes.

"Morning everyone!" Marlene sang, and Lily raised an eyebrow at her.

"You're cheery"

The other girl shrugged and tied her shoes quickly.

"We're back at Hogwarts. It's nice"

"We'll see how long that attitude lasts when we get our first homework assignment" Mary started to change her clothes, tapping her hairbrush with her wand so it attacked her curly hair.

Lily smiled involuntarily. It was nice to be back, to wear robes and see such casual magic, to talk to her friends and sleep in the four poster beds.

"I'll see you lot of spoilsports at breakfast" Marlene added, scooping up her book bag.

The rest of the girls got dressed in sleepy silence, the occasional yawn or muttered spell the only thing breaking the quiet.

The gloomy clouds finally broke and spilled their rain out almost grudgingly, to patter on the window in an irregular pattern. It was chilly, and the dim grey light made everything in the dormitory look especially grim, the crimson hangings were dull, the girls looked pale and listless.

Lily quickly braided her flaming red hair back neatly and pinned her Prefect badge to her robe before looking at Mary.

"You ready?"

"Mm hmm" Mary replied, still struggling to tie her hair back.

"Let me"

Lily moved behind her friend, hands moving deftly as she prodded and tucked Mary's hair into order. She flicked her wand casually, and released the other girl's hair, holding her breath.

"Ta da!"

"Thanks Lil"

With a wave to Anna and Camilla, they headed down the stairs.

A few portraits smiled at the girls, and Lily jumped over a trick step as they went down the stairs to the Great Hall. The normally wild atmosphere of Hogwarts felt subdued, Lily saw a group of third year Ravenclaws huddled sadly in a corner, and students moved in groups, glancing around nervously.

"Everyone seems so afraid" Mary said sadly, tucking her arm through Lily's and looking at the students.

 _Lily_ felt afraid. She wasn't sure if it was just a result of the fearful environment, or because of the attack on the train, but there was a cold, creeping fear that hadn't been there yesterday. Living in a shadow was hard.

They found Marlene working her way through a plate of waffles at the Gryffindor table, and sat down next to her, dropping their book bags on the ground carelessly.

"It's quiet" Marlene observed, "normally everyone's making a complete ruckus the first day back. 'S weird"

Mary nodded in agreement, grabbing a tureen of scrambled eggs.

Lily shot a glance up at the staff table. It was practically empty, only the Herbology professor sat there, and she looked anxious.

"What does the Prophet say?" she asked, snatching Marlene's copy from the table.

Marlene shrugged.

"The usual. 'Terrible misfortune, families are in our hearts, do what we can, blah blah blah'. The Ministry's leaning on them pretty hard, I reckon"

"Damn"

"Mm"

The trio ate quietly for a while, Lily flipping through the Prophet searching for any mention of Jemma Markel. There was nothing.

"Morning ladies!" someone said finally, and Lily looked up to see Sirius Black plunk himself on their stretch of bench, stretching his feet along the empty bit of seat.

"'Lo Sirius" Marlene greeted him, and he waved as he grabbed a piece of toast and shoved half of it in his mouth in one go.

"You see the Prophet this morning?" he asked, accepting the china butter dish from Mary.

"There's nothing about the attack" Lily told him.

"Check page fifteen"

She eagerly flipped back to the appropriate page, and there it was. A tiny article by some witch called Rita Skeeter.

 ** _Ministry Ignores Blatant Death Eater Aggression_**

 **Yesterday, of course, was the day that young witches and wizards return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But for twelve year old Jemma Markel, the train would never deliver her. At five thirty pm, the train was attacked by a group of roughly half a dozen Death Eaters, led by the well-known Bellatrix Black. After shouting some inflammatory and derogatory slurs, they proceeded to throw hexes and curses at Muggleborn students. They left the train after a confrontation with Black's cousin, fifth year Sirius Black. However, they kidnapped Jemma Markel, a Muggleborn, before they left. Her current location is unknown. The Ministry of Magic refuses to acknowledge that this attack was the work of Death Eaters.**

Lily whistled as she finished reading.

"Well she isn't pulling her punches, is she?"

"Nope" Sirius said cheerfully, pouring himself a cup of tea, "I'll see you in Potions"

"Thanks" Lily said quietly, folding the newspaper back up and handing it to Marlene.

Professor McGonagall made her way over to their table a few minutes later, clutching a pile of blank time-tables.

"MacDonald, McKinnon, Evans. We need to talk about your new classes"

"I'm continuing Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies and Arithmancy" Mary told her, looking slightly anxious.

"That's fine, Miss MacDonald"

Lily sorted out her classes quickly as well, while Marlene looked through the Prophet.

"Miss McKinnon. You'll need another class for your OWLs" McGonagall told the blonde witch, who shot a 'help me' look at Lily.

"Muggle Studies" Lily mouthed.

"Er- Muggle Studies?" Marlene said, sounding doubtful.

"Alright, you're set. Have a good first day back, girls"

"Thanks Professor" they chorused, tucking their schedules into their bags and standing.

Lily supressed a sigh as her eyes landed on the Daily Prophet again. She could see a picture of Wanda Hartford, the Minister for Magic, waving and smiling cheerily on the front page.

"Don't" Mary said firmly, towing Lily away from the table and looking her friend in the eye, "don't think about it, there was nothing you could've done, love"

The redhead shook herself, staring at her shoes. "I know. I just wish it had been acknowledged"

"Of course" Marlene said, "but you have Potions, and I have Divination, and we're both going to be late"

"We'll see you later, Lena" Mary told her, and left with Lily for Potions.

Despite the cold gloom of the dungeons, Lily felt at home there. The bubbling caldrons, strange ingredients and jovial Potions Master all contributed to the aura of familiarity. She peered through the haze up at the black board, wrinkling her nose as she struggled to see.

"PepperUp Potion!" Professor Slughorn said, clapping his hands, "a relatively simple brew for your first day back, and invaluable as we move into autumn and winter. Madam Pomfrey is always appreciative of new stock for her pantry. Make sure that you grate the Salamander tail finely, and don't overuse the pepper flakes"

Lily turned her attention back to her caldron, prodding the base with her wand until a blue flame ignited, burning merrily.

"Two sticks of cinnamon" she muttered, digging in her Potions kit and tossing the spices in, "a cup of freshly boiled water, two clockwise stirs and a counter clock wise until the potion bubbles"

As she began the wait, she glanced around. Mary was at the same stage, and traded a small smile with Lily as they stirred. Sev looked almost bored, and Lily waved at him cautiously, until his face lit up and he beamed at her. Lily noticed with some satisfaction that Potter was having difficulty getting his caldron to ignite, but immediately felt guilty as she saw the confusion on his face.

Sirius, beside him, was snickering, and Lily noticed that every time Potter tried to light the caldron, Sirius cancelled the spell. She turned back to her potion hastily as bubbles started to rise.

The colour was changing subtly, spicy smelling steam rising off the top of the liquid. Lily waved her wand above it, checking the temperature carefully. Too hot, and all it would do would burn whoever was unlucky enough to ingest it. Too cold, and it would simply make their nose run.

The large scoop of pepper flakes fell into the potion, and it immediately turned a bright steaming crimson. The witch smiled in satisfaction, and started to grate her dried Salamander tail, making a neat pile of the sloughed off scales.

"I think I did ok" Mary said as they left, clutching the assignment that Slughorn had handed out at the end of the lesson. A foot on the fifteen uses of Salamander tail.

"You did fine, Mar. Slughorn said yours would be used in the infirmary"

"I'm worried about this year. I've heard such terrible things about OWLs. You know my older sister almost ended up in St Mungos, she was so anxious?"

Lily nodded as they made their way out of the chilly, dank dungeons. At the top of the stairs, she gasped and came to a stop as if she'd been slapped. Mary started to look at her in confusion before she saw it, and whimpered, her books slipping out of her hands to slam against the floor with a noise like a door slamming shut.

 **THE MUDBLOODS WILL DIE**

The words were painted on the wall outside a broom closet, in smeary acid green paint. A cluster of second year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws whispered and stared at it, and Lily felt rage burn through her veins. They were too young to be so afraid.

"Move along there" she said, not unkindly, hurrying the second years on to their next lesson, "I'd best go get McGonagall" she murmured as an aside to Mary, who nodded woodenly, picking up her books one at a time.

"Why're you blocking the stairs?"

Lily turned to see James Potter and Sirius Black staring at her, flanked by Remus and Peter. She pointed at the writing. James blanched a sickly white, before slowly turning red with anger. Lily watched with some interest. She hadn't thought that James harboured any pureblood supremacy, anti-Muggleborn sentiments, but well… He _was_ a Potter. An old, old pureblood family, and it seemed odd that he'd be so upset looking over the slur. Sirius just looked ill, and Remus and Peter moved closer to get a better view.

"Did you see who did it?" Potter asked.

"Of course" Lily snapped, "that's why I'm standing around talking to you, while I let the culprit get away"

"Sorry" Sirius interrupted, "but did you just say _culprit_?"

Lily blinked at him. "Yes?"

"Who the hell says 'culprit'? Why not say 'the slimy Slytherin sack of shit that did it'"

"That seems overly long"

"Git"

Sirius was about to respond in kind when James stepped on his foot, effectively shutting him up. Lily looked at them disdainfully.

"If you're done mocking my word choice, I'm going to go report this to Professor McGonagall"

Lily didn't wait for a reply before leaving.

The hallways were packed with students on their ways to lessons, and Lily had to fight against the tide to make her way to the plain wooden door marking the staff room.

She took a deep breath before knocking. The staff room had always seemed sort of _sacred_ and it felt like she was disrupting the sanctity of it. McGonagall answered, dark hair pinned severely back under her tall hat, and she frowned slightly at Lily, who stood there, breathless from hurrying.

"Miss Evans?"

"Professor, I'm so sorry to bother you, but there's something painted on the wall just outside the dungeon stairs"

"Surely Mr Filch could clean it up?"

"Professor, I think you really ought to see this… It's not just a bit of graffiti"

The older witch sighed and pulled her robes tighter around herself, "Alright Miss Evans. Lead on"

Most of the students had made it to their next classes, so the halls were deserted, apart from the occasional pearlescent ghost gliding serenely past. Lily caught her breath, and realized how shaky she felt. It was one thing to see the slurs outside of Hogwarts, to hear them hissed by the occasional elderly witch or wizard, but at her school, the place where she fit, the place she felt safe, it was intrusive.

The Transfiguration professor caught her breath as she saw the neon words, shining in the torchlight. Lily thought she heard the older witch mutter something under her breath.

A dark figure leant against the wall under the writing, and Lily recognized Potter as they got closer.

"Mr Potter" McGonagall sighed, fixing her eyes on the wizard sternly, "why aren't you at your next class? Herbology, I believe?"

"I thought I'd make sure Lily found you alright before I ran off" he told her seriously, still leaning casually against the wall, and having produced an apple from somewhere, took a noisy bite.

"Well, as you can see, Miss Evans found me. I'd advise you move quickly before you're late. Pomona doesn't enjoy latecomers"

"Duly noted Minnie" Potter agreed, and hurried off.

Lily was torn between laughing and crying. The look on McGonagall's face when Potter had called her 'Minnie' had been fairly brilliant, but then the writing…

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention Miss Evans" the professor said finally and crisply, "I can take it from here. You'd best be off to Herbology"

Lily nodded, and left, with a final look back at the glowing writing and the concerned woman regarding it.

Her shoes made a satisfying clicking noise on the stone floor as she hurried along the corridor. Herbology started in three minutes, and Lily bit back as curse as she glanced at her watch, only to run smack into someone.

"Graceful, Evans. You should start training for the ballet"

Potter. He had been waiting in the hallway, leaning against the wall again and calmly eating his apple when she ran into him. Lily steadied herself on the wall.

"Why aren't you in Herbology?"

The boy shrugged. "I was waiting for you"

"Why?" she asked again, starting to walk. Potter hastily followed her, swinging his book bag up from the floor.

"I wanted to ask you something"

Lily didn't reply, and he took that as permission to continue.

"I was wondering… If you'd go out with me?"

She whirled around, incredulous.

"Are you serious?"

James ruffled his hair, regarding her solemnly.

"Well, _I'm_ not serious, but my best mate is. I could introduce you, if you'd like"

Lily let out a noise that seemed to be a snort combined with a scream, and started walking again, looking straight ahead.

"So that's a 'no' then?"

She didn't dignify that with a response and kept her eyes fixed on the ground. As such, she didn't see Peeves, hovering above her with a large urn and a wicked grin.

"Supposed to be in class, naughty, naughty" the poltergeist tutted, before releasing his ammunition. James saw what was about to happen a split second before it did, and lunged forward, knocking Lily out of the way. Of course, this knocked her off her feet, and she landed on her arse, spitting with rage as she clambered back up, dusting her robes and her grey wool knee socks off.

"Right. What the _bloody_ hell are you playing at, Potter? I have a _class_ to get to, and you're running about like a prat, shoving me over? Piss off, alright, and stop bothering me"

Without waiting for a reply, the witch drew herself up and stalked off, not seeing the shattered urn and leaving James on the cold castle floor, his rectangular glasses askew as he watched her go.

 _ **A.N. Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, (or if you didn't, and want me to know just how horrible it is) please, please review. Seriously. Any review is treasured. That was a bit of a messy starting chapter, I'm sorry, and hopefully it'll improve. Thanks again!**_


	2. Bubblegum Locks

**Disclaimer... I do not own any of the characters. They belong to the lovely JKR.**

If James Potter was asked to list his three favourite things about Hogwarts, Lily Evans would be at the top of the list. Then Quidditch. Then his mates. But he might have to replace his mates with the kitchens and the house elves, since he could see the rest of the Marauders any old time. But anyways. Lily Evans.

If James were being honest, he would readily admit that Lily Evans was one of the most terrifying people he'd ever met. When she was angry, (and frankly, she was angry quite a lot in James's presence) her green eyes glowed, and hectic spots of colour appeared on her cheekbones. The flush, he'd learned, was like a warning sign.

If she was pink, she was going to say something acidic. Strangely enough, (or perhaps it wasn't strange at all, as the minds of teenage boys are often contradictory) James just found her more appealing when she was angry.

When Lily was angry, she was a _live_ and vital and full of passion and colour and fury. When Lily was angry, she was beautiful. Not that she wasn't always beautiful. In James's rather biased opinion, she was the prettiest witch in the castle, even when she was working till one in the morning in the common room, with ink splodges on her nose, and bags under her bright emerald eyes.

But when she was angry, she was transcendent. She seemed to burn. So bright that sometimes he wanted to shield his eyes.

He clumsily picked himself up off the floor, wincing at the pain in his hands. Peeves still hovered above him, clasping his hands to his chest and looking down at James faux-mournfully.

"Oh poor Potty. That girl doesn't like you much. Can't think why!"

Cackling, the poltergeist zoomed off down the hall, ducking his head under an ornate arch as James flung a hex at him.

He checked his watch. Damn. He was late. James started to sprint down the halls, dodging suits of armour, and not quite dodging Mrs Norris, whom he kicked out of the way with some satisfaction.

Outside, it was drizzling lightly, and James hurried for the greenhouses.

* * *

Herbology, James decided, menacing Remus with a squeaking toadstool, was boring. The teachers apparently had all decided to start off slow, hence the PepperUp Potions and toadstools, which went against everything James had ever heard of OWL year, which was that they hit the ground running and didn't stop till the end of the year.

"Prongs, stop it" Remus warned in an undertone, taking the toadstool away from James, "we're supposed to be repotting these, not- brandishing them"

James raised an eyebrow in the direction of Sirius and Peter. Sirius was trying to balance a toadstool on top of the reluctant Wormtail's head.

"Yeah, well that's Padfoot, isn't it?" Remus hissed, turning back to the collection of toadstools, which squeaked softly.

"I asked Evans out again"

James busied himself with the plants so he didn't have to look at Remus's exasperated expression.

"And did she fall swooning into your arms and promise to love and cherish you?"

James looked up, frowning.

"You know, Moony, I expect that sort of behaviour from Sirius. You're the one that's supposed to tend to my crushed feelings and tell me 'You'll get her next time'. That sort of thing"

Remus rolled his eyes.

The greenhouse was warm, and James loosened his scarf. For some reason, they were in Greenhouse One today, which housed simple herbs and fungi. They hadn't been here since first year, and he looked around curiously. Waving green tendrils swayed dreamily in terracotta pots, from time to time brushing the head or arm of a student, who would jump nervously. There were neatly ordered rows of Regenerative Mushrooms, which, if James remembered correctly, worked excellently in Healing Potions. Small golden balls of light hovered above the students, supplementing the watery grey light, and Remus batted one out of the way irritably when it came too close to his working area. It whooshed away.

"How was the full moon over the holidays?" James lowered his voice.

"Shitty"

"I wish we could've been there, Moony. I'm sorry"

"S'ok. You and your parents were in Egypt, there was no way you could've come"

They quieted then, and concentrated on their toadstools. James noticed with some concern, that Remus's hands looking thinner than normal, and slightly shaky.

The toadstool squeaked softly.

"What d'you reckon about Bellatrix Black?" James asked after a moment, scribbling a note on a scrap of parchment.

"She said she'd kill Padfoot" Remus remembered.

"Mm"

"Those old pureblood families are so _weird_ "

"Oi!" James said indignantly.

"Sorry. Just- how could you even think about killing your cousin? I don't understand it. I hope the Ministry catches her soon"

James snorted.

"Moony, the Ministry's petrified. I reckon they'd be happier if Voldemort just declared all-out war, instead of these sneaky murders and disappearances"

"I know. They're vanishing people, aren't they Prongs?"

"And where do vanished objects go?"

"Into nothingness" Remus said softly.

Sirius and Peter caught up with the pair after the class finished, Sirius looping his arm cheerfully around James's shoulders.

"Teachers are going soft, aren't they?" he asked, tucking homework into his bag. (A labelled diagram of the life cycle of the squeaking toadstool).

"Yep" James said idly, "who d'you reckon painted that stuff on the wall this morning?"

"Some Slytherin, probably. Regulus better not have had anything to do with it" his friend said grimly.

Peter kicked at a slippery chunk of grass as they moved towards the entrance of the castle.

"I wouldn't put it past him, honestly" the smaller boy said.

Sirius shot him a look, and Peter shrugged.

"Sorry, Padfoot. I know he's your brother, but he's a complete git. I saw him hex a Hufflepuff second year as we were getting off the train, yesterday"

" _Arse_ " Sirius said venomously , and James patted him on the back in a consolatory manner, before running his hands through his hair.

"You did your best with him, mate"

The group of four continued through the high arched doors of Hogwarts, students spilling out of classes in mismatched groups. A chill breeze whipped through the open door, slinking under James's robes and making him shiver.

"Oi, Padfoot" James remembered something, "Did you ask Rogers out yet?"

Sirius tripped over nothing, and came up sputtering. James smiled at him indulgently and Peter smirked.

"There, there" James patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, "Moony will always love you"

They continued through the throng of students, seemingly oblivious to the admiring looks from students at their antics. The Marauders were popular, of course. Apart, they might have been unwanted, or at least misfits, but together, they were strong. Together they belonged.

If you were to look at them, you might think that the two black haired boys were brothers. They were similarly pale, with dark hair and laughing faces, but there the resemblance ended. The other two, the worn, smiling, brown haired boy, and the short, mousy, nervous one, looked nothing alike. But somehow, they all fit, they all _worked_. And that was why the students of Hogwarts found them so fascinating. Of course, their ingenious pranks might have something to do with that too.

Peter nudged Sirius, indicating someone ahead of them.

This boy was alone. He kept his head down, face hidden by layers of greasy black hair, and he scanned the crowd watchfully.

"How sweet" Sirius said, with just a hint of bared teeth, "Snivellus is looking for us"

"Padfoot…" Remus said warningly, "we're surrounded by students. Don't start anything"

"Me? Don't start something? Perish the thought Moony, I'll be totally responsible this year. I won't provoke Snivellus, cross my wand"

It wasn't Sirius who started something. James removed his wand from the pocket of his robes, and spun it between his fingers idly.

"Snivellus!" he called, and Snape spun around, his eyes landing on the other boys.

"Did you enjoy Potions? Y'know, PepperUp isn't always used for colds… It can give you a bit of pep in _other_ places too. I'm not surprised you filched some. Though what occasion you'll use it for is beyond me"

Snape burned a deep red that rivalled the potion they'd made that morning.

"Of course you'd know that, Potter"

In the silence between their words, the other students could clearly hear Peter muttering to Sirius.

"Did you know PepperUp could do that? _I_ didn't know PepperUp could do that"

There was a flurry of appreciative laughter, and James grinned, still twirling his wand lazily. Snape had always just – _irritated_ him, with his greasy hair, and silent nature, and the annoying habit of _constantly_ hanging around Evans. Of course, the feeling was mutual.

Snape noticed that James's wand was out and went for his own slowly, keeping his eyes on the grinning Marauders.

"Well" James continued, walking in a slow circle and somehow giving the impression of boredom, "those Slytherin girls _are_ awfully easy. Not easy enough for you, of course, Snivellus. They'd have to be blind, deaf, and incapable of rational thought to go near _you_ "

Snape, if possible, flushed even redder, and lifted his wand. James was faster. He gave a shout of laughter as Snape's feet went out from under him. Beside him, Sirius muttered something under his breath, and Snape's hair went bubble-gum pink.

A burst of laughter from the crowd.

"Nicely done Padfoot" James applauded.

Sirius took a bow, "Why thank you, m'boy"

The pair swanned off dramatically, Remus and Peter following them, the students laughing and dispersing.

* * *

No-one paid attention to Snape sprawled on the ground, except for Lily, who had made her way through the crowd just as the Marauders made their exit.

"Those bloody, awful, moulting _hippogriffs!_ " she fumed, pulling her friend to his feet, "you alright Sev?"

Sev nodded, picking up his books.

"D'you think you could put my hair right?" he asked.

Lily flicked her wand. The colour stayed the same.

"Oh for Merlin's sake" she grumbled, "that prat put a sticking charm on it, I'm sorry Sev, but it won't change back unless he gives us the counter-charm"

"Right" Severus said grimly, "and I'm sure he's rushing to do that"

"We could torture it out of him"

"Good idea"

"Actually" Lily said, "I _do_ have an idea"

"What, torture?"

"No, no. The opposite in fact"

Sev looked at her curiously. "What's the opposite of torture?"

A slow grin spread across her face.

"You'll see"

* * *

"Anna!" Lily panted, falling into a hard backed chair in the silent, dusty library. There was a sound from the librarian, and Lily looked at Madam Totsy askance.

"Did she – did she just _hiss_ at me?"

"Yep" Anna Rogers whispered, her eyes fixed on her page.

"Weird. Anyways, I need your help. Sirius Black fancies you, yeah?"

"Yeah" the other girl said cautiously, looking up.

"Well, the thing is – he's charmed Sev's hair pink. And it won't turn back without the counter charm. Could you be an absolute _dear_ and try to get the counter charm out of him?"

Anna set the heavy book on the table with a thump, eliciting another hiss from Madam Totsy, and an eye roll from Lily.

"How would I do that? You know I'm shit at flirting with blokes. I don't even _like_ blokes"

Lily flapped her hands impatiently, and glanced around for inspiration. It struck.

"Anna. If you do this, I'll put in a good word for you with Helen Monksfoot"

"Deal" the brunette said quickly, "but what do I say to him?"

Lily cast about.

"Er – just tell him you think it was a really clever charm. Odds are you'll get a step by step rendition of how he created it. Good luck, dear"

"Lily!" Anna hissed after her, but Lily was gone.

* * *

Lily walked down the corridor, feeling quite pleased with herself, when McGonagall stuck her head out of an empty classroom.

"Oh – Miss Evans, a word, if you please" the professor beckoned impatiently.

It was a fairly small classroom, so Lily didn't have to look far before she saw, with a sick, swooping sensation, a splash of glowing green paint.

 ** _YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES, MUDBLOODS. REAP WHAT YOU SOW. WE'RE COMING._**

"Yes" McGonagall said grimly, "another one"

"Why is this one so out of the way, though? I mean, the other one was prominently displayed" Lily pointed out.

Professor McGonagall nodded, and waved her wand, Vanishing the words.

"This classroom belongs to our Magical Law professor, Professor Namblysford. She's a muggleborn. I believe it was meant for her"

They were trying to attack _teachers_ now? The sensible part of Lily knew that teachers were just people like anyone else, but the eleven year old, first year part of her, was absolutely aghast at the sheer nerve of the thing.

"Students are being confined to their common rooms immediately after dinner, tonight" McGonagall told her, "you and Mr Lupin are to make students aware of the messages, and hopefully someone will come forward with information. I believe they'll be more receptive to you, their peers, than a teacher"

Lily nodded, eyes still fixed on the now blank wall.

"Professor" she said cautiously, turning her gaze to McGonagall, "I'm sorry for asking, but I was just wondering where the Headmaster is?"

"Professor Dumbledore has many things to try to arrange, in light of the incident on the train. For the moment, I'm acting as Headmistress"

Lily nodded, trying a weak smile. If anyone could persuade the Ministry to take action, it would be Dumbledore.

"That will be all, Miss Evans"

McGonagall turned back to a pile of papers that sat before her, and resumed marking them, her quill hand quite steady. Lily left, a pool of shaky sickness in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

"Lily!" Camilla Lovegood skipped up behind the redhead witch, tucking her arm through Lily's, "it's been a _marvellous_ first day back, hasn't it?"

Camilla's outlook on life had always been – optimistic. (Anna called it _blind and idiotic_ , but that was just Anna). Still, Lily was surprised that the combination of the train attack and the painted slurs hadn't managed to sober her up a bit.

"Er – I wouldn't say it's been the best. Have a good holiday?"

"Oh yes" Camilla said dreamily, arm still holding Lily's, "my mother and I found an absolutely marvellous seventeenth century archery set in _Hartford Magical Artefacts._ It was quite the find!"

"Sounds lovely" Lily said distractedly to the pale girl beside her. Camilla had always been what Lily liked to call 'quirky'. (Marlene and Mary both called her 'bonkers'). She was a slight, pale, slip of a witch, with sapphire hair and large chocolate brown eyes that somehow made her pale skin seem translucent. She drifted through Hogwarts and her lessons, and no one was quite sure how she ended up in Gryffindor at all.

She had been a true Hatstall, the Sorting Hat deliberating for a whopping six minutes between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, before eventually deciding on the former.

Despite sharing a dorm with her for four years, Lily didn't really know much about her, aside from the fact that her father was deceased and she was very close with her mother. There was also the fact, that for whatever strange, convoluted reason, she'd once dated James Potter for a month, which had been a surprise to those who were invested in Potter's love life. Lily was not one of those people.

"It's been great to see you Cami, but I have Charms" Lily told the other girl, detaching herself.

"Oh!" Camilla brightened, latching back on, "so do I!"

Lily sighed, and they set off for Charms.

"Did you hear about the graffiti?" Lily said eventually. She was curious as to how far the knowledge of it had spread.

Camilla shook her head, dark eyes wide and serious. She could look very grave, when she wanted to.

"No" she breathed, "what did it say?"

Lily waved a dismissive hand. There was no point spreading it.

"Nothing. Never mind"

The other girl bit her lip for a second, before turning to Lily.

"You were there, yesterday, weren't you?"

It didn't sound like a question.

"When the attack happened" the blue haired witch continued. There was a sort of suspenseful anticipation in her voice. It was hushed and furtive, like she was saying something private, and Lily debated how much to say. She wouldn't say that Camilla was a gossip, exactly, but she was well connected, and if she knew something, half the school would know it before long.

"Yes, I was there"

"How many of them were there? Did you recognize any of them?"

Lily shook her head. "It was so dark and confused – the only one I really got a good look at was Bellatrix Black"

Camilla had an expression of quiet fury on her face.

"This pureblood mania" she murmured, her grip on Lily's arm tightening slightly, "it has to stop. Where does it end? With all the Muggleborns in prison? They can't _stop_ Muggleborns from being born, they can't stop them manifesting magic, they can't stop any of it. They can deny them wands and deny them education, but they can't kill them all, can they?"

Camilla sounded numbly disbelieving. Lily had felt that way too, when she first learned about the blood statuses. Disbelieving that such hate existed in a world of such magic, a world that seemed so enlightened.

When she first got her owl, first went to Gringotts and Diagon Alley, first boarded the Hogwarts Express, she hadn't known how dark it would turn. When she was eleven, the wizarding world had seemed to be made of light, borne aloft on broomsticks and blue bubbles of never-popping Droobles Best Blowing Gum.

Lily still saw it, sometimes, that wondrous light. She saw it in the euphoria when a new charm sped from her wand, when an owl swooped into the Great Hall bearing mail, when the Giant Squid lazed on the surface of the lake. The wonder was still there. But the innocence was gone. She was told she didn't belong there, told she was inferior, told her magic was stolen.

Things like that take a toll.

Last year, a Slytherin boy had casually hexed Lily from behind and called her 'Mudblood'. After that, she'd had friends walk with her to classes.

"I don't know where it'll end, Cami. The Ministry doesn't do anything, they barely acknowledge the problem exists"

The other witch seemed to be fighting back tears.

"D'you – d'you know the Death Eater's ideas about Squibs?" she asked, her voice watery.

Lily shook her head.

"They think they're worse than Muggles. Little better than animals, really. They think they should be – be locked up" Camilla's voice petered off in a sob, but she kept talking. "My sister, my little sister's a Squib"

"I wish it would all just end" Lily said quietly, and then they were right outside the Charms classroom.

* * *

"This year is going to be awful" predicted Mary gloomily, and she poked Marlene with her foot. The blonde witch who was lolling about on the rug in front of the fire place, swatted the offending foot away.

"Why's it going to be awful, Mar?" Lily asked curiously, jotting down notes for Charms. She and Remus Lupin had just finished lecturing the Gryffindors about leaving rude graffiti, and she was rather tired.

"Oh just-" Mary sat up straighter before continuing, "it's OWL year, right, and there's already been an attack, and then that graffiti, and if that isn't enough, from what I heard from Duncan Clearwater, the Marauders are worse than ever already"

Anna, who was sitting near them and struggling to Transfigure a pillow into a cat, rolled her eyes.

"Clearwater's had it out for the Marauders since they filled his bed with undiluted Bobotuber pus"

The group winced collectively.

"I'd have it out for them too, if they did that to me" Lily said grimly.

"Er, Lily, you already have it out for them"

Lily waved Marlene's point off dismissively.

"Who started calling them the 'Marauders', anyways?" Mary asked curiously. She reached over and tapped Anna's cushion with her wand, and it turned into a fat ginger cat, who yawned at them before walking off.

"Probably the teachers" Marlene said, "they get into so much trouble they need a code name"

"How come _we_ don't have a code name?" Lily sounded faintly disappointed.

"Cause we don't do bad stuff, Lil"

"Oh"

Lily went back to her Charms homework, itching her nose with the tip of her quill as she frowned.

"The Marauders are gits" she blurted suddenly.

"We know, dear" said Marlene, who had gone back to lying on the rug.

"No, really. They're utter and complete gits. They just walk around Hogwarts, hexing anyone that moves just cause they can, and people think they're absolutely hilarious just cause they pick on younger, not as popular kids, and they're arrogant arseholes that think just cause they're good at Quidditch they're allowed to do anything they like, and just cause they're good at Transfiguration it's ok to turn Barnabus Weasley into an orange frog, and-"

She ran out of breath and Marlene and Mary exchanged amused, knowing glances.

"Of course" Mary said soothingly, "but only James Potter plays Quidditch and he's really the only one that excels at Transfiguration"

Lily, still catching her breath, made a 'so what?' face.

"What I think Mar is trying to say, is that you're, well, you're a bit _fixated_ on Potter"

Lily stared at the two of them in disbelief.

"Cause he's a GIT!"

She said the last part so loudly that several people in the common room turned round in annoyance.

Anna sniggered into the cat that she had managed to capture.

With an exasperated sigh, Lily put away the Charms homework and started on Potions.

"Lily" Anna said, hanging over the back of the couch where Lily sat, "it isn't at all possible that you're maybe, y'know, in denial?"

Lily looked at the brunette witch blankly.

"In denial about Potter"

"Anna, I'm sure you're speaking English, but you're not making any sense. What the hell are you trying to ask me?"

Anna flopped back into her own chair with a sigh and picked the cat back up, holding it against her chest.

"She's hopeless" Anna informed Mary and Marlene.

"Anna, dear" Lily said distractedly, "weren't you going to go talk to Black about something?"

Mary and Marlene both swivelled their heads to look at Anna accusingly.

"Why" asked Marlene, in a doom-laden voice, "are you going to fraternize with a Marauder?"

"Lily's pimping me out"

"I'm pimping you out for _Sev_ " Lily corrected loftily.

"That doesn't make it any better" Anna huffed before pulling herself out of the chair and flouncing off.

Ten minutes later, she returned, looking triumphant, albeit faintly queasy.

" _Comutatio_ " she said in response to Lily's raised eyebrow.

"Right" the redhead said, closing her books, "I'm off to bed. See you lot in the morning"

She waved goodbye, and headed up the stairs.

* * *

It was easy to fall into a rhythm back at Hogwarts, classes and homework and Prefect patrols. For some reason, it was harder to avoid James Potter, this year. The boy seemed to be everywhere.

He'd pass her the pumpkin juice at breakfast, choose the seat beside her in Potions (which drove her mad as he kept trying to whisper to her) and just generally made a fool of himself.

The weeks were marked by Muggle disappearances and deaths, seldom one passed without one occurring. Lily was used to that, from the summer holidays, and she learned to if not ignore them, at least skim over them, even though it made her sick to her stomach when she purposefully skated over the reports in the Prophet. She wasn't being callous; Lily told herself, she was being sensible. OWLs were coming, and she would be a nervous wreck by the time they arrived if she obsessed over every death.

But still anger burned in her stomach.

The only true change came at breakfast three weeks after the start of the year, when Professor McGonagall stood up at the staff table, (Dumbledore was gone more and more frequently) and announced that there would be a small group of Aurors detailed to protect the school.

"Pay them the same respect you would a teacher" McGonagall said sternly, looking out over the crowd with a steely eye and indicating the black robed group of witches and wizards standing to the side of the staff table. McGonagall's stern looks were a think of wonder to behold, Lily thought idly, eyes on the dark haired witch. The Great Hall was utterly quiet, every eye fixed on her, serious expressions on all faces. Even the Slytherin table was attentive, which was quite frankly, a marvel.

"They are here to defend us, and to discover who exactly has been painting these dangerous slurs on the walls of Hogwarts. That is all, good day"

The silence was instantly broken as students moved into clusters to discuss the new developments.

"Did you hear Amanda Greengrass is starting a betting pool over which student will be the first to shag one of the Aurors?" Marlene asked as she twirled her hair carefully around her wand.

Mary spat out her mouthful of tea and came up sopping wet but grinning incredulously.

"I'd put two Galleons on Lacy Selwyn hooking up with that pretty curly haired Auror" she said after casting a quick drying Charm on herself.

"Lily?" Marlene looked at the redhead expectantly, who had busied herself with her eggs once Professor McGonagall finished speaking.

"Hmm, probably one Galleon on Amanda herself"

"Good choice"

"What about you, Marlene?" Anna Rogers asked. She appeared to have popped up after McGonagall's speech.

"What about me?"

"Who would you bet on?"

Marlene tapped her gold lacquered nails on the table while considering. She scanned the crowded Great Hall appraisingly and raised an eyebrow.

"Geoffrey Macmillan" she said finally, indicating the classically handsome Hufflepuff, "and I'd say he'd go for – hmm, maybe that dishy black haired bloke"

"The tall one?" Anna inquired.

"Mm hmm"

"I didn't know Geoffrey was gay" Mary said, slightly surprised.

Lily shrugged and moved a bite of egg into her mouth. It was too early to be discussing sexual orientations.

"I don't think he's particularly picky" she said finally, as no one seemed to be responding to Mary's lack of knowledge.

"Where _is_ Greengrass, anyways?" Anna craned her neck to look for the sixth year Slytherin.

"You going to place a bet?"

"Maybe"

"Who're you betting on?" Lily asked curiously and stood up, ready to leave.

"Myself" Anna said casually, and walked off, swaying attractively while casting a look back over her shoulder at the cluster of Aurors.

Lily looked down at Mary and Marlene who both had their mouths half open as they watched Anna go.

"What's gotten into Rogers?" Marlene asked finally.

"I dunno" Lily said, still staring, "and I thought she fancied Helen Monksfoot"

"Helen's _gorgeous_ " Mary said, resting her chin in her hand and sighing dreamily, before standing up and nearly tripping over the bench.

Lily had to agree with Mary's assessment. The sixth year Hufflepuff Prefect was tall and statuesque, with pitch black hair, blue eyes, and creamy ivory skin paired with strong, beautiful features.

"I was supposed to put in a good word with Helen, for Anna, in return for getting the counter charm from Sirius" she remembered.

"Somehow" Marlene said, walking out of the Hall, "I don't think all the glowing recommendations in the world will matter if Rogers starts trying to seduce an Auror"

* * *

"As I'm sure you all know" Professor McGonagall said, leaning forward to rest her weight on her hands that were planted on her desk firmly, "you will be taking your OWLs this year, or Ordinary Wizarding Levels. It will be a year that will determine your success outside of Hogwarts, and it will open, or close career paths for some of you in the wizarding world. As such, it will be an extremely difficult year"

With that uplifting statement, the dark haired witch waved her wand in a long swoop and summoned the homework from the previous week to fly to her desk.

"I'd like you all to separate into partners now" McGonagall said, and as James Potter and Sirius Black started to move together, she added hastily, " _I_ will pick the groupings, thank you very much. Black, you'll be working with Miss Evans. Potter, pair with Macmillan"

Lily groaned softly as Black picked up his things and settled next to her with a faint smirk.

"So" he said, clapping his hands together once, "this should be fun"

By the end of the lesson, the cushion that they were meant to be turning into a cat had two heads, a crooked tail, and its eyes were made of buttons. It didn't really resemble a cat, so much as it did a patterned pillow with bow legs and two heads sticking out.

"That's quite horrifying" Lily said, staring at it and edging away a bit.

"Yeah" Sirius said, sounding vaguely crestfallen, "when James does it, there's normally only one head"

"Oh of course, when the legendary _Potter_ does it…"

"Give it a break, Evans"

"Shut up Black and get rid of that monstrosity"

"I rather like it" Sirius considered the thing almost fondly, "it had character. I could sic it on people"

Lily huffed and tapped the pillow-cat with her wand, Vanishing it hastily.

Sirius looked on sadly.

"Did you hear about Greengrass's betting pool?" Sirius asked after a minute.

"Yep"

"I'm betting on myself"

"Which one are you after?"

"The tall black haired one. I'm fond of green eyes"

"Rogers is betting on herself too"

Sirius looked slightly surprised.

"Good for her" he said, and sounded like he meant it.

Lily leaned over the table towards Sirius, and smiled suddenly, making Sirius feel slightly nervous. Surprisingly, Evans wasn't quite as much as a stuck up swot as he'd always thought. She was fun.

"Why're you grinning, Evans?" he asked after a moment.

"Well" the witch said, showing a flash of white teeth, "I just remembered something"

"What?"

"Doesn't Remus have green eyes?"

Really, when she thought about it, Black wasn't so bad. He was arrogant, of course, and absolutely awful to Sev, but if she disregarded that, he was actually _fun_ to talk to. Lily shook herself. No. No way. She was not going to _enjoy_ time spent with _any_ of the Marauders.

Sirius must've noticed how she stiffened and edged away from him, because he looked at her curiously, one eyebrow raised.

"Something wrong, Lily?"

"Nope" she said shortly, started to gather her books and tucking her wand in her pocket.

* * *

Outside, she found Sev sitting on the floor, staring straight ahead of him.

"Sev!" Lily greeted him. The last few weeks had been absurdly busy, and she hadn't gotten much of a chance to talk to him.

"Hi Lily" he said, scrambling to his feet and smiling at her.

"I'm off to lunch" she told him, "come with?"

"Sure"

He fell into step with her and it was comforting how easily she was able to talk to him.

"- Prefect duties have been insane, I was up till three in the morning yesterday, patrolling to see if there was any new writing. It's awful, isn't it?"

Sev scoffed.

"It's just a joke, Lily. It's in bad taste, but they're not harmful"

She stopped dead, causing a second year Ravenclaw to walk into her and glare, muttering something about stupid Prefects.

"A _joke_?" her voice lowered incredulously, "Sev, a joke is short sheeting someone's bed. A joke is tricking someone into picking up a trick wand. A joke-"

"Is tripping someone in front of the whole school and charming their hair pink?" Sev flared up, and Lily deflated.

"Sev, I didn't mean – I'm sorry –"

Severus didn't say anything, but stalked ahead leaving her to chase after him, book bag clutched to her chest.

"All I meant" she said quietly, "is that I don't find them funny. They're slurs. They're awful things to say. I'd just like to know who's writing them"

"That's the Aurors' job, isn't it?"

"Yeah" Lily murmured, entering the Great Hall with him, "yeah, I guess"

* * *

"Lily!" Anna Rogers hollered, sitting on her bed and wrestling with a pair of tights that were half way up her curvy legs. "Lily!" she yelled again, and the girl in question stuck her head out of the bathroom door, damp hair wrapped in a towel, and another towel wrapped around her body.

"What?" she asked patiently, pulling the towel off her hair and starting to brush it out.

"D'you have another pair of tights? These ones have ladders"

"You could rock the Weird Sisters gothy groupie look in those ones" Mary piped, cramming a cherry red cap down over her black curls. Anna shot her a glare, and she repressed a grin.

Lily crossed to her shinily varnished dresser and started to dig through the drawers, before pulling out a pair of sheer black stockings and tossing them at Anna, who caught them gratefully.

"Are you going to Hogsmeade, Camilla?" Marlene asked the other witch curiously from her perch in front of the mirror. Camilla looked up from her copy of _Which Witch?_ and smiled. She was curled up at the head of her four poster bed, a pillow tucked into the curve of her abdomen and a cup of tea in her other hand.

"Mm hmm" she said, returning to the gossip magazine.

"With anyone in particular?" Mary sounded curious and fell back onto her bed, ready to go.

"I thought I'd just tag along with you"

"Oi Rogers" Lily remembered, starting to get dressed, "how's your Auror doing?"

"Exceptionally well" Anna said smugly. She'd succeeded with the new pair of tights, and was lacing her feet into high heeled black ankle boots. "Her name is Artemis Bangnail, she's a trainee Auror, so she's only eighteen, and she supports the Tutshill Tornados. She was in Gryffindor, her favourite band is The Golden Snidgets, and she grew up in Mould-on-the-Wold"

Mary groaned.

"The Snidgets _suck_ "

"Well, apart from her terrible taste in music, she sounds lovely" Lily said diplomatically.

"She really is" Anna said dreamily, "she's coming to Hogsmeade with me today"

The other girls all immediately sat up, or stopped whatever they were doing to fling pillows at the unsuspecting Anna.

"Ow – what? You absolute bloody _lunatics_ , what the hell?"

"I – can't – believe – you – _forgot –_ Anna – Rogers" Mary punctuated her words with buffets from the feather pillow.

"Second year!" Camilla shrieked, sitting upright and abandoning her tabloid, slopping tea all down her jumper "second year and we all vowed to immediately tell the others when we got a date. _You_ came up with that rule, Rogers, and you just go and _forget_?"

Anna cringed, and grabbed a scarf, departing from the dormitory.

"Have fun at Madam Puddifoot's!" Marlene yelled after her.

"Aah, young love" Lily said and stood, linking one arm through Marlene's and the other through Mary's.

"We'll see you down there, yeah, Camilla?"

"Sure"

* * *

Autumn had come in earnest, and the air was crisp and chilly, with the hint of spice and sugar emanating from Honeydukes, which looked warm and inviting. There was a display of sweets in the front window, and colourful autumn leaves had been charmed to swirl above them dreamily. The trees in town were shedding their leaves slowly, in an almost dignified manner, and the thin gold leaves looked candied, coated with sugar and glazed. Lily itched to kick her way through a pile of them with a shout of childish joy, watching the world turn into pieces of red and gold and shining, burnished copper.

The chill of the day was invigorating rather than uncomfortable, and the three of them walked down the main street with hands tucked into pockets and cheeks turning pink and flushed. It was impossible to not feel happy on a day like today, and Lily envisioned herself sealing up all her worries and fear and anxiety into one giant envelope and hiding it at the back of her brain, because today was not to be ruined.

Today was for butterbeer and chocolate and fawning over Anna and her Auror, and buying quills and inspecting the owls at the post offices. And maybe – leaves.

"Come on" she told the other girls impatiently, and went for it, dashing through the pile of leaves and kicking them up around her, spinning dizzily as they twirled above her, tiny ballerinas borne aloft on currents of air.

It was wool and laughing and gold, and Lily felt the cold silky slip-slide of leaves over her hands, and the tissue paper thinness of dried ones.

"Having fun?" Marlene asked, laughing despite herself.

"Yes!" Lily shouted, and kicked at the leaves again for emphasis.

* * *

James stopped, suddenly breathless, and his mates traded confused looks as they stared at him. He paid them no mind, because ahead of him – ahead of him was Lily Evans.

She spun in a pile of leaves, arms out and head tipped back like the leaves were snowflakes and she wanted to catch one on her tongue. He could hear her laughing. Delighted and wild and free. He'd never heard her laugh like that. Probably because whenever he saw her, there was a scowl permanently affixed to her face. Lily's deep red hair spilled out over her shoulder, swinging out around her, leaves drifting over it gently.

She was wearing a purple velvet skirt over stripy black and white tights that made her look like the witches that James had seen Muggles dress up as for Halloween. The skirt belled out around her. The tights made her look a bit like a zebra.

"Ah" Sirius said knowingly, and James heard him as if from far away, but didn't see the significant look Sirius traded with Moony and Wormtail.

"Prongs" Moony said patiently after a moment.

"Prongs!" Padfoot did not sound so patient, and James shook himself out of whatever fog he was trapped in.

"Er – sorry" he said awkwardly, "Zonko's?"

Sirius snorted and crossed his arms. They started to walk again, passing Lily and her friends. James shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets.

"Frankly" Sirius said, "in your state I'd suggest Puddifoot's"

James scowled and Remus snickered.

"Shut up, Padfoot" he told Sirius, without any real weight behind his words.

Moony seemed to sense that James wasn't in the mood to be teased about Lily, and he changed the subject hastily.

"What d'you think of Professor Jugson?" he asked.

"I think the Ministry sent her" Peter said, and the other boys looked at him, surprised. It was an uncharacteristically astute observation from Peter.

"Seriously" he continued, "Did you hear all that stuff about 'not over-reacting about the Death Eaters'? And how 'they don't want war, they're not fanatics'? They're called _Death Eaters_ for God's sake. That's kind of incriminating in itself"

James slung an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders.

"Come on, Wormtail. I'm buying you a butterbeer for that delightfully acidic rant about our dear Professor Jugson"

"Has anyone finished the homework she set us?" Remus asked quietly.

"List the reasons why vampires and werewolves are not fit to live among humans?" James asked, sounding very bitter.

"Yeah"

"I'm not doing it" he said flatly, and Sirius nodded, solemn for once.

"It's OWL year…" Remus said, "you can't just ignore homework"

"I can and I will. I'll tell her I can't do it in all good moral conscience"

"Idiot"

"I try"

The Three Broomsticks was warm and full of golden light, the floor boards waxed and polished and softly reflecting the dim candlelight. There was the comforting smell of hot cider and mulled mead, and James saw rosy cheeks and bright eyes everywhere he looked.

Groups of chattering students sat around goblets of butterbeer, and James spotted Professor Sprout and Hagrid huddled over tumblers of firewhiskey and talking in low voices.

" _Damn"_ Sirius said indignantly, staring at a couple in a dark corner who were close enough to kiss. James followed his view.

"What's wrong Padfoot?" he asked as Moony and Wormtail got into the queue at the bar.

"It's Rogers and that Auror, Bangnail. She's going to win the pool"

James almost choked on his laugh.

" _Bangnail_?" he eventually sputtered out, grinning, "that's a _great_ name. No wonder Rogers picked her"

"Oh shut up Prongs"

"Go flirt with that pretty bartender. Rosmerta? You'll feel better"

Sirius decided to follow his friend's advice, and sent a charming smile at the barmaid in question, and she grinned back. James gave him a shove, and went to sit with Peter and Remus.

He eyed the shots of firewhiskey on the rough hewn table top with some surprise. The Three Broomsticks was notoriously strict about serving the hard stuff to students.

"You got her to serve you?"

"Well" Remus said, grinning a bit, " _I_ didn't. But it turns out our little Peter is quite the charmer"

Peter blushed.

An hour later, James was slumped against Remus, arms wrapped round his friend.

" – And she just _hates_ me, and whenever she sees me she makes this _awful_ face, like someone's owl just shat on her waffles, and whenever I try to talk to her she's just so _mean_ and –"

Sirius considered the dejected, drunk James with some consternation, before leaning across the table and patting him on his mop of unruly hair.

"There, there, Prongs" he said awkwardly, "there, there"

Remus looked at him in disbelief.

"It'll be alright?" Sirius offered, "she'll come around? Maybe?"

James wasn't really paying attention at this point, and took another swig of firewhiskey, wincing, and gulping butterbeer.

"Is he-" Peter started, staring at James, "is he using butterbeer as a _chaser_?"

"I believe so, yes"

"Chaser!" James sat bolt upright, " _I'm_ a Chaser. The ladies can't resist a man who plays Quidditch. That's how I'll lure Evans in. I'll impress her with my flying skills, then _BANG_ "

He slammed his hand down on the table, making the drinks jump. His three friends jumped too.

"I trap her" James whispered, his eyes wide as he gazed at his friends seriously.

"Right" Remus said dryly, and removed James's firewhiskey, "you're cut off, mate"

"I have a plan" James announced, "next Quidditch match, I- I charm my broom to spell, no, no, I charm it to _write_ and then I write, 'Evans, will you go out with me?' in the sky. She'll be knocked off her feet onto her very pretty arse. Bang"

"Bang" Peter repeated weakly, and stole a sip of James's confiscated firewhiskey.

* * *

"Are you doing the Defence homework?" Lily asked. The group of them, (Camilla had joined them), were standing inside _Gladrags_ while Marlene tried on shoes.

Mary wrinkled her nose distastefully, staring out the large plate window.

"I don't want to…" she said reluctantly, "it's utter rubbish, but I need high marks if I'm to be a Healer. I need all ten OWLs, I can't afford to neglect coursework"

Lily nodded, saying nothing. She understood what Mary was saying. She had tried to write the foot of parchment required, but the second her quill touched the parchment, she recoiled.

"I can't" she confessed, "I just – can't"

Camilla looked up at them sympathetically, her hair an azure cloud around her pale heart shaped face.

"I know Lily" she said softly, "I can't either. I tried, but I can't. I guess I'll see you in detention, yeah?"

Lily smiled a bit. "Guess so, Cami"

"A-ha!" Marlene broke the gentle silence with a triumphant cackle, and she waved her feet in the air merrily.

"Don't you just _love_ them?" she demanded, standing up to examine them more carefully in the mirror.

"They look absolutely lovely, dearie" the mirror cooed, and Marlene beamed.

They were dark green leather, high heeled with ornate brass buckles, and Marlene stomped around in them for a moment as if they were rain boots.

Marlene paid her fifteen Galleons to the grey haired, plump witch at the desk, and flounced back to her friends.

"Three Broomsticks?" she suggested, and Lily brightened.

" _Yes_. I wanna ogle Anna and her Auror"

"Sounds good"

"Well, Potter looks sloshed" Camilla observed, sipping her Gillywater.

Lily rolled her eyes and tucked her hands around her elbows more securely. They were sitting at one of the high tables in the middle of the floor, and Camilla was watching Potter and his mates in one of the dimly lit booths.

"How the fuck did that lightweight get drunk on butterbeer?" she asked bluntly.

"Probably conned Rosmerta into serving them firewhiskey" Marlene said wisely. There was a box of Flying Fudge on the table that they'd purchased from Honeydukes, and the blonde detached a square and popped in her mouth, trying not to smear her lipstick.

"Oh look!" Mary said, "it's Anna and her Auror!"

They all made the appropriate 'aww' noises for a minute or two, before Lily interjected.

"It's irresponsible, that's what it is" she declared, eyes on Potter, "there are _third_ years in here, and there he is, drunk as a skunk"

"A skunk?" Camilla asked curiously. She ate the olive from her Gillywater.

"Figure of speech, Cami" Marlene told her.

"Anyways" Lily continued, "I'm going to go have a word with them"

"Give em' the field sobriety test" Marlene suggested as Lily marched off.

* * *

"Potter" Lily said coldly, crossing her arms. She loomed above the four boys in the booth, and Remus was suddenly aware of the gleaming Prefect badge on her collar.

"Evans!" James greeted her cheerfully, (and slurrily) patting the seat next to him as if it were an affectionate dog, "have a seat! Have a drink! A butterwhiskey! Or maybe a firebeer?"

"Shut up Potter, or I'll start handing out detentions"

James shut up, mostly because Sirius had just lunged across the table and slapped his hand over his mouth.

"Lupin" she turned to Remus, "honestly. You're a Prefect, now. I thought you'd at least try to prevent your friends from getting drunk in front of _thirteen_ year olds?"

Remus looked down, and traded a sidelong look with Peter. Lily was kinda mean. James had to be crazy to fancy her.

"And Black"

Sirius lifted his head.

"Yes Evans?"

"Quit flirting with the barmaid to get firewhiskey, or I'll report you to McGonagall and you'll be banned from Hogsmeade trips in the future"

"That wasn't me!" he protested, "that was Peter!"

"Oh sure" Lily said sarcastically, "of course it was _Peter_ who charmed Rosmerta into giving you firewhiskey. Peter couldn't charm a toadstool into a mushroom, no offense Peter"

"None taken" said Peter mildly.

"Is that all?" James asked, who'd shaken Sirius off him.

"That's all"

She turned away, and stomped off, James staring at her as she went.

 **A.N. Yay, another chapter! Thank you for reading, pretty please review.**


	3. Cloves, Lavender, and Unicorn Horn

_**Disclaimer... I do not own any of the characters, they belong to the marvelous JKR.**_

Lily took a swig of firewhiskey from the bottle on the floor. The five fifth year Gyffindor girls were sitting in a circle on the floor in their dormitory, blankets and pillows piled around them. Silvery moonlight shone in the window, seeping the colour from things until all the girls seemed like studies in monotone, grey and black and white and silver interacting and blending flawlessly.

It was Saturday night, and this was a ritual they'd had since third year. Although the firewhiskey was only added this year.

"Truth" Lily said, dragging the sleeve of her jumper across her slightly numb lips.

Marlene grinned like the proverbial cat.

"Do you fancy someone at the moment?"

"Nope"

"You can't lie, Lily!" Mary reminded her.

"I know" Lily said, feeling a tad grumpy, "Rogers laced the bottle with Veritaserum"

"Not much" Anna defended, "just enough that you feel a bit uncomfortable if you do lie"

Marlene frowned at Anna curiously. "Where'd you even get Veritaserum?"

"My cousin's a Potioneer"

"Moving on" Lily said, passing the bottle to Camilla, who took a delicate sip, wincing.

"Rogers" Camilla said, "truth or dare?"

Anna grinned, the combination of whiskey and the late night making her slightly reckless.

"Dare" she tossed her long black hair back over one shoulder and surveyed the group of girls, dark eyes gleaming.

"Go find Artemis and bring her here so we can meet her" Camilla said promptly, and Anna choked on the firewhiskey.

Conscious of their eyes on her, she climbed to her feet, swaying slightly from the effects of the alcohol, and headed off.

"I didn't think she'd really do it" Camilla confessed.

* * *

Outside Gryffindor Tower, it was cold, and utterly, utterly silent. Anna knew that Artemis had the night off, and would probably be in the room she had been given, down on the third floor. Anna just hoped that her room-mate was on duty tonight.

Originally, she had only talked to Artemis because of the bet. As she grew to know the Auror in training, the bet had seemed less and less important. Although she was a pureblood, Artemis was passionate about Muggle and Muggleborn rights. She wanted nothing more than for Voldemort to be captured and sent to Azkaban, and (terrible taste in music aside) she was a genuinely wonderful person that Anna enjoyed spending time with.

Also she was a fantastic snogger.

Anna looked around nervously, and slipped off her shoes, holding them in one hand. She was noiseless in her stocking feet and she let out a sigh of relief.

Hogwarts was painted in deep dusty shadows, the edges of which she skirted. They felt somehow colder than the moonlight lit hallway. The edges of carved stone appeared jagged, cast into harsh relief by the cold starlight. Everything looked two dimensional.

After several minutes of held breath and tiptoeing, she found herself outside of Artemis's door. She eased it open, and sighed in relief.

Artemis lay on one of the two single beds. The other was empty. Anna crept up beside the older girl, kneeling on the hard floor beside the bed, like a child praying.

"Artemis" she whispered, and the girl startled awaked, eyes wild before they came to rest on Anna's face.

"Merlin, you scared me Anna" she breathed.

"Sorry. Come on. You're coming to meet my friends"

Artemis didn't protest, but linked her fingers loosely though Anna's, and pocketed her wand.

Moving back through the deserted castle seemed to take half the time it took to get down. Their hands stayed linked, and Anna was acutely aware of the warmth and pressure of Artemis's fingers.

"Pumpkin Pasty" she whispered to the Fat Lady, who grumbled at the late hour, but swung open.

Artemis looked around the warm common room fondly.

"Not much has changed, has it?" she observed.

"Well" Anna pointed out, sliding her arms around the other witch's waist, "it's only been two years"

"Mm good point" Artemis met Anna's lips with her own.

"Oi!" came a hissed whisper from the stairs, "are you two just going to stand there snogging all night or get up here?"

They broke apart hastily, and followed Lily up the stairs. The red headed witch smiled at Artemis, making the sort of welcoming-maternal noises that had made her the officially designated den mother of their dormitory. She was the one they went to with relationship trouble or exam anxiety.

Lily, thought Anna, as she took her seat back, was one of those genuinely nice people that always saw the best in everyone and tried to help them. She was also the sort of person that made Anna feel like a horrible bitch in comparison. Anna wasn't a particularly _mean_ person, but she just didn't have the compassionate streak that seemed innate in Lily.

But, she was reminded, as Artemis squeezed her hand gently, somebody liked her.

"Alright!" Marlene said, getting the group back on track, "Artemis, nice to meet you"

Artemis waved with her free hand, and Marlene passed her the firewhiskey.

"Marlene!" Mary hissed, shooting a nervous look at the Auror, "don't offer the authority figure illicit alcohol!"

Artemis took a swig and shuddered as the whiskey hit her throat. Lily watched the older girl carefully. She was pretty, with cinnamon coloured curls and toasted skin. She couldn't see them now, but she knew that Artemis had almond shaped amber eyes.

"Truth or dare?" Marlene asked Artemis, disturbingly comfortable with having her in their dormitory.

"Mmm, truth"

"What are your intentions regarding Rogers?"

Artemis stifled a giggle in the sleeve of her thick jumper.

"My intentions? What am I, some pompous middle aged accountant?"

Marlene looked puzzled, and Lily realized that the witch had no idea what an accountant was.

Camilla rolled her eyes and stole the bottle. Artemis looked up at that, raising her eyebrows at the sight of Camilla's unusually coloured hair.

"I'm a Metamorphmagus" Camilla explained, and to illustrate, she scrunched up her face and her hair turned black.

"There was a Metamorphmagus in my training course" Artemis said.

"Wow. I've never actually met another one, we're pretty rare"

Marlene snapped her fingers impatiently.

" _Intentions_ " she repeated.

"Er- I'd like to see her again after our time here is up"

Anna smiled.

Artemis turned to Lily.

"Lily. Truth or dare"

"Truth"

Anna made a tch-ing noise.

"You're a Gryffindor. You're supposed to be _brave_ "

"But I suppose the most revolutionary act one can engage in is... to tell the truth" Lily quoted.

"Alright" Artemis spoke above the grumbling Anna, who was making faces at Lily. "Lily. If Voldemort were to be captured tomorrow, what would you want done with him?"

"Oh no- we're not making this political again" Camilla complained.

"It's not political, Cami" Lily pointed out, taking the other girl's pale hand. Camilla had a habit of chewing on her fingernails when she got annoyed or anxious. "Voldemort – he's what the Muggles would call a terrorist. His greatest weapon isn't wands or followers or hateful rhetoric. It isn't the Sacred Twenty Eight. It's fear. Spreading half-truths and rumours until everyone is so muddled up they can't remember what he did, or didn't do and all that they know is that they're painfully, frozenly terrified because they don't know what's happened or what'll happen next"

Camilla nodded, slightly abashed. Lily looked thoughtful for a second, before fixing Artemis in her gaze.

She spoke softly, but her voice carried, and it was cold and harsh and brittle.

"If the Ministry caught Voldemort tomorrow, I would want him killed. I would want him executed before the families of those he's tortured and murdered, and I would want him to beg-" her voice broke slightly before she continued, "- I would want him to _beg_ for forgiveness, for mercy. And I would want to look into his eyes and tell him that he doesn't deserve it. And then I would want him to die"

Mary raised the bottle of firewhiskey to Lily in a toast.

"Well said" she told Lily solemnly.

The ice and sharply carved lines in Lily's face disappeared as if melting, and when she looked back at the other girls she was herself again.

* * *

The Gryffindor common room was a noisy, stressful place to be if you were a fifth year student. Younger witches and wizards were playing loud, joyfully commentated games of Exploding Snap, (it's going to blow! No it isn't- oh look, Ritchie lost his eyebrows again), and the radio was tuned to the Wizarding Wireless Network's _Witching Hour_. Although _The Hiccoughing Hippogriffs_ were enormously popular with the younger set, the sappy lyrics made most of the older students grind their teeth.

Lily was about five seconds away from hexing the wireless into dust when James Potter stood up. Unusually for him, he wasn't contributing to the mayhem. He clutched a wrinkled, ink spotted roll of parchment in one fist, and a battered looking quill in the other. He looked tired, Lily noticed. There were dark bags under his hazel eyes, and his already unruly hair looked as if a large, fluffy black cat was perched upon his head.

"SHUT UP!" he bellowed, waving the hand that contained the quill. Some of the younger students tittered. James looked rather deranged.

"Right" he said, sounding calmer now that he had the room's attention, "get out. If you're in fourth year or younger, just get the hell out. I don't care where you go, as long as it's not here"

Lily was about to tell him off for swearing at the younger pupils, when a frazzled looking seventh year stood up.

"Yes" she said, nodding vigorously, "go away. Go outside. It's lovely out!"

Her plea fell rather flat as the younger Gryffindors looked out the windows doubtfully. It was sleeting.

One by one, more of the upperclassmen started to chime in, telling the younger ones, in no uncertain terms, to get the hell out. It was rather heart-warming, Lily thought, to see such solidarity.

Once the common room was free of the younger students, the remaining Gryffindors let out a ragged cheer that quickly petered out as they turned back to their work.

Lily, half concealed in a cosy nook, bent over her parchment. An hour of scribbling, blotting, and research later, Lily sat up to read over her Potions essay.

 _On the Legality of Veritaserum_

 _Veritaserum, the most powerful truth potion in existence, has brought up many issues with its creation. Its use is strictly regulated by the Ministry of Magic for obvious reasons. It is unique in the fact that it can uncover Obliviated memories, as well as penetrate the defences of even the most skilled Occulumens. It has been suggested that the Ministry use it in the trials of criminals, as it may be able to save many innocent witches and wizards from going to Azkaban._

Lily bit her lip. It felt – choppy, and she knew Professor Slughorn would be disappointed. Maybe she had time to re-do it. She looked at the pile of books and scraps of parchment with assignments written on it. She didn't have time.

She didn't have any time, and she would get a **D** on this paper, and then she would fail all her other classes because if she couldn't even get an **Outstanding** in her best subject, what hope was there for her? Lily's breath was coming too fast, and the light from the fire burned her eyes. She curled into her chair, her palms sweaty against her knees as she wrapped her arms around her legs. Oh god, she couldn't do this. She would fail. She wouldn't be able to get a job in the Wizarding world, and she'd end up bagging groceries.

All her half jumbled, terrified thoughts fled and it felt like her throat was closing up. Black spots swum in her head. Lily was half aware of how harsh and raspy her breath sounded, and she realized the wet warmth on her cheeks were tears. It felt like she would float away, her strings cut.

A hand on her shoulder, heavy and large and she flinched away from it, burying her face in her hands. She would be a failure, and all the pureblood wizards would hold her up as an example of how those useless Mudbloods couldn't do anything.

The hand was still on her shoulder, and dimly, as if from far away, she heard someone calling her name.

"- Lily? Are you alright? Goddamnit, Evans, snap out of it, I'm worried"

No, no, no. God, it was too much, too warm, too noisy, too bright. And not enough air. Not enough air and not enough time. Lily was slowly drifting away, her heartbeat loud in her ears. She heard the voice again.

"Lily, it's ok. I'm right here. I'm sorry I shouted. You don't have to open your eyes. I'll just stay with you. You're alright"

It was Potter.

"I'm going to fail" she managed to sob out, and her voice was high and hysterical and slightly mad sounding.

"No you're not. Just breathe, can you do that? Take one breath. And then another. Keep breathing, Lily"

She obeyed his voice without thinking about it. Her heart rate slowed slightly, and her breath didn't sound as loud. Lily was still dizzy, and she clutched onto the arm of the chair, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I- can't" she choked out, her breath hitching as she sobbed.

"You can"

Potter sounded infuriatingly calm, and she focused on that.

"Ok" she took a breath, and then another. "Ok"

It took a half hour of him sitting next to her, holding her hand and murmuring reassurances every so often before her breathing slowed fully and her tears stopped. Gradually, she pulled herself out of the armchair to sit on the floor; opening her eyes. There were dried tear tracks on Lily's face.

James was sitting on the floor next to her. He looked worried.

"Thank you" she said after a moment.

"It's ok. I just noticed – you didn't look so good"

"I didn't feel so good"

"Lily…" he said reluctantly after a second and she turned to look at him. Close up, he looked even worse. He was pale and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked vaguely ill.

"I think you should go to Madam Pomfrey" he said after a moment, and Lily tensed back up again. Her shoulders hunched forwards and she curled inwards. No. She couldn't go to the infirmary, she had work to do, she had a charm for Flitwick to practise, and her Potions essay to fix, and a History of Magic paper to write…. She didn't have enough time.

Potter must've noticed how terrified she looked, because he put his hand on her shoulder again. She didn't flinch away.

"Just for a Calming Draught" he persuaded, "she won't make you stay overnight"

"How d'you know?"

"Happens every year for the OWL students. Someone overworks themselves, and takes on too much, and ends up in the Hospital Wing for a weekend"

"I can't stay for a weekend!" Lily squeaked.

"I know. But she'll give you the potion if you ask"

Lily nodded once, her hair falling in sheets around her face. Her profile was hidden.

"Ok" she said, and there was a slight change in her voice, a hardening, "I'll go. Thanks for snapping me out of it Potter"

She hoisted herself to her feet, and made her way to the Portrait Hole, leaving James to watch her leave, for a third time.

* * *

Somehow, they always came back to this. Lily leaving James behind. Walking away while he sprawled on the floor or sat at a table or leaned on an armchair.

He didn't mind, so much. The first few times had hurt, but it had dulled down to a faint sting, after a while. There were only so many times Lily Evans could walk away from you and leave you with some measure of hope. James reckoned he was reaching his limits.

Walking away, she looked so fragile. Her shoulders were still set firmly, but they were belied by a certain breakable quiver in her mouth. She was shaking slightly.

It wasn't a bad view, he had to admit. Lily Evans walking away. She was tall, for a witch, and statuesque, with curves and strong arms and legs. A slender waist flared to generous hips and legs that seemed miles long. Said legs made even the staid grey knee socks seem exotic.

Ok, maybe that went a little far. When he'd looked up from his Astronomy chart, stretching up gratefully, he'd heard a hitching gasp in the quiet of the room. No one else seemed to have heard it. James had looked around and seen Lily, curled into an armchair like she wanted to be engulfed in it forever, her breath coming in shallow, quick gasps with tears streaming down her cheeks.

He'd been scared. Scared of messing it up, scared of hurting her, of making her sudden panic worse. James didn't do well with comforting people. Normally, he'd just back off and get someone who was actually qualified, or something. But it was Lily. And she looked so scared.

He held her hand and told her to breath and hoped she would stop crying soon, because Lily Evans crying was frightening. She was – indomitable, and to see her cry was to feel like your world was being tilted and twisted bewilderingly.

He pulled himself off the thick red carpet, settling into the chair that Lily had just vacated. It was placed so it looked out the window, directly onto the Quidditch pitch. It was only October, but sleet already pounded against the glass icily. It dripped down the window slushily.

James hoped she was ok.

Really, he should walk back over to his friends, crack a joke about hysterical women, pick up his Charms book, and start practising his _augumenti_ charm.

But Lily Evans was alone in the Hospital Wing.

James noticed after a moment, that someone was speaking to him.

"Potter!"

He looked up to see Mary MacDonald scowling down at him. That was surprising. She was a shy witch, who relied heavily on her friends and she wasn't exactly the _scowling_ type.

"Where'd Lily go?" she asked.

"Hospital Wing"

Mary blanched, and James realized how it must've sounded.

"To get a Calming Draught" he clarified, "you might want to go see her. I think she could use a friend"

Mary regarded him quizzically, arms folded across her chest.

"Why didn't you go with her?"

James smiled crookedly at the girl.

"We're not exactly friends" he reminded her.

Mary hmphed.

"Not for lack of trying" she muttered, before spinning around and stalking to the Portrait Hole.

* * *

Lily sat on the cool white sheets of a cot. The stiffly folded corners were somehow reassuring, the perfectly placed pillows comforting. In her hand was an empty flask of potion, the pale pink dregs swirling at the bottom.

 _Lavender essence,_ she thought, feeling slightly numb, _crushed rose quartz, ground unicorn horn, fresh mint, marigold petals, and –_ she couldn't remember the last ingredient.

It was cool in the Hospital Wing, the air faintly permeated with the smell of mint and the medicinal scent of Skel-gro.

The only other patient was a second year Hufflepuff girl who'd tried to duel someone, and ended up with large lobster claws. She gazed at the ceiling morosely.

 _Maybe I'll stay here tonight_ , Lily thought, _it's quiet. No one's here. It's clean and neat and orderly. Just for one night._

Madam Pomfrey bustled out from her office, coming to stand by Lily.

"Are you done with that, dear?" she asked. Her voice was kind.

"Yes, thank you", Lily handed her the empty flask.

"I think it would be a better idea if you were to stay here tonight" Madam Pomfrey suggested.

"Alright" Lily said, deciding it would be best not to argue, "Could one of my friends bring up my work? I really need to finish my Potions paper"

The witch hesitated. She was, Lily realized, fairly young. Her dark hair was pulled back sternly, a neat white cap setting atop her head. Worry lines ran from her cheeks to the corners of her mouth, but there were laugh lines around her eyes. She was pretty.

"Alright" she said finally, "but absolutely no wand work. You're exhausted"

Lily nodded, and the woman left again.

She returned with a pair of pyjamas, and Lily climbed into them and settled into the bed. The sheets were cold and smooth against her skin.

"Ah look" Madam Pomfrey smiled, "one of your friends is here"

Mary stood uncertainly in the doorway, a book bag slung over her thin shoulders. She smiled hesitantly at Lily.

"Half an hour of visiting" Madam Pomfrey dictated, before leaving the two girls.

"Hey Mar" Lily said tiredly, and Mary perched on the side of Lily's bed.

"Are you alright? I didn't know where you had went till Potter told me"

"I had a – a meltdown in the common room. Potter calmed me down, but Madam Pomfrey thinks I should stay"

"It didn't sound like a meltdown to me" Mary said doubtfully, "it sounds like you had a panic attack"

Lily pushed herself up on the spotless white pillows and tucked her hair back.

"That's what Madam Pomfrey said" she murmured, avoiding Mary's eyes, "but I had a Calming Draught, I'm fine"

Mary leaned forward, wrapping slender arms around Lily. Her curly black hair obscured the other girl's vision, but Lily didn't mind. She clutched her friend tightly, and buried her face in Mary's shoulder.

"Please tell me if you're having trouble"

"I will" Lily told her, before turning to the book bag that lay at Mary's patent leather clad feet. It was stuffed full.

"Is that for me?" she asked, brightening.

"Yep" Mary said, hefting it up and onto the bed. It landed with a thump. "I thought you'd want your books"

"Thanks Mary. I'm allowed to do some work, so I should get started on that"

"Ok" Mary agreed, kissing Lily on the cheek before standing, "take care of yourself. I'll see you tomorrow"

Silence hung between them for a moment. It was full of things that Mary wanted to say, and things Lily didn't want to hear.

Once Mary left, Lily turned her attention back to her Potions work. She twirled a handsome eagle feather quill between her fingers idly, trying not to drip ink on the spotless white sheets.

 _… Veritaserum has many practical uses, but the moralities of such have been heavily debated…_

There was a soft knock, and she looked up. Sev stood at the door, his face looking pinched and worried. Lily shoved her books to the side and gestured for him to come in.

"Don't let Madam Pomfrey hear you" she whispered as he sat down on the edge of her cot.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She hesitated for a moment. It was one thing to brush it off to Mary, but to do it to Sev was quite another. Besides, he knew how it was. He'd been there after Lily had had a huge fight with Petunia, and comforted her as she dissolved into a mess of shaky tears. She was allowed to be, if not weak, at least not strong, around him.

She was allowed to let herself go.

"Not really" Lily said, picking her Potions essay back up and handing it to him. His fingers brushed hers gently as he took it, but he didn't say anything.

Sev turned his attention to the parchment, eyes moving across it.

"This is good" he said after a moment, and Lily relaxed a bit as he continued.

"I'd explain how the cloves lower inhibitions a bit more, but other than that, it's great"

"Thanks Sev"

"It's ok"

"I'm worried about OWLs"

"I know"

"S'why I'm here"

"No shit"

"Shut up"

"I should go"

"Yeah"

"Bye Lily"

"Bye Sev"

 _A pinch of cloves to lower inhibitions_. Lily suddenly remembered the last ingredients of the Calming Draught, and felt a chill creep up her neck that had nothing to do with the cool air of the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Lily tried to go easier on herself after that. It was only October after all, and if she continued at this pace, she'd crash and burn before New Year's. The trick, she learned, was to divide every day into fifteen minute segments. Most of them were spent in lessons, but she designated the rest and kept her schedule strictly. Fifteen minutes to get up, get dressed, and have breakfast. Fifteen minutes for lunch and a quick session in the library. Depending on the day, three fifteen minute sessions of studying various subjects after classes ended, before taking fifteen minutes for dinner and a quick break. Six fifteen minute study blocks after dinner.

Every minute was organised and scheduled, and it was rather comforting. Her friends dealt with the heavy workload in their own way. Marlene scraped by on a wish and a smile, staying up till all hours in the library one night, and completely ignoring her work the next. Mary was quietly studious, carrying an open book with her wherever she went.

Camilla drifted through dreamily, as she did through most things, the stress and anxiety hardly seeming to brush her, except for the odd snappish comment.

Anna, who was easily the smartest in their dormitory, made it all look infuriatingly easy. She cheerfully balanced school and studies and friends, and managed to sleep eight hours a night. Lily hated her a little bit.

She saw the most of Sev, and the pair studied together frequently. Halloween was coming up fast, and the workload started to drop just slightly, giving the entire year time to breathe.

It was the day before Halloween, when another painted message was found. It was on the wall beside the Fat Lady's portrait, and a group of third year Gryffindors found it.

 ** _MUDBLOODS AND MUDBLOOD LOVERS, YOU'LL GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU. THE DARK LORD IS RISING._**

"Shit" Lily breathed, very quietly as she returned from dinner with a stack of books in her arms. The younger students were clustered around staring at the words, and she chivvied them off with a few flaps of her arms.

"Did you see anything?" she asked the Fat Lady.

The Fat Lady was asleep. Lily knocked on the corner of the frame, barely containing her irritation.

"Did you see anything?" she demanded again, as the Fat Lady woke up, blinking grumpily.

"See what?" she asked.

"Fat lot of use you are as a guard"

The Fat Lady puffed herself up indignantly, ready to make a speech about the sacrifices she'd made, and the hardships she'd endured in the line of duty, but Lily was already gone.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please follow and review. Review are what inspire me to keep writing. Happy 1st of September everyone, it's a new year at Hogwarts!**_

 _ **"But I suppose the most revolutionary act one can engage in is... to tell the truth." the quote that Lily uses while the girls are playing truth or dare, comes from Howard Zinn's 'Marx in Soho: A Play on History'. Don't think that I'm some studious person or anything, I literally just googled 'quotes about bravery' and chose the most relevent.  
**_


	4. My Werewolf Brother

_**Disclaimer... I do not own any of the characters. They belong to JKR.**_

* * *

James came along about five minutes after Lily had left to find a teacher.

Sirius spotted the words first, and fell silent, gesturing at the words, and James felt his stomach twist.

The first time he'd ever heard the word 'Mudblood' was from his Great-Uncle Janus. It had been Christmas Eve. James was five, and he was sitting beneath the tree, gazing up at the angel on top, and wondering how soon it would be until his parents went to bed so he could sneak back downstairs to peek at his gifts.

Janus had seated himself beside his nephew and pulled out his wand, idly conjuring a string of fairy lights that wrapped around the tree.

"This" the elderly man said, gesturing at the lights with his wand, "This, James, is what makes us rulers. What makes us better. We're the only ones who can do things like this. The rest of the world, filthy, dirty, crawling, Muggles, are nothing. We are _above_ them, James. We're _in charge_ of them"

James watched his uncle, vaguely discomforted. They ruled the Muggles? All that James knew about Muggles was that he wasn't supposed to talk about Quidditch to them, and not to ask them what Hogwarts house they wanted to be in. He wasn't in charge of them.

"Of course" his uncle continued, "there will always be those with stolen power. Those who've wrested the magic from true witches and wizards to use to their own means. Mudbloods"

He spat the last word, and the hate in his voice was so strong that James felt frightened. It was _Christmas._ His mother said Christmas was about giving, and being kind to others. His uncle did not sound kind.

James edged away, his hands pressing down on the thick soft carpet, his foot accidently nudging one of the brightly wrapped presents. The thin paper crinkled, and his mum entered from the kitchen, ready to scold James for getting into the gifts early, when she saw her son's frightened face and the rage filled expression of her uncle.

The dark haired witch crossed the living room, scooping up James and frowning down at her uncle.

"What'd you say to him, Uncle Janus?"

"I was educating the boy about the Mudbloods. His knowledge of the usurpers is lacking"

Mrs. Potter's mouth fell half open as she stared down at the old man. Janus had always been grumpy and old fashioned, but never so hateful.

She backed away, shaking slightly, and pointed in the direction of the door.

"Out" she said firmly, "I want you out. We don't hold with blood superiority in this house. Please leave"

The old man picked himself up with dignity, and departed for the door. Before he wrenched it open, he looked back at her for one second, his green eyes darkening.

"Mudblood lover" he muttered, before stepping out into the snow.

James shook himself back to the present, and studied the acid-green letters.

"Someone has a lot of paint" he said, pressing one finger to it. Still damp.

"It looks like the ink from a Quick-Quotes Quill" Sirius observed, tucking his shoulder length black hair behind his ears.

"When was the first time you heard the word 'Mudblood'?" James asked after a moment, and Sirius frowned thoughtfully. He looked paler than normal, James noticed. OWL year was taking a toll on them all.

"I dunno. It's tossed around at my house a lot, y'know. My parents aren't exactly big on political correctness"

"It's getting worse" James said, sitting down with his back against the cool stone wall. Sirius followed him, shoulder pressed against James's.

"Yep"

"My dad wrote me yesterday. A witch that worked for him- Muggleborn – she's gone missing"

"I'm sorry, Prongs" Sirius said quietly.

"She used to give me Pepper Imps when I was a kid"

James pulled out his wand and murmured something. A silver stag burst from the end of it, and cantered to the end of the hallway before vanishing.

"Have you gotten your Patronous charm down, yet?" he asked Sirius, changing the subject hastily.

"Not quite. Last Charms, _something_ happened, but it was just smoke"

James nodded, tucking his wand back in his robes.

"Who d'you reckon will win the Quidditch match on Sunday?"

Sirius scoffed.

"Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff hasn't got a Puffskein's chance in a cage full of cats of winning"

James shot a look at Sirius.

"That's some – charming imagery"

The other boy shrugged.

"Haven't you got practise tonight?" he asked James.

"Shit. I forgot about that. I better run, see you Padfoot"

"Bye"

They had a good shot at the Quidditch Cup, this year, James thought, trotting through the teeming halls. The captain was a petite seventh year girl, who was an extraordinary Seeker. The Beaters weren't too terrible, although they had a bad track record of accidently hitting their own teammates with the Bludgers. James and the other two Chasers had been playing together since second year, and they knew each other's flying inside and out. Putting it modestly, they were simply superb.

The Keeper was the one problem. He was a broad sixth year who lumbered about in the sky, if anything, more clumsy on a broomstick than he was on the ground.

Somehow, he'd been the best of the bunch to try out. James could only hope he'd improve.

He burst out the doors, sprinting down across the damp, slippery grass to the Gryffindor broom shed and grabbing his broomstick. The smoothly polished grip was comforting in his hand.

He didn't bother with changing into his Quidditch robes, but pushed off the ground and shooting off towards the pitch.

"Potter where the hell where you?" Bela, the captain, demanded as he hurtled up to his teammates who were already hovering in the darkening autumn sky.

"Er – sorry, lost track of time"

"You were with Black, weren't you?" one of the Chasers, a girl called Felicity asked. James shot her a filthy look, and she grinned.

"Actually, Sirius reminded me to come"

Bela hmph-ed, as if to illustrate exactly how much she believed that to be a lie, before shooting off down the pitch.

"Kargen!" she bellowed, and the hapless keeper flew with a wobble over to the hoops. James repressed a sigh. This was going to be a long night.

"For god's sake, Kargen, don't just hover there like a lump, FLY!" Bela's professionally toned bellows had turned into angry shrieks about half way through the practise, and she actually shook a tiny fist in the Keeper's direction, before flying off again.

James caught the Quaffle that Felicity tossed to him, and dove at Kargen. He squinted slightly as he whistled past the goals, and hurled the Quaffle at them. Kargen missed it, his overshoot almost comical. He'd taken Bela's orders to heart, and was now circling the posts at top speed. It wasn't working very well as a strategy, and he appeared to be turning faintly green.

"Alright!"

Bela flew up behind them, looking disheartened "that's enough, let's call it a night, team. We still have another month before our match against Slytherin"

The rest of the team flew towards the ground, but James lingered long enough to hear her mutter, "And that's not going to be nearly enough time"

* * *

It was dark, once he'd showered and changed, and he hurried up to the castle, glancing behind him. James wasn't a nervous person, but it didn't hurt to be careful. The first stars were coming out, and Hogwarts was so far from any city that the sky was impossibly bright. It looked like white dust had been tossed into a can of black paint, and stirred, once. The stars swirled in impossibly delicate spirals, lacelike.

James was right on the edges of the newly imposed curfew and the hallways of Hogwarts were nearly empty of students, the candles in their sconces starting to flicker out in response to the chiming clock.

The paint had been Vanished from the wall, but James still glanced at the bare patch of stone uneasily as he climbed through the Portrait Hole into the warm Gryffindor common room.

"Prongs!" Sirius greeted him cheerfully. He was sprawled on a tattered gold couch, legs stretched out with his fuzzy-sock-clad-feet propped on a very uncomfortable looking Moony's lap.

"You'll never _believe_ what's happened" Sirius continued, lowering his voice dramatically.

James sat in the available space between Padfoot and Moony, forcing Sirius to remove his feet with an annoyed noise.

"Did you set Derkus Abbott's hair on fire again?"

"Nope"

"Vanish Melia's chessmen when she was about to win?"

"Nope"

"Tell me"

Sirius shot a gleeful look at Remus, who heaved a put upon sigh.

" _Moony_ " Sirius crowed, "Got _detention"_

James sat bolt upright and stared at the furiously blushing Remus. Moony had gotten detention before, but normally on account of something that either James or Sirius had done.

"Did Sirius do something?" he asked Moony, who shook his head despondently.

"Tell him what you did" Sirius begged.

"Er – I might've told Jugson that she was a bigoted bitch who should go die in a hole"

James was so flabbergasted that he spat out the tea that he'd just taken a sip of. Sirius complained as he was drenched, but James ignored him. The four Marauders had barely restrained themselves from raining holy hell down upon Jugson, controlled only by Remus.

"Does this mean that we can-" James broke off, beaming, as Moony nodded.

"Go wild" he said, and James punched the air.

* * *

Halloween made the castle smell like magic. Which was kind of strange since the entire castle was magic. But it did, anyways. For some weird reason that he didn't quite understand, James had always associated magic with the smell of burning candles and cinnamon. Carved Jack o' lanterns leered from niches, and candles illuminated everything. Groups of bats fluttered through the hallways, their wings making a whispering noise. The school ghosts had been roped into the festivity, and glided through the hallways looking bored, letting out a pitiful moan from time to time.

Peeves, of course, was having great fun. He dropped pumpkins on unsuspecting students, and caused shiny candied apples to whizz through the halls at high speed, hitting students in the stomach or shoulder, the toffee sticking to their robes like glue.

It was also, in a quirk of fate, (or McGonagall's superior scheduling skills) the Marauders had Defence Against the Dark Arts. The classroom, under Jugson's influence, was bland and stuffy, the walls neatly papered with Ministry-approved posters sporting slogans like, 'the best spell is a good conversation!' and 'look before you hex!'

James's personal favourite was one that said, 'So called 'Dark Wizards' are just misunderstood!'

"Professor?" James asked, sitting upright in his hard backed uncomfortable chair and waving his hand around, "I don't think I agree with your assessment of centaurs being subhuman"

Jugson, a hunched, sallow witch, turned to James and he ran his hands through his hair unconsciously, messing it up.

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Well" James said, with an air of deep and ponderous thought, "my uncle's a centaur, you see. Stand-up bloke, I mean, top notch. Never missed my birthday. Used to baby sit me. He always brought Fizzing Whizzbees. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago, but I feel like I'd be disrespecting his memory if I let you continue to voice such hateful vitriol"

Jugson stopped dead for a moment, staring at James. Most of the students, (it was a mixed class of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs) were giggling into their sleeves madly, although a few looked shocked.

"Mr Potter. Thirty points from Gryffindor for disrespect to a teacher and disrupting the class"

James had just put his hand down when Sirius's shot up. He was grinning, his teeth bared in a canine-like grin.

"Mr Black?" Jugson sounded wary.

"Well, Miss, I'm not sure if you've ever actually _met_ a vampire, but they're very friendly. Really. I dated quite a lovely one from Romania last year- bit of a thick accent, but other than that-"

"Twenty points!" Professor Jugson shouted, turning away.

James caught his laughter as Lily's hand went up.

"Ah!" Jugson said, clearly relived. Lily was a teacher's pet in most classes, and even though she mysteriously 'forgot' to complete a large amount of the homework for this class, she was still attentive and pleasant.

"Miss Evans?" Jugson called on her.

"Yes, I'd just like to talk a bit about my werewolf brother" she said, straight-faced. James's confusion changed to a startled grin.

"I mean, yes, he runs about and grows rather a lot of fur once a month, but he's never hurt anyone and he's absolutely lovely. He sees me off to Hogwarts every year, and he bought me my first owl. Honestly, I can't understand why you'd discriminate against him. He voluntarily locks himself up every full moon"

Her faux seriousness dropped, and she looked Jugson dead in the eye.

"There are bad werewolves. There are bad wizards, and bad vampires, and bad Muggles. But mostly, there's good. You see the bad because it's louder. More obvious. But there is so much more good. There are so many werewolves just trying to survive, to raise families, and it's people like you, Professor Jugson, people who spread lies, and cruel tales, and are afraid of them, it's people like you, who are ruining innocent people's lives. And that's disgusting"

Jugson seemed to be in a state of shock, her mouth working silently. Lily Evans was talking back to a teacher. Lily Evans was _insulting_ a teacher. James was in a state of shock himself.

"That's enough" Jugson said, her voice low and deadly, "be quiet at once, Miss Evans, before you embarrass yourself further. Fifty points from Gryffindor"

Lily shut up, rather pink in the cheeks, but there was a very satisfied smile on her face, and she seemed to ignore the rest of the lesson.

* * *

Lily was out first when the bell rang; out the door while James was still trying to stuff scraps of parchment back in his bag.

He chased after her, his glasses slipping down his nose as he ran.

"Oi – wait, Evans, _wait_ "

She stopped, a barely controlled look of impatience on her face.

"What?" Lily snapped, and James, panting, shoved his glasses back up his long nose.

"I just – what you said to Jugson, that was great, Lily. Really"

Lily went pink again, and clutched her books tighter.

"She's a bitch" was all she said.

"Well –thanks. For joining in"

Lily regarded him rather incredulously for a moment, and snorted.

"Potter" she said, "I didn't do it for you"

He smiled at her, idiotically wide. He really shouldn't ask what he was thinking of. But he was a teenage boy, and she was a pretty girl, and it stood to reason that he would never be entirely sensible around her.

"Evans" he smiled, "go out with me?"

James barely missed the jinx she sent at him.

* * *

The Gryffindor table was almost full at lunchtime, and James casually hexed a fourth year out of the way, taking the vacated spot. Strangely, the staff table was completely empty.

"Hi" Remus said, walking in a moment later. Luckily he hadn't seen the hexing.

"Hullo Moony"

"That was quite the stunt, in Defence class today. Between Evans, Padfoot and you, you lost one hundred points"

James shrugged.

"We'll get it back at the next Quidditch match"

"Good thing you're so confident"

He ignored Moony's sarcastic tone and ladled spilt pea soup into his bowl, passing the bread basket to Remus.

"Oi" he said, nudging his friend and making him slop pumpkin juice down himself, "look, it's Snivellus"

Remus looked up from his Herbology textbook, and squinted at the Slytherin table. A cluster of fifth years, with Snape in the middle, were laughing at something small and furry writhing on the table top in front of them.

"What're they doing?" he asked.

James peered over again.

"It looks" he said, disgust in his voice, "like they're torturing a cat"

Remus stood up, grabbing his wand, and James stood with him.

"Moony" James said, following his friend, "far be it for me to discourage you from a fight, let alone one with Snivellus, but there are rather a lot of them"

Remus ignored him and James sighed.

As they got closer, James's face twisted in disgust. The tabby cat on the table would've been howling in pain, but someone had clearly cast Silencing Charms on the creature. Its jaws were opening and closing as it twisted on the table in agony.

Snape and his friends watched it with a sick sort of glee, Snape's wand hovering just above the cat's fur.

BANG.

A spell from Remus's wand sent Snape tumbling back, and the cat, released from the curse, pelted off the table and streaked out of the hall.

"Torturing animals now, Snivellus?" James asked, his own wand out.

"None of your business" Snape muttered sullenly.

"Oh? I wonder what Evans would think of you torturing cats. She has a cat, y'know"

Remus tugged at his arm.

"James" he said firmly, "come on, they've stopped. Let's go"

Snape and the Slytherins sneered as James allowed himself to be pulled away.

"Why does it always come back to her?" Remus asked exasperatedly. James shovelled blisteringly hot soup into his mouth and didn't respond.

"James?"

"What d'you mean?" James responded finally, reaching for the apple pie.

"I mean, every fight you have comes back to Evans. 'What would she think of your behaviour?', 'why d'you hang around her so much?', 'what does she see in you?' Lily, Lily, Lily. I imagine she's tired of it"

"I just don't _understand_ " James said hotly, speaking around his bite of pie, " _why_ she hangs out with him. He's a git!"

"Well, she thinks the exact same thing about you" Moony pointed out, sounding tired, and James looked up at his friend. Moony never exactly looked _well_. He was too pale and thin, and his brown hair was sort of colourless, but there was always a smile in his eyes, and a sort of crooked set to his mouth that suggested he was about to make a wry joke.

Now he just looked exhausted, and James mentally tallied up the days. It was the full moon tonight. He grinned. Excellent. Running around with a werewolf on Halloween.

"We'll be there tonight" he promised, lowering his voice for a moment. Remus's tired face broke into a relived smiled, and he clapped James on the shoulder.

"You thought I forgot, didn't you?" James accused, and Remus shook his head.

"No, I didn't. I just know you have a lot going on right now, and I would have understood if-"

"Moony. We're always going to be there, I promise you. Whenever it's the full moon, we'll be there. Ten years from now, when I'm marrying Evans, if it's the full moon, I'll abandon her on our wedding night so I can be with you"

Remus blinked at him.

"You might want to rephrase that" he suggested, and James kicked a pumpkin in annoyance.

* * *

It _was_ rather disappointing to miss the feast; James had to admit as they snuck out under the invisibility cloak. Peter had already transformed, and was sitting in James's pocket, wiggling with excitement.

"Peter" he hissed, "calm down"

The wiggling stopped, and James tugged the cloak over a bit. Sirius always hogged it. Remus had already been escorted to the Shrieking Shack by Madam Pomfrey, so at least they didn't have to make room for him. That would've been tricky.

It was a ten minute walk from the doors down to the Whomping Willow, made more difficult by the fact that they had to walk under a single cloak. They probably could've made it down without being spotted _without_ the cloak, but Sirius always insisted.

It lent an aura of _mystique_ to the thing, he would say.

The eerily waving branches of the Willow cut slices in the sky. Triangles and pentagons and shapes James didn't have names for. Dark patches of space lined by slightly darker patches of tree.

The knot, in the centre, was familiar, and he lifted Peter out of his pocket, placing him on the ground.

The rat slipped across the grass, tangoing through the malicious branches until he got to the tree. He brushed it with a paw, and the tree froze.

"Here we go" Sirius murmured, slipping out from under the cloak. His body changed, until the huge black dog stood beside James.

"Hey Padfoot" James said, before shifting into the stag.

Life was easier, as the stag. He still had all the thoughts that he had as human-James, but they seemed somehow less important. Potions homework didn't matter. He didn't think about Snape. All there was was the feel of the moonlight on his furred skin, and the excitement of the night that was to come.

* * *

James rolled over the next morning. The sun reflected off the window panes, turning them into white shiny sheets. The crimson hangings were bunched in the corners of the bed.

There appeared to be something furry on his head. Groaning, he reached up to pluck it off, and eyed the sleeping rodent that had nested in his hair.

"Wormtail?"

The rat twitched and opened one eye.

"What were you doing on my head?"

The rat closed his eye, and appeared to go back to sleep. Sighing, James placed the rat on his heavy mahogany bedside table, and sat up, running his fingers through his messy hair to check for more rats.

In the bed next to his, Sirius was sleeping on his front, from time to time letting out a snore. He was still dressed in his school uniform, white shirt untucked from his trousers, and dark hair spread over his face. James flung a pillow at his head, connecting firmly.

"Oi!" he hissed, "Padfoot, wake up!"

Sirius opened his eyes blearily. He had a smudge of dirt on one cheekbone and a bruise on his forehead.

"S'time s'it?" he mumbled.

James checked his watch.

"Eight fifty two! We've already missed breakfast, wake up or we'll miss Potions too!"

Sirius rolled out of bed and fell on the floor, groaning. Rolling his eyes, James started to yank on robes, pushing his glasses onto his face and prodding Wormtail until he turned human.

Moony was still in the Shrieking Shack, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to fetch him, so they didn't have to wait for him.

The sleepy trio made their way down to the dungeons, and slipped into class just before Slughorn.

"Blimey, everyone looks grim this morning" Sirius observed. Their classmates were all pale looking, and a few had red eyes. Even Professor Slughorn looked distracted as he slowly wrote the instructions for the day on the black board. The chalk squeaked and was dropped to the floor to shatter. The class flinched, and Slughorn fumbled his wand from his robes, pointing it at the chalk fragments.

" _Reparo_ "

James prodded Anna Rogers in the back till the turned around, glaring.

"What?" she hissed.

"Why does everyone look like their unicorn just died?"

Shock flashed across the girl's face, and she drew back a bit. Her eyes narrowed. Her mouth pressed together, narrowing, but it trembled slightly, like she was trying to swallow tears.

"You didn't hear?" Anna asked shakily, turning back to her caldron. She poured in some hippogriff bile, but her hand trembled, and a few drops landed on the desk. James watched her with some trepidation. Anna Rogers was formidable, and this sudden display of emotion was out of character.

"No"

"Jemma Markel, the- the second year that got taken from the train. They found her"

"That's good news then, isn't it?" James asked, although he had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going.

Anna shook her head slowly, eyes looking down at her Potions kit.

"No" she whispered, "they found her body"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. But what've I gotta do to get some reviews? Seriously, even if you just want to say, 'your story sucks, and you're a horrible writer, go die in a hole' I would be quite thankful. Feedback is important, as I'm sure you know, if you're an aspiring writer. So please, please review.  
**_


	5. The Weight of Words

_**Disclaimer... I own nothing, it all belongs to JKR**_

The Prophet that morning had an enormous, smiling picture of Jemma Markel on the front. She was in Hogwarts robes, waving happily. Jemma was a pretty girl, with wide brown eyes and smooth dark chocolate skin. Her hair was pulled into a thick bun on the top of her head.

Lily could feel every word of the headline echoing in her bones. _Hogwarts. Muggleborn. Found. Dead. Dark. Mark. Above. Her._

The beat in the back of her head, ' _gone, gone, gone'_ had changed to ' _Dead. Dead. Dead'_

The words felt heavy in her mind, like wet washing weighing down the clothes line

She tried to wring the words out.

"Lily?" Marlene asked softly, placing a hand on her arm as Lily sat down. Sat, is perhaps a generous word. She fell. She was heavy from the weight of the words.

She opened the Prophet, and started to read. More words. More weight.

 ** _Hogwarts Muggleborn Found Dead. Dark Mark Above Her_**

 ** _Jemma Markel, kidnapped from the Hogwarts Express at the start of the school year, was found dead this morning by a team of Aurors. Markel, was found in an abandoned Muggle house, the Dark Mark above her. Aurors say that evidence points to her being tortured before her death, and she was killed by the Avada Kadavra Curse. Beside her, carved into the floorboards, was a message. 'She was impure'_**

The story went on to state that 'they were unsure as to who was responsible for this crime'.

Lily tossed the paper on the table, and pushed her eggs away. Her stomach was already filled with words and ice.

The news about Jemma slowly circulated, more students falling onto benches with that heavy thud as they heard the news. Ravenclaw table was the most subdued, some of the younger students stifling their sobs hastily as the teachers at the head table looked up.

The teachers were pale, too, and Professor Flitwick's eyes were puffy and red.

The worst part, Lily thought, was that Jemma Markel's parents would never really know what had happened to their daughter. They would know that she was gone, that she wouldn't be coming back from her magical school. They'd know that she was dead, and they'd bury her and cry, and probably break down sobbing in the kitchen on her birthday.

They wouldn't know that she was killed on account of her blood. They wouldn't know that she had been tortured for no reason other than amusement. They wouldn't know that the bright, magical life they'd sent their daughter off to live had been snuffed out because she wasn't the _right_ sort of magic.

Lily had never told her parents about the war. Because it wasn't really war, was it? War is lightning. It's harsh, unbearable, split second fear. This is the stars through a cloud, and it's always here. Setting your teeth on edge and prickling your skin until you can't stand it anymore.

Lily pushed back from the table, and walked out of the Great Hall.

In Potions, Professor Slughorn was quiet and clumsy, a strained expression on his face as he described the Cheering Potion that they were making.

"The sunflower petals need to be stewed for precisely ten minutes" he said, "before adding the fairy eggs…"

Slughorn trailed off, staring into the distance.

The class was silent, and Lily started to slice the dried yellow petals. They could all use some cheering.

By the end of the class, her caldron simmered merrily, the liquid a cheery sky blue that made Lily think of summer days at the beach and melting ice cream.

She stirred it once more, before ladling it into a glass flask. Lily regarded the rest of the potion in her caldron for a moment, before lifting the ladle to her lips and taking a hesitant sip.

The effect was instantaneous. Warm summer sunshine reached through her veins, curling comfortingly around her heart. The heavy words seemed to become balloons, still tied to her, but not weighing her down.

Lily smiled, and it didn't feel fake. It felt _good,_ like stretching your palms up to the ceiling when you first wake up.

* * *

There was a wand-lit vigil for Jemma, and the Great Hall was draped in black for a week. Students spoke quietly in the corridors, and even Professor Jugson blanched when she saw the black fabric.

Lily slowly became engrossed again in her OWL work, but she finally took a break on the first Saturday of November to watch the Quidditch game between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

It was a miserable day. Rain poured, and Lily, Mary and Marlene huddled underneath a giant umbrella. Normally, they wouldn't go to a match if Gryffindor wasn't playing, but they felt like they should do something fun. Not that this looked like much fun.

Lily sighed as Potter and his mates tumbled into the stands beneath them.

"Oh look" Marlene hissed, "It's the riffraff"

Lily looked at her friend, startled. Marlene was by no means the Marauders' biggest fan, but she was seldom openly rude to them.

"Uh, Marlene?" Mary asked cautiously, and Marlene flapped her hand impatiently.

"It's nothing. I caught them hexing a Ravenclaw girl yesterday and I told them off"

Lily wrapped an arm around Marlene's shoulders, suddenly extremely grateful for her.

"Oh look, it's starting" Mary said, sitting upright.

An hour later, Lily was slumped over, half in Marlene's lap. Camilla, who was commentating, sounded less than enthusiastic.

"Oh. That boy, uh- let's call him Higgins. Higgins has the ball. Go Higgins. Higgins got hit by a Bludger and now er- I think she's called Selwyn, Selwyn has the red ball. Someone's just informed me that it's called a Quaffle. I already knew that.

Briggs just took the Quaffle. Briggs shoots. The Keeper stops the Quaffle. Gosh, it's really bucketing isn't it? Maybe we should just call it a day. Oh, apparently we're not allowed to call it a day until the Snitch is caught. That's a stupid rule. Ravenclaw scores. Yay. Go eagles. Ah look, it appears that Macmillan's seen something. He's flying quicker. Has he seen the Snitch? Oh dear, he's just crashed into the stands, what a shame. The Ravenclaw seeker, Eyrn, has just caught the Snitch. Ravenclaw wins. Let's all go back inside, guys"

Lily had her hand over her mouth, grinning at Camilla's antics. McGonagall was flapping her arms in irritation at the fifth year, who was staring at her unapologetically.

"I'm _sopping_ " Mary said, peeling herself off Lily with a squelch and standing up.

Below them, the Marauders were standing up, and James turned around to smile up at Lily.

"Enjoy the match?" he asked, "they were all awful. You'll see a real game of Quidditch in a month or two"

"And how's that?" Lily asked, annoyed, her fingers brushing her wand up her sleeve.

"Well" he told her, "that's when we'll be playing Slytherin. They haven't got a chance, you know. They're just a bunch of slimy gits with more money than talent"

"Coming from you, that's rich, Potter. How much did your broomstick cost?"

James flushed.

"I should've known you'd support your slithery Slytherin friend. Not that's he's on the team, of course. He couldn't fly a broomstick if his life depended on it"

Lily's wand dropped neatly into her hand, and she fired a Jelly-Legs jinx at James. Sirius caught him as he started to keel over, and Lily, Mary and Marlene hurried down the stands and out of the rain.

* * *

November passed in a dreary, sleety mess of grey fog and soupy clouds. Bright green messages still regularly appeared on the walls, and were Vanished hastily. The OWL year workload piled on, and more than a few fifth years ended up in the Hospital Wing to be given Calming Draughts. There were a few awful occurrences when Lily's year-mates were taken out of class to be told that a family member was dead or missing.

They all made the same noise, a sucked in breath, which they held, before releasing it in a sob or a scream. Lily became very familiar with that noise.

A bright spot appeared in the form of the Yule Ball.

"Ouch, ouch, _oww_ " Mary complained. Lily was tugging the brush through her hair rather harshly.

"Sorry" Lily said immediately, brushing gentler.

"Is Anna going with Artemis to the Ball?" Mary asked, "You'd think I would've asked before, but I completely forgot"

Lily smiled at the other witch in the mirror.

"We're all a little forgetful these days, Mar" she murmured, setting the brush down, "but yes, Anna and Artemis are going together. They were picking out dress robes that matched and everything. Artemis bribed her roommate into taking the shift for her that night"

"Aww"

"I know, they're perfect"

Lily started to weave red ribbons through Mary's curly hair. The other witch was sitting in a low chair, staring at the mirror in front of her pensively.

"Are _you_ going with anyone?" Mary asked.

" _Me?_ Merlin, no. I figured I'd just go with you and Camilla. Marlene has a date"

"Oh nice" Mary said, sounding slightly distracted.

"Something wrong?"

Lily perched on the edge of the heavy walnut vanity, looking at Mary.

"Oh – no, not yet. Maybe. My aunt, she's a Muggleborn, she's disappeared from her house, and, well-"

A tear dripped down Mary's cheek and she hastily smeared it away with the palm of her shaking hand. Lily stood up, and hugged her friend, feeling Mary's fear in the way she shook and held onto Lily tightly. The two stood there, in the empty dormitory, clutching each other close enough to feel the beat of the other's heart.

* * *

Mary had calmed down by the time everyone was ready to go downstairs, with only her slightly puffy eyes to suggest that anything had happened. Lily was in sage green silk, her hair coiled softly around her neck and falling lazily to her collar bone. Coming down the stairs, she smiled at the churning common room.

It was good to see such excitement and bright colours after such darkness.

Mary was wearing dark red dress robes that hugged her body, and Camilla was in peacock blue that matched her hair nicely.

Marlene and Anna were nowhere to be seen, and Lily assumed they'd already gone down. The common room seemed dimmer, more festive, and someone had put on a Christmas album by the _Curses._ It played, muted music hovering over the room while the students waited.

" _You put a spell on me, snowflakes fall, don't you see? Hold me close baby, caldron bubbles on a cold winter's night…."_

Lily hummed, rather out of tune and spun in a circle as Camilla and Mary grinned.

"Hello, Evans"

 _Damn_ , she thought irritably. It would've been nice to have just _one_ night where she didn't have to deal with Potter. Potter was wearing red, and he looked annoyingly nice. His hair was mostly tamed, and she realized that he was actually rather good looking. Prat.

"What do you want?" Lily asked, and both Mary and Camilla sat down, clearly keen to watch the drama. She shot them a dirty look. Traitors.

"You look lovely" Potter told her. He seemed sincere, and Lily raised an eyebrow, waiting for the punch line. He'd been asking her out since fourth year, and she suspected at this point it was more habit, than anything else. Or ego. Maybe it just annoyed him that he could get every other girl but her.

She'd long since given up on trying to analyse James Potter's behaviour.

"No, really" he said, seeming to realize she wasn't buying it, "I'm serious. You look lovely. Er- wanna go to the ball with me?"

"Are you fucking serious?" Lily demanded, quite loudly, and winced as the heads in the common room swivelled to look at her. Oh dear, there was a few second years in the audience. They were tittering at the sight of Lily Evans, Prefect, losing her head and swearing at Potter.

"Well, no" James said, "But I think Remus might be"

There was a scuffling noise from over in the corner, and Sirius started yelling. His face was bright red.

"STOP USING MY NAME AS A PUNCHLINE FOR YOUR BLOODY PUNS"

"I suppose you're going with Snivellus? Watch out for your robes, Evans. He's awfully greasy" James spoke above his irate friend.

Lily turned her back on him, and offered her arms to Camilla and Mary, who stood up and escorted her from the room.

* * *

Lily laughed in delight as the trio came down the staircase into the Entrance Hall. It was transformed. The stairs led into a corridor of snow, and the highly arched ceiling was hidden in mist. The girls entered with held breaths. It seemed somehow sacrilegious to breathe too loudly. The staircase was quickly lost from view as they followed the twists and turns of the snow maze. Despite their frosty surroundings, it wasn't cold, but the snow under Lily's high black heels crunched pleasingly.

Clumps of mistletoe grew from the firmly packed snow walls at odd intervals, and Christmas trees frosted with snow were tucked into niches, along with comfortable looking benches piled with blankets and pillows. It was utterly silent as they made their way through it, and sleepy memories of Christmas mornings white with snow were awoken in Lily. She smiled softly and trailed her fingers along the wall.

It was a shock to enter the Grand Hall. It was like waking from a soft, silent dream, and Lily noticed that both Mary and Camilla blinked sleepily before their eyes widened.

Fabric that seemed woven from snowflakes draped the walls in place of the House banners and gleaming white icicles that emitted a soft white light replaced the floating candles. The light shone down on the students like stars.

A band played from a shiny white platform, and students danced enthusiastically. Grouped around the edges of the Hall were delicately formed tables and chairs that were clear as ice and shone like diamonds. Lily ran her finger over one, half expecting it to freeze her skin.

Tables of elaborate appetizers were on display and some of the fourth years, looking desperately awkward, were standing around them in clusters, gulping pumpkin juice.

"Punch?" Camilla glided up. She was graceful in her low necked blue satin robes, her hair pulled up and off her neck so her white throat appeared longer and more graceful. She was so slender and pale, all sharp edges and angles, Lily realized. Like some artist's parody of elegance.

Mary appeared Camilla's polar opposite. She was curvy, her smooth skin dark, her black hair tumbling around her face. Her red velvet robes flared out at the hips, and she was smiling, sharp edged and brilliant. A defence mechanism, Lily recognized. She was still scared about her aunt.

"Thanks Cami" Lily said, taking the crystal goblet. It shimmered in the light of the icicles.

Mary nudged Lily and pointed to the edge of the dance floor.

Professor Jugson, in sleek black velvet dress robes, was prowling the edges of the floor, inspecting the students watchfully. As Lily watched, she forced her way through the students to grab a Hufflepuff boy by his elbow, pulling him away from his partner.

"Stay here?" she murmured to Camilla and Mary, who nodded, eyes wide.

Lily drifted through the students, and they parted around her easily, like a hand slipping through running water. Satin and velvet brushed against her skin and she shivered involuntarily.

She concentrated and heard the edges of the conversation.

"… That girl, Lacy Selwyn, comes from a very old pureblood wizarding family. And you had your filthy Mudblood hands all over her. Stay away, boy"

Jugson released the Hufflepuff as if he'd burned her hands, and brushed them off on her robes, like she was brushing off dirt.

The boy, confused and scared, stumbled away, and Lily slipped back to her friends.

"Jugson's telling off Muggleborns for dancing with purebloods" she told them, shaking slightly. Lily ran her hands up and down her arms, and was surprised to find goosebumps. She wasn't really cold, but she conjured a shawl quickly and wrapped it around herself.

Camilla shook her head in disgust and set down her punch, offering a hand to Lily.

"I'm a pureblood" she smiled, "and you're Muggleborn. Let's see what she thinks of us, hmm?"

Lily grinned and let the other witch pull her onto the dance floor.

She spotted Anna and Artemis dancing close, arms around each other and foreheads touching. Marlene was dancing with Geoffrey Macmillan, and she looked slightly bored. Sirius seemed to have dragged a protesting Remus onto the dance floor and was spinning him about merrily, ignoring his complaints. Lily grinned at the pair of them, and let her eyes sweep on.

Potter was dancing with- the couple turned, letting Lily see the girl's face, and she raised an eyebrow, prickly heat growing in her stomach. Helen Monksfoot had her arms around James, and was looking supremely satisfied with herself. She was a very pretty girl, Lily remembered, faintly annoyed for some reason. She was a nice girl too, she reminded herself. And why did she care who Potter danced with? Shaking her head at her irrationality, she concentrated on not stepping on Cami.

Camilla spun her away, and Lily couldn't see them anymore.

The Yule Ball was uneventful. Other than Amanda Greengrass getting caught trying to sneak off with an Auror, and some spiked punch that Lily was fairly sure James Potter was responsible for, there wasn't anything worth gossiping about, something which caused the gossipy girls great sadness.

Dumbledore made a brief, harried looking appearance, waltzing merrily with Professor McGonagall for one song before slipping off, his smile replaced by a frown that Lily recognized; it was the frown she wore most of the time.

Finally, the band's songs slowed until only the serious couples were on the floor, slowly revolving as they held each other close. Most everyone else was sprawled on the delicate chairs and beanbags that were stuffed into the corners, or wandering the indoor snow maze that had been magicked into the Entrance Hall. Lily suspected that most of the semi-private niches were now filled with snogging couples.

Lily sat between Camilla and Mary, head tipped onto Mary's shoulder, her eyes fluttering closed. They sprung open when she heard footsteps.

Sev stood in front of them, in long black dress robes, looking extremely nervous. His robes were slightly shabby, and a bit too big for him. He probably borrowed them, Lily realized, with a pang of fondness for him.

"Er – hi, Lily" he swallowed, and Lily scrambled to her feet, cursing the shoes that Camilla had wrestled her into. She was going to break an ankle in these things.

"Hi Sev!" she said, smiling at him.

"Uh- I was, I mean, I wondered, if you maybe wanted to dance?"

Lily's smile froze slightly, but she recovered herself and gave him her hand.

"Sure"

Sev wasn't a very good dancer. He stepped on her feet a few times, and his palms were clammy. His eyes were fixed on the wall behind her head, and Lily sighed slightly. It was too hard. Dancing should feel natural, easy. Like kissing someone you love, you shouldn't have to over think it. It should come simply and perfectly.

Sev stepped on her toe again and cursed.

"Sorry" he muttered.

"It's fine" Lily assured him, stepping back and pulling him with her. They nearly toppled, Lily stumbling back and grabbing Sev's arm at the last moment.

"Bloody stupid shoes" she complained, and reached down to hook them off her feet. Much better.

Sev still stepped on her toes, and they still moved clumsily, but at least she wasn't tripping all over herself.

The clock chimed twelve as Lily danced awkwardly with her best friend.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! Sorry I went so long without updating, I didn't have any internet. The good news is that I got a fair amount done, so I have a few chapters ready to go up. Please, please review!**_


	6. Nifflers Have Been Done Before

_**Disclaimer... I do not own any of the characters. They are the property of JKR.**_

* * *

" _Expelliarmus!"_

 _"Protego"_

 _"Impedimenta!"_

 _"Stupefy!"_

 _CRASH._

Lily smiled triumphantly as Mulciber fell to the ground. Professor Jugson looked- _displeased_. _She had probably expected Mulciber to take down the Mudblood_ , Lily thought, irritated. But she'd visited Marlene last summer and Marlene's mum was an Auror. The witch had given both girls duelling lessons. Lily had turned out to have a bit of a flair for it.

It was April and spring had come shyly. Crocuses and snowdrops pushed up from the ground and the sun had begun to peek through the clouds. Hagrid, down at his house, was growing gigantic tulips in the freshly churned brown soil. The sky sometimes showed a hint of reluctant blue but despite the warming weather, Lily felt colder.

There was news of Muggle and Muggleborn deaths or disappearances almost every day, and more than one prominent wizard had declared their allegiance to the Dark Lord. It was a frightening time, made no less stressful by impending OWLs.

" _Evernate_ " Jugson said briskly, pointing her wand at Mulciber who stirred.

His eyes popped open and fixed on Lily's green ones.

"I'll get you for that, you filthy little Mudblood bitch" he snarled, and Lily backed away, startled and upset by the vehemence.

"Now, now" Jugson said mildly, ignoring Lily's shocked face, "the Stunning Spell can leave you a bit disorientated. Incidentally, Evans" she added, "it's dangerous to use that spell at such close range. Fifteen points from Gryffindor, and see me for a detention tonight"

There was a murmur of angry voices at the unfair punishment. Lily, while annoying when people were breaking rules, was generally well liked.

"Professor" someone said, and Lily groaned softly. Potter should know better by now.

"You never specified which spells to use and Lily won. That git on the floor called her the 'M' word and you just let him get away with it and give _Lily_ detention?"

Jugson swelled up like a fat green toad, and glared at James who was smiling at her innocently. His glasses were crooked, Lily noticed absently, and she tucked her hands behind her back, itching to set them straight. She frowned. That was not something she should want to do.

"Evans needs to realize that her reckless use of magic will not be tolerated. Evans also needs to realize that as an _inferior_ witch, she will be treated differently than her pureblood counterparts"

There was a murmur of disgust from around the room, and Lily was touched to see so many of her pureblood classmates looking absolutely furious. Potter looked ready to hex Jugson.

"Potter" Lily hissed, stepping on his foot, "shut up"

He closed his mouth hastily and Lily moved off his foot.

* * *

"Right" James said, in the common room, sometime later. "Do we have everything ready?"

Peter nodded solemnly, and held up a large chocolate cake. Sirius displayed a pack of balloons. Remus raised his wand. James permitted himself a brief grin of triumph.

"Alright" James said seriously, ducking under the invisibility cloak, "Let's go"

"Ouch!"

"You shoved me first"

"Stop pushing or we'll fall out"

The four boys under the cloak halted at Remus's voice.

"Ok" he hissed, "move forwards"

They shuffled forwards awkwardly until they made it into the Great Hall. Peter, who was clutching the cake, fidgeted.

James extricated his wand from his robes with some difficulty, and tapped the cake lightly.

Remus closed his eyes, bringing his wand down as Sirius muttered spells under his breath.

The boys watched with bated breath.

It was lunchtime, and all the food on the tables turned into cake. As students looked at the piles of cakes, confused, the cakes slowly levitated to hover, tantalizingly, above their heads.

One annoyed looking little second year pulled out her wand and tried to summon a cake. It didn't budge, and Peter stifled his laughter.

The teacher up at the staff table, were gazing up at the cakes. Jugson looked annoyed, and James pointed his wand at her from under the cloak. All the cakes converged and started hurtling towards her, slamming into her so hard; she was pushed from the chair.

With a final spell from Remus, the cakes and frosting covering the hapless teacher all turned into noxious slime.

"Nicely done" James complimented his friends, and they grinned.

"Right, let's get out of here" Peter said, looking about nervously. Sirius tsk-ed ,but they started to move all the same.

* * *

Back in the common room, the next part of their plan was being set in motion.

"I know the traditional path would be to stick a Niffler in her office" James explained, "but I feel like that's been overdone. So we'll put a Kappa in there"

Sirius crossed his arms and leaned back on his battered red armchair until the front legs came off the ground. The carpet that they were resting on was worn thin and soft. Sirius sat like that fairly often.

"Where the hell are you going to get a Kappa? And, erm, don't they try to strangle people and drink their blood?"

"Nice to see you've been paying attention in Defence lessons" Remus said dryly. The full moon had passed, and he was looking far better. There was colour in his cheeks, and the premature lines in his forehead were smooth. It was good to see.

James hopped up from his chair and jogged up the stairs to the dormitory. Returning quickly, he held a large box in his arms. He set it on the floor in the middle of the Marauders and grinned proudly. It was a fairly ordinary, battered cardboard box. The edges were soft with age, and there were a few holes poked in the top, as if to let something breathe.

"Not to be rude" Remus said, crouching down to inspect it, "but what the hell is that?"

"It's a box, Moony" James said.

"Yes, I can see that"

"More specifically" James continued, still grinning, "it's a Kappa box"

Remus shot a look up at James while Sirius and Peter shuffled closer. There was an ominous scuffing noise from inside the box and the boys moved back.

James stood up from where he was crouched beside the box, and stood up. He rolled up his slightly scruffy white sleeves, and pulled his wand out. He adjusted his glasses, taking his time. The other boys waited impatiently while he cleared his throat dramatically.

"Right!" he said, and brandished his wand.

The flaps of the box swung open. Sirius leaned over it cautiously, only to withdraw with a yelp as a long, scaled arm reached out searchingly.

"No" Remus said, peering in, "no way, we're not putting that in Jugson's office. I'm not going to Azkaban for murder, thank you very much"

"Aha!" James exclaimed, beaming. He waved his wand carelessly again, and the flaps slammed shut. The Kappa snaked its arm back in hastily.

James reached down into his book bag leaning against a chair, and took out – a cucumber.

The other three boys squinted at it.

Carved clumsily on one side of the bright green vegetable, was a word. 'JUGSON' it read.

"It's a test" James explained earnestly, "she's the Defence professor; she ought to be able to stop a Kappa. If not, I chuck the cucumber at the Kappa, and it stops attacking. Safe as broomsticks"

Remus rolled his eyes and flopped back down in his chair. Peter imitated him with a huff, and reached for a Chocolate Frog. He tossed the card at James, who caught it reflexively. Dumbledore smiled up at him serenely from the glossy card.

"What would Dumbledore say about your scheme?" Peter chided gently, and bit off the Frog's head.

James placed the card gently on the side table, and leaned forwards, elbows resting on his legs. Alright, maybe Dumbledore wouldn't like it. And maybe it was in bad taste to hatch a potential-murder-plot while people were _actually_ being murdered, but Jugson was a bitch. She was constantly spreading hints about Voldemort's 'path' being 'the right one' and she was positively venomous towards Muggleborns. The words ' _inferior witch_ ' danced through James's mind.

Lily had come back from her detention, her hands covered in thick yellow boils and blisters. She'd tried to hide them, but James had seen, and suspected that she had been forced to handle undiluted Bobotuber pus.

Simply put, she was a bully. James was not fond of bullies, which was perhaps hypocritical, but at least he wasn't a bigot.

"Fine" he said standing up and sounding slightly annoyed, "I'll do it by myself"

Sirius sighed and gestured for him to sit down.

"Calm down Prongs, we're all coming. Moony and Wormtail were just giving you a hard time"

James shot a slightly resentful look at them, and Moony smiled cheerily, giving the box a light kick with his foot. The Kappa muttered unhappily.

It was a nice picture, James reflected, looking at his friends. Comforting. The Marauders sprawled inelegantly in tattered armchairs before the cosy fire, shirts untucked and hair rumpled. There was a faint smirk on Sirius's face, the start of a laugh on Remus's. Peter was watching them, looking slightly fearful, but still excited. It was a homey scene. The fire flickered and cast shadows on their faces adding lines where there weren't any and casting a red glow over their hair.

The Golden Snidgets played softly, but James couldn't be bothered to change it. He tapped his foot slightly to the beat, and ran a hand through his hair.

In the light of the past months, it was strange that they still had this. This circle of friendship that they'd had for years, full of laughs and loyalty.

 _I've missed this_ , James thought. They hadn't had much time for pranking, time for laughing. It had been studying until your eyes fell shut and you fell asleep on your Charms paper, cheek smearing the fresh ink. The scene conjured a certain nostalgia in him that made him smile slightly sadly at them, before pushing the Kappa box out of the way with his foot and suggesting a game of Gobstones to pass the time before putting the Kappa in the office.

James checked the Marauder's Map halfway through their second game of Gobstones.

"Right" he said, eyes still fixed on the creamy parchment, "she's in the loo now, but if we hurry we can get the Kappa into her office before she gets back"

Peter tossed a handful of Chocolate Frog foil wrappers down on the table with a sigh, and stood. Remus hurriedly packed up the Gobstones, and Sirius picked up the Kappa box happily.

"Hello, my scaly little friend" he cooed, as if to a baby or a small dog. "You and I are going to have lots of fun, aren't we?" he continued and beamed at the grumbling Kappa through the air holes. James watched his friend amusedly, and ducked under the Cloak.

Peter was forced to transform into the rat, seeing as the Kappa box took up most of the room. The Kappa let out a particularly loud grumble, and James hastily cast a Silencing Charm, seeing a fourth year look around curiously.

"Shhh" he hissed.

It took some work to get down to Jugson's office, but they managed it, and miraculously, she was still in the toilet.

"Damn" Sirius said, gazing at the Map and sounding somewhat impressed, "she's still in there"

"Give me the Kappa" James ordered as they snuck into the professor's office. Sirius handed over the box somewhat reluctantly.

"Can I keep him once we're finished terrorising Jugson?" he pleaded.

"It's a girl, and sure. Just make sure you keep a large supply of cucumbers on hand"

* * *

Jugson's office was almost offensive in its blandness. Sirius seemed to take the lack of personal objects as an affront, and sneered at her blue and beige decorating scheme. A sturdy green potted plant in a terracotta pot stood on her desk, and a bookshelf full of Ministry-sanctioned textbooks stood neatly in the corner. A golden clock ticked on her desk.

James put the box right in the centre of Jugson's gleaming desk and frowned at it. It didn't fit the room. Too shabby. He touched his wand to it, and the tattered cardboard was quickly encased in shiny blue wrapping paper, with a large silver bow on the top.

"There" he said, pleased. Remus opened one of the desk drawers to place the cucumber inside, and froze. Inside the drawer, in neat, orderly stacks, were pamphlets. The rest of the Marauders clustered round, staring.

 _'Is your family pureblood? Find out today!' 'How to prune the mud from your family tree; a guide to supremacy' 'Voldemort's is the true way; do you have what it takes to be a Death Eater?'_

"That _bitch_ " Sirius said in a weak voice.

"I'm not giving her the cucumber" Remus said immediately, and James nodded dully. It was one thing to hate a teacher, to know that they were bigoted, but to have it smack you in the face like this was another thing entirely.

"Let's go" he said, glancing at the door uneasily. Jugson was probably on her way back already.

The group ducked back under the Cloak, and scurried out. They barely missed Jugson, and James's elbow nearly brushed her as they passed in the corridor.

"Let's wait over here" Remus said, and pulled them in the direction of a large statue of Fredrikson the Misguided.

They hid behind it and Peter wiggled with excitement in James's pocket.

"I think I'll name the Kappa, Katherine" Sirius decided, sounding pleased with his name choice.

"Good idea" James told him distractedly, peering around Fredrikson's knee.

There was a shriek.

"Guess she's opened it, then" Remus said. He sounded very satisfied, and considered the cucumber smugly for a moment, before tossing it down the hallway. A few crashes, screams and bangs issued from the direction of Jugson's office, and the Marauders grinned as they heard the Kappa snarl.

"I hope she doesn't hurt Katherine" Sirius said worriedly after there was a particularly nasty screech.

"The Kappa will be fine" James told him tersely, and pulled the Cloak back over himself, starting to move down the hallway back towards Jugson's office.

"James? _James"_

James didn't listen, and crept up to her closed door, pressing his ear against the heavy wood.

" _Stupefy_!" he heard the witch shriek. There was a thud, and then he could hear Jugson's heaving breath. A murmur as she cast a spell and the clinking sound of glass as she repaired her clock and set her office back to rights. Shame the Kappa didn't maim her, but you couldn't have everything.

He whipped off the Cloak and stuffed it in his pocket, knocking on the door briskly.

"Professor Jugson?" James called, "Miss, I'm sorry, I just heard some screams, are you alright?"

The door swung inwards and Jugson appeared in the doorway. Her hair was a mess and there was a wild look in her eyes. James noticed bruises in the shape of long slender fingers on her throat and smiled inwardly.

"Yes" she rasped, "I'm, ahem, fine, Potter"

"You don't look very well" he said, hoping his concerned voice was convincing. Jugson looked vaguely suspicious, and squinted at him with her muddy brown eyes.

"What were you doing in this part of the castle at this time of night, Mr Potter? Curfew's coming up"

James thought hastily, trying to remember how he'd felt when Lily was crying. How scared and concerned he'd been.

"I was visiting a friend, from- er- Ravenclaw. As I was coming back I heard you screaming. Are you sure you're quite alright? Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing"

He peered past her in the office, and let out a theatrical gasp as he saw the Kappa lying Stunned on her desk. It resembled a large monkey, but with brilliant silver scales that glittered harshly under the light instead of fur. There was a shallow depression in the top of its head, and a small puddle of water on the desk.

"Merlin, is that a Kappa? I've never seen one before, how on earth did it get into your office?"

Still talking, James edged past Professor Jugson until he was standing in her office, staring down at the Kappa.

"I thought they were native to Japan?"

Jugson coughed and massaged her throat.

"Yes, that's correct. Students playing a prank, no doubt"

James gasped again. Hopefully he wasn't coming off as too dramatic.

"A prank? But they're really dangerous; you could've been seriously injured!"

The professor sat down in her desk chair heavily, twisting her wand. A tray of tea and biscuits appeared on her desk, the china thin, white and elegant. James could smell Earl Grey, and wrinkled his nose.

"Take a seat, Potter" she ordered, sounding irritated. James felt the first flutter of misgiving. It had been a supremely stupid idea to knock on the door. If he'd just left, they would've gotten away with it.

Trying to hide his discomfort, he sat down in one of the hard back chairs in front of her desk.

"Tea?"

"Er- alright"

There was a pause while Jugson poured tea efficiently and handed it to James. He blew on it carefully.

"I know your Great Uncle Janus very well" she said after a moment.

"Oh"

"Yes" she continued, "I understand he had a break from the rest of the family, several years back?"

"Mm hmm. You see, my family doesn't look well upon intolerant, narrow minded, blood supremacists that are probably hiding a Squib aunt in their attic, and whose grandfather was a Muggle"

James said all this in a very calm, pleasant tone, and took advantage of Jugson's furious silence to take a dainty sip of tea.

"I always quite liked Janus" she said, "some of his views were a little extreme, but he only wanted what was best for his family"

James itched to fling the tea down. Janus, while hateful and wrong, at least thought that Voldemort was scum, and shouldn't be trusted. This woman- her blandness and mild nature concealed perfectly how awful she was. There was nothing about her outwardly to suggest any sort of evil personality, but it was undoubtedly there.

James smiled tightly and set his tea down, the cup clinking loudly against the saucer.

"It's been lovely talking to you Professor Jugson, but if that's all…?"

"Oh yes Mr Potter. I think I've kept you quite long enough"

On his way out, James picked up the Kappa.

"I'll just dispose of this for you?"

"Thank you Potter"

* * *

James hastily slipped out the door, and started running, the Kappa tucked under his arm. He gestured to his friends, still hiding behind the statue of Fredrikson as he sprinted by.

"Katherine!" Sirius said happily, catching up with James quickly.

"How'd you get it back?" Moony asked, panting slightly.

"Well" James huffed, "I just told her I'd dispose of it. She wanted to chat about my dear old Uncle Janus"

Sirius shook his head and started to slow, his trainers squeaking slightly on the stone floor.

"Think we're far enough away?"

"Yeah"

Katherine the Kappa was handed over carefully to the delighted Sirius, much to the consternation of Remus, and Peter was rescued hastily from James's pocket.

"I could hear her shrieking all the way down the hall!" the mousy hair boy said, chuckling.

Sirius patted Katherine thoughtfully as the Marauders slowed to a walk.

"She's got a good set of lungs on her" he agreed, and then stopped, staring dead ahead.

A group of Slytherin boys were rounding the corner. Snape was at the front of the gang, and smiled sharply when he saw them. He muttered something to the boy beside him, and the group sped up. There were about seven of them, and Peter tensed.

"It's alright, Wormtail" Remus soothed, removing his wand from his pocket slowly. The other three Marauders mirrored his action.

"Snivellus!" James called merrily and Snape scowled, "found yourself some mates, then?"

The Slytherin boys were grinning thuggishly, and James recognized Mulciber who was sneering at them. He was a tall, thickset boy, with bristly blonde hair and muddy eyes.

"It's hardly safe, roaming the corridors at night" Mulicber said, sounding almost pleasant as he pulled his wand out. Snape smiled grimly and followed suit.

Candlelight was dancing, fluttering on the walls behind the sconces like thin red veils. It lit the old stone redly, tongues of flame licking the wall almost fondly.

The Slytherins in black robes seemed to drink the light up.

"Well" James said, seeming to ponder it, "you lot are out and about, and you're not particularly impressive. So I think we'll be just fine. Thanks for the concern though"

"What's that?" one of the boys said as they drew nearer. He pointed to the Kappa in Sirius's arms.

The Kappa's scales caught the light, turning a metallic red, like blood on silver coins.

"That's a Kappa" Sirius told him.

"How many times" Snape interrupted, his voice shaking slightly. "How many times have you hexed me, tripped me, humiliated me, for no reason?"

James pretended to count on his fingers for a moment, before giving up and shaking his head sadly.

"Sorry Snivellus. Too many times to count, honestly"

Snape was faster this time.

 _"Sectumsempra!_ " he shouted, and pain slashed across James's face, across his chest. He raised a hand incredulously and it came away red.

Sirius brandished his wand, lips tightly sealed, and Snape flew backwards several feet, sliding across the polished stone floor. The Slytherins advanced, grinning.

For a while, there was nothing but the shouts of spells, and yelps as they connected, white and blue and red lights flashing madly, faces illuminated harshly. James ducked a Leg-Locker Curse which hit Peter. The smaller boy toppled over, and James pushed him out of the way quickly with his foot.

A ghost, pearly and irritated looking, drifted through the mass of spells, murmuring crossly to himself as a James disarmed one of the Slytherins through him and Remus caused boils to erupt on another.

* * *

 _ **Thank you for reading! Please, please review, and give me your thoughts. They're much appreciated.**_ _ **Have a good day, everyone!**_

 _ **To the lovely Guest reviewer: Thank you! That's the highest compliment I could hope for. I'm planning to write all the way to year seven, so there'll be a lot more chapters. I'm thinking about 100,000 words?**_


	7. What's a Patronus?

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

"Why on earth" Madam Pomfrey tutted, "did you think it would be a good idea to fight a group of Slytherins two to one?"

She dripped Essence of Dittany into the slashes on James's chest and he winced, the wounds smoking slightly. The Hospital Wing was close to empty; none of the Slytherins had turned up for medical assistance.

Outside, James could see the harsh white light of stars, and it reminded him of the enchanted icicles shining at the Yule Ball and how white and perfect they had made Lily Evans look. He'd like to see Lily in the starlight, he thought, slightly wistful.

"Technically it was one and three quarters to one" Sirius pointed out from his perch on a window ledge. He was massaging a bruised arm and scowling.

Remus and Peter, sitting in a pair of chairs, were regarding their two friends with identically exasperated expressions.

"You're both bloody madmen" Peter said flatly.

He had a small cut above one eyebrow, and one arm was covered in painful red boils. Peter had been the least injured, the other boys protecting him.

"Yes but we're _your_ bloody madmen"

Madam Pomfrey swatted James on the back of the head.

"I'm sick and tired of seeing you and the Slytherins in here after duels!" she held her wand under his nose menacingly. "Now, I haven't said anything to the Headmaster, but this has got to stop. I know you don't get along, but these-" Madam Pomfrey ran a finger along a gash on James's cheek; "these were made by Dark Magic. Avoid them. Or I _will_ tell the Headmaster"

"Sorry Poppy" Sirius said meekly, and the dark-haired witch smiled suddenly, pulling him off the window ledge and patting him on the cheek.

"Rest" she said sternly, and bustled away.

Immediately, the other three boys converged on James's bed, crowding onto it.

Sirius directed the curtains closed. He was still holding the stunned Kappa on his lap, and patted its head absently as he tucked his legs under himself.

"Madam Pomfrey's right" Remus said. He sounded solemn, and gazed at the thin white fabric around them. He could see the shadowy shapes of the other beds through it.

"What, about avoiding the Slytherins?" Sirius demanded indignantly.

"No, no" his friend reassured him. Moony leant back on the pillows, and James wiggled over, tugging the blankets with him. "I mean about the Dark Magic. Those cuts wouldn't heal with just anything, James. You blacked out for a bit down there, after the Slytherins scarpered. They wouldn't close with any of the spells I know"

Peter sighed. It had been far too long a day for him, but he was content now. His friends were with him, even though they all barely fit on the bed together, the air smelled of spring, and soon OWLs would be over. Life was good.

James drifted off first, glasses half falling off his face. A few hours later, Madam Pomfrey returned to make sure they were alright, and smiled at the sight of them, curled up like puppies on a bed far too small.

* * *

The spotless white fabric of the canopy did absolutely nothing to shield the bed from the sun, and James woke up squinting in the brightness.

Moony was asleep on his shoulder, and James grumbled half-heartedly as he detangled himself gently. It was a beautiful day already. The sun was shining brilliantly, a jewel in a setting of fluffy white clouds and clear blue sky. From the window, James could see the lake. The Giant Squid lay on the surface, lifting a tentacle to the sun lazily from time to time. Birds wheeled in the sky, and a group of owls bore down on the school, robins and sparrows mixing with them fearlessly, knowing from experience that the owls were well fed.

It was extraordinarily easy on a day like this, to believe that all was right with the world, that anything wrong could be fixed with a hastily cast ' _reparo_ ' and a brilliant smile. One days like today, the world seemed new and soap-bubble shiny, fleeting rainbows hovering and disappearing, the earth floating effortlessly.

It was nice, James admitted, feeling the sun on his face and a light breeze. It was nice to feel safe.

He enjoyed the sun and the silence for a few more minutes, before going to wake his friends with pillows to the faces and an open mouthed laugh.

"Eargh" Moony complained, covering his eyes. Padfoot whined and tried to use the still-sleeping Peter as a shield from the pillow, but James pulled them up cheerfully.

"Breakfast" he coaxed, and they hastily rolled out of the over-crowded bed. Katherine the Kappa was awake, her shiny silver eyes following the boys crossly. Sirius slung her over his shoulder and patted her on the head. She attempted to throttle him.

"J-James" he choked out, gesturing frantically with the hand that wasn't trying to peel Katherine off his throat. " _Help_ "

Remus, shaking his head, conjured a cucumber and tossed it to the irate water demon.

Releasing Sirius, she bounded after the cucumber.

"She's like a puppy" Sirius said fondly.

"A murderous puppy" Peter observed, taking a few steps back. His shoes squeaked loudly on the shiny floor.

Shaking his head at his friends, James set off for the door without looking back.

* * *

Breakfast that morning was a sombre affair. The Head of the Department of Mysteries, (at least, they _thought_ she was the head. The Department of Mysteries was really rather secretive, hence the name) had been found dead in her home, the Dark Mark above. According to the Prophet, she was Muggleborn. The tone of the article was rather sulky, and James, who'd learned to read between the lines long ago, assumed that the Ministry was strictly controlling what information the paper released.

He read the obituary between bites of poached eggs and toast. Her surname was Blacknord and James recognized the name vaguely. He thought they might be third cousins. Not a Muggleborn then. He frowned. Despite their obedience to the Ministry, the Daily Prophet was usually better at fact checking.

The Minister had refused to comment on her death, James noticed, with a sudden bubble of anger. Minister Wanda Hartford had successfully distanced herself from any hint of Death Eater activity. When Jemma, the second year was found, she'd said that it was 'most regretful'. She refused to publically condemn Voldemort.

James couldn't understand it. You were put in a position of power; given the responsibility to protect those with magic, and those affected by it, and you just pretend that nothing's happening? That no one's being killed? He could understand fear but he couldn't understand being controlled by it.

He slashed his wand across the thin paper of the Daily Prophet and it curled quietly into ashes with a faint sigh.

The sickly green glow of the Dark Mark was printed onto the backs of his eyelids when James shut them.

* * *

Defence that morning was a pushover. They were learning how to cast a Patronus, and James had been casting them since last year. It was however, quite satisfying to see Jugson's face when his stag cantered around the classroom before dissolving into mist.

James snuck a quick look at Lily and fought back disappointment. She wasn't watching. She was clapping softly as a raven, quick winged and huge, burst from the delighted Mary's wand. Mary's silvery raven was the first corporeal Patronus apart from James's, and when Jugson hurried over with a 'well _done_ , Miss MacDonald. I know your father, he'll be very proud', James couldn't find it in himself to resent Lily's diverted attention.

Lily seemed to be having trouble. She was in a corner, by herself, while Mary's raven chased Camilla's slim, slippery fish, which darted through the air as if it were a fast running stream.

"Having trouble, Evans?"

Lily whipped around, eyes flashing. Potter was standing in front of her, looking faintly amused as he took in her outstretched wand.

"Yes" she said shortly. He looked faintly surprised, and Lily wondered why. Maybe cause she was normally meaner.

Potter took a step closer, close enough that he was in Lily's space, but not so close that she was uncomfortable.

"A Patronus" he said quietly, not looking at her, "is that perfect Christmas morning when the snow's untouched and you feel like you're the only one awake in the world. A Patronus is Marlene's laugh and Mary's smile and Camilla's beam and Anna's cackle. A Patronus is the scent of Amortentia. A Patronus is the moon in the sky, so close you could skate your fingertips across it and they'd come away silver and glowing. A Patronus is a kitten's fur and a crackling fire. It's an O on a paper, the steam on the top of a perfectly brewed Potion, the way the Hogwarts's Express seems to gleam after you haven't seen it for months. A Patronus is-"

He seemed to want to say more, but he caught himself. Lily wished he hadn't.

Lily's mouth was half open and she closed it hastily.

"How-" she began, before closing her mouth again, somewhat shakily. She rested her hand on a desk, grateful to find it solid. "How could you possibly know that?" she finished in a whisper.

Potter shrugged, his assuredness gone.

"I'm not quite sure" he told her, looking at Lily, suddenly, "but I do know you. And that's what you are and it stands to reason that that's what your Patronus is as well"

Lily nodded and raised her wand again. She forgot to be angry at Potter for saying that 'knew her'. She pictured the classroom empty. Tables, pushed against the walls, chairs on top blocking the windows and slicing the light into equal pieces. It was empty, in her mind, except for one person. Well, two, really. Herself, and Potter, who in her mind was standing directly behind her, arms crossed, waiting silently. She had the fleeting sensation of someone holding her hand, a large hand folding around hers.

Lily closed her eyes and thought of magic. Not of one, specific, all encompassing, joyful memory, but a thousand small ones. Quidditch games, high in the air. Owls winging their way through an empty sky. A whispered charm on a quiet morning. The bewitching beauty of a perfect potion. Thousands of moments that made Lily Evans, Lily Evans, thousands of moments displaying what ran through her veins, raw, natural power expressed in tiny, casual ways.

"Expecto patronum"

 _Something_ slim and dainty stepped from the tip of her wand. Stepped, Lily thought, was really the right choice of words. It didn't bound or burst or gallop or surge like some of the others, but slipped through elegantly, head high.

Lily's breath caught slightly. The silvery shape that was walking in sedate circles around her was a beautiful doe. James's stag that he'd brought to life quietly trotted towards the deer and lowered his head.

The doe lay her cheek along the stag's for a second, before winking out of sight. The stag quickly followed.

"Thank you" she whispered, not sure if Potter could hear her.

Lily looked up and realized the class was watching her. Aliah Simpsons, a Hufflepuff girl that Lily knew for a fact fancied Potter, looked almost comically enraged.

"Well" Jugson said, briskly, clapping her hands, "keep going, no reason to stop"

Most of the room complied, but Mary stepped over to Lily and tugged her away, casting a look back at Potter.

Potter was staring at his feet with great interest so she couldn't see his face, and she let herself be pulled away with only the slightest wave of regret.

"What was that?" Mary demanded, once they were tucked into a corner.

"Er" Lily said lamely, "that was my Patronus?"

Mary regarded her disappointedly.

"Lily. Patronus's are the way they are for a few reasons. They either reflect your own personality or they change to match the person you love"

Lily's mouth hung open again. She closed it.

"Well" she protested, "that's absurd. It's a coincidence. _Obviously_ "

Mary was grinning and shaking her head merrily. The other girl leaned close and Lily leaned back. The look on Mary's face did not bode well for her.

"Either you're extraordinarily similar to Potter, or, you're in _lurrrvee"_

She half sang the last word, drawing it out childishly.

Lily shook her head stubbornly, frowning.

"Oh don't be stupid"

A contrite expression crossed Mary's face. She was more solemn these days, since her aunt's disappearance, and Lily regretted making her stop laughing. She didn't see it nearly often enough.

Marlene drifted over, looking gleeful, and Mary immediately cheered up, trading heavy winks with the other girl.

"Summer or winter?" Marlene asked briskly, leaning against a desk.

Her horse Patronus galloped towards them before shimmering away.

"Pardon?" Lily said, trying the spell again. The doe appeared, just as before, high stepping her way around the classroom like a show pony.

"Oh" Mary sighed, "Lily would look just lovely in the sun, her hair, you know, but she's so pale, winter would almost be better. Her green eyes would be just perfect"

"Sorry?" Lily was thoroughly confused now.

"For your wedding" Marlene clarified, smiling fondly as Remus managed to conjure a silver wolf and the other Marauders raised a cheer.

Lily coughed loudly, sure she'd misheard.

"My _wedding_?"

"You know" Mary said, "to Potter"

Lily sat down. Her friends, of course, did not detest Potter to the same degree as she did, but they weren't friendly with him. How did they go from that to planning their wedding?

"There's this old superstition" Marlene told her wisely and perched on Lily's desk. "When two magical people's Patronuses match, they'll fall in love. 'And it will be love of the very deepest and truest kind'. It's not talking about if like, they mimic each other, like if Mary and I both had dolphins or whatever, it means if they complement one another. Like your doe and Potter's stag. My mum told me, she said that her gran and grandad had a vixen and a fox as theirs, and they were the closest couple she ever saw. She said they were soul mates"

"That's so lovely" Mary breathed, beaming.

Lily held up her hands, palms out.

"You're mental. Or joking. I hope you're joking, because else you're just _deluded_ "

"We are not" Marlene protested indignantly, "Patronus matching is a very credible science. My aunt and uncle met through a Patronus Program"

Lily wrinkled her nose.

"A what?"

"A Patronus Program- it's like arranged dating. You give an organizer your Patronus type, and they match you up with someone whose Patronus suits yours. Like- er, a tiger and a dolphin"

Mary shook her head. Tapping her wand absently on the desk, she conjured a cup of tea, and raised it to her lips to take a sip, her feet swinging.

"How on _earth_ do those match?" she asked Marlene.

"I think it's something about how the majesty of the tiger is matched by the playfulness of the dolphin, the tiger brings loyalty and logic, and the dolphin brings- er, the reminder to laugh"

Lily laughed at that. Outside, it was sunny and bright, and she beamed at it, before turning back to Marlene.

"You've been listening to WWN again" Mary accused fondly, setting her tea cup down.

"Maybe"

Lily shook her head.

"It's a load of rubbish, Lena. You can't tell who you're supposed to be with on account of a protective charm"

Mary and Marlene traded significant looks, but seemed to silently agree to drop the subject, for which Lily was grateful.

* * *

James frowned as he watched Lily's doe, and thought about the rest of his sentence.

" _A Patronus_ " he would tell Lily, _"is the sound of your voice. It's the colour of your hair when the sun shines down on it. It's the way you're bright and brilliant and burning. A Patronus is your smile and your eyes looking at someone you love. A Patronus, Lily, is you_ "

He didn't say that though. He would never say that, because she would never want to hear it.

* * *

 ** _A.N. Thank you for reading! That was a fun chapter to write, and I hope you enjoyed the Jily scene. If you did, please, please review and give me your opinion! Have a wonderful day.  
_**


	8. A Green Checkmark

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

"I've been thinking" Lily announced in the dormitory a few days later. She swung her bag onto her bed with an 'oof' and plopped down beside it. Resting her chin in her hand, she considered her friends thoughtfully.

Camilla and Anna were lying on the floor, making their pencil cases tap-dance, and Mary was sitting straight upright reciting the twelve uses of dragon's blood, her eyes closed. OWLs were getting to all of them. Marlene, in the corner, was whispering over her History of Magic notes, from time to time tapping the parchment with her wand so it flashed different colours. It was sunny in the dormitory, and Camilla cast a longing look out the window at the grounds. They looked new and fresh; sparkling in the sun, but none of them could take the time to go enjoy them.

Mary tipped her head up to catch the beam of sunlight that poured through the window.

No one said anything in response to Lily, so she repeated her statement.

"That's nice, dear" Anna said after a moment, directing her pencil case.

"How did the Death Eaters get onto the train in September?" Lily asked and rolled onto her back.

The other four girls looked up, frowning.

"That's actually a good question," Mary stood up and came to sit beside Lily, "I never thought about it"

"The train's got to have all sorts of complex protective charms and counter-jinxes" Lily pointed out.

"Someone on the inside?" Camilla suggested.

"My money's on Jugson" Anna said immediately. Artemis was being given more and more patrols and shifts, something that Anna claimed to be exasperated by. The others knew she was actually very proud, but she did wish that Artemis was around more.

"You can't just accuse her of being a Death Eater just cause you don't like her" Mary chided gently.

Anna shot her a reproachful glare.

"I'm serious" Lily brought them back on track and looked at the four girls. They gazed back.

"We should try to find out. We could do, like, _reconnaissance_ "

Marlene sounded very pleased at the idea of spying, and beamed excitedly, flipping her straight blonde hair out of her eyes fussily.

"We could" Lily realized, starting to grin. "I have Prefect status; no one would take it amiss if I started snooping around a bit. I'm sure I could get into Jugson's office"

Camilla shook her head and scrunched up her face. There was an audible ' _pop'_ and she transformed into Professor Slughorn.

"Blimey" Marlene said, looking at the enormously fat professor sitting on the dormitory floor, "that's just unsettling"

Camilla changed back to herself hastily.

"I could go in" she said, "no one would suspect Slughorn, and I could sneak round the staff office too"

A grin lit up Marlene's face, and she waved her arms about excitedly.

"Better yet, you take me with you. If anyone stops us, just say that I've broken some rule and you need a place to give me a stern talking to"

Lily nodded thoughtfully. "That could work guys. Let's do it"

* * *

"Ooh I don't like this at all" Camilla murmured, knocking on Jugson's door softly. A few students had given her odd looks as she waddled down the hallways in the guise of Professor Slughorn, and she'd become immediately paranoid.

There was no answer, so she knocked again, knuckles tapping on the heavy wood. Nothing.

"Ok, Marlene, come on" she hissed, and waved frantically.

The blonde sped towards Camilla, and looked about nervously.

" _Alohomora"_ Marlene whispered. The door clicked open, and Camilla raised her eyebrows. It was weird that Jugson didn't have more stringent security. Shrugging, she decided not to look the gift unicorn in the mouth.

"It's all clear"

The two girls poked their heads in cautiously, and Camilla, in a decidedly un-Slughorn like way, scampered to Jugson's desk. There were a few curious claw marks on the gleaming surface and she wiped a hand across them absently. Despite the warm May weather, a fire danced in the hearth. A small gold pot of Floo powder sat on the mantle, and a portrait of the Minister for Magic looked down at them sternly. It was painted in dark colours, and it did not portray her kindly. She was a square jawed witch, with deep lines running down from her nose to the corners of her mouth, and lank, colourless hair fell to her shoulders.

Camilla caused a blindfold to appear across Wanda Hartford's cool grey eyes.

Marlene shut the door.

The desk drawer was locked, and Camilla tapped it with her wand again.

It slid open easily and the girls sucked in their breath. It was filled with Liquorice Wands and unmarked papers. A lone tea bag was crammed into the corner.

In the bottom of the drawer, like the Marauders had discovered before them, were dozens of sleek glossy pamphlets advocating a 'purer way of life'.

"Oooh that horrible pink eyed troll!" Camilla shrieked, before Marlene clapped a hand over her mouth.

Both of them were purebloods, but this- it went beyond mere blood superiority. Disbelievingly, they leafed through the sheafs of paper. They advocated tossing Muggleborns in jail, studying them like lab-rats, and reinstating the old Muggle hunts.

Feeling sick to her stomach, Camilla set hers down gently. She was technically safe from Death Eaters. Hers was an old, old pureblood family. But the Lovegoods had always been – _odd._ They spun and charmed their way through life, a peculiar contrast of insatiable curiosity and distractibility. Many of the other old families looked down on them for that alone, but Camilla's mother was a ferocious Muggle-supporter. A blood-traitor.

No one was safe, not really, she realized sadly. With alarm, she noticed that Slughorn's plump fingers had started to change into her own, long slender pale ones, and hastily changed them back with a flash of pain.

" _Tergeo_ " Marlene said shakily, and the pamphlets sorted themselves busily back into order. They looked harmless, lying there, Camilla thought. Like some glossy advertisement for a seaside resort, or a church. They didn't look poisonous.

The next drawer was a list of students, and their blood-statuses. Next to each name, in curly, elegant emerald script, was a tiny notation. ' _Pure' 'Mud'_ or ' _Half'_. Camilla spotted her own name with a ' _Pure_ ' next to it, and shuddered. One of the names was crossed out. Jemma Markel, with ' _Mud_ ' sitting serenely beside it. Because she'd been killed, Camilla realized, tears rising.

Under her own name, was Lily's. It was marked ' _Mud_ ' and there was a spiky green checkmark next to it. Confused, Camilla flipped through the list. There were a few more checkmarks next to Muggleborn students, but Camilla couldn't think what they meant.

"We have to tell someone" Camilla murmured.

" _Geminio_ "

Marlene made duplicates of the various pamphlets and the list and she shoved them deep into her book bag.

"Come on" she said, and headed for the door.

Jugson stood there, smiling grimly. They both froze.

"Professor Slughorn? A word?"

* * *

"Oh dear" Marlene breathed, and Camilla trod on her foot hastily. Hopefully Jugson hadn't heard.

Jugson turned her attention to Camilla, and Camilla tried to stand up straighter. It was difficult, trapped in Slughorn's pudgy, slow body. She tried simpering, but at the look on Jugson's face, she stopped.

"Can I ask what you're doing in my office, Professor Slughorn?"

"This- student" Camilla blustered, gesturing at Marlene, "er, she, well, she hexed another student without provocation. Your office was nearest and I needed to – question her…"

Marlene tried her best to look sullen and tough.

"Oh dear" Jugson frowned at Marlene.

"Mm. Well, I've given her a stern talking to, thanks very much for the use of your office, sorry to trouble you"

Camilla tried to skirt past Jugson but the witch didn't move. Slughorn's body wasn't able to squeeze past her.

"Horace" Jugson said, still frowning, "I'd hate for you to be seen as a spy. Snooping through the offices of other faculty members…"

Jugson said behind her desk. She was the sort of person who only really looked right, sitting behind a desk and lecturing other people. She looked like she was born to sit behind a desk and frown. The witch's fingers were steepled on top of the glossy surface, and she considered the two girls sternly.

Neither Camilla nor Marlene noticed her slipping her wand out of her pocket.

" _Specialis Revelio_!" Jugson said. Nothing happened.

"Er, my dear Professor Jugson" Camilla said, going for pompous, "I don't know _what_ you think you're doing, but I advise you to stop"

" _Finite Incantatum"_ the professor tried again.

Again, nothing.

Jugson scowled at her wand as if it'd betrayed her, before meeting Camilla's eyes.

"My apologies Horace. But in these uncertain times. . . You can't be too careful"

"Yes, of course. We'll be on our way then"

Distracted, Jugson waved them out. Camilla caught a glimpse of her wrenching open her drawer and had never been so grateful to be a Metamorphmagus.

* * *

Lily took the parchment list in her shaking hand. It was cool and slightly rough under her fingers, a creamy yellow that made the green ink glow.

"Merlin and fucking Morgana" she swore, looking up at Camilla and Marlene.

The other two girls were sitting cross legged on the floor, watching Lily as she read the list. Mary and Anna were pouring over the pamphlets. From time to time, they let out a muffled curse or a hissed intake of breath.

"I know" Camilla said, reaching for the list.

"And to think!" Anna nearly shrieked, "I baked her biscuits!"

The others stared at her.

"Rogers, why the hell did you bake her biscuits?"

The brunette shrugged and tossed a stack of pamphlets to Lily.

"I flunked a test"

"Aah" Mary smiled, "a bribe"

"Sue me, MacDonald"

Lily leafed through the pamphlets. She itched to toss the whole lot in the fire and watch the gleaming coatings shrivel into grey ash.

"Do we go to Professor Dumbledore?" Marlene asked after a moment.

Lily shook her head slowly. She wanted nothing more, but yet-

"We don't have enough proof" she told Marlene regretfully, and the blonde lifted an eyebrow.

"We have a whole stack of Death Eater recruitment papers and a list of students with Jemma Markel's name crossed out. She's a bloody criminal mastermind"

Anna shook her head, and Lily felt a surge of thankfulness for Anna and her sceptical nature.

"Lily's right. Being a Death Eater isn't illegal, not yet, and she could claim that the list is just her keeping track of students. We'll need more evidence"

Everyone was silent, and Lily glanced around at the frustrated faces.

"Let's go outside" she proposed suddenly, "we've been cooped up in here for _days_. I think we could all use some fresh air"

Camilla clambered to her feet, pulling Anna with her, but Mary decided to have a nap and Marlene begged off on account of homework.

* * *

Outside, it was deliciously sunny. Giggling second years played with a Fanged Frisbee on the green, and a group of Slytherins were taking turns riding the elderly school Hippogriff. It was a fairly friendly creature that had been nicknamed Bob when it first arrived. The name had stuck. There was a informal game of Quidditch being played, and Lily squinted up at the players. She recognized an untidy shock of dark hair and scowled reflexively.

The three girls chose a shady spot by the lake and tugged off their shoes. On the glittering blue surface of the lake, the Giant Squid swanned about lazily. Some Ravenclaws were charming apples to fly straight into its mouth.

Lily watched them for a moment. She wasn't sure that apples were appropriate squid-food, but the squid didn't seem to mind.

The water was cool on her feet, and she splashed around for a moment, smiling softly at the small waves her feet made.

It seemed that a lot of this year had been about forgetting. Pushing things to the back of her mind so she wouldn't have to examine them too closely, so she could just leave them there and let dust fall over them gently, like snow collecting over a town until everything was just soft white bumps.

If something seemed likely to distract her, to disrupt study time and pop up in her mind during lessons, like an itch, she shoved it away. Green writing on the walls, Jemma Markel's sweet sad face, the pages of obituaries in the Daily Prophet… Lily had become good at hiding things. Tucking them away so securely that she'd never ever find them again.

What was the occasional pang of conscience when the alternative was sleepless nights, full of fear for friends, for herself and those like them?

Lily closed her eyes now, and let it all come back.

She was scared. She felt it every day, a hum in her fingertips like magic waiting to be released. She was angry. Hot blood would rise to her cheeks at the sight of green paint, at the sound of laughed slurs. She wanted to fight.

She wanted to curse Jugson into a quivering mess, and listen to the professor beg for mercy. The vehemence of her own thoughts scared her.

Lily wished there was something, some organization that could stand up and fight, stand up and refuse to be pushed into terror.

She wished for anything.

* * *

The wind, rushing through James's hair was a familiar, relieving feeling. He squinted at the blue sky, so bright, and then down at the grounds. In the shade under a weeping willow, almost hidden, there was a faint dot of red.

"Oi, Potter!" someone bellowed, and he caught the Quaffle reflexively.

James shook his head, feeling faintly waterlogged, and darted off.

For a while, he listened to his body. When he heard the faint whistle of a Bludger parting the air, he ducked. He caught and passed and scored until he was gasping for breath, and there was a cheer as the Snitch was caught.

"Good game, Potter" Bela told him, ruffling his hair fondly as she zoomed up to him. She balanced lightly on her Cleansweep Four and her short blonde hair was sticking up every which way. Her brown eyes sparkled.

Bela, although two years older, was a good friend. They'd snogged last year, at a party while they were both smashed, but to his relief she'd brushed it off easily and there'd been no residual awkwardness. Now she was more like a – protective older sister. She referred to the Marauders as 'her boys' and they flattered her shamelessly.

"You too"

"I heard you and the boys are throwing a party tonight"

James grinned. OWLs were coming up, and everyone was tense and snappish. It would be the last big blow-out before it was exam time. A chance to laugh until you cried.

"Yep" he said.

"Agrippa knows everyone could use a bit of a party"

"That was our thought" James agreed, slightly smug. Marauder parties were legendary. They would have to be careful it didn't turn into an interhouse party. Those always got messy.

"What time does it kick off?"

The pair of them still hovered, fifty feet above the ground.

James checked his watch.

"Er- nine o'clock, I'd say. Sirius needs time to round up the drinks"

Bela nodded cheerfully, and dove towards the green pitch, a black and red blur.

* * *

James stayed on his broom, circling the grounds lazily. His broom, a Nimbus 1989, (alright, so maybe Evans had been right about the expensive broom) was the top of the line and he was only going half speed. He leant forwards and sped up, letting the wind whip tears into his eyes.

He skimmed the tops of the trees of the Forbidden Forest before circling back to the lake.

Diving towards the students near the lake raised a few shrieks, but he landed neatly.

Lily Evans was sitting under an old weeping willow, her friends next to her. She was letting her toes dangle in the cool water.

Her face was in the shade, shadowed and dark. In the shadow of the tree, her hair was a deep, dark red. She didn't notice James walking up to her.

"Hullo Evans" he said, sitting beside her easily.

Camilla and Anna looked up from their books to inspect him.

He waved. Trading glances, they stood up and walked away. Weird, he thought, watching them leave.

"Potter" Lily sighed looking up. It half-surprised James, that she didn't look angry or combative. Just- tired. And done. Worn out, used up. Dark spots under her eyes. There was an bitter set to her mouth that worried him. Lily Evans shouldn't look like this. Lily Evans should never look so – defeated. Lily Evans was brave and bold and terrifying.

"Are you alright?" he asked cautiously. She looked fragile, breakable. No, that wasn't quite right. She looked _broken_.

"I dunno" she murmured, staring at the lake. Another surprise. She hadn't immediately told him to sod off.

"It's just – I don't know how much longer I can do this. Pretend that it doesn't break my heart when I see this world, _my_ world ripping itself to shreds. We're losing, James. We're not fighting back, we're just sitting here and taking it and losing people"

The first thing James noticed was that she'd called him by his _name._ 'James', not 'Potter'. The next thing he registered was that Lily was _talking_ to him, opening up.

"I know" he said slowly, trying to think of what to say, "I know, and it scares me too. I want to fight, I want to tell them that they can't make us afraid, but we can't, Lily. We're fifteen years old and we're useless"

A slow smirk crept across her face, and James swallowed. Lily Evans smirking was absurdly, stupidly beautiful. One corner of her mouth twisted up, like she knew something you didn't, but her eyes danced and made you feel like you were sharing an inside joke.

"And here I expected you to be falsely reassuring"

"I don't lie. Not about important things"

Lily frowned as if trying to catch him out.

"No, I guess you don't" she said after a moment. Lily turned back away and looked at the lake, so only her profile was visible. Her hair swung down and curtained her face.

"Lily-" James hesitated, hands wrapped around his knees, "d'you think- we could ever be friends?"

She looked at him with that smirk again although it was edged with sadness, and shook her head slowly.

"No" she murmured, "I don't think so"

James stood, grabbing his broomstick, and walked away. He glanced back once and she was making leaves and flowers spin around her head, her wand moving lightly through the air.

* * *

 _ **A.N. So that chapter was a wee bit angsty. Generally I stay away from angst, cause it makes my teeth ache, but I just went with it this time. Please give me a review and let me know what you think! Have a lovely day, and thank you for reading.  
**_


	9. Powerful to Her Fingertips

_**Disclaimer... Theses characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

Lily sat behind the statue of Fredrikson the Misguided. From time to time, she peeked around the corner to watch Jugson's door. Anna had, in a state of excitement, suggested setting up _surveillance_ on Jugson's office, just in case some of her Death Eater friends showed up. Or something. Lily wasn't quite sure _why_ she was sitting outside Jugson's office on a Friday afternoon, but Anna had been insistent. In her fingers, she twirled her wand nervously. With a faint smile, she remembered the day she'd bought it.

* * *

She'd been so scared… And so, so excited. The only thing ruining it was a memory. Movies and TV shows where the witch was the evil, twisted, jealous woman. When the witch would hatch a scheme, or make a potion, Lily always had a shaky, scared feeling in her stomach. She could make flowers grow and she could jump from a swing at the top of its arc and float like a balloon to the ground. She didn't _feel_ evil. But what if she was? What if buying a wand would take her that final step?

Ollivander's felt like magic. She could feel it humming in her fingertips, and stepping through that door felt like sinking into a warm bath. Lily half expected to see sparks, darting about, covering her skin. It was like that first sip of pop, when the bubbles prickle your tongue and melt into your mouth.

Her parents couldn't feel it, she knew. They were looking about the dusty shop, wide eyed, but they couldn't feel the magic that was making Lily hum from the inside out.

Mr Ollivander smiled when he saw them, looking down at Lily kindly. His silvery eyes were warm.

"Ahh a Muggleborn" he said, looking at her parents, "we'll soon have you sorted out"

Lily was afraid to move as the tape measure started to measure her, independently of Ollivander, who was pulling long narrow boxes down from the shelves.

"Wand hand?" he asked.

"Er- I'm left handed"

"Excellent" the old man beamed.

He dusted of the top of a slightly bashed up box, and opened it, producing a long, narrow, strip of wood.

"Pear and unicorn hair. Eleven inches, flexible"

Lily looked at it with wide eyes. It was golden and gleaming and as her fingers touched it, a shock ran through her and she jumped. Ollivander jumped too.

"Oh no. Dear me, no"

"Laurel and dragon heartstring"

Half the boxes shot off their shelves.

"Poplar and phoenix feather. Bit rigid"

Absolutely nothing happened.

Humming happily under his breath, Ollivander produced a last wand.

"Hmm, I wonder. Ah, here we are. Unicorn hair and willow. Ten and a quarter inches. Nice and swishy. Give it a wave, Miss Evans"

As Lily's fingers wrapped around the wood, there was a tightening in her chest. It winched tighter and tighter and tighter… and then released in a blossom of warmth. She flicked it gently and silver sparks started dancing.

"Oh yes" Ollivander said, satisfied, "there we go. It's an excellent wand for charmwork, Miss Evans. And Healing"

Behind her, her parents murmured, and Lily smiled.

* * *

Lily startled back to the present as footsteps rounded the statue she was crouching behind.

It was a group of fifth year Slytherin girls, talking in low voices, and when they spotted her, they sneered.

"Oh look, it's the filth. Ella, call Mr Filch. This statue is all slimed up" one of them tutted, and Lily was on her feet, the willow wand in her hand.

"Hullo Yaxley" she said to the girl. The Slytherin girl was almost excessively dainty. She had an upturned nose and porcelain skin, a faint blush rising to her cheeks. Her blue eyes were wide set and vacant. There was something unwholesome about her, like a beautiful flower you pick, only to discover it's crawling with ants.

"Hello, mud"

Lily sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for this, and there were four of them.

"Ten points from Slytherin for slurs" she said, already turning away.

" _Furnunculus!"_ Daeva Yaxley shrieked, and Lily ducked the bolt of sickly yellow light.

" _Flipendo"_ she returned, and Daeva was blasted back. She hastily cast Shield Charms as the other Slytherin girls threw hexes at her.

" _Petrificus Totalus!"_ Lily yelled, and one of the girls toppled.

A Jelly-Legs Jinx hit her and Lily started to fold, trying desperately to keep her balance.

She Stunned Daeva, and sent Leg-Locker Curses in the direction of her friends, smiling grimly as they connected.

Lily hastily preformed the counter-jinx on her legs, and stood, still slightly shaky.

The closest teacher was Professor Jugson, but there was no way that Lily was going to bring this to her. She bit her lip and thought for a moment. Going to a teacher wouldn't stop them. It wouldn't do anything. She'd just have to tough it out.

* * *

The halls were buzzing with students, and she pushed past them. Odd that there had been no one in the corridor by the statue of Fredrikson. She could've used some help.

Her hair was askew from ducking spells, and she smoothed it down hastily, checking her reflection in the chest plate of a suit of armour. Someone jostled her elbow. It was Sev, frowning at her.

"You have a cut on your cheek"

Lily squinted into the dull silver surface and brushed at the smear of red.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Group of Slytherin girls"

Sev cursed and looked away from her, into the churning crowd. It was like a dance, slipping by, hugging the walls, pushing through the middle. Everyone had a different way of getting by.

"I told them to leave you alone" he said quietly.

"Oh? Then why don't you just tell them to leave _everyone_ alone?"

"You don't understand-" Sev hesitated, looking desperately awkward, "they don't listen to me that much. They pay a bit of attention, but not much. I just have enough influence to keep you safe"

Lily laughed, the sound harsh and bitter.

"Safe? Sev, I don't blame you for their actions. But don't try to protect me, alright?"

"I just don't want them to hurt you"

She sighed and pulled out a handkerchief, blotting at the cut on her cheek. Lily felt a faint piece of superstition rise up. ' _A witch's power can be broken by drawing her blood_ '. She shook the thought off, brushing it away like crumbs.

"I'm sorry Lily" Sev said.

"It's not your fault, honestly", she tried for a smile, and picked her bag back up.

"Library?"

"Of course"

* * *

The library was blessedly quiet. The high ceilings were lost in shadows, and the still air was cool and heavy. Lily could feel it lying across her shoulders. She wandered through the tall bookshelves, fingertips trailing over spines of leather, linen and wood.

"Does anyone" she demanded when she returned to the table, "really care about History of Magic? Honestly, have you ever talked to anyone who actually _enjoys_ the class?"

Sev shook his head, nose already buried in _Potioneering in the Sixteenth Century_.

"It's a fairly useless class" he agreed.

"And boring too, I mean, I know that it's important to understand wizards' relationships towards other magical creatures, but surely there's a more interesting way of doing it. Maybe make some documentaries"

Lily realized as Sev looked up that he had no idea what a documentary was.

"Er, moving pictures" she said. They didn't often talk about Muggle things, it was always about the wizarding world, of which Severus knew more.

"We have moving pictures" Sev pointed out.

"Well, these ones are long, and they talk, and- oh, next summer we'll go to the cinema, yeah?"

"Yeah"

Lily turned her attention back to _A Treatise on the Mandrake_ and blocked out the world.

Dust motes spun in the shafts of light coming from the high windows, and slowly the library emptied. It was the final week of May, and everyone was cramming in blocks of studying so they'd be as ready as possible when June arrived. Lily felt like she was doing ok, and besides, there was a party tonight.

She tugged her over-full book bag closed, and stood.

"You're leaving already?"

Lily shuffled her feet, "sorry… there's a party tonight and I promised Marlene I'd come"

"Oh" Sev said, sounding faintly disappointed, "alright. I'll see you later"

"Bye Sev"

* * *

Up in Gryffindor tower, the windows were thrown open, a light breeze passing through. It was only five o'clock, most everyone was still outside or having an early dinner, but Lily wanted the quiet.

Someone had hung enormous Gryffindor banners over every inch of the room, and charmed the lions to roar when anyone moved. It was becoming quite annoying.

" _Silencio_ " Lily muttered, and there was quiet.

She closed her eyes, lying back on one of the red couches.

At the lake this afternoon, Potter had unsettled her. And unbalanced her. She'd _talked_ to him. No hexes, or anything.

He'd been a surprisingly good listener. Quiet, so she knew he was paying attention. But she would've thought someone like him would be more optimistic. Not, Lily thought, smiling a bit, that she knew anyone else like him. Irritating as he was, Potter was – an individual.

He'd grown up a bit. Maybe. But maybe she was giving him too much credit. He was still awful to Sev, and because of that, they could never be friends.

That was what had really surprised her. Him asking to be friends. Normally it was just, ' _go out with me, Evans?_ ' Not, ' _do you think we could ever be friends?_ ' That was what had really thrown Lily.

She sighed and swung herself upright again, noticing a few sixth years huddled over their work in the corner.

Lily frowned as one, a girl named Tara Narrow looked over at her, and nudged her friends. The lot of them stared at her for a moment, then went back to their work. Tara kept staring, so Lily waved. Tara didn't wave back, just narrowed her eyes a bit.

After a moment, Tara stood and walked over to Lily, standing above her, arms crossed.

"Evans" she said bluntly, "I don't hold anything against you personally, but leave now"

"Excuse me?"

"Go up to your dormitory, go outside, I don't care. But I don't want a Mudblood near me"

Lily jerked back, heat rising to her cheeks. She stood quickly.

"A _Mudblood_?" she asked, furious, "Tara, we're in the same house!"

"Clearly the Sorting Hat made a mistake. You shouldn't even be at Hogwarts"

Their voices had risen so Lily knew that Tara's friends could hear them, but they said nothing. There was a tight, cold ice ball in her chest, freezing her blood. Tara, while not particularly friendly with Lily, had always been decent. Last year she'd helped when Lily was having trouble with a Summoning Charm.

"Been listening to Jugson, have you?"

"She makes a good point, Evans. I don't know how you got magic, but it doesn't belong to you. It's _stolen_ "

Lily stared at her wonderingly.

"She's really gotten to you, hasn't she? Is this what Jugson does? Brainwashes her students?"

Tara shook her head tightly, and Lily saw her hand hovering near the pocket where she kept her wand.

"Are you _afraid_ of me, Tara?"

"Of course not" Tara dismissed, already turning away, "but who knows what the Mudbloods are capable of?"

Lily watched her go, the blood draining from her face till her cheeks felt cool to the touch, and the ice cube in her chest expanded.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Bit of a short chapter today, sorry. I'm getting back to schoolwork so the period between updates may be longer. I'm not going to abandon this fic though. I hope you're enjoying, if you are, or if you have any questions, give me a review! They're treasured. Thank to to all the lovely people who've been reviewing, your compliments, questions, and opinions are what keep me writing. Have a wonderful day!**_


	10. Paranoia

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Oh would you look at that. Aren't fast updates lovely? A long one too... Enjoy!**_

* * *

She went up to her dormitory, after that. Mary was curled up on her bed, sleeping, and Anna was sitting, back propped against her headboard. She was pouring over Jugson's list of names, frowning at the green checkmarks.

"Any theories?" Lily asked, relieved that her voice wasn't shaking. She took deep, even breaths.

Anna tapped her lips with the tip of her quill, gazing at the list.

"Maybe…" she said slowly, "it's a list of those they want out of the way"

Lily let out a short, sharp laugh. Everything about her felt sharp, these days. Her laugh was brittle, her smile a razor.

"That would make sense" Lily said, starting to pull her shoes off.

"I mean, there's a check next to Jemma's name. Maybe they're bumping off Muggleborns, one by one"

"My name has a checkmark"

"I know"

That was something Lily liked about Anna. No false reassurances, no overdone sympathy. She knew and she cared, and that was that.

"Well" Lily said, trying to change the subject, "are you going to the party tonight?"

"Yep"

"Sneaking Artemis up?"

Anna smirked and set the list down. "Of course"

"So" Lily wiggled her eyebrows, leering a bit, "have you won the betting pool yet?"

Anna blushed faintly, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Maybe…"

"Ah" Lily smiled, "Well, if you haven't, there's still time. Another month, in fact"

Anna shook her head at Lily. "You're depraved"

"Yep" Lily said cheerfully, starting to go through her closet, "I am"

* * *

Lily carefully moved her wand over her hair. Tiny white rosebuds were blossoming out of the top and draping themselves over Lily's hair, until it looked like she wore a veil.

Across the dormitory, the other girls were in similar states of preparation. Camilla lay on her back in the middle of the dormitory, struggling to pull up a pair of tight jeans. Anna prodded the other girl with her toe from time to time. The other two were in the washroom.

"They. Just. Won't. _Fit_!" Camilla wailed, punctuating each word with a tug on the waistband.

"Try ' _engorgio_ '" Lily suggested and set down her wand. Camilla's eyes widened in horror and she scrambled backwards until her back was pressed against the foot of her bed.

"No way. I heard Helen Monksfoot went up a size and she tried to ' _engorgio_ ' her dress robes and they grew so big they could fit a giant. These are my favourite jeans, Lily"

Lily rolled her eyes, sticking her hand out imperiously.

"Helen Monksfoot's crap at Charms. I'm the best in the year. Give them here"

Surrendering, Camilla peeled them off as Anna snickered in the background.

Camilla menaced the other girl with her wand.

"Put a frog in it, Rogers, or I'll _'engorgio_ ' your waistline"

Lily ignored her two friends as she laid the jeans across the bed and waved her wand. They grew slightly, and Camilla snatched them up.

"Oh perfect" she said happily, as she managed to get the button done up, "thanks Lil"

"Anytime"

"The best part" Anna interjected, "is that the label stayed the same. You can still claim to be a size six"

Camilla rolled her eye, and sashayed out of the dormitory.

The dark haired witch hopped off her bed after Camilla left and sat beside Lily at the mirror.

"You alright?"

"I think so…"

"It's ok if you aren't" Anna continued, "I mean – not to be pessimistic or anything – but we _did_ just discover that you might be on a hit list"

"Thanks" Lily said dryly. She leaned forward and smoothed pink lipstick over her mouth, frowning as it went too far. She wiped it away with a tissue.

"You should go get Artemis" Lily added.

"Right" Anna said briskly, wiping her hands on her skirt, "I'll see you down there, yeah?"

"Mm hm"

* * *

Lily watched herself in the mirror for a moment. She didn't really look like herself, and it was unsettling. Her normally clear green eyes were dark and muddy, shadows under them. Paleness had been replaced with a sallow complexion, and her lips looked dry and chapped, even with the lipstick.

Powder erased the shadows, and blush made her look a bit healthier. She looked at her reflection, feeling almost distrustful. The face in the mirror was not a friendly one. It was a sharp, hard girl, who looked wary and bitter. _You're a Mudblood_ , she told herself, testing it out. No. She would never be that. Lily wasn't planning to let anyone else call her a Mudblood. Ever.

Lily sighed and put away the cosmetics. Most witches just used Beauty Potions or Glamour Charms, but it reminded her of being a child, watching her mother raptly as she put on her makeup for a night out with Lily's father. Sometimes her mum would let her wear a bit of lipstick, or mascara, smiling at Lily's happiness. It was a Muggle thing, and one she clung to fiercely, even though it was a vain, shallow tradition to keep.

Lily stood up and made her way downstairs.

* * *

It was packed with students, out of their school uniforms. Most of them were wearing Muggle clothes, and Lily smiled a bit at the sight of the colourful jumpers. Sirius, standing behind a table piled high with bottles of pumpkin juice and butterbeer, waved, and Lily moved through the crowd till she stood in front of his table. Sirius somehow managed to procure all manner of alcohol for house parties. Normally, she'd try to shut him down, or at least demand he stop serving third years, but for tonight, she let it be.

"What can I get you, Evans?" he asked her cheerfully, leaning in a bit, "I've got pumpkin juice or Butterbeer, or we've got some harder stuff behind the counter"

She grinned at his surreptitious manner.

"Could I have a gin and tonic please?"

Sirius bowed dramatically. "Coming right up"

Drink in hand; Lily wandered into the throng of students, keeping the cup close to her chest so it wouldn't spill. She took a sip, the dry gin and the bitter aftertaste of the tonic making her shudder slightly.

Anna was standing close to Artemis, introducing her around an admiring circle of students. Lily beamed at the proud look on Anna's face. It was nice that they were so happy.

Someone had put on a record by _The Bowtruckles_ and a group of rather giddy looking second years were jumping up and down, pumpkin juice sloshing.

* * *

The lights were dimmed, red fabric pulled over them so it felt like they were in a giant red tent. The effect was rather nice, Lily admitted, plunking down in an armchair, a little ways away from the main bit of the party. A giggling Marlene teetered up in high heels and leaned her weight on the arm rest of Lily's chair. She was clutching a toxically blue drink in one hand.

"What's that?" Lily asked, leaning forward a bit to inspect it.

"Sex in the driveway" Marlene responded, pronouncing each word with delight, "It's a Muggle drink"

"Er- Marlene, it's Sex on the beach" Lily told her.

"This is a variation. S'why it's blue"

"Charming. It looks poisonous"

Marlene took a sip and winced.

"Not fatally so"

Lily looked away from Marlene and her vibrant drink. In another corner, Potter and a few fourth years were engaged in what appeared to be a drinking game.

"Are they playing drunk Telephone?" she asked Marlene. The group was crowded in a circle, whispering into each others' ears.

"I don't think so" Marlene squinted at them, "I think they're playing Paranoia"

Lily raised an eyebrow, setting her drink down on the low walnut table beside her and Marlene sighed at her look of confusion.

"You really don't get out enough"

"I do too!" Lily replied indignantly, gesturing to her drink, "look, I'm drinking alcohol!"

"Lily, you're sixteen. No one's going to take it amiss if you have a drink now and then"

Lily flapped her hands, nodding to Potter's drinking circle.

"I'm underage. Anyways, what are they doing?"

"The person on your right whispers a question in your ear, like 'who do you fancy?' and you have to reply out loud. If someone else wants to know what the question is, they have to drink in order to get it"

Lily took a drink.

"Right" she said, "let's go play"

"What, really? You're going to go drink with _Potter_?"

She shrugged and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was warm in the common room, the result of tightly packed bodies, and the music had been turned up. She spotted Camilla twirling around without a partner.

"You said it yourself, I don't get out enough. This'll be me – being – irresponsible. Rebellious. _Cool_ "

Lily straightened her shoulders and stood up. Marlene, incredulous, half toppled off the arm of the chair before following Lily.

"Well, yes, but it doesn't mean you should get drunk with your sworn enemy"

Lily scoffed. "He's not my _sworn_ enemy. He's just – the main one"

"Oh good" Marlene muttered as Lily sat down beside a tipsy fourth year, "he's just your _main_ enemy, how reassuring"

* * *

"Hello ladies" Potter said, toasting them with his goblet of pumpkin juice. There were a line of Firewhiskey shots along the table they were grouped around, and Lily eyed them with some trepidation. She quite liked Firewhiskey, but she was more of a _sipper_. She didn't do shots.

"Paranoia?" Marlene asked, settling herself down. She hooked her shoes off her feet, and edged in between Oliver Sand, who smiled at her.

"Yep"

* * *

Lily didn't cave until Potter met her eyes evenly from across the circle, smiled, and said, "Lily"

She picked up a shot. The golden brown liquid sloshed, and she held her breath, and gulped. Fire, racing through her veins, making her reckless in seconds.

"What was the question?" she asked loudly, and the fourth year next to James smirked a bit.

"I asked him who had the best legs in the year"

Lily just about threw the heavy shot glass at him, but refrained.

A few rounds later, Anna wandered by, Artemis in tow.

"Paranoia?" Artemis asked.

"Yeah" Marlene said, tugging Anna down beside her. Marlene was a fairly nosy person, so she was a few shots down.

"Er, two weeks ago" Anna said in response to Oliver Sand's question.

James took a shot.

"He asked when I won the betting pool. You were _so_ close James. Missed by a day, was it?"

Artemis, who'd been informed of the bet fairly early on in her and Anna's relationship, just grinned at the annoyed looking James.

"Potter entered the pool?" Lily asked. She'd taken two shots, and was feeling faintly giddy.

"Yep" Anna told her, off-hand, "he nearly won too"

Something that Lily couldn't identify curled around her heart, like a wire cage. It shot down her veins, so different from the pure burn of the Firewhiskey. It was bitter and cold and rank. She swallowed, throat tight, and gulped her gin and tonic.

Potter watched her. He didn't look smug, more – _confused_. Like he was trying to figure out what her response meant, what she was thinking.

 _Sod him_ , Lily thought, slightly blearily. Her head was spinning, her chest felt tight, and there was an ache in the back of her throat that Lily associated with the threat of tears.

Why the _fuck_ what she on the verge of crying? Because Potter had screwed an Auror? She was drunk, and being absurd. Lily set her drink down, more heavily than she meant to, and stood.

"I'm – just going to go get some food" she murmured, and left without looking at anyone.

* * *

Lily was stumbling, James noticed. She hadn't really had that much to drink. The look on her face when Anna talked about the bet had been odd. She'd looked almost sick to her stomach. If James didn't know better, he'd say she was jealous. But that was impossible. Lily Evans had no reason to be jealous. No reason at all…

The Auror, a pretty, eighteen year old trainee, had meant nothing, really. The contingent of Aurors at the school must've thought protecting Hogwarts would be a good work experience, because half the group was trainees.

James hadn't wanted anything like what Anna and Artemis had, hadn't wanted anything approaching a relationship. It was a laugh. But looking at Lily's expression, James didn't feel much like laughing anymore.

She looked _betrayed_. Like he'd disappointed him somehow. James shook it off, sipping his pumpkin juice. It was time to stop letting Lily Evans have any sort of claim over him. She despised him, clearly, and trying to live up to whatever twisted expectations she had for him wasn't healthy.

He was through. Done. Months ago, James had wondered how many times Lily Evans could walk away from him and still leave him with hope. He'd thought he was reaching his limits. Now he knew, and he was done for good.

James erased the frown, replacing it with a smile. There was a fourth year girl named Melinda Stewart practically in his lap, and he grinned down at her, resolving to enjoy tonight, and not let Lily Evans and her disappointed face haunt him anymore.

* * *

Lily leaned against the cool porcelain of the sink. The cold, hard material was comforting against her hot skin. Her face felt tight and red, like she'd been crying, even though she hadn't shed a tear. She was bewildered by her body's response.

Really, who was she to be upset? Was she supposed to be upset that Potter had moved on? That he wasn't fixated on her anymore? Was she the vain, egotistical sort of girl that enjoyed turning down blokes?

It was too late, and Lily was too drunk for such questions. She watched herself in the mirror again, almost distrustful of her reflection. It was a strange sensation to look at yourself and not recognize the face staring back at you. She blamed it on the Firewhiskey, and looked away, cursing under her breath as she heard footsteps.

It was Mary, and she entered the washroom tentatively.

"Lily?" she asked, laying a hand on the redhead's shoulder, "you alright?"

Lily nodded distractedly, trying to smile.

"Er – Anna told me what happened"

"Nothing happened" Lily snapped and turned away.

"Lily… I'm not trying to pry, but if you want to talk-"

"No" Lily said sharply, "No, sorry, Mary. It's fine, nothing happened. Sorry for snapping"

"S'alright" Mary murmured, patting Lily's shoulder in a soothing manner.

"I'm – just – I'm going to go to bed" Lily said, heading for the door.

Mary let her go, hand falling to her side.

* * *

James looked up from the giggling Melinda Stewart as Sirius sat down beside him, regarding him sternly.

"Give me a second" he said distractedly to the girl, and she planted a damp, lipsticky kiss on his cheek before wandering off into the crowd. James scrubbed at his skin with the sleeve of his shirt, frowning at the red mark.

"What're you doing, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Having fun. Enjoying myself. The night is young, and I'm not drunk enough"

Sirius reached over and removed the tumbler of Firewhiskey from his loose grip. James protested weakly, but ceased when Sirius put the glass far out of reach. His friend looked uncharacteristically grave.

"What're you doing?" Sirius asked again, sighing. James pulled his knees up to his chin, leaning back against the cool stone wall behind him. The room was over warm, and he wanted to open a window. He couldn't quite bring himself to move. Besides, it was raining outside, a warm spring rain that would feel like tears on his hot skin.

"I'm – moving on"

Sirius raised a sceptical eyebrow, staring at James rather doubtfully. James didn't exactly blame him. It was quite the change he'd undergone in the past half hour. He'd gone from 'Lily Evans is perfection incarnate and the only one I'll ever love, I'll never give up on her' to 'I'm done with Lily Evans, she can go eat a toadstool'.

"Moving on?"

" _Yes_ , moving on – d'you have to repeat everything?"

His friend rolled his eyes.

"James, I'm going to say this once. You've not given up. You might think you have, but you haven't. I can tell. You're not that – fickle"

James lunged for his Firewhiskey and raised it to his lips.

"Padfoot, I mean this in the nicest possible way. Piss off"

Sirius snorted, and leaned against James's shoulder, ignoring his annoyed huff.

"No" he said cheerfully.

"Go _away_ " James said, his voice slipping into a whine.

"Nope"

" _Fine_ "

Sirius grinned, and James shoved at him half-heartedly. Backs against the wall, shoulder to shoulder, eyes on the crowd.

* * *

 _ **A.N. I hope you enjoyed! If you did, please, please review and let me know what you think. And sorry about the underage drinking... Really. I just needed a drinking game.**_


	11. The Ticking of Clocks

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **I'm on a roll! Look at all these words!**_

* * *

The next time Lily talked to one of the Marauders was on Prefect patrol the night after the party. Remus walked quietly by her side as they made their way through the deserted castle. It was warm, summer breezes floating gently through the hallways.

"Are you alright, Lily?" Remus asked her seriously, ten minutes into their walk.

"Perfect" she said.

"James – he means well, y'know"

"Remus, why are we talking about your git of a mate?"

"Sorry" he said quietly, fixing his eyes on the empty corridor ahead of them.

Lily sighed. She shouldn't – really shouldn't – snap at Remus. Remus was _nice_. He helped her with her Transfiguration homework and covered for her at Prefect meetings when she missed them. It wasn't his fault one of his best mates was a prat.

She'd woken up that morning, slightly bewildered, with an empty feeling in her chest. Cold, too. Like that ball of ice that Tara Narrow planted had grown, reaching down into her stomach and up into her heart. Lily didn't understand any of it. Why she'd been so upset to hear about Potter's exploits.

She snorted, drawing a concerned look from Remus. Exploits. Like she was some middle aged witch, clutching at her pearls.

"Lily…" Remus tried again, "I know, you say you'll never go out with him. But right now I think he'd be happy with friendship"

She shook her head firmly. Too much between them, too much history. Every time she looked at Potter she saw him hexing Sev, or shouting after her in the hallway after class.

"I know he's your friend, Remus, but – no. I can't. Sorry"

Remus nodded carefully, and smiled at her a bit. It was a nice smile. Gentle and kind and friendly, and it made her smile back reflexively. That was one thing about Potter, Lily decided. He had good taste in friends.

All his friends, really. She'd learned a lot about the Marauders this year, and it had surprised her that they weren't the brainless bullies she'd always assumed. Peter was quiet and a little too eager to follow, but he was kind and he talked to Lily. She helped him with homework, sometimes, and he told her about his mum, who sent him home-made biscuits and knitted mittens. On Lily's birthday, Peter got her to send extra, and delivered her a package of brownies at the Gryffindor table.

Sirius made her laugh during Potions, which wasn't always a good thing, actually, but he was funny and dry, and once when a Ravenclaw pureblood had cornered her, shouting about stolen magic, Sirius had hexed him from behind and asked courteously if she was alright.

And Remus of course, was her friend.

Potter was the one she had a problem with.

The rest of the night went quietly, murmured laughs and warm air, groaning about OWLs, which loomed above them. They didn't talk about the war. Lily tried not to, these days. Too depressing.

By the time she said goodnight, already on the stairs to her dormitory, it was midnight and her eyes were falling shut.

* * *

James stared at the calendar in his dormitory, before launching a pillow at Sirius. Sirius woke up, muttering something about 'why the fuck don't we just buy an alarm clock, Prongs, it would cause me less pain'.

"First day of June" he said, still staring at the calendar. Moony and Wormtail woke up with sleepy groans, and Oliver Sands, hurried out of bed and into the shared washroom.

He'd been scared of the Marauders ever since they transfigured his bed into a miniature, bad tempered lion. Truthfully, James couldn't bring himself to regret that particular incident.

"Shit" Sirius said briskly, reaching for a stack of text books.

"What Padfoot said" Remus agreed.

"Charms" Peter said, eyes wide, "Charms aren't hard. I can do this"

James ruffled his pale brown hair.

"That you can, Wormy. You'll be fine"

"Fine" Peter repeated distantly, "I'll be fine"

"Breakfast!" Remus said loudly, and pulled on his socks.

* * *

The Gryffindor table that morning was quiet. Peter was muttering incantations under his breath, tapping the pumpkin juice jug with his wand until it shimmied in place, juice sloshing.

James tried to eat, piling eggs and sausages and toast onto his plate until he couldn't see the shining gold anymore, and realized that he wasn't hungry in the least. He sipped a cup of tea, uncharacteristically nervous.

He'd had an owl from his mum, yesterday morning.

She told him not to worry. Said that if he failed everything, he could just come work for his dad. That wasn't happening. At all. James wasn't planning to spend his life making – _haircare_ potions. He was going to fight dragons and play Quidditch for England and hunt Death Eaters. He was going to have a full, and glorious life. He just had to finish a few tests. He'd be fine. _Charms_ , James thought, trying for confidence, _I_ _can do Charms_. James recited Charms theories in his head until the bell rang. His tea had gone cold.

* * *

The other years had trooped off for lessons, leaving the fifth and seventh years in the Entrance Hall. Lily was frantically re-reading about the creation of the Cheering Charm, in _Charms for the Charming_ , and the tiny text was starting to make her head hurt.

' _…_ _gives the user a great sense of wellbeing… possible side affects may include singing and skipping… OWL level charm…firm wrist movement is necessary…'_

Finally, the doors swung open. Lily let out a squeak, stuffing the thick book back in her back before squaring her shoulders.

The Great Hall was silent. It was hot and sticky, and Lily pulled her robes away from the back of her neck as she filed in with the other Gryffindors. Sev, who had already entered, offered her a small smile, and she smiled back. _Charms_ , she thought, a trifle unsteady feeling, _I can do Charms_.

The House tables had been replaced by desks and chairs like the ones found in classrooms all over the school. Ink bottles and standard quills sat to the side, along with a long roll of parchment, and the exam paper sat in the middle.

It was strangely menacing for a thin, white sheet of paper. Lily eyed it carefully as she sat down.

Professor Flitwick at the front was perched on a pile of books, humming to himself as he watched the students carefully. A huge, ornate hourglass sat by his hand. With some effort, he flipped it over and looked out at the students solemnly.

"You may begin!" he squeaked.

Lily took a deep breath and flipped the paper over.

 _Question Five,_ Lily read, a half hour in, _pick a notable Charms Master, and explore his or her accomplishments and how they've influenced the Wizarding World. Five inches or more._

Head down, she started to scribble in tiny, neat, handwriting.

Half an hour later, the hourglass ran out, and Flitwick summoned their papers with a long wave of his wand. With a sort of helpless swooping in her stomach, Lily watched her parchment soar away.

* * *

"How d'you think you did?" Lily asked Camilla as they hurried up the stairs to the dormitory.

"I failed!" Mary said, coming up behind them. She sounded close to tears, and Lily wrapped a comforting arm around her.

"Hush, dear. You didn't fail, you'll be fine"

"That was an _excellent_ exam" Anna grinned, slinging an arm over Mary's spare shoulder. Mary sniffed.

"I don't know how I did" Camilla said. She gazed at a portrait of three portly knights who were swigging wine and singing a drinking song.

"You'll be fine, Cami" Lily told her.

Camilla shrugged.

"I only need an OWL in Astronomy, really. I'd like to be an Astrologer"

"You need Divination then, don't you?" Marlene asked. She'd seemed to have appeared from nowhere.

The group of five girls continued up the stairs, but Lily recoiled as she spotted Jugson coming down.

Ever since discovering the papers in her room, Lily had been quiet during lessons. She'd done the work, kept silent, and only talked when called upon. It was driving her mad to have to sit in the same room as Jugson, but it was the only thing she could do. They needed more proof.

"Act natural!" Anna hissed.

"Oh thank you" Marlene hissed back, rolling her eyes, "that was ever so helpful"

Lily slapped a palm across Marlene's mouth as Jugson passed them.

The sallow witch gave them a small, unconvincing smile, but said nothing. Lily relaxed.

"Marlene…" she said after a moment, turning to make sure Jugson was out of earshot, "your mum has contacts in other departments of the Ministry, yeah?"

Marlene blinked, but nodded.

"D'you think you could send her an owl? I'm curious about where Jugson came from…"

A smile crept over Marlene's face, and she nodded again, peeling off from their group in the direction of the Owlery.

"Don't miss the practical!" Mary called after her anxiously.

* * *

Peter was hiding under his bed. James kicked at the bedposts in annoyance, trying to get the smaller boy to budge.

"Peter!" Sirius yelled. He was lying on his stomach, glaring at the small lump under the bed that was Peter. Wormtail had curled up in a ball, and wasn't answering them. Sirius sneezed. It was dusty under there.

"I have a Chocolate Frog!" Remus coaxed.

"G'way" came a small, muffled voice.

James nearly stamped his foot in frustration, but refrained. Stamping wasn't manly. Stamping was something that five year old girls did.

"Peter, get your arse out from under there, or so help me-" Sirius didn't finish his threat, but trailed off ominously.

"Go to hell"

Peter had untucked his face, so his words were clearer. Sirius withdrew in shock, brushing at the dust on the front of robes.

"Did he – did he just tell me to go to hell?" he asked incredulously.

"Yep"

James sounded laconic, but continued to kick the bed. The frame shook and there was a quiet sneeze from Peter.

"Peter!" he shouted, "you're going to make us all miss our Charms practical and then we'll fail everything and have no OWLs and get kicked out of Hogwarts and then when we're homeless, wandless failures, we'll all come live at your mum's house. Is that what you want Peter? Really?"

"Y'can go without me" Peter mumbled, curling back up.

"Damnit Wormtail!" Remus burst out, and James and Sirius stared at him for a moment. Moony was supposed to be the calm one.

It had surprised Peter too, cause there was a small yelp from under the bed. Leaning down, Remus reached under the bed and grabbed Peter's ankle, hauling him out from the small space.

"There" Remus said briskly, dusting his hands off. Peter whimpered. James pulled him to his feet and frog-marched him out of the dormitory.

* * *

The examiner for Charms was a tall, elegant Ministry witch, who perched small rectangular spectacles on the end of her rather aquiline nose. She held her checkboard up as James approached, a tiny frown on her face.

"Potter, Potter, Potter"

The frown turned into a delighted smile, and she peered closely at James. James leaned back.

"Your father is Fleamont?"

"Er- yes" James said, slightly awkward. He'd prefer to just start charming things, rather than talking…

To his surprise, the witch chuckled fondly.

"Quite the duellist, was your father!" she told him, "excellent Potioneer too. Well, he hardly could've been such a major success without some talent at Potions"

Suddenly, she swooped downed, her eyes gone cold.

"And how's your sainted mother?"

"Mum? Well, I think. She's fine"

The witch sniffed loudly and referred to her checklist. All around, his classmates were levitating large books, with varied degrees of success. A Hufflepuff girl, named Bliss Bones, burst into tears as her book crashed to the ground. James winced. Peter, who was at another table, looked up with wide startled eyes, and James tried to give him an encouraging smile.

"She stole him from me, you know" the woman continued, sounding tearful. James shifted from foot to foot.

"Look – I'm sorry miss, but the examination-?"

She composed herself, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue she'd conjured, blinking furiously.

"Right!" she said, drawing herself up, "I'd like you to perform a basic Growth Charm"

* * *

Ten minutes later, he was done, and James felt marginally more confident regarding his future. Maybe he wouldn't have to go into marketing hair-care products for middle-aged witches.

Remus and Sirius had finished before him, and were sitting in the Entrance Hall, waiting for James and Peter. "How'd you do?" Remus asked. He sounded uncharacteristically anxious and James frowned.

"Fine, I think. My examiner was one of dad's old flames, so that was – interesting"

Sirius snickered.

"I messed up my Colour-Change Charm" Remus said gloomily, and Sirius patted him on the back.

"Ah well" James slid down the wall, dropping his heavy book bag gratefully. He looked out at the few students still waiting to be tested. "You'll be fine, Moony. Evans is the only one with marks higher than you in Charms"

Peter stared at him.

"What?" James asked irritably.

"You said the E word"

"The E word?"

"The Evans word" Sirius clarified. He dug in his bag and pulled out his Transfiguration textbook.

James waved a dismissive hand at Peter.

"I'm over her. It's fine, Peter. Now sit down"

Peter sat.

The four were unusually silent as they each pulled out textbooks, and tried to cram as much information in as possible.

Beside them sat the two Prewett brothers, talking quietly. Fabian, only a second year, was frowning over a scrap of parchment, and Gideon, a fourth year, had his hand on his younger brother's shoulder. James put his book down.

"How's your sister, Molly?" he asked.

The Prewetts were old friends of the Potters, and James saw the boys fairly frequently at family gatherings.

"She's fine" Gideon smiled, "more children than she knows what to do with, of course, but she doesn't mind"

"Good" James said, and meant it. There wasn't enough good news, these days.

* * *

Lily was pacing. Back and forth, back and forth. Four steps forward, turn, four steps the other way. The rhythmic sound her shoes made on the hard stone floor was nice. Comforting, like a metronome almost.

Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack. Squeak-shuffle.

Her Transfiguration textbook was clutched tight to her chest like a security blanket. Lily stared out the window for a moment, her rhythm slowing.

"Would you quit that?"

Anna, on the floor, was glaring up at her.

"Sorry"

"Study or something. Don't just – pace"

Lily dropped bonelessly to the ground with a messy sort of thud. Her long red hair was piled atop her head in an untidy bun, tendrils falling about her face.

She still heard the rhythm in her head. Click-clack. Click-clack.

They had found an abandoned classroom high up in the East Wing of the castle. It was small, and nearly empty, with only a few stacked tables and chairs. Huge windows overlooked the Forbidden Forest, and an owl flew by. Lily could see the small roll of parchment affixed to its scaly leg.

Anna claimed that the classroom 'put her in an atmosphere cohesive to learning'.

Lily just liked the cool breeze, and the cold stone floors.

She flattened her palms against the floor, feeling her heartbeat in her fingertips. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. A clock.

 _Clocks wind down_ , she thought suddenly, and blinked. That was a strangely morbid thought.

Shaking her head, as if she could shake the thought away, she opened her Transfiguration book, sticking her nose right in the center of it.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for continuing to read! A Rise and Fall has had over 2000 views, which may not seem like much, but it's a lot to me, and it means so much. Thank you. Please let me know what you thought of the chapter! Reviews are treasured.  
**_

 _ **I feel like I wrote through this year a bit two fast... it just feels really condensed, so I'll try to slow it down for the next two. Have a lovely day!**_


	12. Happy Thoughts

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Sorry... This is an awfully short chapter and it's just kind of a filler. Still - enjoy!**_

* * *

Dinner was a silent affair. Even the younger students seemed to have caught the exam fever, and were frantically flipping through books, hissing questions to their neighbours over the potatoes every so often. The staff looked tense, and Lily knew it was because exam results reflected on them too. Dumbledore wasn't there, but that wasn't as odd as it might've been, a year ago. He was gone most of the time and Lily heard whispers that he was secretly fighting Death Eaters.

A cheerful fourth year named Alice was sitting next to Lily, murmuring over her Defence textbook. She looked up at Lily, blue eyes wide, and Lily tried to smile.

"The Patronus Charm" Alice said, sounding rather disjointed, "can you show me? We might have to describe one and I've never seen a real one"

Lily dropped her spoon in her bowl of soup.

"Er, alright" she said.

Alice almost dropped her book in her eagerness, and scooped up her belongings from the table, turning to lead Lily from the hall. Alice was a sweet girl, who Lily knew for a fact excelled at Defence Against the Dark Arts. She came from a halfblood family, and Lily had heard her speaking passionately about Muggle rights in the Common Room one night. It had been three am at the time, and Lily had been trying to study, but she'd caught the gist of the girl's point.

Once they made it to the mostly empty Entrance Hall, Lily raised her wand. The highly arched, cool grey stone gave her the unpleasant impression that she'd been swallowed down the throat of some gargantuan beast. A gargoyle, perhaps, off the roof of the school.

She took a deep breath and thought of her friends.

" _Expecto Patronum_ "

The silver doe tripped gracefully from the tip of her wand, drifting to the floor slowly. It took a few quiet steps around Alice, long lashed eyes blinking curiously.

Alice stretched out her fingers – and the doe winked out of sight.

"That was beautiful" she told Lily, sounding awed.

"I could – maybe teach you? If you want?"

Lily held her breath. She wasn't quite sure why she was offering, but Alice had looked so enchanted. She really ought to go back to studying, but her head was bursting. She needed to play with magic for a while.

"Would you?" Alice breathed.

She was a pretty girl, Lily thought. Shiny blonde hair down to her shoulders and dark blue eyes.

"Sure" Lily told her, smiling.

Alice beamed and pulled out her wand.

"You know the theory, right?"

"Yes. _Expecto Patronum_ "

"And think happy thoughts" Lily added, pocketing her own wand.

The Entrance Hall still had a few milling students, and Lily tried to ignore their eyes on her as she walked Alice through the spell.

" _Expecto Patronum_!"

A wisp of silver, ephemeral and lovely, drifted from Alice's wand. The younger girl screwed up her face, fingers tight on her wand, and tried again.

The silver seemed somehow denser, quicksilver roiling through the air before vanishing.

"Happy thoughts" Lily prompted.

Alice thought for a moment, frowning, before her face smoothed out and a look of peace came over her.

" _Expecto Patronum!_ "

From the tip of her wand, a tiger blossomed, dangerous even in its ghostly silver form. It stalked protectively around Alice, who was beaming.

"I did it!" Alice grinned, and threw her arms around Lily.

Caught slightly off balance, Lily hugged her back, tightly.

The silver tiger vanished.

The next morning, there was green paint on the walls of the Entrance Hall. Not one sentence, but hundreds. High and low, big and small, hateful words smacked Lily as soon as she came down the stairs. A few students were standing in the middle, their faces slack and horrified. Lily spotted Bliss Bones, a Hufflepuff. She was waving her wand over the words, and a thin gold sort of netting was blossoming from it and adhering to the stone, sinking in without a trace.

 _Preserving it_ , Lily realized, _so the Aurors will be forced to investigate._ She nodded to Bliss, feeling newfound respect well up for the girl, who nodded back, curtly, before returning to her work.

"Alright, Lily?" someone asked from behind her, and she turned to see Potter. His hair was ludicrously rumpled, one hand already reaching up to mess it up further. His glasses were askew, but he looked at her with worried hazel eyes.

"I'm fine" she said, turning away.

To her surprise, he simply walked past her into the Great Hall.

Lily wanted to shake herself. Was she actually upset that Potter was leaving her alone? That was what she'd wanted, right?

She shook her head, once, like she was trying to get water out of her ears, before hurrying off in the direction of the staff room.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you so much for continuing to read and review! I woke up this morning to four, new, lovely reviews which was just amazing. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter!**_

 _ **A.N. 2. Wow, I just realized what a absolutely, tremendously chaotic writer I am. My POVs switch with neither rhyme nor reason, and I'm afraid that there's no method to my madness. The chaos offends my neat-and-tidy sense of self, but the crazy-writer-girl part of me is currently pummeling the neat-and-tidy part of me into submission. It's shaping up to be quite the fight...**_


	13. If Not Victory Is Yet Revenge

**_Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR_**

 ** _A.N. Look - a long chapter! The title of this chapter is taken from John Milton's '_** **Paradise Lost** ** _', when Moloch proposes that they continue to wage war on Heaven, suggesting that 'victory' is not as important as revenge - which should give you an idea as to where this chapter is going. Enjoy!_**

* * *

The Transfiguration book was heavy. Lily held it tight, a lifeline, as her wand tapped her teacup and muttered under her breath. The teacup sprouted four neat, pale blue legs, and it started to scamper over her toast, leaving little jammy footprints in its wake. She caught it up hastily and removed the legs, looking up as the morning owls started to wing their way in.

The Daily Prophet, dropped next to her plate, had a large picture on it. Lily blinked furiously, trying to comprehend the image, scanning the headline frantically.

It was a picture of Mary, from last summer break. She was smiling and waving at the camera, sun making her face glow.

 ** _HOGWARTS STUDENT ATTACKED_**

 ** _Mary McDonald, a fifth year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was attacked by another student who used Dark Magic on her last evening. Miss McDonald sustained moderate injuries, but will be unable to take a number of her OWLs. The school has issued a statement saying that the perpetrators, when caught, will be dealt with according to school rules. Many have criticized this, saying that the viciousness of the attack calls for Ministry investigation, and possible sentencing by the Wizengamot. The school refuses to release the name of the attacker, or attackers, leading to speculation that they don't yet know who attacked Miss McDonald. Madam Amelia Bones, Junior Head of the Department of Magical Law, says that she is appalled by the attack, and questions whether it may be prudent to pass a law to the effect that Ministry involvement in a student's case should be permissible in the instance of more severe crimes. Miss McDonald's family refuses to comment, but her father, a well-known Muggleborn rights activist, says he is 'enraged' and wants to see action being taken._**

 ** _McDonald's attack however, isn't the only thing that's been going amiss at Hogwarts this year, despite the task force of Aurors. A confidential source from inside the school informed this reporter about 'painted threats and slurs being discovered painted all over the castle.' The school so far, refuses to comment on this allegation, but Professor Albus Dumbledore was spotted en route to the Ministry for Magic last evening._**

 ** _We can only hope that in the light of this new information, Hogwarts takes more stringent precautions regarding its students and their safety._**

Lily was only half aware of the paper slipping out of her fingers. Thinking about it, she hadn't seen Mary last night, or this morning, but she'd assumed Mary was simply cramming in more study time at the library.

She felt numb, that chunk of ice in her stomach starting to melt and send ice water shooting through her veins, freezing them to brittle tubes and frozen blood.

Her hand, moving to grab her bag, knocked her tea cup flying, sending scalding tea over her hand. She didn't feel it. She was ice, after all.

As she was gliding, shocked and blank, through the Great Hall, Marlene knocked into her, taking her by the shoulders.

"Did you hear about Mary?" she demanded, tearful.

Lily nodded dumbly.

"Anna and Cami just left for the Hospital Wing, I said I'd get you"

Marlene slipped her hand into Lily's and started to tug her up the stairs in the direction of the infirmary.

She heard the bell ring, and knew the Transfiguration OWL would be starting soon, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Lily itched to pull out her wand and hex anyone that had laid a finger on sweet, trusting Mary.

There was a heat, now, in her veins, replacing the ice, which would only be assuaged by violence, red, blasting, wounding magic, surging through her like a sickness, a virus, burning through her.

She was shaking, she realized, as if from a great distance. Marlene was talking, rapidly.

"- Lily, I found out about Jugson's past. She's a pureblood, and her entire family has declared their allegiance to Voldemort. She says she's renounced them but my mum found proof that they've been talking, and she's using the Hogwarts Floo network to communicate with them. She has all the Floo records for the past year, and Jugson's definitely been contacting her whole evil family. A couple of other well-known Death Eaters have also used it- just sticking their heads in. Guess they didn't realize the Department of Floo Upkeep keeps _exhaustive_ records. My mum also said someone had tried to destroy the records; she found evidence of tampering. She's bringing it to her Head of Department now"

Lily turned to her friend, eyes wide as they hurried down the hall.

"That's enough proof! She could've wiggled out of the stuff we found in her office, claimed we forged it, but that – she won't be able to get away with it. We've got her, Marlene"

It was a small victory, especially when Mary lay in the Hospital Wing, but Lily felt a grim sense of justice and the burn in her blood lessened a bit.

They burst through the Hospital Wing doors with a bang. Anna, crouched by a bed, yelped, and ducked, but when she saw it was only them, she leapt to her feet and pelted across the distance, flinging herself at Lily.

Lily could feel tears drip down Anna's face and land on her shoulder, and pulled her friend closer, arms wrapping tight enough that she could feel Anna's heartbeat.

"Oh god, your hand, Lily!" Anna said, pulling back. Lily glanced at her hand. It was scalded red, blisters starting to rise. She ignored it.

Looking past Anna's sleek black hair, she saw Camilla, kneeling by Mary's bed. Mary was lying on her back, arms folded over her chest, sheets folded down neatly to her waist.

Lily's first thought was that she looked dead. Then she saw the tiny rise and fall of Mary's chest, and let out her own breath, moving to stand over her unconscious friend. There were no marks or wounds to suggest that Mary was anything but asleep, but there was a sort of, (Lily felt stupid for even thinking it), _aura_ around her that turned the air cold and heavy.

"You'll be ok, Mary" Lily whispered, "and we have Jugson"

She stood, feeling the ache in her knees that came from kneeling on the cold stone, and pulled Camilla up with her.

"We have to complete our OWLs…" she said reluctantly, and one by one, the others nodded.

With a last sad look at Mary, they filed from the room.

* * *

Word of Mary's attack had spread fast. Most of the students were shocked and outraged, but a few Ravenclaws and Slytherins, and even a couple of Gryffindors had viewed it as fair treatment, for a blood traitor, which Mary undoubtedly was.

Lily had trouble concentrating on her Transfiguration OWL.

 _'How many Animagi were registered in the last century?'_

 _'Who invented the first Switching Spell – discuss dates, discovery, and impact'_

The words flitted through her mind like butterflies – fleeting and insubstantial. Their meaning slipped through too, like her brain was a net with holes too big.

It was so quiet in the Great Hall, she could almost hear the sand in the hourglass running out.

 _'Animagi… Discuss…. Impact… Who? Discovery'_

Unconnected words seemed to float in front of Lily.

She dropped her head into her hands, pushing her hair back. It was too warm, in the Hall. Above her, the enchanted ceiling was blue, wispy clouds scudding across it, like ducks on a pond.

She picked up her quill, setting it to the parchment.

Mary was lying in the Hospital Wing, hair brushed neatly and spread out around her, hands folded on her chest like they were just waiting to lower her into the casket.

Mary's hair was never neat. It was wild and tangled, and sometimes when she was meeting someone new, she ducked behind it so she wouldn't have to meet their eyes.

The parchment under Lily's fingers was rough and textured. She lifted her hands above her head, stretching, and looked around for a moment. James Potter was looking right at her.

When she met his eyes, she felt suddenly, strangely calm. Normally, he'd simply irritate her. She'd turn pink as she shouted, blood rising. Now as he gazed at her, carefully, solemnly – Lily just felt – _comforted._

It was unsettling, to say the least.

Her burnt hand, clutching the quill tightly, throbbed.

 _'Hi'_ Potter mouthed, and Lily frowned, turning away. Her writing was neat and tiny and slightly smeared. Everything was going wrong. The only thing that made her feel like tomorrow, might possibly be _slightly_ better, was the fact that they had solid proof regarding Jugson.

 _I really hope Dumbledore picks a better Defence professor, next time_ , Lily thought, and the inane urge to laugh surged up in her.

Taking a deep breath, she focused on her paper, and blocked out everything else.

* * *

"That was fairly terrible" Anna said bluntly as they came out of the Great Hall together.

"I know" Camilla moaned. She was twisting her now-silvery hair anxiously, tugging at the strands in her agitation. "I couldn't stop thinking of Mary…"

The Entrance Hall had been cordoned off; the writing preserved exactly, thanks to Bliss Bones. Lily spotted two Aurors going over the paint inch by inch with their wands.

Marlene nudged her, pointing at another Auror in the corner who was frowning over a long roll of parchment.

"Reckon they've found something" the blonde said quietly.

"Well it's about time" Anna interjected, overhearing, "they've been here all bloody year, twiddling their thumbs"

Lily nodded distractedly and drifted closer, wishing she could hear their whispers.

Camilla's fingers closed around her wrist, and tugged her away.

* * *

The four girls forwent lunch in order to spend time with Mary before the Transfiguration practical. She hadn't moved since they'd seen her last.

Lily perched on the end of the bed, the others grouped around, as Madam Pomfrey murmured spells over the unconscious girl, touching her wand to Mary's forehead, wrists, and heart.

"When will she wake up?" Camilla asked, dark eyes wide. She had her feet tucked up under her in the chair, and she looked intensely small and vulnerable. Her wand was twisted into her hair, holding it off her face.

The matron shook her head. She carefully ladled a pale blue potion into Mary's open mouth before responding to Camilla.

"Her system's undergone severe trauma. Hard as it may be to understand, it's better that she stays unconscious. I don't know what mental effects this degree of Dark Magic could cause. The magic in her – it's shut her down for repairs. I'm doing what I can – but it's not much. It's up to Mary when she wakes up"

Lily squeezed her friend's hand. Despite her deathly appearance, her hand was warm and soft. Her fingers twitched around Lily's.

"Wake up, Mar" she whispered, "we have so much to tell you…"

It was, Lily thought, incredibly unfair that out of the five of them, Mary had been the one to be attacked.

Mary out of all of them was the – not weakest, but shyest. She was afraid of most people she didn't know well, and this attack would just make it worse, Lily feared. Any one of them could have dealt with it. It shouldn't have been her.

Anna of course, was bristly, impatient, and no-nonsense. She would've shaken it off.

Camilla, despite her flightiness, hid a core of steel. She was strong, and she would absorb it.

Marlene would give as good as she got, and hunt down whoever it was that hurt her.

And Lily would deal with it in whatever way she had to.

But Mary… This would damage Mary in that hidden, soft, inside part of her that she only showed her friends. Lily was afraid that her friend would wake up different.

"Wake up" she murmured again.

* * *

It was Camilla who had the idea of Patronuses. She'd pulled her wand from her twist of hair, and waved it, smiling softly as her silver fish sped from the end.

It swam around Mary's bed, and Mary looked – peaceful. Like it brought her good dreams.

Madam Pomfrey, watching through the window in her office, smiled at the collection of quicksilver animals surrounding the unconscious girl.

Anna's lion leaned against the shoulder of Marlene's horse, and Lily's doe lay her cheek on Mary's softly crumpled hand.

* * *

James was shaking with anger. Mary McDonald wasn't an especially close friend of his, but she was kind. When Lily snubbed him, she'd smile regretfully and follow her friend. But it was a nice smile, James thought. And not only that, but she was a Gryffindor. His year, and house mate, and she was lying in the Hospital Wing because someone had attacked her with Dark Magic.

Sirius was scanning the Map, (they'd finally, _finally_ finished it last week, that two year project) searching for any hint of suspicious behaviour. Peter was eating Chocolate Frogs, nervously, and Remus was trying to convince him to slow down.

"I don't see anything, Prongs" Sirius said, flinging it down on the rumpled red quilt of his bed.

James ran his hands distractedly through his hair. There was a Snitch in his pocket, that he'd nicked after Quidditch practise last week, and he pulled it out now, letting it zoom a few feet away before snatching it back gain.

"There's got to be something. D'you think the graffiti in the Entrance Hall this morning was connected to the attack?"

Remus, who appeared to have given up on Peter, turned around. He leaned back against the foot of the bed and frowned thoughtfully.

"I dunno" he said after a moment, "It seems likely, but I just can't think what-"

"I think it's two different people" Sirius interrupted, "the graffitist is just trying to scare people. But the attack – that's something different. The graffitist is scared of getting caught, they wouldn't do that"

James nodded, letting the Snitch free again. Its silver wings beat against his fingers feebly.

"Are we trying to hunt them down?" Sirius asked, with some interest. He flung himself back against the headboard of his bed with a thump, stuffing feather pillows behind himself. Peter chucked a Chocolate Frog at him and he caught it neatly.

James shrugged. Honestly, he wasn't quite sure what he wanted. Justice sounded too – basic. Maybe too noble. He had no delusions that he and his mates were heroes – he just wanted – Vengeance was too bloody, justice too noble – Maybe he wanted just desserts, for whoever put Mary in the Hospital Wing. _Yes,_ James thought, starting to grin, _just desserts._

* * *

Of course, the new task of just desserts had to be fit in around OWLs.

James confused his Switching Spell with his Vanishing Spell and accidently turned the chameleon that he was meant to be Vanishing, into a cactus that slowly changed colour. James held his breath as the examiner prodded the cactus gingerly, before shaking his head and waving James off.

Two down.

He found the others outside. The Entrance Hall was still blocked off, but James had decided that he'd sneak down later tonight with the Invisibility Cloak to see if he could find anything. It was a lovely day, he noticed, slightly surprised. He hadn't really registered anything outside of the castle for about a week, now.

Peter was rocking back and forth, knees drawn up to his chin. Remus seemed to be trying to comfort him.

"- be fine, Peter. I'm sure you're not the only one to er- multiply your badger"

Sirius grinned up at James as he dropped his book bag on the grass and sprawled out next to him. The shady grass was cool against the bare skin of his forearms, and he propped his head in his hands.

" _I_ turned my chameleon into a colour-changing cactus" he informed his friends.

"What lovely alliteration"

"I know"

"Are we still sneaking downstairs, tonight?" Peter asked. His watery grey eyes were wide and nervous.

"Why don't you ask that a bit louder?" Sirius grumbled.

"Yeah" James spoke above Sirius, pulling the Snitch out of his pocket again. Between his fingers, it fluttered like a trapped bird, a tiny gold heart.

The sun shone into his eyes and he squinted against it, gazing out over the lake.

"Test me for Defence?" Moony was asking, handing his textbook to James. He took it absently. It was thick and heavy, and his fingers slid over the glossy cover as he opened it.

James froze, mind working.

"Could it be Jugson?" he asked slowly, "I mean, we found all that propaganda in her office"

Both Remus and Sirius shook their heads.

"I don't think so" Sirius said.

"I can't see her attacking a student, she would've known that Mary would implicate her the moment she woke up" Remus said.

"Right" James thought, still slightly distracted. At an annoyed huffing noise from Remus, James opened the textbook and started quizzing him.

* * *

It was crowded, under the Cloak. Thankfully, the warm summer air meant that the stone underfoot was comfortable enough to stand on, so they could go in stockinged feet without fear of freezing. The Marauders made it down to the Entrance Hall, roped off with shimmering gold cord, and ducked under it. James was rather surprised that there wasn't more security. Ducking out from under the cloak and leaving Peter to stand guard, he started to pour over the walls. Sirius took another section, and Remus lit his wand with a murmur.

"I think these were written by wand" Moony said after a moment, tapping the wall softly.

"Wouldn't the Aurors have figured that out?"

"Oh I'm sure they have" Remus assured them. "But I learned a neat spell over the holidays, and – aha"

Underneath the bit of writing that he was inspecting, new words appeared. They were thin and gold and James leant closer to read them.

 _ **Eight inches, chestnut, dragon heartstring. Owned by Jarvis Nott.**_

"Where'd you learn that?" Sirius breathed.

Remus shrugged modestly, but couldn't quite conceal a pleased grin.

"The library. It's an old spell, and obscure – I'm not surprised the Aurors didn't use it"

"I know Nott" James interrupted, "he's in Ravenclaw"

Sirius grinned, and it managed to be all teeth. "What're we waiting for?"

* * *

Peter was still mumbling about how this was a _horrible_ mistake when they arrived outside the Ravenclaw common room door. Sirius had only known where it was cause he'd dated a girl from Ravenclaw a few months ago, and he reached up to the eagle head door knocker, holding his breath.

James startled as the knocker spoke. It was a strangely lovely voice, fluid and soft.

"What is it that no man has ever seen, which never was, but always is to be?"

Sirius scowled up at it ferociously.

"Last time I was here you asked the Sphinx's Riddle! Why'd you have to go doing a hard one?"

The door knocker swivelled its eyes down to gaze at the boys dispassionately.

"I don't make the rules" it said.

James swore softly.

"It's tomorrow" Peter said, in a soft voice. James could have sworn the eagle winked as it swung open.

They entered with held breaths.

* * *

Soft breezes were playing in the Ravenclaw common room, leaping off bookshelves and slipping down chairs. A vast domed ceiling above them was set with small glowing stars.

"Good job Peter" James whispered, clapping the other boy on the shoulder. Luckily for them, it seemed to be too late for even the Ravenclaws to study. The room was deserted. The floor was chill marble, but thick blue carpets were set in front of chairs and sofas, and in front of the fire place.

A marble statue on a plinth was cast into shadow, but James glimpsed a slender, strong looking form, and a delicate marble tiara.

"Rowena herself" Sirius whispered as they passed. James took a wild guess as to where the boy's dormitories were located, and they tiptoed up the stairs, still concealed by the cloak.

The door, silver blonde wind washed wood, swung open easily. It was cool within. Five four poster beds were arranged in a circle, dusky blue velvet curtains hanging around them. High narrow windows were set behind each bed, and James noticed that there was no glass in them. The wind was free to move in and out. At the foot of each bed was a trunk, with the boys' names carved into the lids.

Peter started, and raised his hand to point at a magnificent eagle, asleep on a bronze perch between two of the beds. The bird's head was tucked under its wing.

Hissing directions at the others, James started shuffling towards the nearest bed, and peered at the trunk. Kieran Jones.

They shuffled further. Jarvis Nott.

"Ok" James whispered, "So we tell him we're-"

"His doom!" the overexcited Peter piped.

"Don't be stupid" Sirius interjected, "he's not going to come with _his doom_ -"

"Er – how about ' _we're the consequences'_ " Remus suggested.

James nodded, pleased with the idea.

"Alright" he said, "Remus, you do it"

"What?"

"Just sneak up, ' _silencio'_ him, and tell him to come with us. Maybe blindfold him too" James added.

Remus rolled his eyes so James could see the whites gleaming in the darkness, but ducked out from under the cloak and tiptoed up the side of Nott's bed.

There was a glow from his wand as he muttered the spell, and conjured a blindfold across Nott's closed eyes.

"Wake up" Remus hissed. The boy in the bed stirred, his mouth opening in confusion. No words came out, and he sat bolt upright, feeling about. Remus leapt back.

"Get out of the bed" he ordered, grabbing Nott's arms, and yanking him up.

The other boy balked, trying to jerk back, and Sirius reached forward to grab Nott.

James lent a hand, and between the three of them, the managed to manhandle Nott out of the dormitory in a mostly silent scuffle, Peter bringing up the rear in the Invisibility Cloak.

James was unable to appreciate the silent, chill beauty of the night as they made their way down the stairs. He cast a last glance around the Ravenclaw common room before easing out the door.

It had had a sort of peaceful charm, James thought. It seemed like a place where you could think – your mind unburdened and uncluttered.

* * *

It was difficult to make it through the halls to the Entrance Hall. Nott was flailing and lashing out, until Remus muttered ' _petrificus totalus'_ and he went stiff as a board, allowing James and Sirius to haul him along the corridor, grappling with his weight.

By the time they got to the Hall, James and Sirius were both panting and cursing.

"I could've just Levitated him" Remus said mildly, a faint smirk on his face as they dropped Nott unceremoniously.

Sirius leant down and ripped off the blindfold. Nott looked fearful and slightly angry, but when he recognized Sirius he tried to shout, only to be silenced by the charm.

"Hello" James said, reaching down to haul Nott up. He propped the heavy boy against a wall, and pointed him in the direction of the thickest of the writing. Nott's eyes went wide, and Remus tapped the wall with his wand, causing the gold writing to glow softly.

James watched Jarvis's expression go from anger to shock to fear. His mouth moved. James was pretty sure he'd just said ' _oh shit_.'

"So, Jarvis my friend" James leant against the wall and smiled at Nott conversationally, "shall we tell the Headmaster or would you prefer to do it yourself?"

The Ravenclaw boy shook his head vehemently, starting to fight against the spell.

"I don't think he's feeling very chatty"

" _Muffliato"_ Sirius murmured, before tapping Nott on the head with his wand and cancelling the Silencing Charm.

"- don't know what you think you're playing at, but no one's going to fall for this!"

They'd caught Nott mid furious sentence. He seemed almost surprised to hear his own voice. It rang in the still air and bounced off the arched ceiling.

"I think quite a few people might be willing to believe it" Remus told him rather earnestly. Pointing his wand at Jarvis, he waved it shortly.

" _Accio wand_ " he said calmly, and a short thick wand sped from Nott's pyjama pocket. Remus caught it neatly.

"I'm sure Ollivander would be able to identify that" Peter told him, with quite a vicious look in his eyes.

Jarvis Nott let out a whimper, and slid to the floor.

"What do we do with him?" Peter asked, shooting a nervous look at their captive. He was motionless on the floor. Perhaps the knowledge that he was about to suffer the consequences for his actions had pushed him over the edge.

"Well clearly he's not going to confess to Dumbledore – just look at him!"

They looked at him. He'd started to rock back on forth on the floor, muttering to himself.

"Right" Sirius said, bringing their attention back, "how are we going to explain to Dumbledore why we snuck out of our dormitory, tampered with a crime scene, kidnapped a fellow student and threatened him into confessing?"

"We wait till morning" Remus said, "we- er- _I_ say that I wanted to try a spell that I'd read and – discovered that it was Nott"

The group mulled it over for a moment.

"That could work" James said, and walked over to Nott, tapping him on the shoulder.

"You can go now" he said, handing Nott's wand back.

Without a word, Nott cast a terrified look back and started running.

"Prat!" James shouted after him.

* * *

 _ **A.N. I hope you enjoyed! Please, please,**_ **please, _give me some reviews. Thank you for reading!_**


	14. On the Edge

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

On Wednesday, Mary woke up.

Lily was in the Hospital Wing at the time, in between the written and practical part of her Hebology OWL.

She was rearranging the flowers that crowded Mary's bedside table, directing streams of water into the vases from her wand and humming under her breath. Her friend stirred slightly, eyelids fluttering and twitching, and then she spoke. Or rather, screamed.

"NO! Please – please leave me be. Please – no, don't hurt me anymore, HELP!"

Lily, startled, knocked a vase and winced as it smashed at her feet and sent a wave of greenish water over her trainers. The tulips splayed out in a riot of pink and yellow.

Ignoring it, she grabbed Mary's flailing hand, and Mary's eyes flicked open, wildly.

"Lily!" she gasped, fingers digging into Lily's wrist, nails biting into the skin.

"Shh" Lily soothed, perching on the side of the bed, "you're alright – it's ok"

The fear in Mary's eyes was alive. Roiling turmoil and depthless fear – it was visible on the very surface. Mary was terrified.

"Merlin" Mary said, slumping back weakly. The summer light cast her face in golden tones, but her eyes were shadowed.

"Who was it?" Lily asked gently.

Mary's eyes flicked from side to side. She looked trapped.

"What OWLs did I miss?" she asked briskly, trying to smile.

Lily didn't want to change the subject, but sensed that pushing wouldn't do anything. Mary would tell her when she was ready.

"Transfiguration" she said, "and the Herbology written. But I'm sure they'll let you make them up – it wasn't your fault you missed them"

Mary nodded, looking tense, but she didn't say anything.

"They caught the person who's been doing all the graffiti" Lily tried.

"That's good"

"It was Jarvis Nott"

"Oh"

"Somehow the Marauders figured it out – I dunno how"

"That's cool"

"Yeah…"

"Well" Mary said, coughing a bit and looking out the window, "you'd better go. You ought not miss Herbology"

Lily gave Mary's hand a squeeze and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek before standing to leave.

"Are you sure-" she started.

"I'm sure" Mary interrupted, and gave her a tight smile.

* * *

"What curses did they use on her?" Lily asked Madam Pomfrey, stepping into her path on her way to Mary's bedside.

The matron sighed, a hand on her forehead.

"The Passus Curse – maybe the Metuium Jinx, Malum? I don't know, Miss Evans. She's distraught. She won't say who did it. I don't want to advocate the use of truth potion when she's still so upset, but this person is dangerous"

Lily nodded carefully and made a mental note to research the curses in the library.

* * *

Knowing that Mary was awake made it easier to trim her Flutterby Shrub. The gently waving green tendrils swayed in the still air, and Lily clipped them gently, cutting off the brown ones and preparing a few cuttings that she carefully wrapped in damp parchment and set aside.

She shot a glance over at Camilla, who was grinning like a loon, her hair restored to its normal bright blue. She was waving her clippers about erratically, and the examiner was eyeing her with some concern.

Lily grinned inwardly and went back to her shrub.

* * *

"D'you think we should go to Dumbledore about Jugson? Or wait for your mum?" Camilla asked Marlene.

"Toss her out as fast as possible" Anna said viciously. A third year darted across her path, and she caught herself, cursing.

"I agree with Anna" Lily said, stopping just in time to let an irate looking Hufflepuff sprint past her, "we can't let her do any more damage"

Marlene bit her lip. There was a quill tucked behind her ear and she fiddled with it nervously.

"I dunno… What would we even say? Admit to breaking into her office and then accessing classified Ministry records cause we thought she _might_ be connected in some way to You-know-who?"

Lily started. She'd known, of course, that people, frightened people, called Voldemort, You-know-who, but to hear brave, fearless Marlene say it was quite strange. It brought the reality of their present down in a way that newspaper articles and attacks never could.

"We say… I was called into her office one day, saw the pamphlets on her desk, grabbed one because I thought they were there to take, and when I realized _to my horror_ what they were, I confided in Marlene who told her mum, and found out about the contact with wanted criminals"

The other girls looked at Lily respectfully.

"You are frighteningly good at lying" Anna said finally, and then; " _Lycanthropy_ " to the Fat Lady, who swung open.

The four clambered inside the portrait hole.

"When's Mary coming back?" Camilla asked as they claimed a couple of tattered armchairs by an open window. She spread out her notes on her lap, tapping them with her wand so they neatly shuffled themselves into order.

"She's sitting the written exams that she missed, right now. Madam Pomfrey says she's not to do any wandwork for a day or so, but she should be back tomorrow"

"Oh good" Camilla said happily, "It feels wrong without her"

Lily nodded in agreement. Mary was the quietest member of their group, but she was always there and her absence was strange.

Anna sat up straighter, head whipping towards the Portrait Hole.

"I'm going to go ask Black how they knew it was Nott" she told the others, and they nodded distractedly.

"Lily" Camilla asked in a serious voice, "is that what this is about?"

"Is what, what what is about?" Lily asked, and then frowned. "That was a confusing sentence"

"Potter and his mates catch a bad guy so you have to as well?"

Lily's mouth fell open.

"By that logic I'd also have to beat him at Quidditch, be better than him at Transfiguration, and hex second years in the hallways. I'm not _competing_ with Potter"

"Alright" Camilla said suddenly, changing her tack and settling deeper down into her chair.

* * *

Anna Rogers approached them. James frowned at her for a moment. Rogers had a way of walking that drew every eye – it wasn't that she swayed, so much that she glided, her body one smooth line of motion. She seemed to be completely unaware of the effect she had, and sat down briskly on the sofa, shoving Sirius to the side.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi" James said cautiously. She cast him a slightly contemptuous look, and turned to Sirius.

"Black. How'd you know it was Nott?"

Sirius pointed at Remus, looking slightly fearful. Anna turned her gaze on Remus.

"It was a spell" he said quickly, before she could ask. "I found in it in the library – it was a really old book"

Rogers nodded seriously, flipping her glossy black hair back from her face before talking again.

"Was it him?" she asked, voice lowered.

James traded a confused look with Remus.

"Did he attack Mary?"

"Oh" Sirius said, shaking his head, "no way. He was just trying to stir up trouble. I dunno who attacked Mary"

Anna tucked her feet up under herself, curling into the corner of the sofa. Her dark eyes were gleaming.

James was slightly alarmed. Rogers was fairly terrifying, and she was on a crusade now. He didn't want to get in her way.

"How are your OWLs going?" she asked suddenly.

"Not to be rude" Peter said, very politely, "but what exactly do you want?"

Anna shrugged. Thinking about it, James realized he didn't really know much about her. He knew she was brilliant – she was at the top of their classes. He knew she was a pureblood who was fiercely protective of her Muggleborn friends. He knew she was prickly and and all sharp corners, but other than that, he knew nothing.

"I dunno" she said, looking down at her lap, "but we've kind of spent all our life at school at odds and – I think it's stupid. With all the stuff that's going on-." She broke off, shaking her head. "I'm sorry" she said, seeming to steel herself. "I'm not very good at this. We're all fifth years. Seems stupid that we can't get along"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. The sun was passing past the open window and cast the room in orange-red shades. Anna was glowing gold in the light.

"Did your friends agree to this?" Sirius asked her, and she coloured faintly, swinging her feet off the couch.

"Not exactly. But I'm sure they will. This thing with Mary – I think it made us all think about the things that matter. We're going to be out of Hogwarts in just two years. I want all the friends I can have at my back"

She was right. Mary's attack had sobered most of the castle – or at least made people consider priorities. Just this morning, James had witnessed two spontaneous declarations of love from emotional sixth years and various pairs of friends bursting into tears and pulling each other into tight hugs.

"You're right" James said, surprising himself slightly. "We'll be fighting a war once we're out of Hogwarts"

Rogers stuck out her hand stiffly, formally. James took it and gave it a solemn shake.

"Allies?" Rogers asked, and James hid a smile. "Allies" Remus agreed, and Sirius, James, and Peter quickly chimed in.

With a businesslike nod, Anna stood.

Walking away, head up, smoothly.

James watched her go, frowning. He wasn't quite sure what had just happened.

"Allies?" Sirius asked, his lips quirked in that way that preceded laughter.

"Guess so"

* * *

"What did you do?" Lily eyed Anna suspiciously as she returned. There was a pile of Defence Against the Dark Arts notes in her lap, and she was raising them one at a time to about an inch in front of her nose and scanning them before dropping them.

"Made amends"

"What?"

"The Marauders. We're – allies"

" _Allies_?" Camilla dropped her textbook to a floor with a heavy thump.

Anna had always been the friendliest with the Marauders. She and Sirius had a – rapport. Of sorts. But they weren't by any means friends.

Marlene snickered into her hand at Camilla's dramatic response.

"Oi!" Camilla swivelled in her seat to point at Marlene. "You were the one who called it 'fraternizing with the enemy'"

Lily thumped the low table in front of her with the flat of her hand for order.

"How'd they catch Nott?"

"Oh, uh, Remus is a nerd and reads old library books"

"Fair enough"

An owl ducked through the open window and swooped over to land on the back of Lily's chair. It offered her its leg, grandly.

The writing on the outside of the envelope was familiar. It transported Lily back through the years into Muggle school, pink notebooks with neat bubbly writing, and notes passing under her bedroom door.

Petunia.

She detached the envelope, (plain white paper, addressed with a blue Biro, bluntly Muggle) from the owl, and it took wing quickly.

"Who is it?" Marlene asked curiously, peering over the back of Lily's chair.

There was an untidy twist of emotions sitting in Lily's chest. They were heavy, tangled and twisted. Ugly and knotted. Shed tried to select one strand, dissect the knot, but it was impossible.

She stood and walked towards the staircase to her dormitory.

The envelope smelled like the fussy gardenia perfume that Petunia wore, and the edges and corners were soft and slightly bent, like it'd been sitting in her desk drawer for a long time. Lily eased a finger under the flap, and pulled up, holding her breath.

 _Just like ripping off a Band-Aid_ , she thought.

The letter was written on pale pink stationary, in round blue letters that sat neatly on the page.

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm not quite sure why I'm writing. This might be a mistake. But I met a boy. It's something I would've told you, once upon a time. Before you left. His name is Vernon, and he's – nice. I like him. He's a junior executive and he should go far in the company. He likes me. I don't know why I'm telling you this, Lily._

 _I've given this letter to mum. She says she'll get it to you. Don't write back. I just wanted to let you know._

 _Your sister,_

 _Petunia_

Lily let her hands holding the letter drop into her lap. Her hands felt suddenly very heavy.

 _'Don't write back…'_

Petunia still didn't want to know her, still steadfastly refused to let Lily reach her. This letter – it felt like a taunt.

 _I am building a life in which you will have no part. I want nothing to do with you and I want you to know this._

 _My sister, my sister._

The knot in her chest tugged a few strands tighter and Lily lifted her feet off the floor until her knees were tucked under her chin.

Hot tears started to trail down her face, one at a time. She absently rubbed at one as it dripped onto the red quilt.

Her face felt hot. She wasn't properly crying yet. There was just the occasional tear falling down her face. One fell past her lips and she tasted salt. There was a fresh sunbeam falling across her back, a stripe of warmth.

Petunia.

Too much upheaval, in too short a period, and Lily was undone. Sometimes words can't capture everything.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading and for continuing to review! My, there's been a lot of angst. And there's more to come in the next few chapters.  
**_

 _ **I want to ask you something though - would you prefer long chapters that may take a while to update, or short chapters that you get frequently? I post this fic as I write it - I try to write 2000-3000 words a day, but that's not always possible. So, just let me know which option you would prefer! Thanks, and pretty please review. They're what keep me writing.  
**_


	15. Ashes to Ashes

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **A.N. Sorry for the long delay, but there was a lot of plotty stuff to tie up and I wanted to have it all in order before starting to post.**_

 _ **A note about this chapter: Due to me forgetting to do my damn research, my timelines got a lil messy. The conversation with Snape that in Hallows, takes place**_ **before _his and Lily's fight, now takes place after it, because I forgot about the 'prank' that Sirius pulled. See? I'm an idiot.  
_**

 ** _Anyways, large portions of the dialogue from this chapter belongs to JKR and her books,_ The Order of the Phoenix _and_ The Deathly Hallows. _Enjoy!_  
**

* * *

She made it down to dinner. Her face was slightly puffy, and her eyes were faintly red, but no one commented.

In respect of the 'alliance' as Marlene referred to it sarcastically, Anna had gone to sit with the Marauders.

Lily looked over at where they were sitting. Anna was laughing, loud and confident and open mouthed at a joke she'd just told. She looked happy, and Lily turned back to her soup.

Really, she thought, she wasn't quite sure why she was so against friendship with Potter's friends. It was mostly a matter of principle. She didn't mind the others at all.

And the fact that James still bullied Sev. That was what she really couldn't abide. She hadn't seen Sev as much this year – something she blamed on the war. It was splitting Hogwarts into messy quarters.

There was a sudden hush as Dumbledore at the head table stood, quietly.

"Thank you" he said.

"As I'm sure many of you know, the one responsible for the insults painted over the walls of Hogwarts has been apprehended. However, Mary McDonald's attacker has not been found. I urge you, if you know anything at all about this matter, come forward to your Head of House. Thank you, and I wish you all luck with your examinations"

He sat down neatly, but there was still silence.

"I reckon we go to McGonagall tonight" Marlene said. She poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice, and glanced up at the staff table where Jugson was eating a large portion of chicken pie. The professor leant back in her chair, dabbing at her lips with a napkin. Her greying brown hair was pulled back severely, giving her a rather scraped look.

Camilla sighed, and shook out her hair, scrunching up her face until it turned pale purple.

"I think you're right" she said after a moment.

Lily nodded, and passed Marlene the basket of rolls.

* * *

"You knock"

"No way"

"You do it"

"Nope"

"I'm not doing it"

"Fine" Lily said after a minute of arguing. "I'll bloody knock"

She stepped up to the door of McGonagall's office and knocked on it firmly.

There was the sound of quick footsteps and McGonagall appeared, a tartan dressing gown wrapped around her.

"Girls?" she sounded slightly bewildered.

"Sorry" Camilla apologized, "but this is important. Could we come in?"

She stood back, pulling the door with her.

"Biscuit?" she offered them a tin. Lily took a Ginger Newt but the others shook their heads.

"It's about Professor Jugson" Marlene began.

Lily watched with some interest as McGonagall's lips thinned into a straight line and her nostrils flared. When she spoke, it was in a carefully controlled voice.

"What about her?"

"Well…"

Lily dug into her bag, pulling out the pamphlets.

"I was in Professor Jugson's office the other day, and I saw some pamphlets on her desk. I assumed they were just career advice, but-"

Eyes wide and innocent, she splayed the pamphlets on the desk so McGonagall could see them clearly.

The professor sucked in her breath, snatching one up.

"Lily showed them to me" Marlene went on. "My mum works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and I was worried about these, so I contacted her"

Marlene pulled out a letter from her bag and dropped it on top of the pamphlets.

McGonagall scanned the letter, eyebrows rising.

"I keep telling Albus" she muttered, half to herself. "We really ought to check backgrounds more rigorously. Thank you girls, for bringing this to my attention. You may go"

* * *

When Mary came down to breakfast the next morning, heads turned curiously, and whispers broke out. Various rumours had spread quickly – including a far-fetched tale involving Dementors, Mandrakes and Peeves. No one knew exactly what had happened.

Lily shoved her bag over on the bench, beckoning to Mary who sat down shakily. Marlene poured her a cup of tea.

"You feeling alright?" Anna asked carefully. She didn't look up from her jam smeared notes but continued to mutter over jinxes.

"Yeah" Mary said quietly.

She was looking down at her folded hands in her lap, fingers twisting together anxiously.

"Are you going to do the exam today?"

"Yes… But I won't do the practical yet. Madam Pomfrey told me to give it a few days"

"Mar-" Anna said, "who did it?"

She took a sip of tea, and Lily watched her hands quiver.

"Mulciber" she murmured. Anna was on her feet immediately. "I will kill him" she swore.

"No you won't" Mary said tiredly. "I already told the teachers, he's been sent home"

"I'll assassinate him"

"Poison?"

"Of course"

"Painful?"

"Yep"

"Good"

The two traded conspiratorial grins before Mary's slipped off her face.

Lily rested a hand on Mary's elbow for a moment, before giving her a small smile and pulling away.

* * *

She had about fifteen minutes before the bell rang, and she hurried along the corridor that led to the washrooms, passing the statue of Fredrikson the Misguided. Jugson's door was closed, Lily noticed, and she stopped, frowning.

She could hear voices from within, a low murmur and a slightly louder one that Lily recognized as Jugson's voice.

Jugson was still here? Lily would've thought she'd be tossed out immediately, or even sent to Azkaban. Holding her breath, she pressed her ear against the door, straining to hear the words clearly.

"… _suspect nothing_ " Jugson was saying, " _these students are very – pliable. I'm doing good work here, I'm needed"_

" _You'll be caught eventually"_

 _"Yes. But I can turn a few more to our cause – let me stay"_

The voice sighed and Lily heard what sounded like the crackle of flames and the shifting of coals.

" _Alright Eadrócaireach. You may stay. The family will need you soon, we have much to do for the Dark Lord"_

Lily frowned at Jugson's name. She wasn't even sure how to pronounce that. Jugson whispered something and the crackle of the fire was immediately extinguished. She imagined the ashes sifting down, grey and fine.

She pulled away from the door hurriedly and continued on her way to the toilets.

"Jugson's still here" she hissed to Anna, sprinting into the Entrance Hall five minutes later.

Anna's mouth fell open, and she waved frantically to Marlene.

"They didn't chuck her out!"

Marlene gasped.

"There's nothing we can do now – the exam's about to start" Anna moaned, tapping her foot.

The doors to the Grand Hall swung open slowly, and they started to file in – the three girls throwing each other desperate glances at each other as they sat down.

Flitwick at the front was almost invisible behind a pile of parchment and quills. Once everyone was seated, he waved his wand in a long swoop and sent them flying out neatly. Lily stared at the blank parchment on her desk as Professor Flitwick wrestled with the hourglass.

"You may begin!" he squeaked, and Lily flipped over her paper.

* * *

James fiddled with the tip of his quill, frowning at the paper. He spotted question ten and his lips curved into a smile.

They had covered all of the topics in class. Say what you might about Jugson, but she knew how to prepare her students for an exam.

James scribbled away, before sitting up to stretch, rumpling his hair.

It was hot, in the Great Hall, like it had been for the past three exams, and he loosened the neck of his robes. James grinned at the sight of Sirius, leaning back on the back legs of his chair.

A few seats back, a Hufflepuff girl was watching Sirius longingly.

James let his eyes skip around the room, passing over familiar faces until he spotted a head of wavy red hair bent over her test. The sunlight glanced off it with sparks of gold.

He must have passed five minutes staring dumbly at her, before he came back to himself, and stared at his test.

His quill had moved along the edge of his scrap parchment without his volition, and he stared at the snitch on the corner of the parchment. With an unpleasant thump of his heart, he lowered the quill to the page.

L.E.

The two letters blossomed easily, like they'd just been waiting at the tip of his quill.

"Five minutes!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

James stared at the initials for a heartbeat.

Around him, people were scribbling out last minute answers, some panicked, some satisfied.

He stared at the letters.

"Quills down, please! That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio_!"

James's test soared off with the rest, but the bit of parchment remained. He lowered his quill again, and scribbled out the initials.

Flitwick had just clambered back to his feet after being knocked down, and looked rather flustered.

"Thank you… thank you. Very well everybody, you're free to go!"

James shoved his quill away, and hurried to stand, almost knocking his chair over in his rush. He caught up to Sirius and Remus as they were leaving the Hall.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius smirked, draping an arm around Remus. Peter came up on James's left and gave him a small smile.

"Loved it. _Give five signs that identify the werewolf._ Excellent question"

James grinned at Remus's earnest tone.

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" he asked.

"Think I did. One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin"

Sirius snorted with laughter but Peter blinked nervously, biting at a fingernail.

"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail – but I couldn't think what else"

James regarded him incredulously. "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run round with a werewolf once a month-"

"Keep your voice down" Remus urged. He looked around nervously, but no one seemed to have noticed.

They joined the stream of people heading out to the grounds, passing into the fresh and sun with sighs of relief.

"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake" Sirius said with his customary confidence, "I'll be surprised if I don't get "Outstanding" on it at least"

"Me too" James agreed. Remus rolled his eyes at them, and James pulled a Snitch from his pocket.

"Where'd you get that?" Peter asked.

"Nicked it"

He let it fly a few inches away before snatching it back and holding the struggling Snitch up to his face, watching the silver wings beat the air. Sometimes he thought he should've been a Seeker. All alone up there – watching for a tiny speck. But that wasn't really him. Too subtle. Chaser suited him better. In his distraction he almost let the Golden Snitch escape, catching it at the last moment.

Remus tossed his bag into the shade of a beech tree by the lake, flinging himself down, and James followed slightly reluctantly. He felt like he had too much energy.

He was still playing with the Snitch, Peter gasping and applauding every catch.

"Put that away, will you" Sirius complained, shooting James a look. "Before Wormtail wets himself with excitement"

James smiled at his friend and put the Snitch away cheerfully.

"If it bothers you"

Sirius flung himself back so he stared up at the canopy of branches.

"I'm bored" he whined. "Wish it was full moon"

"You might" Remus said grimly. "We've still got History of Magic, if you're bored you could test me. Here…'

He held out the textbook to Sirius, who shook his head.

"I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all"  
James ignored the pair of them until he saw a familiar dark figure with his nose nearly touching the surface of a roll of parchment.

"This'll liven you up, Padfoot" he murmured, nudging Sirius. "Look who it is…"

Sirius spun around and went still at the sight of Snape. A slow feral grin crept across his face.

"Excellent" he said. " _Snivellus"_

James stood, grinning down at Sirius who jumped to his feet.

Pointing out Snape – he wasn't sure why he'd done it. Especially after their talk with Rogers last night. Maybe it was because everything had been too solemn lately. He wanted to laugh.

Remus was frowning into his book, still seated.

"All right, Snivellus?" James shouted at Snape, who was crossing the grass in front of him.

Snape's reflexes had gotten better. His wand was in his hand before James even saw him put his hand in his robe.

" _Expelliarmus!"_ James called, and Snape's wand shot out of his hands. He looked panicked. Panicked and angry, but James was laughing, sun bright on his face, magic thrumming through his veins. Sirius laughed too, and they traded grins.

Snape dove for his wand, but James was too fast.

" _Impedimenta_!" he said, and Snape was knocked back onto the grass with a thud. He lay on his back, glaring up at them as James strolled closer, wand at the ready.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" James smirked at the exam paper resting beside Snape, blowing slightly in the breeze.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment" Sirius grinned. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word"

A couple of girls lounging on the grass nearby giggled, smirking at Snape, who flushed red. Peter, who'd come closer snickered as Snape tried to get up, but failed. His limbs were trapped by the jinx.

"You – wait" Snape gasped. He was gazing at James with such hatred that James took a step back, mildly unsettled. "You – wait!"

"Wait for what? What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?" Sirius asked.

Snape started cursing fluidly, the occasional hex making its way into the mix. He was watching his wand desperately.

Dredging up memories of his mother doing the dishes, James pointed his wand at Snape.

"Wash out your mouth" he said. " _Scourgify"_

Foamy pink bubbles started to gush from Snape's mouth, bubbling up into his nose, filling his mouth as he spat and coughed onto the grass.

"Leave him ALONE!"

The voice was uncomfortably familiar, and James felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Lily was stomping towards them, a furious look on her face. James rumpled his hair up quickly, and her emerald eyes narrowed.

"All right, Evans?" he asked her before he could stop himself. She hated it when he called her Evans, and he knew it.

"Leave him alone" she said again, arms crossed tightly in front of her chest. "What's he done to you?"

"Well" James said, pretending to think about the question, slightly horrified at what was coming out of his mouth. "It's more the fact that he _exists,_ if you know what I mean"

There was a chorus of laughs, and James grinned appreciatively.

"You think you're funny"

Her voice was brittle and laced with ice.

"But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_ "

James looked at her, hard. Her face was sharp and angry. And he wasn't quite sure what compelled him to say what he said next.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans" he told her. "Go one… Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again"

Lily's expression tightened with clear disgust, and James cursed himself. He'd given up on her. Gone cold turkey. But now –with her in front of him – flashing and passionate and furious, spitting insults at him, his resolve dissolved. He was clearly a masochist.

Until she spoke.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid"

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, knocking from his state. He'd been admiring her, he realized. Bloody hell, he was gone. "Bad luck, Prongs" Sirius told him, and took his hand away.

"OI!"

Pain flashed across James's face and blood flew. He spun around, wand slashing, and Snape was yanked into the air, hanging upside down.

James smirked despite the pain at the sight of Snape's grey underpants, and burst out laughing along with Peter and Sirius, the wound forgotten.

He shot a quick look at Lily. Was it his imagination, or did her lips twitch slightly before thinning out again?

"Let him down!" she demanded.

"Certainly" James said gallantly, and flicked his wand carelessly. Snape fell out of the air and scrambled up. His wand was pointing at James again, but Sirius hexed him and he toppled over again. The full body bind immobilised him.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily screamed, pulling her wand out. She looked shaky but her wand was steady. James took a step back. Lily knew some vicious jinxes. Bartleby Simpson had been in the Hospital Wing for two days after he cat-called her in the Entrance Hall. James shuddered. He didn't want to lose any – bits.

"Ah, Evan" James sighed. "Don't make me hex you"

"Take the curse off him then!"

James scowled, but flicked his wand again and released Snape.

"There you go" he said resignedly. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

It took James a few seconds to realize Snape had really said it.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

James had to give it to her.

She didn't flinch. Didn't go pale. Nothing in her expression changed. She blinked once, and James could've sworn he saw a single tear gleam, but then she looked at Snape, and if James had thought she looked angry before, that was nothing. She was carved from ice.

"Fine" she told him. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_ "

"Apologise to Evans!" James yelled, rounding on Snape with his wand out.

"I don't want _you_ to make him apologise!" Lily shouted. "You're as bad as he is"

"What?" James was shocked into dropping his wand. "I'd NEVER call you a – you – know – what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK" she ranted, before spinning around. She was gone.

"Evans!" James called, horrified at how this had ended, "Hey, EVANS!"

He stood there for a moment, feeling slightly lost. His wand hung by his side, and he watched her red hair shimmer as she hurried.

"What is it with her?" James said casually as Sirius came up behind him silently, mouth tight.

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate"

A surge of hot anger through James and a flash of light.

"Right" he said. "Right-"

Snape was hoisted into the air again, robes hanging past his head.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

There was a gentle pressure on his arm and he turned to see Remus, wide eyed and worried.

"Don't" he said quietly, pulling at James's wand arm. "Don't…"

James looked between Snape and Remus, and dropped his wand, the tension evanescing.

"Alright" he murmured, letting Remus pull him away.

Sirius cast a last reluctant glance at Snape before following.

* * *

Lily was smart enough to know that she should be furious. Not devastated. She should not be blaming herself. But she couldn't help it.

The castle of Hogwarts was huge enough that she could get lost in it, until she found herself high in one of the towers, curled into a window niche, forehead against the hot glass. The bell would ring soon.

 _Filthy Mudblood._

Sev's pale furious face flashed through her mind and she saw his lips move, the words following afterwards, disjointed.

She'd spent a lot of these past days crying. Lily felt like she ought to be wrung out, empty.

 _I shouldn't have tried to help – I just embarrassed him. My fault, my fault. Mine and Potter's. Sev – he couldn't have meant it, could he? No. He always said it didn't matter. But he calls other people 'Mudblood'. Why wouldn't he call me that?_

Furious at herself, she dragged her hand across her damp cheeks, pushing her wind-tangled hair back.

Swinging her legs down from the ledge, she stood, slightly unsteady and balanced her hand on the cool stone. Her head ached.

"Get a grip" she muttered.

She found her way back to the Entrance Hall. Camilla looked over at her – face pale and sorrowful and Lily knew she'd heard what had happened.

Without a word she handed Lily a handkerchief and placed a small hand on her back.

"You alright?"

Lily nodded.

The doors of the Hall opened, and the examiners started calling names.

She tapped her feet nervously. She felt like a ball of energy. Magic surging through her.

"Jugson has a weird name" she told Camilla, and Camilla raised her eyebrow.

"That's kind of random"

"It's – Edorach? Or something"

Camilla shot her a sympathetic glance.

"Don't" Lily snapped.

"Sorry" Camilla said hastily, before looking around the room. "Anna and Marlene are cutting it awfully fine"

"Anna mentioned that she was going to go find Artemis"

"She's worried about her leaving"

"I know. I'm sure they'll make it work – Anna loves writing letters, it's weird"

Camilla bit her lip. "I'm not sure it'll be so easy… Artemis is an Auror, after all. It's a dangerous profession. Anna worries"

Lily shrugged. From what she'd seen, Anna and Artemis were disgustingly secure in their relationship.

She noticed Camilla considering her carefully out of the corner of her eye, a slight frown twisting her face, but she ignored it.

The examiners called Lily and she left Camilla without a backward glance.

"Hello, miss" the examiner, an elderly gentlemanly looking wizard said, beaming at her. Lily smiled back, tentatively.

"Right" he said, eyes scanning the clipboard. "I'd like you to demonstrate a Reductor Curse on that plate"

Lily eyed the plain white china plate, levelled her wand at it and blasted it to dust. The wizard looked impressed. Lily felt like she could destroy the table under it if she wanted.

"Very nice" he said, scribbling away. "I've heard you've been learning Patronuses. Not normally taught till later years – but all the same, could you demonstrate?"

Lily's mouth quivered. She sucked in her breath, and tried to think of something, anything happy.

When she was made Prefect? As good as any.

" _Expecto Patronum"_ she murmured. Gauzy silver, will o' the wisp.

" _Expecto Patronum"_

The hint of a slender body.

" _Expecto Patronum_ "

Her hand was shaking, and her doe tumbled, rather than stepped, like she had been shoved from the end of the wand.

"Very nice" the examiner said doubtfully, watching as the doe quivered on slim legs for a moment before vanishing in a swirl of silver.

There were tears in Lily's eyes.

"You may go" the wizard said, eyes on his clipboard.

* * *

Sev tried to talk to her for the first time on Friday night.

Mary slumped down in an armchair beside her, scowling furiously into the fire.

"How'd Ancient Runes go?"

"Horribly. I mixed up 'duty' and 'choice', it changed the meaning of the entire translation"

Lily winced sympathetically.

"I talked to McGonagall about Jugson, by the way"

She perked up.

"She says it's the easiest way to keep an eye on her – the Aurors are aware and she promises that Jugson will be gone by next year"

Lily frowned, but she understood.

"Lily" Mary said, lowering her voice. "Severus is out there. He said he'll sleep out there if he has to"

"He's bloody well welcome to" Lily said viciously.

Mary dropped her eyes to her textbook.

"Sorry" Lily murmured. "I'm sorry. Are you alright? I mean-"

"Fine" Mary said, clipping the word off. "Just fine. I think I'm going up to bed"

Lily watched her friend go, shoulders drawn tight, head held stiffly. They were crumbling and she had no idea how to put them back together. Mary's attack – it had only been the catalyst. Events snowballed.

 _I am half-sick of shadows._ She wanted to _laugh,_ to forget that there was a war, to forget that her blood could kill her, to forget it all. They would only be shadows of the real world, though. " _Obliviate_ " she whispered, laughing and terrified.

Five more people came by to tell her that Severus planned to sleep outside.

"Oooh" a third year girl sighed dreamily when she came by with the message. "It's so _romantic._ I mean, I know he's a Slytherin and all, but he just _cares so much"_

She drifted off, and Lily dropped her book with a thunk.

Sev was pacing in front of the Portrait Hole, wringing his hands. The sight would've made her heart soften with fondness, before, but now all it did was harden her further.

"Lily!" he said, stopping and staring at her like she was miracle made flesh. "I'm sorry"

"I'm not interested" she said tonelessly, wrapping her dressing gown tighter around her.

"I'm sorry!"

She regarded him – skinny and pale with long dark hair – dispassionately. "Save your breath"

He was still dressed in his robes and there were bags under his eyes. _Good,_ she thought. He should be losing sleep.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here"

"I was" he said grimly. "I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" she finished, raising an eyebrow. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can even understand why I talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be. You can't wait to join Voldemort, can you?"

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine"

"No – listen, I didn't mean-"

"- to call me Mudblood? But you call every one of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

Sev looked defeated and weary, and she didn't have any strength left, so she turned away and climbed back through the Portrait Hole.

* * *

 **'I am half-sick of shadows' _is from Lord Tennyson's poem,_ 'the Lady of Shalott'  
**

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please give me a review? Thanks again and I hope you have a lovely day.**_

 _ **To the lovely guest reviewer, Lily James: Thank you so, so much! You're so kind. I'm glad you're liking it!**_


	16. The Betrayer and the Betrayed

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Goodness, TWO chapters today. I'm spoiling you. Some dialogue from this chapter belongs to JKR as well! Happy reading.**_

* * *

Unfortunately, the full moon fell in the middle of OWLs.

"It'll be ok" James assured Remus, who was poring over his History of Magic textbook. "You won't miss it"

Moony looked up, all pinched angles and shadowed eyes.

"I know – just trying to remember as much as I can. Everything's a bit foggy the next morning"

"We'll be there, Moony" Sirius spoke from his perch on his bed.

"You shouldn't. You need to study-"

"We'll be fine" Peter told him, a small smile as he watched his friends.

Remus checked his watch. "An hour till Madam Pomfrey's here"

"Alright. Last full moon of the year, yeah? We wanna make it count"

"Right" Remus said distractedly, eyes already back on his book.

* * *

James didn't know how it could go so wrong

Remus – at the end of the tunnel, was transforming. Sirius was already in his dog form, Peter hiding under the bed. And Snape, the curiosity on his face transforming into a combination of delighted surprise and fear.

Really, James thought, they had been deluding themselves that they could control an almost fully grown werewolf. Moony pushed past Padfoot, shoving him into the wall, and charged at Snape. James could just see his approaching shape from his frozen stance behind Snape. Then he moved.

He flung himself forward, seizing Snape by the back of his robes and yanking him back. "Run!" he yelled into Snape's ear, shoving him towards the exit.

Snape was stiff and indecisive for a second before he moved, shoving past James and pushing himself through the low tunnel. The rough earth scraped at James's hands as he pushed himself along, casting a glance back.

Remus was getting stuck in the small space, unable to go as fast. Somehow he was gaining. James's heart was thumping wildly, sending adrenaline rushing through him.

He couldn't think how Snape had found them, found the tunnel.

Who told, who told? James couldn't believe that any of them had told. None of them would.

"Run!" he screamed again, and Snape moved faster. Finally, they were at the end of the passage, hurling themselves out into the fresh air. He shoved Snape in the back and he shot forward. James closed his eyes, and turned into the stag.

If James hadn't been in a state of panic, he would've appreciated the look on Snape's face. Panic, horror, and confusion.

He turned to face Remus, pushing him back. The werewolf was strong, claws digging into James's flesh, but he lowered his rack of antlers and used them to shove at Moony.

Slowly, the werewolf seemed to realize James was a friend, and released him, growling.

James looked back desperately, and Snape was gone.

* * *

They closed Remus into the Shrieking Shack, James hating himself every moment, but knowing they needed to get to the bottom of this.

"How? Merlin – how could he know?"

Sirius was watching his feet, uncharacteristically silent, and a horrible, guilty suspicion formed in James's mind.

"No" he breathed, and Sirius looked up. Peter frowned between the pair of them. "Prongs?" he asked, but James ignored him, staring at Sirius.

"Tell me you didn't, Padfoot" James said bleakly. "Just – please-"

Sirius didn't say anything, and James saw Peter gazing at him sadly, something undefinable in his expression.

"Oh Padfoot"

Peter didn't even sound mad – just disappointed. And sad.

"It was a joke" Sirius said, still looking down. James willed him to meet his eyes, like if he could just look at Sirius's familiar laughing face, it would all be ok, and it'd just be a bad dream.

"I don't believe it" James said immediately. And he didn't, _did he_? Padfoot would never betray them, never betray Remus.

"I did it, James"

"No – no, Peter, explain"

"You already know, James"

"God – no – no I don't. I didn't- no. Padfoot, tell me what happened"

"I thought it'd be a laugh" Sirius said bluntly. "I dropped a hint to Snivellus after he saw Moony and Pomfrey, and he turned up. I meant to do the whole thing, James, you don't have to make excuses for me"

"You wouldn't do that" James said, staring at him. "You wouldn't – you wouldn't hurt Moony like that. You wouldn't hurt me like that. Me or Peter – no. Sirius, no"

"Saying 'no' multiple times isn't going to change a damn thing"

"Fuck-"

"Yeah"

Peter was watching them with sad, grey eyes, and it was too much and James ran.

* * *

The next time Sev tried to talk to her was on Monday.

"No"

"Lily-"

"No"

"Please – just let me talk"

"Sev, it's not just you, it's your friends too. Mulciber, you know what he did to Mary McDonald?"

"It was nothing, it was a laugh, that's all-"

Lily whirled on him, livid. It wasn't enough that he tried to get her to forgive him again, but to try to justify Mary's attack?

"It was Dark Magic" she said, coldly. "And if you think that's funny-"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?"

She let out an incredulous snort. "What's Potter got to do with anything?"

Sev's eyes jumped around shiftily and stared at his feet. "They sneak out at night. They're something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill!" Lily told him. "They say he's ill…"

"Every month at the full moon?"

She regarded him with a mix of sorrow and anger.

"I know your theory. Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are"

She laughed, a brittle crust of a laugh. "They don't use Dark Magic, though. And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there-"

"Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to – I won't let you-"

"Let me? Let me?" she spat.

"I didn't mean – I just don't want to see you made a fool of – He fancies you, James Potter fancies you! And he's not. . . everyone thinks. . . big Quidditch hero-"

Sev was babbling.

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag. I don't need you to tell me that. But at least he doesn't call people 'Mudbloods'"

That made him drop his gaze. God, he didn't even look apologetic. Just angry. Like he shouldn't have to earn her forgiveness, like it should just be there for him to take.

"I'm done" she whispered, and turned away. He let her.

* * *

Lily finished her OWLs in a daze, neither knowing nor caring how she did. Jugson still prowled the castle, and each sight of her make the knot in Lily's stomach twist a little tighter. She'd never been so glad that she and Sev ended up in different houses. She was repressing, she guessed, which was probably unhealthy, but it would last her till the end of the year and she could deal with lingering psychological effects over the holidays.

Her friends were tied up in their own problems – but they were still there for her. Marlene's little sister had come down with a bad case of dragon pox, and she was distractible and flighty.

Anna moped round the castle because half the Aurors had been sent away, Artemis included. They owled, but they missed each other and it showed.

Camilla was – Camilla. Except slightly more high strung.

And Mary, of course, was changed.

Even the Marauders seemed to be having problems.

("I think Potter and Black broke up" Camilla confided over breakfast, and Lily snorted into her scrambled eggs)

She'd heard differing tales, but the thing that most people seemed to agree on was this; On Saturday night, Severus Snape had gone down the tunnel under the Weeping Willow and James Potter had saved him from a mysterious monster that no-one could identify.

Whatever the case, Sirius seemed to have been kicked out of the group. He sat by himself at meals and in the Common Room, and Lily had woken up early a few times to find him sleeping on the sofa. Anna, who was probably his only friend outside of the Marauders, refused to tackle the task of talking to him.

("We're bros. Bros don't talk about feelings, we just ogle girls and drink together" she explained. "You're depraved" Lily told her. "Of course")

So, Lily, in her capacity as den mother, had been volunteered for the cause.

("You're _nice_ " Marlene explained, "he'll like, talk to you")

Lily was cursing her friends as she approached Sirius. He did not look approachable. His hair hung around his face, and he was staring blankly into the fire. He didn't look at her, but he spoke.

"Evans"

"Hey. Wanna talk?"

There was a teacup beside him, (that she suspected was spiked with Firewhiskey) and he took a swig.

"I'm a fuck-up, Evans"

"Ok" she said, sitting next to him on the sofa.

" _Ok_? You're not very good at this whole comforting lark. Shouldn't you tell me I'm not a fuck-up?"

Lily shrugged, stealing his cup. He surrendered it mournfully. Yep, Firewhiskey. "We're all fuck-ups" she told him bluntly.

Sirius whistled. "You're cheery. Sounds like you need that more than me"

She cradled the teacup protectively.

"What did you do?" she asked him.

"Screwed everyone I care about"

"Literally?"

"No, not _literally,_ Evans, you deviant"

Lily shrugged again.

"Do you care to extrapolate?"

"I can't really. But – I betrayed someone and told a secret that wasn't mine to share"

She sucked in her breath with a whistle, passing the teacup back.

"You _are_ a fuck-up"

"Screw you, Evans"

"I'm a Prefect, you can't talk like that to me. I'll give you detention"

"You know" Sirius said, mouth quirking up in dry amusement, "you're more fun than I gave you credit for"

"Thanks. You're not as big a prat as I thought"

"Yeah I am" he told her, voice slipping back to bitter. "I'm a git and a prat and a bastard and a horrible friend"

"They'll come round"

"They _won't_ "

Lily regarded him with some pity. His whole body was tense and stubborn.

"They will. They're your brothers, Black. Bet you a Galleon you'll be forgiven by the end of term?"

"Fine"

"Ha, you just bet against yourself"

"Give me the damn tea, Evans"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! FanFiction has gone all glitchy, so for some reason I'm unable to see or respond to any new reviews. I still get the email alert and I can read them there, but I can't respond. So I'd like to issue a general thank-you to anyone who reviewed. Please give me more. I'll send you biscuits.  
**_

 _ **To Osced: I'm glad the memory scene came off alright. Sirius's prank, (canonically) where he tricks Snape into the passage beneath the Weeping Willow, occurs before Snape and Lily's friendship dissolved. However, I forgot about it, and by the time I remembered it was too late, so I added it here. Thank you for continuing to reviews!**_


	17. Not a Damsel

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **A.N. Hey guys! Sadly, FF is still glitching. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has the problem - is anyone else having difficulty retrieving or responding to recent reviews? I can see them in email, but not on the site. I feel so guilty that I can't respond to y'all, but thank you so, so much for continuing to review. You guys are amazing.**_

* * *

Lily finished her last OWL, (Muggle Studies) with profound relief. She was going home for the summer. It would be lovely, she'd see her mum and dad, maybe Tuney would talk to her, she'd see – Sev. Maybe she'd invite herself to spend the holidays with Anna.

"Anna?" she asked, flopping across the end of the brunette's bed. "Could I pretty please come live with you?"

Anna looked up from painting her nails carefully, and raised an eyebrow. She could exert a level of control over her eyebrows that was downright unfair.

"No way. You know what my family's like"

"I'll act as a buffer"

"No"

"Pleasseeee"

Lily hadn't whined in years. It was surprisingly satisfying.

"I know what this is about" Anna said, watching her beadily.

Lily frowned.

"What what is about?"

"It's about Snape. You don't want to see him"

"Maybe"

"Fine. But you have to spend the first week at home"

"Oh _thank you_ " Lily exclaimed, crawling up the bed to hug Anna gratefully.

"Get off" Anna grumbled, shoving at her.

* * *

It was the last day of term and the castle was filled with crazed students and tired teachers. James felt a bit of both. He hadn't spoken to Sirius since the _Incident_. He knew Peter had, and Moony was physically incapable of holding a grudge, but James was a champion grudge holder, and what Sirius had done…

So – James was sulking. He was sitting in a corridor, back against the wall, letting the stupid Snitch fly farther and farther away.

He hadn't spoken to Evans either, since the _Showdown_. Code words, James thought, were excellent inventions.

He and Lily normally managed to keep their fighting to a dull roar. Explosions like that were – well, nothing like that had ever happened before. Their arguments were limited to him making fun of her Transfiguration work and asking her out in the same breath, and she would proceed to mock his Potions and slap him for 'harassing her'.

James caught the Snitch with his fingertips.

Someone screamed.

He shoved the small, fluttering Snitch into his pocket, and jumped to his feet, running in the direction of the scream. He didn't even think about it, just replaced the small gold ball with his wand, and kept running.

He found the screamer fairly quickly.

They were on the ninth floor, which explained why no-else had heard. James preferred solitary sulking grounds.

They were duelling, a hunched, dark witch, who was moving surprisingly fast, and a – statuesque red-haired girl who was ducking curses and hexes and returning them easily. James's stomach dropped as Lily spun away from a green bolt.

" _Stupefy_!" he cried. It was a lucky hit. The red light soared under Lily's outstretched arm and hit Jugson firmly in the chest. The witch toppled.

Lily turned and her eyes were wide.

"James?" she panted.

"Er – hi" he said awkwardly. "She give you bad grades?"

It was all he could think to say, and to his surprise and relief, she laughed, slightly ruefully.

"She just – attacked me. James, I dunno what happened, she just missed me with a Killing Curse and then we were fighting – and she was _good_ "

James took a step closer. He hoped she didn't slap him.

"She's a Death Eater, y'know" she told him softly, staring at the unconscious witch.

"Is she trying to knock off Muggleborns?"

Lily shrugged. "I think so. I think she was responsible for Jemma Markel's death"

"Have you gone to the teachers?"

She shot him a withering look. Now that was familiar.

"Oh no, of course not. I know there's a Death Eater at large at the school and I kept it close to my chest. We told them a week ago. They say they need her. She's a link"

"A bloody dangerous link" James said bitterly. "She could've killed you and no-one would've known it was her"

"My friends would. She didn't know we were onto her"

Jugson looked harmless, asleep. Her thin greying hair was falling out of its tight chignon and her black robes were shabby. There were deep lines carved into her face.

"Well we can't just _leave_ her here" James pointed out. "Er – shall I? Or d'you want to go?"

"Stay" she said quietly, pointing her wand.

" _Expecto Patronum"_

Her doe appeared. She knew they could be used to send messages, and she approached the silvery creature, feeling vaguely awkward.

"Er – to Professor Albus Dumbledore. Professor Jugson attacked me on the ninth floor corridor. She is currently Stupefied but she can't stay at the school any longer. She has to go to Azkaban, I don't care about links. Please hurry"

She backed up, and nodded, and the doe cantered off.

"Are you alright?" James asked hesitantly. Her hair was a tangled matted mess and there was a light sheen of sweat on her face.

She looked out the window at the grounds.

"Maybe" she murmured. "I dunno"

"Ok" he told her, sitting down. Jugson was splayed in front of them and he tried to ignore her. The Snitch fluttered weakly in his pocket. It was nearly dead.

Lily sat down next to her, closer than he expected, warm and shaking slightly, and James only hesitated for a second before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

* * *

Her mother was whirling about the kitchen, making dinner. Dad was still at work. Tuney was on a date, with her _boy_.

Lily's mother, Eliza, dropped her eyes when Lily asked where her sister was.

"With her young man" Eliza said, in a tone of voice that left Lily in no doubt as to what she thought of him.

"You don't like him?" she asked, dropping into a chair at the kitchen table. Her mum wrinkled her nose and poured Lily a tall glass of lemonade, setting it down with a coaster.

"He's not particularly polite" Eliza said diplomatically.

"What's he done?" Lily took a gulp of lemonade. She winced at the tartness; mum never put enough sugar in.

"Oh" her mum said, turning away and starting to pull vegetables out of the fridge. "Nothing in particular – he's just – self-centred. He works for a company that makes drills, Lily"

Lily smothered a laugh. "How, er – fascinating"

Eliza rolled her eyes. "But what about you, dear? How's the year been?"

Lily froze for a second. _A student was kidnapped and killed. People like me have been being harassed all year. I lost my best mate. My friend was attacked. I was attacked. Our teacher turned out to be a criminal._

"Not bad" she said finally, taking a sip of lemonade.

Eliza abandoned her dinner preparations and sat down across from Lily. They looked alike, Lily thought. They both had thick, dark red hair and pale skin, but her mum's eyes were blue. She got the green eyes from her dad.

"Not bad?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that all? I know you had those big exams this year, how did they go?"

"Er" Lily met her steady blue eyes. "Not bad?"

"Lily"

"Fine, they went fine! Just – tough year"

Her mum nodded sympathetically before standing and walking back to the cutting board. "How're your friends?"

"They're ok. Mary got sick at the end of the year, but she's alright. Oh and Anna invited me to stay with her for some of the holidays, is that alright?"

Her mum frowned at her. "I suppose so. Is something wrong between you and Severus?"

She flushed dully, staring into her glass at the pale yellow drink within. "Why would you think that?"

"You haven't mentioned him yet. Or gone to see him"

"I've been back for an hour"

"Still"

Lily sighed and pushed her hair back. "It's complicated. We had a fight"

"What about?"

Lily thought fast. "Politics" she said weakly.

"I didn't know you followed politics"

"Our politics" Lily clarified and her mum beamed. She loved the fact that Lily was 'integrating herself' as she put it. "I'm going to go unpack" she added, pushing back from the table.

* * *

James's quill hovered above the parchment. He scowled at it. Stupid Moony.

"Are you finished yet?" Remus asked, and James spun around to scowl at him some more.

"No" he said, and Remus walked over.

"Sign the damn letter" he said.

"I won't"

They were sitting in James's bedroom and it was far fancier than his Hogwarts's dorm. His Nimbus 1989 rested on hooks on the wall, and a large ornate bed was carefully made up with a dark green quilt. He sprawled on dark floor boards and glared up at Remus.

"Don't look at me like that" Moony told him, sitting down cross legged. "You need to tell him it's alright"

"But it's not"

Remus shrugged. "You know Padfoot had a different childhood than we did. I think it was worse than mine, honestly. At least my parents love me. Sort of"

"This is on him" James said bitterly. "You could've been kicked out – and it would've been his fault"

"He doesn't think like that" Remus sounded annoyingly patient. "He doesn't think ahead – and you _like_ that about him, James"

James kicked at the floor in annoyance. He would've kicked the wall but that would hurt and Remus would make fun of him. Also his mum threatened to hex him if she caught him destroying the house anymore.

"It's great that you've forgiven him, Moony. You were the one he hurt the most-"

"Exactly!" Moony threw up his hands. " _I've_ forgiven him, so you don't have any reason not to!"

James rolled onto his back. The smooth wood was cool, and a light breeze entered through the window. Remus's parents were on vacation, and wouldn't be back for a week, so James had insisted he come back to the Potter home.

"It's not that simple" he groused. There was a Quaffle under his bed and he wiggled forward to grab it, chucking it at Moony. He caught it easily, and frowned at James.

"Why isn't it that simple?"

James seriously considered crawling under his bed. Remus had a judgey face on.

"He _betrayed_ us"

"Don't be so dramatic"

"I'm not – he told Snape about you! This is a dramatic moment, Remus! I'm allowed to be upset"

"You were" Remus allowed, "but as you said, I'm the one that was hurt most and I've forgiven him. You have to as well"

James dragged himself off the floor and stumped over to his desk, dropping down with a heavy noise.

He scrawled a messy signature at the bottom of the page – and Remus snatched it out of his hands, presumably before he could reconsider.

" _Padfoot"_ he read aloud, walking over to where James's owl, Frank, was perched.

" _You're an idiot. You know it, I know it. You fucked up, mate. But you know what, since I am a kind and loving soul, I've graciously decided to forgive you. You're welcome. The fireplace is open._

 _Prongs"_

Remus looked up, a mixture of amusement and exasperation on his face. "It'll do" he said, and started to attach the note to Frank's leg.

"Oh good" James said, tossing the bright red Quaffle from hand to hand. James watched the large owl fly away with a sense of misgiving. "Are you sure we did the right thing?"

"Yes" Remus told him, sitting down on James's bed. It really was an overly large bed, James admitted to himself. He could fit four people in it without squeezing. He'd never utilized that though, just for the record.

"Alright" James said, feeling slightly calmer. The sun had just set, and the horizon was still tinged with buttery yellow and blue that looked like old dusty velvet. For the summer, his parents had moved to their large house in Godric's Hollow, where James could play Quidditch in the nearby moor without fear of Muggles seeing him.

They had a townhouse in London, but James considered the rambling house in the village home. He only saw the London house at Christmas, after all.

"I think I'll be living with you for the remainder of the summer" Remus told him.

"I didn't think your parents would be gone that long"

"It's not that" Remus said, leaning back against the pillows. "You just have a very comfortable bed"

"You're not stealing my bed, Moony"

"You could take the guest room" Remus suggested. "I'd be fine with that"

"Nice try"

Remus sighed. He looked solemn.

"James" he said, and hesitated. "I heard something happened with Jugson"

"Oh" James brightened. He'd almost forgotten that he'd helped getting the bitch kicked out. "She attacked Lily. She was going to kill her – but the spell missed. Else no one would've know it was her and there'd be another dead Muggleborn"

Remus went pale. "Merlin" he said quietly.

"Yep!" James said cheerily. "But I came to the damsel's rescue"

At that, Remus snorted. "Lily Evans is no damsel"

James considered that for a moment. He tossed the Quaffle to Remus. "I guess you're right"

By now, the lemony undertones in the sky had disappeared and all that was left was darkness

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you to everyone who's still reading and reviewing! Seriously, I get so happy and excited when I see an email from FF pop up telling me I've got a new review or follower. I'm having so much fun with this fic, and I hope you are all too. Let me know what you think of the chapter!**_


	18. Call the Police (That'll Work, Right?)

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Is anyone else having troubles retrieving and replying to comments or is it just me? I really hope FF resolves its issues soon... I want to be able to thank people for reviewing.**_

* * *

James's dad arrived late that night.

"Sorry" he said, kissing Mrs. Potter chastely on the cheek. "I was visiting Kara Prewett at the Ministry this afternoon – it's in uproar. A Death Eater was discovered at Hogwarts, she attacked a student"

She gasped.

So did Remus and James. Rather belatedly.

Euphemia narrowed her eyes at the two boys. She was a dark haired witch, with hints of silver threading through it. Her mouth was stern.

"James" she said, watching her son carefully. "You didn't know anything about that, did you? You would've told us if you knew there was a Death Eater running about at Hogwarts, right?"

"Oh no" James denied. "That's a shock – honestly"

Remus nodded.

The witch stared at him for a second more, just long enough that James began to panic, before she smiled and moved into the kitchen.

"Pumpkin juice, boys?" she called.

Dinner was vaguely awkward. Remus kept shooting James 'oh god, she knows' looks whenever Euphemia spoke to him.

"That poor girl" his mum said sadly, over apple pie.

"What poor girl?" James asked quickly.

She gave him an odd look.

"The Muggleborn girl that went missing at the start of the year. Jemma Markel?"

"Of course" Remus said helpfully. "It was terrible – that train attack. Sirius's cousin was there"

"You two were _there_?" James's dad asked. Fleamont watched his son steadily. He was a tall grey haired wizard, with James's unruly hair that James suspected he controlled with his own hair potion. Not that he was judging.

James kicked Remus under the table, and his friend winced.

"Remus is a Prefect" James said. Remus kicked James.

"I would've thought the train would have more security" Euphemia tutted.

"The teacher that turned out to be a Death Eater, I bet she disabled the protective charms" James told her wisely.

"Ah" she said, taking a sip of water. "You boys ought to get up to bed; it's been a long day"

"Night mum, dad" James said.

"Night Mr. and Mrs. Potter"

* * *

"You didn't tell them?" Remus asked as they walked up the stairs.

The Potter's house in Godric's Hollow was huge and airy, with four floors connected by wide, sweeping mahogany staircases. It was more cluttered than their London residence; Euphemia had stored all of which she termed as 'those god-awful Potter heirlooms' in it, and the walls were obscured by portraits of long-dead ancestors, most with untidy hair. It was a peculiar mix of gloomy mansion and rambling farmhouse, with a sweet-aired kitchen but a stern chilly living room, a marble fireplace large enough to roast an ox at the front.

There was a darker rectangle on the wall, and James frowned at it before remembering. His uncle Janus, (for whatever reason) had commissioned a portrait of himself to be hung there. Euphemia had removed it on Christmas Eve a decade ago. The wallpaper hadn't been sun-bleached yet.

"No. Mum would over-react and Dad would start trying to teach me how to duel again. Which _never_ ends well. They'll find out about Mary eventually, but I don't think Lily's attack has been publicized at all"

"Your house really is absurdly huge" Remus told James.

He yawned. "I know. Mum hates it – she'd stay in London year round, but Dad says it's good to get out of the city for a while"

They were on the third floor by now, the only light coming from a few candles set behind dusty sconces.

"I guess the house-elves are still in London" James said, raising an eyebrow at the dirt. "Normally they arrive a few days before, but Mum must be giving them a few days off"

"Your house-elves get days off?"

"Oh yeah" James yawned again. "They pay them too. Twenty Galleons a week and weekends off"

Remus whistled. "I think I'd make an excellent house elf"

They had come to James's bedroom door. "This year's been a weird one" he said quietly. Remus nodded.

"A lot has happened – it feels a bit surreal"

James shoved open his door. "Come on, Moony. You can sleep on my couch"

* * *

James woke up the next morning to find Sirius Black sitting calmly on the end of his bed. "Er – hi?" James said. He reached for his glasses, but knocked them to the floor. It was stupidly bright, and he swept his hands about on the floor blindly before they connected with a fragile metal frame. He shoved them on his face, and sat up, blinking.

"Hullo" Sirius said, awkwardly. "You said in your letter that the fireplace was open …"

"No!" James said, wrestling with the bed clothes. He saw Sirius's face fall, and continued hastily. "I mean, I'm glad you came. Really"

"Did Remus make you?" Sirius asked, looking at Moony, who was sprawled on James's brown sofa.

"Sort of – he _encouraged_ me towards the idea"

Sirius laughed. It was a slightly tense laugh, and nervous, but a laugh, nonetheless, and James relaxed.

"How's your family?" he asked.

"Same as always. My mum went on for about an hour about how _proud_ she was of _dear Bella_ and how ' _you really ought to be more like your cousin, boy, she's furthering our family and endearing us to the Dark Lord'_ "

James winced. Sirius's face was shadowed and stiff, and he looked angry, but he forced a smile.

"I can't believe Remus is still asleep" James said, changing the subject.

Sirius grabbed a pillow and tossed it at Moony's head without looking.

"For Merlin's sake, just cause you miss Padfoot doesn't mean you have to wake me up like him" Remus mumbled without opening his eyes. Sirius slowly looked up at James.

"You missed me?"

"Of course I bloody missed you" James whispered. "Did you think I just forgot about you?"

"I dunno. I thought you were done with me"

James's eyes stung, and he swiped away something that was _definitely_ not a tear. James really hated Sirius's parents. For making him feel worthless, like he was something to be cast away.

A delighted grin crept across Sirius's face, and he looked like himself again. Dark eyes shining, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jumper.

"Are you _crying_ Prongs?" he demanded, sounding gleeful.

"Of course not" James sniffed. "Dust"

"Yay. Great. You two have made up. I want breakfast"

Remus was still sprawled across the sofa, glaring at them with one eye open. He held a pillow across his chest protectively.

"Alright" James said, suddenly unable to wipe the grin off his face, "breakfast"

* * *

The Daily Prophet that morning arrived slightly sodden, as if the owl had flown through a rainstorm. It pecked Lily's hand as she was untying it.

Cursing under her breath, she managed to get it free.

 ** _Hogwarts Defence Teacher is Revealed as a Death Eater!_**

 ** _Professor Eadrócaireach Jugson was discovered as a Death Eater after she attacked a Muggleborn student on the day that they departed for home. The student's name has not been released. Jugson's office was filled with pureblood propaganda, and most damning of all, a list of students listing their blood statuses. She is suspected in the death of Jemma Markel._**

Lily set the paper down on her white painted desk. This early in the morning, her room looked like the inside of a giant buttercup. The walls were pale green and yellow, and the carpet cream. She hadn't changed a thing since she was ten, and the room reflected that.

 _You ought to be happy she's been caught,_ Lily chided herself.

The owl on her desk stuck its leg out imperiously, and shook it. She dug a few Knuts out of her pocket and dropped them into the small leather pouch. The owl took wing and she watched it go.

On the front of her newspaper, there was a large, panicked looking picture of Wanda Hartsford. Dumbledore was standing beside her, smiling serenely.

A second owl arrived within minutes of the first one.

Lily recognized Marlene's tawny owl, and quickly filled a bowl of water on her desk for the bird.

The writing on the envelope looked messy and hasty, very different from Marlene's normal neat handwriting.

 _Lily-_

 _Mum told me that someone found out that it was you Jugson attacked. There'll be a piece in the Evening Prophet. Just wanted to warn you._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Marlene_

Lily sat down on her desk chair heavily. Marlene's owl blinked at her reproachfully as she jarred the desk.

"Just- give me a minute" she told the owl.

She grabbed a scrap of parchment and a ball point pen, tapping her lip with the pen for a second before lowering it to the parchment.

 _Thanks Lena,_

 _I shouldn't have too hard a time hiding it from Mum and Dad, but it's good to have some warning. D'you know how they found out? And what's going to happen to Jugson? Hope your mum knows. And please thank her for me for everything she helped us with._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

She rolled up the parchment hastily and tied it to the owl's leg.

The next owl to arrive was a large barn owl. Lily glared at it. "I'm surprisingly popular this morning" she said, offering it the bowl of water with a sigh.

She didn't recognize the owl or the handwriting, and opened the letter curiously.

 _Evans-_

 _You owe me a Galleon. We made up this morning after term ended. You can enclose my winnings in your note. You should come over this summer. Have a good holiday._

 _Sirius_

Lily stifled a sigh and tucked the note in a desk drawer before grabbing another scrap of parchment.

 _Black,_

 _I'm glad you made up with your friends. You were making us all miserable with your sulking. Spend your Galleon wisely and have a Butterbeer on me._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lily_

There was a small spare change jar on her desk and she dug through it until she had a Galleon and two Sickles. She wrapped them in her note before attaching it to the owl's leg.

The door opened just as the owl was departing, and Lily whipped round in her chair. Petunia was standing in the doorway, watching the owl go with a mix of fear and longing.

"Tuney?"

Petunia's blonde hair was freshly bleached in anticipation of the summer months, and Lily spotted the tell-tale orange of a spray tan on her sister's fair skin. A navy blue tennis skirt was pulled low over skinny hips, and a snug white polo shirt made her tanned skin glow.

"You look nice" Lily told her, as Petunia walked closer.

"Vernon's taking me to play tennis at the club" she said, ignoring the compliment. Her eyes widened as they fell on the Daily Prophet, and Lily tried to stuff it away. Too late.

Petunia's skinny hand shot out and fastened around Lily's wrist. Her long pink talons bit into the skin.

"What's a Death Eater?" she asked. Lily took a shaky breath.

"They're – bigots. Dangerous ones. Murderers and torturers and every level of awful you could ever imagine"

Petunia's pink-painted lip curled. "And there was one at your freak school? Guess they let just anyone teach there"

"She was very convincing" Lily said to her feet. Petunia always made her feel like this. Small and childish.

"Is there a war on, or something?" Petunia asked, starting to flip through the Prophet.

"Basically… there's this bad bloke, right. His name's Voldemort, and he thinks that Muggleborns – people like me – are inferior. Him and his followers think we've stolen our magic"

Petunia perked up at that. "You can steal magic?" she asked.

" _No_. You can't – but they need an excuse to hate us"

"Are they dangerous?"

She didn't sound particularly worried, and she didn't look up from the paper.

"Very" Lily said.

"Have you told Mum and Dad?"

"No!" Lily yelped, snatching the paper back. "And you better not either!"

"But if you're in danger they could tell the police, or something!" Petunia protested.

Lily's mouth dropped open and she stared at her sister incredulously. Sometimes she forgot just how little Petunia really knew, and then it hit her all over again.

"Petunia" she said, very calmly. "They have magic. They can kill you with a word. What're the police going to do?"

Petunia looked stumped, and she flung the paper down. "I'll be late for Vernon" she said stiffly, and hurried out the door.

* * *

Lily sighed and dropped the newspaper in her rubbish bin, looking out the window to check for more owls. Nothing.

Five minutes had passed when there was a knock on her door, and her mum was revealed, smiling slightly awkwardly.

"Can I come in?" she asked, hovering on the threshold.

"'Course"

Eliza Evans sat on the edge of Lily's bed, smoothing the pale yellow quilt under her hands.

"Your sister…" she said slowly. Lily tensed up, tightening her jaw. The pen in her fingers started to creak and she prised her fingers off of it hastily.

"Your sister said something about a war" her mum said finally. She was gazing down at her sensible patent leather flats, and didn't meet Lily's eyes. Her long dark lashes cast shadows on her pale cheeks.

 _Fuck. Cheers, Tuney._

"Well" Lily said lamely. "It's – complicated"

"Lily" Eliza finally looked up. "I'm asking if there's a war. It's not that complicated"

 _But it is, Mum, it's so confusing I don't understand it myself, half the time. I don't know how all this happened, I don't know how this light, beautiful world turned into a place of such fear. I don't know why they hate me for being born, I don't understand any of it, why my friend was attacked, why a twelve year old was killed, it's horrifying and insane and illogical and no-one should have to deal with any of this._

"There's a wizard." Lily sounded fairly calm, to her own ears. "His name is Voldemort"

* * *

 _ **A.N. We're into summer proper! I hope you liked the chapter - I wanted Lily's parents to learn a little more about their daughter's world. It seemed kind of implausible that they didn't pick up on the fact that there was some bad shit going down. Thank you for all the reviews, (to TPTB at FF, please fix yourself) and keep em' coming. Have a nice day!**_


	19. Always a Girl

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **A.N. Man, I'm just**_ **churning _out these chapters._**

* * *

She spent the day in the house. After their little talk, Eliza had become – twitchy. She snapped at Lily when she suggested going to the park, and spent most of the day in the kitchen, cleaning.

Despite her mother's overprotectiveness, she felt not lighter, but heavier. More grounded. There were secrets that ate away at you from the inside out, rotting. Sharing them filled you back in, so you didn't float away.

"This Voldemort…" Eliza said, hands busy with soap and rag. "Is your Ministry after him?"

Lily hesitated. "They're afraid. Many of his supporters are very prominent pureblood families. No-one quite knows what he's doing, it's one of the reasons he's so successful. People are confused and scared and threatened, which allows him to keep doing whatever he wants"

Eliza made a 'tch-ing' noise and kept scrubbing. "You could do this all with magic, couldn't you?" she asked, pausing to catch her breath.

She nodded, kicking at a chair leg. "Marlene might be coming by later, is that alright?"

"I suppose so" her mum said absently. She stood with her hands propped on her hips, surveying the gleaming kitchen. "How is she getting here?"

"Since the house isn't connected to the Floo network, her dad will probably take her by Side-Along Apparition"

"What happened with Severus?" Eliza asked bluntly, after a moment.

"Mum…"

"Lily. He was your closest friend, I want to know"

Lily sighed. She didn't want to rehash this. It was bad enough that it had happened, without recounting it.

"He called me Mudblood" she said quietly.

Eliza wrinkled her nose, but just looked puzzled.

"It's a really awful name for someone like me. A Muggleborn, without a magic family. It's basically the worst thing you can call someone"

Her mum gasped and hurried to Lily's side, wrapping an arm tight around her. Lily buried her face in Eliza's shoulder. She smelt of lemons and sunshine.

"Darling, I'm sorry" she whispered into Lily's hair.

"It's alright" Lily mumbled. "I just – I expected more from him"

"Does he support this – Voldemort?" Eliza asked cautiously. Her free hand stroked her daughter's hair comfortingly. The kitchen was painted softly in summer sun, yellow tones creeping down the walls, and the air was warm and smelled like roses. A breeze passed through, dancing.

"Yes" Lily said, "I suppose he does"

They sat like that, in the kitchen, for a long time. The air between them unbroken with careful tenderness.

* * *

"Wand arm _up,_ Jamie!" Fleamont Potter commanded. James stifled a sigh and dutifully raised his arm.

The four of them, Dad, Remus, Sirius and James, (Peter was on vacation in Italy) were standing in the garden of the house, high rambling hedges shielding them from prying eyes. Fleamont had insisted the boys learn to 'protect themselves'. Over the year, the garden had been allowed to go wild – foxglove mingled with anjelica, (Euphemia had grumbled at the sight – she often sold anjelica to the Apothecary in the village) and wild roses twined through the hedges. The grass was tall and uncut, James stood ankle deep in wildflowers.

He gazed down at a small purple blossom for a second, envisioning himself tucking it into Lily's hair.

"Jamie!" Sirius mimicked, grinning at James's glare.

"Alright boys" Fleamont interrupted, "bow to your opponents – and nothing too illegal – I don't want to have to explain to Euphemia why the pair of you are in Mungos. Oh – and nothing that could get you sent before the Department of Underage Magic. You should be safe enough here – but just in case…"

Sirius and James bowed. Sirius added a flourish.

"Begin!"

" _Anteoculatia!"_ The spell from James hit Sirius in the stomach and he doubled over, straightening up with a grin and a pair of antlers on his head.

"Low blow, _Prongs_ " Sirius said, emphasising the nickname. Fleamont shot Sirius a puzzled look, and James hastily intervened. "You done, Sirius? Or are you going to have a go?"

" _Colloshoo!_ "

James tried to take a step and nearly fell over; his shoes were stuck fast to the daisy sprinkled ground.

"Alright!" Fleamont said, shaking his head. "I don't know-"

" _Levicorpus_!"

James's dad was hauled up by his ankle, sputtering as the light flashed. "Right!" he shouted furiously, face starting to go red from the blood draining into his head, "which one of you young scoundrels did that? Own up!"

James shook his head sadly. "I have absolutely no idea, Dad. It's a shame, really. We ought to go get Mum to fix Sirius's antlers though, we'll see you later!"

"Thanks for the duelling lesson, Mr Potter!" Sirius said cheerfully, following James.

Remus flicked his wand at Fleamont, letting him down gently. "Thank you, Remus" he puffed, clambering to his feet.

* * *

Sirius sat patiently at the table as Euphemia consulted a large book at her elbow. James set a plate of biscuits on the table, grinning at the horns.

"What did you _do_ to him, Jamie?" his mum asked, exasperated. Her long applewood wand in her hand tapped experimentally at the antlers. They were, James thought, admiring them, exceptionally _fine_ antlers. He'd be quite proud to have a set like them.

"Gave him horns" James said with an easy grin.

Remus spat out the bit of biscuit he was chewing. Setting her wand down carefully on the sturdy walnut table, his mum reached over and swatted James upside his head.

"This" Remus said, to no one in particular, "Is why people think you're together"

James and Sirius traded identical, disgusted glances.

"People think we're _together?"_

"-Look, no offence mate, I know I'm fit, but I don't think of you like that-"

"- _Please,_ you'd be _lucky_ to have me-"

"-And technically what I just said implied that we _weren't_ together-"

"Boys!"

Euphemia had the applewood wand in hand again, a threatening look on her face.

Eupehmia had been a Magizoologiest prior to James's birth – often travelling to the most remote regions of the world in search of new species to study. She still carried that tenacity and stubbornness, something that had served her well in raising her son, and by extension, his friends. Now she was a supporter for magical creatures, campaigning for house elves and merpeople, centaurs, werewolves and vampires. She spoke occasionally at the Ministry.

She was an exceptionally lovely witch – tall and slim with expressive hands and pale skin, dark eyed and dark haired. When she talked, people listened. According to her mother, the family had some Veela blood from many generations back.

In the silence that followed, she went back to her book, flipping through the pages and humming under her breath. "There's nothing" she said in frustration. Sirius started to panic.

"But – but, _no_!" he sputtered, feeling at the antlers in agitation. They protruded nearly two feet from the crown of his head, tall and heavy.

"Jamie" Euphemia said seriously. "What incantation did you use?"

"Er – _Anteoculatia_?"

She closed her eyes. Pinched the bridge of her nose. When she spoke again, her voice was level. "Did you twist your wrist at the end?"

"Maybe?"

She slammed the book shut, making the trio jump and swept over to collect her coat.

"We're taking him to Mungos" she said grimly.

"Oh" Sirius sounded weak, "that's really … not… necessary…"

Euphemia fixed him with a stern look. "Sirius dear, I don't want to have to explain to your parents, _again,_ why you have an extra body part"

He looked down at his shoes. "They really wouldn't care"

Squeezing his shoulder gently, she said, "but I do. Come on, dear. Let's go"

Grumbling, Sirius stood, nearly over balancing from the additional weight of the horns. Remus and James caught him hastily before he could collide with the floor, and walked him over to the fireplace.

"I know they say the Floo in St Mungos could be a safety violation, but it's really so much more _convenient_ than traipsing through Muggle London… I do hope they don't take it out, the board's been threatening…"

James rolled her eyes behind his mum's back as she pointed her wand at the huge dusty fireplace. Pictures of James from childhood rested on the mantle, and a cut crystal vase of pink-tinged lilies from the greenhouse sat to the side. _Lilies_ , James thought numbly. Of-fucking-course.

"St Mungos!" Euphemia said crisply, tossing her handful of powder into the flames and stepping in.

Sirius had to duck to allow for his antlers, but followed her in. James and Remus brought up the rear.

* * *

St Mungos was crowded. Children back from school had happily run amuck at home, causing all sorts of accidents with their magical skills, and a pair of siblings sat at opposite ends of a bench, arms crossed, with what appeared to be toilet paper plastered to their skin. Every so often one would rip a bit off, and more would appear like some strangely blossoming flower.

Healers in green robes hurried by, some escorting witches and wizards with various magical maladies and injuries. James and Remus took a seat, smirking at Sirius who was being steered over to the counter, looking miserable.

"Potter?" said a familiar voice. James and Remus looked up to see Marlene McKinnon standing before them. There was a small blonde girl who looked very like her, clinging to her arm, skin faintly green. She sneezed. Sparks came out of her nose.

The two boys leaned back.

"Oh, my little sister came down with dragon pox" Marlene explained. The blonde girl sniffled miserably.

Both James and Remus shuffled farther away.

"It's not serious!" Marlene said hastily. "She's passed the contagious stage, she's alright now"

The little girl smiled timidly. "I'm Sammie" she said shyly. "Do you go to Hogwarts?"

"Yep." James crouched down in front of Sammie and offered her a smile. "We're in the same year as your sister. We're all in Gryffindor. Do you know what house you wanna be in?"

Sammie nodded, long blonde pigtails swinging. "I want to go to Hufflepuff" she whispered, and both James and Remus smiled.

"Hufflepuff is an excellent house" Remus said solemnly. "And it's _very_ near the kitchens"

Marlene swatted his arm absently. "What're you lot doing here, anyways?" she asked, peering around while keeping a tight grip on her sister's hand. "Neither of you look maimed or disfigured. No more than usual, anyways"

"Thanks" James said dryly.

The sisters were in Muggle clothes; Marlene was wearing cherry red shorts and a striped shirt and looking quite out of place in the waiting room of wizards.

St Mungos felt airless and stale, the air stiff and chill. It lacked the give and forgiving warmth of the summer sun.

On the low table beside the bench sat a stack of recent Prophets, and James picked one up as Remus explained to Marlene about Sirius. She was shaking her head in a bemused manner.

" _What!?"_ James exploded as he read the headline.

 ** _Lily Evans, Muggleborn Student Attacked. Hogwarts No Longer Safe?_**

Marlene peeked over his shoulder and yelped, hand flying to her mouth. Her nails were painted a clear sky blue.

"Fuck!" she hissed, snatching at the paper. "They were supposed to release it tonight –they must've decided to do a notice"

She started to read from the paper, voice shaking slightly.

 ** _Lily Evans, who just completed her fifth year at Hogwarts, was attacked on the morning of her departure from Hogwarts by the unmasked Death-Eater-turned-professor. Miss Evans, allegedly with the help of Mr James Potter (son of Fleamont Potter, the renowned inventor and potioneer, and three-time winner of Witch Weekly's Wizard of the Year award, and Euphemia Potter, the well-known Magizoologiest) was able to subdue the murderous teacher and have her apprehended._**

"They've put her in danger" Remus said quietly, and James felt that shaky thud in his heart and quiver in his limbs. He hadn't thought about that aspect, just about his mum's fury. Now that Remus had mentioned it, he imagined Death Eaters striding up the quiet street that he imagined Lily lived on, throwing open her front door and cutting her down casually with a bolt of green light. A skull above her home, high in the brilliant cloudless sky.

"Someone told them" he murmured. Sammie was clutching her big sister's hand and looking up with wide blue eyes as guileless as the summer sky. Her lower lip was trembling.

"Who could've known?" Marlene started to pace, pulling Sammie with her.

"Only people I told was Sirius, Remus and Peter"

"The teachers?" she asked, "could they have let something slip accidentally?"

James let the paper slip back to the table, black and white people speaking without being heard.

"Does she know?"

Marlene bit at her lip, gazing down at the Daily Prophet on the gleaming white table.

"I told her it would be in the evening edition" she said hesitantly. Her free hand was tapping at her leg with no pattern, just frantic movement, wings against a cage. _Butterfly fingers_ , James thought suddenly, randomly.

"Well, she must know by now" Remus pointed out.

"I was supposed to go over there this afternoon, but then Sammie got worse, and – oh god she'll be all alone and she'll think I stood her up-"

James swallowed. What he was about to propose was a terrible idea. He shouldn't say it. He should keep his mouth shut. Too late.

Without his volition, he felt his lips moving. Words were coming out.

"Er – maybe I could go over there and check on her? See if she's alright?"

His 'get over Lily Evans' plan was failing spectacularly.

Marlene seemed to be trying to hide a smile behind her hand and Sammie, seeing her sister's grin, giggled.

"She's not exactly your biggest fan"

"I feel like we bonded" James argued. "I saved her from a Death Eater; I think it brought us closer"

"And do you even know where she lives?" Marlene continued.

"Near Snivellus" James said promptly.

Marlene's lips turned down and she wrapped a strand of bright hair around her finger, tugging on it.

"I would've thought you'd stop with all that since the last thing it led to" she said stiffly, looking down. Her eyes really were absurdly blue, James thought to himself. But personally, he preferred green.

"– I –" he stuttered a bit, "I'm sorry" he said in a rush.

Marlene and Remus both whipped their heads towards him. They looked surprised.

"What?" he asked, annoyed. "I say sorry"

"No you don't" Marlene said. She sounded slightly awed. "I've witnessed a historic event" she continued. "James Potter apologized"

James waved them off, irritated, and sat back down on the bench with a thump. Mum had manoeuvred Sirius away from the dark haired Welcome Witch, who was snapping her gum aggressively.

Sirius shot a helpless look over his shoulder as Mrs. Potter pushed him into the elevator. His antlers got stuck, in the doors causing a hold up, and Euphemia wrestled with them until he was in a corner of the elevator, looking cowed. James grinned. It was good to see Sirius being mothered.

He was brought back to attention by Marlene snapping her fingers under his nose, blue nails and eyes flashing.

"Fine" she said, huffing a bit, "you can go. But there will be ground rules. You don't ask her out. You comfort her. You tell her I'm sorry I didn't make it. If she wants to rant about the Prophet, don't rant with her, just listen. Clear?"

James nodded dumbly as Marlene ripped a corner of the Daily Prophet and scribbled an address on it.

"Figure you can find it?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Right. Remus, sit down and quit pacing. Bye James"

She plunked herself on the bench and pulled Sammie and Remus down without looking back at James.

* * *

Muggle transport was insane. Absurd. Impossible to understand. James staggered from the Underground, clutching the ticket in his fingers, and started climbing the stairs with relief. A few Muggles shot him odd looks, but James couldn't be sure if it had to do with his Chudley Cannons shirt or something else.

He spotted a Muggle bus, all boring and grey, and started swearing fluidly. James paused for air. He was an idiot. _I could've taken the Knight Bus and been there half an hour ago._

London was teeming and hot, sweat and expensive perfume and grease filling the air.

Teenagers from Muggle schools filled the streets – a skinny, peroxide blonde passed close to James, arm looped around a friend's neck, and he could smell cigarettes on the fabric of her expensive looking blouse.

He walked away from the dense cluster of the crowd, and started walking towards quieter side streets, before pausing, looking about, and sticking out his right hand. With a loud ' _POP',_ a vibrant purple bus exploded into view.

A bored looking young woman, hair brown and frizzy, hopped down the steps to regard James with disinterest. "Welcome to the Knight Bus" she droned. "Transport for stranded witches and wizards. Please come aboard"

Rolling his eyes, he clambered aboard the steep set of stairs and poured a pile of clinking Sickles into the box she held out for him. The Knight Bus was notorious for its unenthusiastic conductors.

"Where're you going?" she asked as James took a seat in a squashy chintz armchair and gripped the arms tightly. He'd been on the Knight Bus before and had been flung about until black and blue.

"Cokeworth" he said, "Adonis Way"

The girl thumped the partition separating them from the driver with the flat of her hand, shouting something unintelligible. She was flung backwards as the bus took off, barely catching the back of a chair as she stumbled.

James was pressed back in his seat as they hurtled through the streets, cars, fire-hydrants and small buildings leaping out of their way.

"What's in Cokeworth?" the girl shouted above the squeaking suspensions and banging chairs.

"A girl" he replied, absently. She nodded wisely. "Aah. A girl. Always a girl"

They were silent for the rest of the ride, James watching his surroundings blur until they were just colourful shapes.

* * *

 _ **A.N. It's killing me to not be able to reply to your lovely reviews! Is anyone else having this problem? I hope it's not a problem with my account. Anyways, enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think!**_


	20. Hands

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **Soooo... in honor of A Rise and Fall getting over 5000 views, and as well as making it to twenty chapters, this chapter is a**_ **slightly** _ **special one. Hope you like it!**_

* * *

James stumbled off the bus, glaring up at the purple vehicle. Fuck, he hated the Knight Bus. Cokeworth was quiet, a mill standing tall in the distance. It was maybe four in the afternoon. The street he stood on was empty, and he consulted the scrap of paper from Marlene in his pocket.

 _Number 34,_ it said in neat script. The house nearest to him said ' _24_ '

James started walking. The houses were on the small side, but neatly maintained, their lawns mown and glossy green, windows shining in the late afternoon sun, starched curtains hanging behind them. From up ahead came delighted shrieking and James spotted a pair of young children darting through the warm-rain arc of a sprinkler.

Numbers went up on the sides of houses, and in a minute, he was in front of Number 34.

It was painted a light blue, with white accents. The driveway was empty. Gardenias circled the house, and the windows were all open, trying to coax a breeze. He caught a glimpse of a gleaming kitchen from where he stood.

James double-checked the address, took a deep breath, and walked to the door. He knocked.

The second the door opened, James knew he had the right house. He'd never seen the woman who answered it before, but she was incredibly familiar. Pale and tall, with dark red hair, she was an older Lily. Except for her smile, and her eyes.

She was smiling softly and sweetly, an expression James had never seen on Lily, and her eyes were a clear blue. There was flour on the collar of her blue blouse, and a lemony scent came from the house.

"Yes?" she said politely. James realized he'd been staring.

"Oh- er, I'm here to see Lily. James. I mean, I'm James. She's Lily. Lily Evans?"

The woman in the doorway laughed. It was Lily's laugh. Warm and rich and throaty.

"Come in" she told him. "Her room's right up those stairs"

"Thanks, Mrs – Evans?"

She smiled at him. "Call me Eliza"

The walls by the stairs were plastered in pictures, and he stopped, staring at a picture of Lily at the age of maybe eight, her arms wrapped round a slightly older blonde girl.

Walking up the stairs was like watching Lily grow up. At the top of the stairs was a picture of Lily posing next to her Hogwarts trunk, frozen behind glass. James tapped it with a finger, waiting for her to move, before remembering that Muggle photos didn't move.

He kept walking, down a short hallway with a door on either side. One was painted hot pink. He assumed that that was _not_ Lily's door.

The other one was painted that luscious red that makes you think of splendid ruin.

James took a deep breath, (again. All this knocking was stressful), and knocked gently.

Footsteps sounded and the door was yanked open. James met Lily Evan's bright green eyes, a few inches below him, and smiled. She didn't smile back. She was barefoot, her toenails painted a dark red, and she wore small grey shorts. He lifted his eyes back up with some effort.

"Potter, what the _hell_ are you doing? How did you even know where I live?"

"Back to 'Potter', then, I see" he said mildly.

She sneered and grabbed his wrist, yanking him into the room. He had to work hard to keep from grinning.

"Oh go ahead" Lily said, flopping onto her tall bed. "Have a good laugh"

The walls were pale green with white stripes, and fluffy pillows and bedding that looked like whipped cream covered her bed. A white desk and chair set sat by the window, atop creamy carpeting, and a wingback armchair upholstered in pale yellow silk sat to the side. He took a seat, striving to keep the smile off his face.

A golden wicker basket with a white ribbon wrapped round it housed a sleepy orange kitten, who looked absurdly fluffy.

"Do you take him to school with you?" James asked.

"Yes" she said, crossing the room and scooping the cat up. He yawned. "His name is Travis"

James wasn't quite able to prevent himself from laughing.

"It's a good name" Lily said defensively and she sat down with the kitten in her lap.

It was warm and dozy in Lily's room, the heat thick and sleepy. It coated your skin, weighing you down.

"Just – you have the _cutest_ most colour coordinated room I've ever seen, and your cat sounds like an alcoholic detective"

Lily held the cat up. He yawned again, pink tongue tasting the air.

"Does this look like an alcoholic detective to you?"

James shook his head and spotted the Prophet on her neat desk.

"Did you see the special edition? We were worried it would put you in danger" he asked quietly. She was looking down at the cat in her lap, hands moving over his fur methodically, coaxing him back into sleep. Lily stayed silent.

"Lily?" he asked again.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah" she said. Her voice was surprisingly brisk. "I saw it – Marlene warned me beforehand. My mum found out about the war but not the attack so I think it's ok"

"Oh right, Marlene" James remembered. "She asked me to tell you she's sorry she couldn't come, her little sister's dragon pox came back and she had to go to Mungos"

Lily raised a sceptical eyebrow, leaning back on her arms. Her dark green shirt clung to her body.

"How'd she find you?" she asked.

"We ran into each other at Mungos. Sirius had – an accident"

She rolled her eyes at that. "Of course he did. You two are back together then?"

"Why" James demanded, "does everyone think we're together?"

"Cause you're handsy. So everything's back to normal?"

A little nonplussed, he blinked at her. Handsy? He was not handsy. "I suppose so" he said eventually.

"Good" she said. She moved the sleeping kitten carefully and walked to the small window that overlooked the street. Lily pointed out, over towards the mill.

"Sev's house is over there"

Her voice was distant.

The slippery chair gave James a moment of struggle before he prised himself out and went to stand beside her. "I'm sorry, Lily"

Her mouth dropped open. "Did you – did you just _apologize?"_

"Yeah. What's so weird about that?"

"You _never_ apologize"

She was laughing, eyes dancing, mouth half open and James, not really understanding himself, reached out and took her hand. It was smaller than he'd expected. Not that he'd expected anything. Not like he'd spent long nights imagining what exactly it would feel like to hold Lily Evans's hand.

It sat in his for a moment, motionless, like a strange pink shell, before interweaving her fingers with his. She didn't look at him. Lily stayed where she was, gazing out the window at the setting sun.

* * *

Pressure on her fingers. Lily had never held hands with anyone before. It was unexpectedly, disarmingly, intimate. His hand was larger than hers, and strong and warm, and he felt steady. Like they could be pushed and pulled and he would keep them just where they were.

She could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips, pulsing lightly. They stood in a cocoon of warmth. And maybe a little bit of trust.

For a precious, unguarded moment, she shoved thoughts and memories out of her mind and stood there beside a boy she had hated, holding his hand and feeling safe.

* * *

James saw the first star come out. It shivered in the sky, way up there all alone. It looked cold. No one had ever touched it. No one had ever held its hand. _How sad_.

His hand was still loosely connected to Lily's, fingers weaving and twining until he couldn't quite tell where his stopped and hers began. Their hands made a basket.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Look - a Jily moment! How novel. I hope you enjoyed it, and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the amazing reviews! I can't quite believe I have 75 - it's fairly insane. Thank you so much, and let me know what you thought of the chapter.**_


	21. Of Hair Potions and Daring Escapes

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. I'm loving the fact that y'all are so enthusiastic about this story - it's incredible that you're all so excited, but I'm posting these as I write - that means that there aren't any back logs of chapter. As soon as I have a chapter of a reasonable length, I post it. I try to do a chapter every day or every second day, but that isn't always possible, due to me either, not having internet, not having time, or not having access to a computer. Thank you for all your lovely reviews - but asking me to release the next chapter ain't gonna make it happen any faster.**_

* * *

"Stay for dinner?" she asked, still gazing out the window at the darkened sky. He considered Remus and Sirius, being taken back to his house by his mum. They'd be fine. "Sure" James said, squeezing her hand.

Lily detangled her her fingers and his hand felt cold for a moment. "Come on" she said lightly, stepping towards the door. "We might even be lucky and Tuney won't be here"

James grinned at her. He was absurdly happy. Lily Evans had held his hand, and invited him for dinner. It was a bloody miracle.

He followed her down the narrow stairs – she held her arms out to the sides, lightly touching each smooth wall as she walked, leaning just far enough forward that she looked like she might overbalance – and followed her into the kitchen. It was small and airy-light, painted a pale yellow with white trim, and Eliza was laughing in the arms of a tall brown haired man with Lily's green eyes.

"Hello dear" she said, beaming at Lily. "Is your friend staying for dinner?"

"Yep" Lily said, sitting down at the kitchen.

She didn't dispute the 'friend' comment, which James took as a good sign.

"Thanks for having me" James said hastily, smiling nervously at Lily's dad, who smiled back.

"Of course" Eliza said, pushing at her husband so she could get to the pot on the stove. He slipped past her to the pile of vegetables on the cutting board and started slicing carrots.

Lily smiled, slightly uncomfortably, and patted the seat beside her.

James used her owl to send a letter home, explaining, and promising he would be home before too long. He told Sirius he hoped that the antlers had come off without too much trouble. He didn't apologize for having caused them in the first place.

He was rather charmed by the distinctly un-magical feeling of the Evans's home – the wireless that was playing soft jazz, the photos that didn't move, the staid tulips on the white painted table. Lily was the only magic thing in that house. It seemed that the light illuminated only her – like it gathered gently and tenderly around her until she was all he could see.

It was disquieting. He'd pretty much given up his resolution to get over her, but did she have to be so – so, _noticeable_?

The worst thing was that she didn't even seem to be trying. She just _was._ Like she didn't have any other setting. Like the world was a mirror and she was the only thing reflected.

James tried to ignore her. Her laugh, which sounded a few times, low and lovely. Her smile, quick and flashing and instant.

About fifteen minutes into the meal, he realized her dad was asking him a question.

"- are your parents wizards?" he was asking.

James shot Lily a panicked look. He wasn't familiar enough with the Statue of Secrecy to know if it was legal to tell them.

He didn't know how much contact they had with her world. At school, Lily, while not hiding the fact of her Muggle parents, didn't draw attention to them. She seldom mentioned them or her sister – James didn't even know she _had_ a sister till this year. Lily masqueraded flawlessly. No one could tell that she didn't come from magic blood – she knew everything and anything about the wizarding world.

It was a testament to the flaws in their world, that Lily had to if not hide, than at least ignore her parentage.

"Yes" he said, eventually, spearing a cherry tomato.

"His dad makes hair potions" Lily added, helpfully. He kicked her under the table and she shot him an annoyingly saucy grin.

"Ooh, Lily, I could use that" her mum laughed. "Next time you're in Diagon Alley you'll have to find them for me"

James nodded, relieved. He hadn't been sure how familiar Lily's family was with her world.

"Lily just told me about the war" Eliza remarked conversationally, and James nearly choked on his sip of water.

"It's bad" he said quietly, looking down. "It's insane. No one should be judged for their blood"

James was looking at his plate, so he didn't see Eliza and Jack Evans's approving looks. Lily did – and frowned, slightly, filing away the information under _strange things._

The rest of dinner was quiet; they made idle conversation about the weather and the exams. The end of OWLs had been a blur; James didn't really know how he'd gotten through them.

"How're you getting home?" Eliza asked solicitously at the end of dinner.

"Knight Bus" he told her.

Lily grimaced at him sympathetically. "You could take my broom" she offered. "It's dark enough and if you fly high you'd be ok"

"Why do you even have a broom?" he asked. "You don't play Quidditch"

She shrugged. "The stereotypical nature of it is comforting"

"Alright" he said, before pausing and narrowing his eyes. "It isn't a Shooting Star, is it?"

"Cleansweep"

"Fine. Thanks, Evans. And thank you – for – talking to me"

Mr and Mrs Evans had drifted away tactfully, leaving James and Lily in the foyer, standing too close and smiling too stiffly.

She reached behind a potted plant to produce the broom and he laughed at her a bit, at her sheepish expression and the snap in her eyes as she passed it to him.

"Thanks Evans. Stay safe" James said again.

"You're welcome, Potter" Lily told him, and opened the door for him.

* * *

Lily flicked on the light when she got to her room, and sprawled lazily on the bed. She was scowling. At herself, but mostly at the thought of Potter. She'd _held_ his _hand_. What was she doing?

He'd helped her – maybe even saved her life – but that did not excuse, or permit hand-holding.

She heard the clunky thud of thick heels on the stairs, and sat up, hoping – wanting Petunia to trip in blithely, a pink-lipstick grin on her mouth. She wanted her sister to gush about her boyfriend, to rhapsodise over their date, to dream about their future together. Lily wanted a sister again, but she wasn't quite sure how she could go about it.

There was a knock on her door, and she held her breath. It was a brisk, rat-a-tat-tat knock. Nothing secretive or girlish about it. She shook her head. Analysing knocks was just a little too desperate.

"Can I come in?"

Petunia's voice was soft.

"Sure" Lily said from her perch on the bed.

Petunia slipped in. She was dressed differently from how she was when she left, in a soft looking blue dress and thick wooden heels.

"Hi"

Lily patted the bed beside her, and Petunia folded the dress under her carefully before sitting and kicking off her shoes.

"So" Lily said, voice brittle. "You told Mum"

She wasn't really angry. Lily knew her sister far better than Petunia knew, and she understood that her sister was jealous and scared of Lily's world, and she expressed it in weird ways.

"Yes" Petunia replied, equally stiff.

"I'm not upset"

"You don't have any reason to be – I was protecting you"

The kitten jumped up onto the bed and Lily scooped him into her arms. She needed something to occupy her hands with.

"How was your date?"

"Lovely" Petunia said briskly. "Mum mentioned you had a boy over – is he a freak like you?"

Lily's hands shook. "If you're asking if he goes to my school, yes, he does"

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"No!" she snapped. "He's not even my friend"

"So why was he here?" Petunia was maddeningly persistent, and Lily met her chill blue eyes for an instant. There was frank curiosity in them. If Lily let her mind go fuzzy, she could pretend they were children again, trading secrets with whispers and giggles and lemonade.

"He was – here about school" she said randomly. Petunia grinned at her. "No he wasn't"

Heaving a sigh, Lily clambered off the bed. Her room was illuminated by soft golden wall lamps, casting a candle light shimmer to the scene.

The Daily Prophet was on her desk (she made a mental note to hide it better next time) and she yanked it off with a rustle of papers, tossing it to her sister.

Petunia caught it, brow wrinkled in confusion, before she spotted the headline.

"You were _attacked_?"

There was real worry in her voice, and Lily could see her trembling.

"Yes" she told her. "On the last day of term, the Death Eater disguised as a teacher attacked me and tried to kill me. The boy that was over today – saved me. Sort of. I probably could've taken her-"

Lily shut up at the aghast look on Tuney's face. She probably shouldn't be lauding her own magical prowess.

"She tried to _kill_ you"

Petunia just sounded numb now.

"Yeah" Lily said quietly.

There was a rap at the window and she hurried to open it, Marlene's tawny owl hopping through.

A noise of derision from Petunia as Lily fumbled to undo the message.

"Why don't you just use the post office like normal people?" Petunia complained.

"Cause we _aren't_ normal people" she snapped. "Isn't that what you keep telling me?"

Petunia looked abashed for a moment as the owl took off and Lily ripped open the envelope. She recognized Marlene's creamy stationary and slanted writing.

"Who's it from?"

Lily scanned the letter.

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Hope you don't mind me telling Potter where you live –he seemed –_ different. _I'm sorry I couldn't make it. Jugson's been sent to Azkaban – she's getting life. I don't know how they found out about the attack, but I was worried it might put you in danger now that the Death Eaters know you were responsible for catching Jugson. I don't think James would be in any danger, his family's too prominent, but I'm scared for you Lily. Anna owled me and asked me to ask you if it would be alright if she could come get you tonight. They'll have protection on their house. I'll see you soon._

 _Marlene_

"It's from a friend" she said distantly. "I have to go"

"Go?" Petunia squawked. "What do you mean you have to _go?_ "

Lily chopped at the air in annoyance. "I mean it's not safe for you while I'm here – I have to go"

She started whirling around her room tossing things into her trunk, yanking out drawers and pulling down jumpers from her closet.

"Lily…" Petunia said, looking lost, "you can't just go"

Busy buckling the cat into his basket, she didn't answer. Lily started piling textbooks into her trunk, yanking jeans over bare legs and shoving her wand through her belt.

"Lily!" Petunia was standing up, hands on her hips. "I'm telling Mum!"

"Fine" Lily said shortly. "I should say goodbye to them anyways"

Petunia rushed from the room, noiseless in stockinged feet, and Lily tucked her caldron in amongst her books.

She grabbed a jumper from her closet, pulling it over her head and gazing out the window for a moment. Out there, somewhere, was Sev. Probably lying awake in his small dusty room, listening to one of his parent's ceaseless arguments.

"Lily!"

She jumped. Eliza Evans stood in the doorway staring in confusion, and Petunia had her arms crossed.

"What on earth are you doing?" her mum continued.

Lily crossed the room in two strides and tossed the Prophet to her mother.

"I'm putting you in danger"

Eliza caught it, and her hair swung down to cover her face, twin curtains hiding emotions. When she looked up she was pale and the paper hung limply in her hands.

"Why didn't you tell us?" she asked, numb.

Lily's hands were busy with quills and papers and trunk clasps. "You would have worried"

Her voice was softer now. The three of them, the mother and her two daughters, made an odd, frozen tableau.

The lamplight was soft and caressing, adding shadows to curves and edges where there were none. A stark contrast to their pale, stiff faces. _Like creases in paper_ , Lily thought, studying the harsh lines of her mother.

"You're not going anywhere" Eliza said firmly, dropping the Daily Prophet to the bed. There was a smiling picture of Lily splayed across it, caught mid-laugh. She didn't know where it had come from.

"Mum, Anna will be here soon. I'm just – going a little sooner than expected"

Her mum either couldn't, or wouldn't hear her, shaking her head.

"Lily…"

Petunia stood in the background, pale eyes wide and confused.

"I'm sorry" Lily said, a note of finality in her voice. "Really. But I need to go"

Warm arms caught her up in a fierce hug, and for a second she clung to her mother, soft blouse and sweet smelling hair and warm tears dropping onto the back of Lily's neck. She clung like she wouldn't let go, like they would stand there for an eternity, frozen but still living.

The doorbell rang distantly downstairs, jolting them back to reality.

"That'll be Anna" Lily said, pulling away. "I really have to go"

"Your dad's asleep-"

"I'll write" Lily interrupted. She pulled the trunk along the floor. "I'll explain…"

Eliza's hand was pressed to the base of her throat, fingers splayed, tapping nervously on her collarbone with a dull thud. Petunia had pressed herself to the wall like she hoped to be swallowed up so she didn't have to meet her sister's eyes. Lily smiled at the pair of them – all soft hair and fluttery hands, and hurried down the staircase leaving them unmoving.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think and i hope you all have a marvelous day.**_


	22. Fireflies

**_Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR_**

 ** _A.N. Whoop, another chapter. Y'all are so encouraging, it's amazing. Thank you so much. Anyways, a lovely reviewer suggested that I do recaps at the start of chapters, just to refresh your memories, (damn, I know it's long when I need recaps) so I'm gonna start doing that_**

* * *

 _Recap: James came over to the Evans house to see if Lily was ok in the aftermath of the Prophet article (cause he's a sappy idiot). They end up holding hands, James stays for dinner, and Marlene warns Lily via owl that she might be in danger. Lily decides to go to Anna's house sooner than planned – in order to protect her family. Said family is not impressed by her reasoning, but eventually caves when Lily shows them the Prophet article._

* * *

Anna and her father seemed to be almost _vibrating_. Lily wasn't sure whether it from excitement or worry. Her friend was bouncing on the balls of her feet, clutching two broomsticks in her gloved hands.

"Ready?" she asked, after the initial pleasantries. Lily nodded. She'd met Mr. Rogers a handful of times – mostly during summer holidays when Lily and her dorm mates rotated and visited in a whirlwind of summer induced parties.

Anna passed Lily a broom – it was a Bluebottle – staid and reliable, and Mr. Rogers spelled Lily's trunk so it swung from the end as if suspended by invisible ropes. The basket containing Travis was attached to Lily's broom, and Anna cooed through the gaps in the wicker at the irate looking cat.

Lily was by no means a confident flyer, but she was passable. The cool night air on her face was comforting and she closed her eyes for a moment, imagining flying into the stars.

"Were your parents ok with it?" Anna shouted from the left, swerving towards Lily.

"Yes" Lily said, before shaking her head. "Not really – they don't quite understand"

The brunette nodded before falling silent. Mr. Rogers was flying behind them scanning the sky and the ground alternatively, watching for Muggles. Lily, trying to ignore the emotions whirling like troublesome owls, concentrated on the physical.

Moonlight, carding through her hair like a gleaming comb. Cool wind fingers on her cheeks, caressing. Her feet dangling three hundred feet above a dark forest.

She could fall into it, and never be found again. For a second she indulged the fantasy. Darting through the trees like a wild creature. Not a prey-thing. Not a victim, not vulnerable. Strong and harsh.

The lights of the houses looked like fireflies.

* * *

The Rogers lived in the wizarding village of Upper Flagley. It was small – cosy looking cottages nestled their backs up against a lazily flowing stream, which poured over rocks with a tinkling gleam. It shone like liquid diamond in the moonlight. Lily spotted a few tell-tale magic signs, even in the darkness. Magical plants and herbs flourished in wild gardens and she saw a broom shed in one garden, a bright red ball lying half concealed beside it. Since finding out about wizarding villages, she'd always found the Muggles who lived amongst them interesting.

Tolerantly abiding their neighbours' eccentricities, not trying to pry into the fragile balance of the village. It was like clockwork, Lily thought. A graceful dance of avoidance and brushing hands. And of course, the occasional Confundus Charm.

Real fireflies darted in overgrown gardens full of English roses whose delicate perfume floated in the cool air.

The group landed in the back garden of a small cottage – all cosy roundness and green painted window frames - on the outskirts of the town, and Lily spotted a few Chinese Chomping Cabbages at the bottom near the stream. A gnome scurried into the undergrowth, giggling madly as Anna aimed a kick at it.

"Come on" Anna said, piling the broomsticks by the door as her father sighed, picking them back up.

Lily kicked off her boots at the door and entered the cottage barefoot.

The hardwood floors were slick and cool underfoot, plush intricate carpets lying over them. The walls were neutral beige, hung with pictures of nature that seemed to move – just slightly. Wind rustling the leaves, ripples on a lake.

Her flight from Cokeworth had left her tired and slightly disorientated – it seemed impossible that less than three hours ago she'd been holding James Potter's hand and watching the sun set quietly.

"How's your holidays been?" Lily asked.

Anna rolled her eyes at her friend. "It's been what – three days? I'm fine. Got a few letters from Artemis, it's all good"

Mrs. Rogers descended at that moment, beaming. She was a petite black haired woman with snapping eyes and a kind smile.

"Lily! Goodness, you've grown since last year"

She scooped the cat-basket from Lily's arms as Mr. Rogers staggered in with the trunk.

"Mr. Squiggles will be glad to have a playmate" Mrs. Rogers said, unclasping the buckles on the basket and releasing the kitten.

"I still can't believe you named your cat Mr. Squiggles" Lily muttered to Anna. The orange kitten looked rather unsteady on his short, fat legs, and wandered into a corner where he flopped over and covered his face with one small paw.

"It was my _birthday_ " Anna snapped. "And you know as well as I that Marlene's _concoctions_ are absurdly strong"

"You girls should get to bed. Since that dreadful article in the Prophet came out, the house has been given all sorts of security. Lucy McKinnon was able to twist a few arms and got an Auror out" Mrs. Rogers advised. "I'm glad you made it here, Lily"

There was a certain solemnity to her words, like what she was saying was old and important. Lily felt a shiver down her spine and gazed into the witch's warm loamy eyes for a moment before letting Anna tug her away down the narrow hallway.

In a direct contrast to the rotund exterior, everything in the Rogers's home was sharp edges. Corners, precise and perfect, doors fit so smoothly that there wasn't a gap to slide a sheet of paper through, and the windows were perfect gleaming black squares. Rather than it coming off as harsh, or cold, the edges and corners and lines were strangely – comforting. They made you feel more focused, like every thought and movement in that house was exact and economical. There were no wasted moments there.

Anna's room was minimal. Two futon mattresses lay on the ground, covered in matching deep purple sheets. Lily's trunk lay at the foot of one, and Anna's eagle owl slept on a bronze perch. An airily constructed desk was stacked high with papers, and a tall, neatly built bookshelf was just full – there were no gaps or books crammed in messily. The walls were a pale golden colour.

Lily plunked herself down on one of the mattresses. It was surprisingly comfortable for a thin mat on the hard wood, and Lily suspected that liberal Cushioning Charms had been added to it.

"Thanks for coming to get me so fast" she said. Anna took the other mattress. She sat cross legged on it and turned to face Lily.

"No problem" she said briskly, "you weren't safe there. I had an owl from Marlene before we left to come get you – her mum's managed to convince the DMLE to station an Auror on your house for your parent's protection, sort of an apology for that story. They realize it was a bad move on their part"

A slight bit of tension eased and she sank a little deeper into the mattress. That had been what was really worrying her – the idea that some Death Eater might attack her house or her parents even though she wasn't there.

"Thank you" she said again, smiling tiredly at Anna.

"It's fine Lily" Anna said, sounding uncharacteristically soft. "I'm just glad you're alright"

Lily stretched out on her mattress, and gazed up at the ceiling until sleep crept up like a dense fog.

* * *

Morning dawned coolly. It felt like camping, almost, on a low mat close to the ground, the window open to let a fresh smelling breeze in, dew drops streaking the clear glass.

Lily shoved herself off the futon. The sunlight glancing off the golden walls made the room feel full of rich dark honey.

"Oi, Anna" she hissed.

Anna stirred sleepily. She opened one eye to gaze at Lily, looking vaguely annoyed.

"What time is it?" she whispered.

"Seven o'clock. And why are you whispering"

The girl rolled over, closing her eyes again and bringing a finger to her lips. "Shhh" she murmured.

Lily flopped back on her mattress. At some time during the night, Travis had crept in and burrowed into the quilt at her feet. He was warm against her cold toes and he appeared to be snoring. Anna's eagle owl, Higgins, (she really did have the worst names for her pets) was watching the small furry kitten beadily.

She wiggled to the end of the mattress, pulling a slightly crushed sheet of parchment from within her trunk and sucked on the end of a quill for a second as she tried to think what to write.

She was sorry? She wasn't. She wished she could have stayed? Maybe. It was for your own damn good? Too confrontational.

Lily sighed. The parchment seemed ready to suck up her words.

 _Dear Mum, Dad and Tuney,_

 _I'm safely at Anna's house – and I'm sorry I had to leave so fast. There's been an Auror (that's like wizarding police) stationed at the house for your protection. I honestly don't think there's anything to worry about – but the Death Eater that I helped expose is getting life. They won't take that too kindly. I probably won't see you until Christmas, or maybe even next year. I'm sorry. I love you all and I hope you're alright._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

She scanned the messy scrawl for a minute, wishing there was some tangible way she could reach across to them and say ' _look, I'm here, I'm alright, I'm sorry'_

Shaking her head, she folded the letter into the envelope and staggered off the mattress to where the owl perched, gazing at her.

"Alright if I use Higgins?" she asked Anna over her shoulder. The other girl made a sleepy sounding grunt that sounded vaguely affirmative.

Lily took it as permission, anyways.

The owl stood perfectly still as she affixed the letter to his leg and carried him gently over to the open window, setting him on the sill. He took off, into the morning sun.

Anna managed to drag herself out of bed ten minutes later, hair matted and half falling over her face, moving in a sort of zombie stumble-shuffle.

"How's Artemis?" Lily asked again, following her into the kitchen where Anna started to make tea automatically. Mrs. Rogers had left for the Ministry early, and Mr. Rogers had left a note saying he was going to visit the Prewetts, who lived closer to the centre of the village.

Anna seemed to have to digest the question for a few minutes before answering.

"I forgot how lazy you get on the holidays" Lily said, amused.

"Fuck you" Anna retorted half-heartedly.

"Artemis?" Lily prompted. She took the heavy mug of tea that Anna proffered, the steam curling up like feathers and lace. Anna stumbled through the door that led to the living room and Lily trailed after her, feet bare on the cool floor.

"Artemis is fine" Anna said, curling up on the sofa and tucking her feet under her. Lily sat at the other end and took a sip of tea. Large glass picture windows looked out at the hedgerow separating the cottage from the house next door, but Lily knew the windows were enchanted to look like a wall – just because the Rogers enjoyed using magic.

Anna's sleek grey cat, Mr. Squiggles, was curled into one of the empty chairs. They were quiet for a moment, holding their tea up to their faces, letting the steam wash over them.

"Just fine?"

"She's passed her final exam" Anna said softly. "She's a proper Auror now"

"That's good isn't it?"

Anna sounded quiet and rather worried, which made Lily hesitant.

The brunette witch shook her head slowly. "The DMLE is really understaffed. Marlene was telling me her mum is just holding everything together. The Aurors are working longer and longer shifts and being sent into risker and risker situations and it's just a mess. I'm scared for her"

Across the room, the cat yawned and stood up, hopping down from the chair and wandering out of the room. Lily watched him for a moment, trying to work out how to respond.

"I'm so sorry you're scared" she said finally. "But Artemis _loves_ you. I've seen you two together – and I know she wouldn't let anything stop her from coming back to you"

Anna flushed – whether from embarrassment or pleasure, Lily couldn't tell – and took a gulp of tea.

"She came over for dinner the second night of holidays"

Lily beamed at her. "Do your parents like her?"

The other girl nodded hesitantly. "I think so. They got along well – and Mum said she seemed lovely"

Lily patted Anna's knee with her foot and fell silent. It was still cool, the air so shiny clean, it looked as if someone had polished it. Outside, an elderly Muggle woman was walking down the side of the street, a loaf of fresh bread in her arms. She stuttered to a halt to frown at a garden filled with odd plants, (Lily saw a few Snargaluff Stumps and a baby Venomous Tentacula) before shrugging and moving on.

"That's Mrs. Kirken" Anna told her. "She nearly caught me with my broom yesterday. Nosy old bat"

The Muggle woman kept moving, ignoring two young witches who were playing in their garden, making flowers bloom beneath their small fingers.

To live amongst wizards, Lily thought, you must be either extraordinarily unimaginative or incredibly open-minded.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Hope y'all liked the chapter! (I've realized that I say 'y'all' a lot, and it's weird, I'm not even American? Let alone southern?) Anyways. Let me know what you think.  
**_

 _ **DMLE= Department of Magical Law Enforcement. I was going to use DOMLE but that sounded a bit stupid.**_


	23. An Idea, of Sorts

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. I know, I know, I disappeared. I'm sorry. I got a bit busy, but tonight I'm going to sit myself down with a fully charged computer, lock myself in the bathroom, and write like I'm running out of time. Enjoy!**_

* * *

It was eight o'clock before they moved off the couch, retreating to the kitchen where they ate toast standing up and looking out the windows.

"Damn" Anna said, suddenly.

"S'matter?" Lily had a mouthful of bread and jam and sounded rather incoherent.

"Oh" Anna said, realizing that her reaction may have been overly dramatic. "Nothing really – but we're out of Burn Paste and the Apothecary's out, so Mum asked me to make some, but you know I'm fairly terrible at Potions-"

"Lucky for you" Lily said, setting down the remains of her toast and brushing her hands off, "I'm excellent at Potions"

The glop in the caldron was a bright orange, around the consistency of Play-doh. Lily poked at it with a wooden spoon dubiously. There was a cabinet full of potions' ingredients in the Rogers's basement, along with a stack of caldrons, and Anna and Lily were huddled around a tall wood table, scarred from burns and with mysterious stains etched into the surface. A cluster of bright blue flames leapt from the table to heat the caldron.

"Pass me the Dittany" Lily requested, snapping the fingers of her free hand until Anna passed her a small, neatly labelled bottle.

Using the dropper, she carefully let three drops fall into the paste. It hissed, and seemed to exhale, becoming slightly thinner and easier to stir.

"Alright. Now we let it brew for ten minutes before adding the powdered unicorn horn and dried dragon's blood"

The basement was not as scrupulously maintained as the rest of the house. Spiders made their homes in dusty corners, the light from candles falling across them in a delicate interplay of light and shadows and reflection. Most of the stacked caldrons were rusty, and an old broom sat beside the cupboard of supplies. Apart from the table the girls were grouped round, there were three spindly stools that Anna regarded for a moment before trying her weight on one. It creaked, but held.

"Apart from the Prophet's thing about you, it's been quiet. I mean, the DMLE is still kept busy, lots of little old ladies claiming to see You-know-who himself in their back-yards, but there's been no big attacks"

Lily frowned. The flames beneath the potion were too hot, so she quickly adjusted them, and the bluish tinge to her face vanished.

"D'you think they're planning something big? Jugson wasn't just at Hogwarts to recruit, after all – she was attacking people too"

Anna shuddered on her stool. The white smoke rising from the caldron painted her ghostly, and she waved her hand through, dispersing it.

"Merlin" she said in a hushed voice. "I hope not"

* * *

Lily, deciding that Anna should have _some_ part in the making of the Burn Paste, turned the caldron over to her. It must be said that Anna did not look particularly confident, and sneezed as the caldron emitted a batch of sparks.

She eyed her friend carefully. There was something subtly different about her, a different set to her jaw, and a glint in her eyes that wasn't there before. There was something that suggested that she had the capacity to be hurt, and badly, and she was dreadfully afraid of it.

It was, Lily thought, probably something to do with the fact that someone else held her heart, and that someone did not lead a safe life. It was strange to see Anna looking so vulnerable.

There was a large jar of fine, sparkling white dust, and Lily passed her the ground unicorn horn, pulling the stopper out with some difficulty. According to Anna, they mostly bought pre-made potions at the village Apothecary. The ingredients had been lying down there for some time, un-used.

"So a pinch of this…" Anna said, letting the powder drift in. "And a bit of dragon's blood?"

Lily nodded, rummaging around in the cupboard until she found the grubby looking jar full of gory looking dust. It was in clumps, and she shook it, peering at them dubiously.

"Here" she said, holding it out at arms length. "Thanks"

The spoonful of dragon's blood dropped into the orange paste, and there was a loud BANG. Sparks flew, and all the candles went out. It wasn't dark for long; the contents of the smoking caldron quickly ignited, and the girls' faces were cast into flickering shadow.

"Damn" Anna whispered, eyes wide.

"What did you do?" Lily whispered back. She fumbled around in the dark until she found a candle, holding it to the conflagration until it caught.

Luckily, there was a sink downstairs, and they were able to douse the fire fairly quickly. The potion was ruined.

"Start again?" Anna suggested hopefully, once all the candles were re-lit.

Lily cast her a flat look. "Sure. But you stay away from it"

Anna nodded quickly, grabbing a fresh caldron.

* * *

It was good to get out of the oppressive basement. The air down there felt – thick and _wrong_. Anna lugged the small vat of orange paste out with them, clunking it into the corner of the kitchen.

Outside, it was still cool and sunny, that lovely contradictory weather you only get for a couple of days every year. On the horizon, Lily could just see the tell-tale shapes of figures on brooms, and a bright red speck that looked suspiciously like a Quaffle.

Following her gaze, Anna huffed. "It's those idiot Prewett boys. They always forget to put up Muggle repelling charms – they're terribly irresponsible"

Lily looked at her quickly out of the corner of her eye. Normally, Anna would be in the thick of it, not giving a damn about rules or risks. It seemed like falling in love with someone who risked her life daily had made her more willing to follow them.

"Their parents don't try to stop them?" Lily asked, amused.

Anna rolled her eyes. "I'm sure they _try_. Gideon told me that their mum, Kara, managed to seal the broom cupboard for a whole month before they figured out how to break in"

Lily laughed at that, following Anna into the garden.

It was a small space, backed by the creek, and bordered by tall hedges.

"Our neighbours are Muggles" Anna informed her. "The Bones' moved out a while ago"

She sat down beside a Flutterby shrub, stretching out her legs on the cool grass. The creek was high enough at this time of year that they could probably go swimming, if they wanted, or at least immerse themselves to the waist.

"Have you heard from the others lately?" she asked Anna, who settled down next to her, frowning at a Shrivelfig.

"Oh – yeah, Cami's coming over today. Marlene might make it, she's not sure"

"Mary's in France, isn't she?" Lily remembered.

"Yep"

The dark haired witch leaned back on her elbows, tipping her head up to the sun and closing her eyes.

"Why are they doing this, Lil?"

She sounded very young. And scared. Her face was unguarded for once, and Lily saw anger and fear in her expression.

"I don't know" Lily whispered, not sure Anna could hear her. "I just want it to be over"

* * *

Camilla arrived in time for lunch, and Marlene arrived a few minutes behind her. Camilla was clutching a basket of raspberry muffins, and scowling ferociously.

"I just managed to escape before Mother gave me the entire kitchen" she declared, dropping the muffins on the table and pulling Lily into a fierce hug.

"Thanks" Anna said, eyeing the muffins. "They might be the extent of our lunch – I don't know what to do with any of the stuff in the fridge. My dad normally cooks"

Marlene tsked, whisking past her into the neat kitchen, pulling down pots and pans and shooing them out. They ignored her, Camilla and Anna leaning against the counters, chatting idly.

"How the hell did you manage to mess up Burn Paste, Rogers?" Cami sounded amused.

"I don't know!" Anna protested, throwing up her hands defensively. "I just put the dragon's blood in and POOF!"

She gestured and mimicked an explosion.

Camilla rolled her eyes.

"I can make lemonade" Lily offered, peering past Marlene into the fridge, where there was a whole bag of lemons.

Marlene thrust the bag into her hands and Anna found a large pitcher and lemon squeezer.

* * *

It was a companionable silence with busy hands and the sharp tang of lemons. Warm slices of sunlight illuminated the kitchen as Marlene sliced bread and tomatoes, ripping up fresh basil that Anna had brought in from the garden.

"Have you heard from Mary lately?" Camilla asked. She held a large frosty glass of lemonade in her hands and took a sip, watching the other girls over the rim of her cup.

They all slowly shook their heads, Marlene ducking her head back down to the cutting board. Camilla looked upset, and Lily saw the glass in her hands tremble slightly until she tightened her grip, stilling it.

"I'm sure she's fine" Lily said, half reassuring herself. She topped up her own glass of lemonade and set it on the counter.

The smell of toasting bread rose between them, and in the gap in the conversation, Marlene spooned a mixture of chopped tomatoes, onions and basil over the crisp bread.

"Hope so" Anna muttered. "She's still pretty shaken, I think. I'm just glad they caught Mulciber – it would've been worse if he wasn't taken in"

"He comes from a pureblood family, doesn't he?" Camilla remembered.

Marlene nodded. "They're like – distant cousins of my mum. She hates them"

Lily shook her head slowly. "He deserves worse than just getting expelled"

"I know Lily" Camilla said quietly. "But we can't really"

* * *

Marlene started serving the food, passing around large blue plates and ushering them out into the garden where they sat at the edge of the stream.

"Have you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?" she asked, taking a bite of bread.

"Nope" Anna said.

The blonde frowned. "I would've thought you of all people –what with Artemis-"

"What is it, Lena?" Camilla interrupted. She leant back against a silver leaf tree, the leaves glistening hotly in the sunlight.

Marlene took a deep breath. It was maybe one thirty, the sun just starting to pass into the west, and a small fish jumped out of the stream, flashing silver, like a lost leaf off of the tree.

"It's a secret organization – I think Dumbledore started it" she said, lowering her voice and glancing about nervously. "They're committed to stopping Voldemort"

"Like Aurors" Lily pointed out.

She shook her head. "No – not exactly. The Aurors have to watch that they don't step on anyone's toes, and they're mostly committed to preventing war. The Order is just about stopping and killing him"

Lily saw matching looks of eagerness on Anna and Cami's faces, and knew she looked similar. It was a tantalizing thought – a secret group, wanting to rid the wizarding world of this threat.

"Well it sounds bloody marvellous" Anna said. "Have you come to recruit us?"

Marlene laughed – tossing her head back. "No, of course not. Only wizards of age can join"

Anna pouted, kicking her feet in the water childishly. A few cold drops landed on Lily and she swatted at her friend.

"Is your mum a part of it?" Lily brushed ineffectually at the water.

"I think so… she's very cagey about the whole business"

"Makes sense" Cami pointed out. "You wouldn't want to go around shouting about it, it defeats the purpose"

The basket of muffins sat between them, and Lily grabbed one, picking at the pastry contemplatively. It was an idea. Something to do, after school. Something _useful_. Ever since Jugson attacked her, she felt – impotent. A _victim_. Someone who had to be rescued, saved, protected. She hated it.

For now, she leaned against a large rock and let her friends' murmured banter wash over her.

"I've started seeing someone" Camilla announced later.

The group was lethargically wading, the cold water up to their waists, the smooth round rocks underfoot.

Anna nearly fell face first into the gently moving water.

"Who? And what happened to our tell-everyone-the-second-we-get-a-date-rule?" she demanded.

Camilla regarded her carefully. "You don't know him. And I'm telling you now, aren't I?" she informed the other girl, who was sopping wet.

"Who is it, Cami?" Lily asked from her perch on a rock.

"His name's Alex. He goes to Beauxbatons – his mum's French"

Marlene snorted disdainfully. "Beauxbatons? Of course. How'd you meet?"

Camilla glared for a moment before deciding that spilling information on her latest conquest was more important than debating with Marlene.

"I met him at Christmas, actually. Remember how I went home for a week? They live near us and he helped me cut down a tree"

Lily mock-swooned into the water, emerging, dripping.

"Why the fuck did you want to cut down a tree?" Anna asked, frowning.

"Christmas? Christmas trees? Honestly Rogers, try to keep up"

"Fuck you" was Anna's eloquent response.

Lily grinned.

" _Anyways_ " Camilla continued, "I saw him when I got home and he said he really liked me and asked me to go out with him"

"Aww he sounds nice" Lily said, clambering back onto her rock. She spread herself out, intending to sunbathe before remembering she was a pale redhead who would burn to a crisp in about five minutes.

"He is" Camilla said, sounding pleased. "He's really nice. And he's cute"

"Which is, of course, the most important thing" Marlene added. She joined Lily on the rock, darkening it with water that dripped from her clothes.

"Anyone else got any summer romances that they'd like to share?" Anna inquired.

A slow, evil looking grin spread across Marlene's lightly tanned face. Lily did not like the look of it.

"Well" Marlene said, smiling all the while. "Lily, here had a dinner guest last night"

"Who?" Camilla asked, wading back to the bank. A root protruding from a tall oak tree let her pull herself back, flopping down on a thick purple towel.

"Oh" Anna said, starting to grin as well. "Sirius sent me an owl while we were making lunch, I know where this is going"

"I ran into three quarters of the Marauders at St Mungo's" Marlene informed the group. "And I mentioned how I hadn't been able to go see Lily, so Potter, brave, self-sacrificing lad that he is, volunteered to go check up on her"

"And according to Sirius" Anna interjected, "he had dinner with her and came home grinning like a loon"

"Potter and Black are living together now?" Cami asked from the bank.

"That's what you want to know?"

She shrugged.

"So Lily. What happened?" Anna asked.

Lily watched the flowing water studiously, drumming her fingers on the rock. They made a pleasing thud, light and jarring. The light reflecting off the water shone into her eyes, but she didn't blink.

"I invited him to stay for dinner" she admitted.

"And?" Marlene prompted.

"And… we might have held hands. For maybe five minutes. Or ten"

There was a chorus of disbelieving, shocked, good-humoured shrieks and Lily winced, covering her ears.

"Keep it down" she ordered.

For a second, she basked in the dappled shade of the oak tree, feeling like a jungle cat – sleepy, hot, and full. She stretched against the smooth stone, and sighed as the questions started.

Anna quieted the group with a firm wave of her hand.

"Lily. I know – we made an alliance. But this seems to be going a little far"

She flushed, inspecting her nails.

"He took my hand. It would've been _rude_ to pull away"

This time it was Camilla who snorted, turning to face Lily. In the spirit of summer, she'd given herself a tan, and turned her hair grass-green. She really was awfully vain.

"I've seen you slap Potter three times in a row once because he said your hair looked nice"

"Oh" Lily said weakly.

"What happened?" Marlene asked. She rolled over to inspect her friend with unblinking blue eyes.

"I – don't know? It was sort of nice…"

Lily was blushing, and trying to frown sternly at the same time, not quite sure why she was so embarrassed or why it mattered so much. She had principles. Potter was a bully, and she was never going to like a bully. _But you're not even_ friends _with Sev anymore_ , her mind argued. _That's not the point!_ She insisted, _he's still awful and you had no business holding his hand._

The other girls were silent, watching her carefully, and Lily shook herself.

"No" she said firmly. "Never mind, it wasn't nice – it was a stupid mistake"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Hopefully that made up for my absence! Thank you so much for all the reviews, and keep em' coming. Have a great day!  
**_


	24. The Langauge of Flowers

**_Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.  
_**

 ** _A.N. Hey y'all. I had a brief setback, since I lost the thumbdrive where I keep this fic, (i know, i need to back it up) but luckily i was only about 2k words ahead! So i rewrote. Anyways, enjoy._**

* * *

 _Recap: The gals have a picnic, and discover that Lily had an *ahem* encounter with James, and that Camilla has a new beau. Marlene explains about the Order of the Phoenix, and everyone just kinda chills._

* * *

Mr Rogers came back from the Prewett house half an hour later. Both the Prewetts worked for the Ministry, Mr Prewett was at the Department for the Use of Underage Magic, and Kara Prewett worked in Muggle Liaisons. Apparently, the DMLE was staging a huge investigation as to why Jugson was able to get into Hogwarts, and they were checking into infiltration in other departments.

The girls retreated to Anna's room, and Marlene flopped onto a recently conjured purple mattress. There was limited floor space now, and Lily picked her way around until she sat against the wall, leaning against Camilla.

"I wish we could join the Order" Marlene said, kicking her feet in the air restlessly.

Her bright blonde hair fell over one shoulder in a messy tangle and her nose was sunburnt.

"We'll be seventeen soon"

"True" Lily said, "But I hardly think Dumbledore would be recruiting just out of Hogwarts"

"It would be awfully irresponsible…" Camilla agreed.

Anna, head bent over a piece of parchment, nodded. "What do you all want to do, once we're out of Hogwarts?" she asked.

"Something with magical creatures" Camilla said. "It's one of the reasons we're in this mess – we treated other magical creatures horribly. I want to fix that"

"I'd like to teach at Hogwarts" Marlene sounded dreamy. "Teach kids about what happened. I want to make them understand that our blood isn't important"

"Maybe Magical Law?" Lily said, shrugging. "I dunno, but I want to make a change"

"I'd like to be a wandmaker" Anna said softly. "Making magic"

* * *

James was baking a cake. Well, really, his mother was baking a cake and he was assisting. She called it _hindering._ He was just tasting the batter when Sirius staggered in from the garden, arms filled with flowers. He sneezed.

"Those look lovely, Sirius" Euphemia said, turning around.

Sirius's shirt was dusted with yellow pollen and there was a few red petals stuck to him, looking like drops of blood.

"Fleamont's in the living room, he has a knack for flower arranging" she continued, accepting the sprig of lavender that he held out.

James followed Sirius out of the kitchen into the living room, where his dad had assembled a small army of vases and jam jars, and beamed at the sight of the blossoms.

He took a bundle from Sirius and started arranging them by colour.

James watched with some amusement as Sirius sat down with a thump, swearing under his breath, and started to arrange a bouquet of blush pink roses and fluffy white baby's breath.

Remus was sitting in the corner at a desk, addressing envelopes with a fluffy quill and looked up at the other two.

"Are we inviting the Allies?" he asked.

"The Allies?" Mr Potter asked, amused.

"Anna Rogers, Marlene McKinnon, Camilla Lovegood, Mary MacDonald, and Lily Potter"

"Mary's in France" Remus said, before Sirius interrupted, a delighted smirk spreading across his face.

"Lily _Potter_?" he asked.

James flushed. "Slip of the tongue" he said hastily.

Sirius leered. "I bet you'd like to slip _her_ the tongue"

He threw a daffodil at Sirius, but he caught it neatly, taking a bow.

"Fine!" James said, "Invite them! But you can entertain them"

"Why James" Remus said, the picture of innocence. "Wouldn't you like to entertain Lily yourself?"

The pair of them were snickering, and James's dad shook his head, but not before James saw him grin.

* * *

It was cool, in the living room and filled with the scent of sweet flowers. The normally austere room was blooming.

James had half given up on flower arranging, and was tucking random sprigs of blossoms around the room, from time to time presenting Sirius or Remus with a particularly nice one, or running back to the kitchen to tuck a rose into his mum's hair.

"I know it's summer" Sirius said, sneezing loudly and shoving a vaseful of flowers away, "but did the party really need to be flower themed?"

James pondered the question. "Yes" he decided finally and scooped the vase up. "It did"

The vase was filled with lilies.

* * *

Peter arrived an hour before the party was due to start, tan and smiling. James, Remus, and Sirius engulfed him in a group hug, loudly bemoaning his prior absence and the fact that he hadn't been able to see Sirius's horns.

He presented Mrs Potter with a nice bottle of wine from his suitcase, and promptly departed with the rest of the boys up to James's room, Mrs Potter shaking her head as she pulled the cake from the oven.

"How was Italy?" Sirius asked, sprawling on the floor. He kept sniffling, and his eyes were red.

"Oh, it was nice. Excellent food. Not a huge magical population – they've started to slowly blend into Muggle communities. Most families send their kids to Muggle schools, it's weird"

"That is odd" Remus commented, frowning. "Especially with the rhetoric that's going around these days – is there much concern about Voldemort there, Peter?"

Peter shook his head dolefully. His normally pale brown hair was bleached blonde.

"Not that I heard. But you know my mum and dad, they're not too fussed. Or if they are, they don't talk about it"

"Hmm" Remus hummed.

Rolling his eyes, James clapped his hands together sharply.

"Right!" he said. "Peter, good to have you back. It's a shame you weren't here to see me cuckold Sirius-"

Peter nearly choked on his inhalation of breath and needed to be slapped on the back a couple of times by Sirius.

" _What_?!" he demanded once he got his breath back.

Sirius glared at James.

"He did _not_. He's just being an idiot; he gave me a set of antlers"

"Oh" Peter said, visibly relieved.

" _Anyways_ " James continued, "tonight is going to be his welcome home party. We've invited the Allies, (except for Mary cause she's in France) Oliver Sand-"

(Sirius made a face at that)

"-Amanda Greengrass, (quit making that face, Padfoot, I know she's a Slytherin) Bliss Bones, Geoffrey Macmillan, oh, that Auror Rogers is seeing, and a few other people"

"It's flower themed" Remus explained. "James said it's because there's an overabundance of flowers in the garden but it's really because Sirius gets hay fever and James is a prat"

"Defamation!" James sputtered, gesticulating. "Slander, corruption, insults! Wands on the field of honour at dawn, you scoundrel!"

Remus stared at him with raised eyebrows. "You done?"

James nodded meekly.

"It looks great, guys" Peter said, smiling at them.

"Good. Anyways, you're staying with us for the rest of the holidays, right? My parents don't mind"

This of course, was not strictly true. James hadn't really bothered asking his parents their opinion on having all his friends to stay, but there was no doubt in his mind that they'd be delighted.

* * *

As the sun started to go down, people started to arrive.

His mum and dad had begged off and fled to Bathilda Bagshot's house, and the house was full to the brim of candles of all shapes and sizes, filling every room with soft, forgiving light.

The Allies were the first to arrive.

("Hey, cool, we have a _Code Name_ now" Marlene said, delighted when James explained the name)

Sirius sat by the door, a basket of flowers at his feet and a box of tissues in his lap. He looked furious, but he sulkily handed Lily a lily and told her her dress looked nice and that it was good to see her. Camilla received a camellia, Marlene got a daffodil, and Anna got a white rose covered in thorns.

"You know what white roses mean, right?" Anna asked, staring at the velvety petals and looking strangely apprehensive.

"Flowers have _meanings_?" Sirius said, sounding exasperated.

"Yes" she murmured, "and white roses mean dead love"

Before anyone could respond to that rather startling piece of information, Anna drifted away into the house, flower hanging limply in her hand. Lily watched her go, frowning. She'd woken last night to find Anna by the window, looking between the empty perch where her owl sat and the open window. In the strong moonlight, she'd seen terror on Anna's face, and wondered how regular this night time ritual was, worrying and pacing all by herself about news that would arrive on silent wings.

"What do daffodils mean?" Marlene asked, eyeing her own sunny flower. Sirius groaned.

"Chivalry!" Anna called back.

"How the fuck" Sirius asked and Lily shrugged, following her friend.

Anna was in the darkened living room, the scent of flowers so thick and heavy on the air, Lily could taste pollen and nectar on her tongue.

"What do lilies mean?" she asked quietly, slowly taking the rose from Anna's stiff fingers.

Anna closed her eyes for a moment, as if trying to remember something.

" _Becoming_ "

They stayed quiet for another few minutes, until James arrived in the living room and Lily bristled.

"Potter" she said.

"Evans! How nice to see you. You look delightful. Having a good summer?"

"Yep" she said, shooting a worried look at Anna, "just fine. I heard Peter's back"

"PETER" James hollered. The girls winced. Lily could hear Cami and Lena bantering with Sirius in the foyer, and took a deep breath of the perfumed air. It was warm and heady in the room, and it felt like the sort of night that anything could happen on. It was a frightening feeling.

 _I hope there're no Pucks in the crowd tonight._

Peter clattered down the stairs, followed by Remus. He was wearing a flower crown made out of daisies, and he held a large bag in his hands.

"Presents!" he declared, sitting on the couch between the girls.

"Aw you got us presents?" James said, and Peter grinned at him. "No, I got the Allies presents. A goodwill gesture"

"Suck it, Potter" Anna said triumphantly, and Lily snorted, pleased that Anna seemed back to her normal self.

The first thing Peter pulled from the bag was a tall slender bottle, tinted a light green. He handed it to Anna, and she turned the smooth glass over in her hands. There was no label.

" _Limoncello_ " Peter explained, and she frowned. "Come again?"

"Lime infused vodka" he said.

"Yummy. Thanks Peter"

A lovely jade green silk scarf went to Lily, who immediately wrapped it around her neck. It went quite well with her mauve sundress.

Camilla and Marlene had drifted in by this point, leaving Sirius to man the door, and Marlene was given a jar of olive oil and another of balsamic vinegar, ("I know you like to cook" Peter said) and Camilla received an ornate gold necklace which looked like delicate lace work that she immediately clasped around her neck, giving Peter a fond hug.

"Thank you Peter" Lily said, touched. They were thoughtful gifts, which was not something to be taken lightly.

James sulked about not receiving a present until Peter pulled a plastic bag of fresh pasta out of his sack and passed it off to James, who beamed.

More guests trickled in slowly, drifting into the living room, flower in hand.

Someone familiar entered the room, looking around slightly shyly, and Anna was gone from beside Lily before she even realized it, taking Artemis around the waist and spinning her to face her until they stood with an inch between them, their foreheads touching. An anemone was tucked behind her ear, and Lily made a note to ask Anna what it meant later.

Amanda Greengrass sat down in Anna's vacated spot, a red carnation woven through her sleek black chignon.

"Hello" she said, smiling at Lily. Lily had tensed up as the Slytherin sat down and felt suddenly ashamed. Making generalizations – that wasn't her. That was the very thing she hated.

"Hey" Lily replied.

Amanda Greengrass was a fifth year, a pureblood, and a Slytherin, but she'd never been unkind to Lily or shown her anything but disinterest. She was tall and slender in a floral dress, and her green eyes studied Lily sharply. Her eyes were really much brighter than Lily's – they were as green as Camilla's hair, and they didn't look quite natural. They glowed cat like in the candle light.

"Having a good summer?" the other girl continued, and Lily nodded, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear and threading her flower under the strap of her dress.

"It's been alright – that Prophet article sort of scared me though" Lily said.

Amanda winced sympathetically. "That was really awful of them to print your name, I'm so sorry. And about what happened with Jugson – I can't imagine. It seems like you had a hard year"

"Thank you" Lily said, cautiously, before swearing at herself. When had she become so untrusting, so _careful_?

 _Easy_. _When her best friend betrayed her._

"It was a pretty shit year" she elaborated. "What about you?"

Amanda's red lips curled up. "Well. That betting pool I had running took up a good part of the year – congratulations to your friend by the way, for winning it. Is she still with that Auror – Arna?"

"Artemis" Lily corrected, "and yes, they're over there. They're really close"

Amanda's half smirk turned into a warm beam, and the difference was profound. Instead of looking haughty and vaguely mysterious, she looked – friendly. Like someone you'd want to get to know.

"That's lovely" she said, and she sounded sincere.

"It is"

"The punch is pretty good" Amanda said after an awkward silence, indicating her glass. "There's a bowl in the kitchen, want me to show you?"

"Sure" Lily said, climbing off the couch.

The party was dark and shadowy, candles bending the edges and shapes of things until everyone appeared as a silhouette. Muted music was playing, and Lily spotted Sirius and Bliss Bones curled up in the same chair, snogging.

Marlene was talking to Oliver Sands, and Anna and Artemis were dancing. They moved as lightly as smoke, insubstantial in light summer dresses.

Huge vases of flowers concealed delicate chairs, and candles were stuck to the wall or hovering above the guests, high in the perfumed air. A spatter of hot wax hit Lily's arm and she flinched, but ignored it.

She felt drunk on the smell of flowers. They were fresh and clean, not starting to go sickly-sweet yet, but they filled everything.

Amanda handed her a delicate crystal glass of punch and Lily took a careful sip, coughing as the burn of alcohol hit her throat.

Of course, that was the moment James Potter had to pop up, Helen Monksfoot beside him.

Lily scanned his face. He wasn't as handsome as Sirius, by any means, but he looked _interesting_. His face was thin but his eyes were warm and soft as he looked at her, and his round glasses glittered in the candlelight.

Amanda had drifted away, tugging Helen with her, and they were left alone in the kitchen.

"Want to dance?" he asked. He was smirking.

* * *

 _ **A.N. I hope you enjoyed! Please, please review. I've given a list of the other flower meanings below - I always kinda liked the idea of this secret langauge of flowers. It's slightly passive agressive.  
**_

 _ **Camellia (means that the recipient is adorable)**_

 _ **Red Carnation (flashy)**_

 _ **Anemone (fragile)**_


	25. A Midsummer Night's Hazy Recollection

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Yay, another chapter. I'm happy to announce, that A Rise and Fall is now longer than**_ **Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone _which is - crazy. Enjoy! Also, Anna is a total mum in this chapter. Seriously. Except she swears way more._  
**

* * *

Lily had a flush of colour high on her cheekbones, and she was swaying in time to the music, but she glared at James.

"Would you like a cup of punch down your robes?" she asked.

 _Damn_. He'd thought, maybe, that she'd be _slightly_ friendlier after the dinner. Clearly not. The frailness of the last term had deserted her, and she stood tall now, chin up, jaw firm. There was an assessing look in her green eyes.

"Er, not really" he said. "Maybe you could save that for Sirius"

She smirked, which was something, at least, and he felt confident enough to lift the punch glass out of her hand and take it in his. He'd forgotten how sharp her smirk was.

"It's a good song" he said. "It'd be a shame to waste it"

Sighing, she gave him her other hand, and stepped slightly closer. Maybe an inch closer.

They fit well together. He was slightly taller than her and her body dipped towards her as they danced. Of course, he was a perfect gentleman, and his hand rested high on her waist, the fabric of her light dress thin under his fingers.

It couldn't really be called dancing, what they were doing. They were swaying – gently, and her eyes were closed. James was able to watch her as much as he liked. She had a strong nose, burnt a bit from the sun, and the skin under her eyes was pink as well. Her long lashes cast shadows on her cheekbones.

He pulled her slightly closer and her eyes popped open.

"Something the matter?" he asked, grinning at her. He saw Sirius slipping out of the kitchen out of the corner of his eye.

Lily blinked at him

"You have pollen on your nose" she informed him, and grinned as he broke away to swat at it. She picked her punch back up and stepped away.

"Thanks for the dance" she said. There was a soft smile on her face, and she seemed to look _through_ him, like she was remembering something.

"The song's not over" he tried, half hearted.

"I think it is" she said quietly, letting her hand drop to her side. Lily regarded him with almost a _disappointed_ expression, as if he'd let her down some way.

"Lily-"

She had already stepped away, shaking her head, and leaving him not quite sure as to what had happened.

* * *

The party was in full swing when he saw her again. The whole house felt sort of – dreamy – like it was just hovering on the edge of everyone's mind.

She was giggling and hanging off Remus, who looked bemused and exasperated, and was she _drunk?_

Red hair hung limp around her face, and there were dark smudges under her eyes, mascara dripping. There was something not quite real about her. Her edges seemed blurred into the background, like she was slowly disappearing.

"James!"

Merlin, she was loud.

"James!" she called again, skipping over to him.

Clearly, she wasn't drunk. No drunk person had that level of coordination.

"Hi, Lily" he said, catching her by the forearms as she stumbled up against him. Fine hair blew against his face, along with a hint of lemon. She was warm against him, and he took a quick breath before pushing her back a bit.

"I think" she said, voice dropping to a whisper. Lily curled her fingers over his shoulders and tugged him down to her own level. "I think" she continued, frowning for a second and seeming to waver, before continuing, "that I'm in love with you"

For a single, glorious, _shining_ second, he hoped. Love and Lily Evans and copper hair and green eyes that blazed like a curse. Hands held and laughing until they couldn't breathe and simple spells and tiny acts of magic. _Together._ And then of course, he came back to his senses. So she _was_ drunk. Drunk with a high degree of dexterity, but inebriated nonetheless. He wished, futilely, that he wasn't so disappointed.

"Did Anna break out the vodka?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light. She blinked up at him, innocently.

"What? No, of course not, love. I'm not drunk. I'm in love"

 _Love._ She called him _love_.

"Evans" he said, trying for sternness, "what did you drink?"

"A glass of punch" she said, faltering. "Right after we danced – dance with me James"

Lily was trailing her fingers down his chest, pulling him against him and starting to move to the music.

"It's so beautiful, tonight. There's magic, in this house, James. Magic and light and flowers. It's a midsummer night's dream, James"

"What?" he frowned at her. She was dreamy and laughing.

"Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long; else the Puck a liar call; so, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends"

The way she spoke, unfocused and rhythmic, made him sure she was quoting something. So this was Lily Evans drunk. Drunk and quoting poetry and professing her love for him.

"Give me your hands" she murmured, slipping her hands into his.

"Lily-"

"Give me your hands"

Her voice was warm and insistent, compelling. _She_ was warm, and pliant, and James was ready to write this all off as luck and magic, until he heard a familiar voice.

"What the _fuck_ did you do to Lily?"

He stumbled away, leaving her reeling, reaching for him, and he looked up to meet the angry face of Anna Rogers. Artemis was standing behind her, holding her wand. There was still an anemone behind her ear.

"I didn't do anything!" James said, holding up his hands and backing away from Lily, whose lip was starting to quiver.

"Bullshit" Anna said harshly, pulling her friend away. "Did you put something in her drink? I knew you were an idiot, but even for you-"

The party had gone still, everyone watching the tense knot at the centre. The hazy edges seemed to have disappeared and everything was sharp. Too sharp. It sliced at James's fingers.

"It wasn't James". It was a familiar voice, and Sirius stepped in front of James.

"The fuck it wasn't. Who else would've bloody drugged her?" Anna asked. She tended to swear a lot when she got angry. Actually, now that James thought about it, she just tended to swear a lot in general.

There was a scuffle, at the entrance to the living room, and Remus appeared, grim faced and dragging Helen Monksfoot by the arm. Her face was tearstained; her light blue dress stained with punch, and her hair was snarled. A yellow hyacinth peeked out over her ear.

"Let go of me!" she wailed, tugging her arm free from Remus. He let her go, and she stumbled towards the centre of the room. She was wearing heeled sandals and her feet nearly went out from under her. A murmur passed through the room, like a light breeze. It petered out slowly as Helen climbed to her feet.

"Helen?" James asked, not connecting the dots.

"James!" she said, holding her arms out hopefully. "I didn't mean – I just thought if you _saw_ how it would be if she ever really did fancy you-"

"What did you give her?" Anna's voice was sharp and she crossed her arms tightly, glaring at the unfortunate girl. Sharp eyeliner made her gaze especially piercing, and the other girl quailed under her gaze. James felt the teeniest bit sorry for her, and then she spoke.

"Love potion" Helen whispered, eyes still fixed on James.

"Shit" James whispered, running a hand through his hair. Lily was straining against Anna's arms, and she was smiling at James. Now that he looked at her, he could tell. It wasn't her normal razor sharp grin that could draw blood. It was a soppy, adoring smile, and it looked _wrong_ on her. He turned away, slightly sickened.

"What sort was it?" Artemis asked.

Out of the group of them, the Marauders, Lily's friends, and Helen Monksfoot, she seemed to be the calmest. She looked utterly unsympathetic as she faced the crying girl.

"Kilig Krush" Helen muttered, wiping at her eyes resentfully. Artemis visibly relaxed, taking a hold of Lily.

"Good. It's not one of the really strong ones" she said, addressing James. "It'll wear off soon, we'll get her home"

He nodded awkwardly, at a loss as to what to say.

"And Helen, is that your name?" Artemis said sharply, gazing at the Hufflepuff. "You should leave. I'm an Auror, and I'd be perfectly within the law to arrest you. Use of love potions are strictly regulated, you ought to know that'

"James…"

She wasn't beautiful any more. Her dark blue eyes were watery and her skin was blotchy. There was a stone in his stomach.

"Leave" said James, coldly.

James suddenly felt very tired, and collapsed onto a couch as the guests started to file out. He met Lily's eyes for a final time as she looked back, straining towards him.

* * *

"That was an interesting development"

Peter wandered over to sit beside him as the room emptied. The daisy crown he was wearing slipped down and he tugged it back up, frowning. It was dim and shadowy, and it didn't seem quite as magical anymore.

"She's going to hate me" James said numbly.

"She won't" Remus reassured him, passing him a glass of punch. "Her friends will explain"

"Or they won't and she'll think you're a terrible person who drugged her" Sirius said casually. There was a pink lipstick mark on his cheek.

James groaned and buried his face in his arms. Just when she seemed like she might be, _maybe_ starting to like him, as a friend, it all went to hell. The candles were starting to burn low, their flames guttering in the warm breeze that passed through the house.

"That could happen too" Remus agreed, "but it seems unlikely. Lily's a reasonable person, I'm sure she'll understand"

"I wish we'd taken photos" Sirius said, sighing regretfully. "For posterity, you know"

James didn't bother glaring at Sirius, but hoped that Moony or Peter would glare on his behalf.

"Peter" James said, calmly, through a silk throw pillow. "Please remind me why I'm friends with Black"

Peter made a noncommittal noise. "I dunno. He's a prat. You're a prat with a similar sense of humour. It all kinda seemed to work"

He pulled the pillow away from his head and stared at the glass of punch in his hand in horror.

"Did Helen drug all the punch?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Peter, Sirius, and Remus all stared at it like it was a bomb about to go off.

"She couldn't have. Else _everyone_ would be in love with James"

"Excuse you, bitch" James said indignantly, setting the punch down. "Everyone already is"

Someone groaned and James was fairly sure it was Remus. "Why are you talking like a thirteen year old girl?" Peter asked.

"He's a thirteen year old girl at heart" Remus deadpanned.

"That's really insulting to thirteen year old girls"

James threw his pillow in their general direction. The warmth from the room was starting to dissipate, now that there were only a few people left in the house. The smell of flowers was still stifling, and James stared into a candle flame for a moment before looking away. It left golden streaks on the inside of his eyelids.

"She quoted something at me. I think it was poetry, or a play. 'Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends'"

The other three boys were frowning at him, but Remus looked like the words were familiar.

"That's Shakespeare?" he frowned. "My mum used to read it to me"

"Who's Shakespeare?" Sirius asked.

"He's a Muggle poet and playwright" Remus told him. "He's really famous"

"Lily's a nerd" Peter said, pityingly.

"Yeah…" James said.

"I'm tired" Sirius whined.

"Then go to bed?"

The other boy made a face and flopped over so his head was in James's lap.

"Fuck" James sighed. "Not again"

Resigned, James leaned back on the couch, shoving at Sirius ineffectually. Rather belatedly he realized that it was probably Very Unsafe to leave burning candles scattered all over the place, but by that point he was warm and his eyelids were dropping shut and his whole body felt heavy.

Remus and Peter were already asleep in their armchairs, and James closed his eyes.

* * *

Lily opened one eye cautiously. Bright. Far too bright. Everything was spinning, and she frowned. One glass of punch had done this? That seemed unlikely. Her skin felt sticky and when she turned her head, the vaguely sickly scent of rotting flowers hit her nose. There was something, like an itch at the back of her mind, like someone tapping on a window – if she could just remember –.

Half formed shapes and memories swirled, and she lifted her hand to rub her forehead. She was in Anna's familiar room, golden walls and honeyed ceiling. A cool breeze passed through the open window. This room had always sort of reminded her of an eyrie, or a tower, despite it being on the ground floor. It felt like it was constructed from light and air.

Oh god. The memories solidified, the smoke cleared, and she remembered. _Love potion_. She had behaved like an _idiot_. Lily winced as another memory surfaced. She'd quoted _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ at him. Of fucking course she had. That wasn't even the worst of it. She'd declared her _love_ for _James Potter_. That was that, she was going to have to run away, and join the circus. She would never be able to show her face again. Ever.

She rolled over, and was faced with Cami's wide dark eyes. Lily could see herself mirrored in them. Their two mattresses were shoved close to make space for the others, and Cami was only about a foot away.

"Oh god" Lily groaned, and Camilla nodded.

"Yeah" she agreed.

"Oh _god_ "

"I know, dear"

"Who – who the _fuck_ gave me Love Potion? Was it Potter? I swear to god, I will kill him-"

She must've looked rather deranged because Camilla patted her, alarmed. "No no" she reassured Lily. "It wasn't James, honest. If it had been, you wouldn't have to kill him – he'd already be dead. It was Helen Monksfoot"

There was a fearsome look on Camilla's normally sweet face, and something about the set of her jaw made Lily think she wasn't joking, when she talked about murdering James.

Lily's mind was in tangles. Helen was distantly polite – they'd been friends in Lily's third year. Why would she do this?

"She's jealous" Camilla said, seeing the expression on Lily's face.

On the other two mattresses, Anna and Marlene were curled up. Marlene's hair was still held off her face with combs, and there was a tired looking daffodil speared through the bright twist of hair at the top of her head.

" _Jealous_? Jealous of what?"

"She likes James" Camilla explained.

"Oh god"

She rolled back over, sitting up and pressing her thumbs into her temple. Her whole head felt like it was being stretched, and there was a dull thudding pain behind her eyes.

"Nope" she announced, as Camilla sat up, gazing curiously at her. "I'm not having this conversation. I have better things to do that obsess over Potter and his whatever-the-hell Helen Monskfoot is"

"Oh good" Camilla said happily, as the other girls started to stir. "I didn't want us to turn into those friends that only talk about boys"

* * *

 _ **A.N. I hope you liked it, and please, please review. Every single review I get makes me so incredibly happy - they're extra special gold stars.**_

 _ **So, I'm going to be away from the internet for a lil bit, maybe four days, but hopefully i'll have another chapter done by the time i'm back. Have a lovely day, and please review!**_

 **'Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long; else the Puck a liar call; so, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends' _is from Puck's soliloquy at the end of '_ A Midsummer Night's Dream' _which is one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, coming in just after_ 'The Winter's Tale'. _Obviously, the chapter title is a riff on that too._  
**

 _ **'Kilig', the name of the love potion, is a Tagalog word that basically means that rush you get after something good relating to love happens. Like kissing someone for the first time. I got this off of an online translator though, so apologies if it's incorrect.**_


	26. Blanket Forts

_**Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. I'm backkkk! Thanks for continuing to read.**_

* * *

It was a dim, rainy morning. Warmth had changed overnight to chill gloominess. The glowing summer sun had vanished behind a cloak of watery grey clouds, and the world seemed small.

Even the exuberant Prewett boys had been chased inside by the inclement weather. Lily had seen them getting ushered inside by their mother, Kara Prewett, before she left for the Ministry.

The four girls huddled on the couch, covered in blankets, mugs of tea in their hands. Somehow they all managed to fit on the small sofa, Anna's legs tossed over Marlene's lap, Lily curled into Anna's side, and Camilla just rolled herself into a ball. They all looked dozy, eyes soft and foggy from sleep, hair mussed, and skin blanket-warm.

"Lily, you're our resident Muggle expert. What do Muggles do on rainy days?"

"Oh right" Lily remembered. "You're all purebloods. Er – I'm not sure? When I was little Petunia and I used to build blanket forts"

Three puzzled faces looked back at her, and her jaw dropped.

"You've never built blanket forts? What kind of deprived childhood did you lead?"

"The witchy kind" Anna said dryly. "And are you alright? After last night, I mean"

Lily tensed, drawing back a bit. Her tea sloshed. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt. There was a tangle of _something_ in her chest, and she didn't want to examine it too closely. If she severed one strand of that bitter bundle, trying to unwind it, she was sure she would break something irrevocably.

"Not sure" she said tightly, trying to smile. "So. Blanket forts?"

Anna looked at her carefully, and Camilla reached out to touch her shoulder gently, but Marlene nodded.

"Blanket forts" she agreed, smiling, and Lily thanked whatever deity presided over friendships for her friends.

It was, Lily thought proudly, a magnificent fort.

Tall cushions formed the walls, and a few broomsticks propped up the blanket roof. Anna had a _lot_ of pillows and most of them were in use. A knitted green throw formed the door-flap and Camilla's hand lettered sign said **'Come in, we have biscuits'**

She wiggled her way inside. Someone had stockpiled a thermos of tea and an over flowing platter of biscuits on the floor, and she spotted Marlene, wrapped up like a burrito in a red checked blanket.

Anna tossed her a pillow and a blanket as she entered, and she settled herself, nearly sitting on Camilla who blended into the shadows. Sometimes the weather seemed to affect her appearance, and her skin was pale and her hair storm-grey.

"How was Artemis?" Lily asked, tugging the blanket around her shoulders. Marlene offered her a chocolate biscuit. "I didn't get a chance to say 'hi' last night"

"Oh she's fine" Anna said, sounding slightly distracted. "They just completed a raid on someone's house last night; there was a Death Eater hiding in the basement. She'd been torturing Muggles"

They all shuddered.

"That's good that they caught her" Camilla said, in a soft voice.

"Yep. I miss her, though. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like"

"I'm sorry, dear" Marlene told her. "I hope her schedule gets more regular so you can plan visits a bit better"

Lily silently passed the biscuits.

"Hey Cami" Marlene said, sitting upright to look at Camilla. "How come your eyes never change? I've seen you change most everything else but you always have the same eyes"

Camilla shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't know they didn't change – I just assumed I changed them sometimes. Lemme try"

She screwed up her face, looking like she was concentrating very hard, and there was a pop. Her hair went back to the grass-green of before, and colour bloomed over her skin until she glowed a healthy golden brown.

She opened her eyes and they were still as dark as a swan's.

"I tried to turn them gold" she said hopefully, but the others shook their heads.

"Nope" Lily told her. "Still black"

"Damn"

"Oh, speaking of significant others" Lily grinned, wiggling her eyebrows. "How's your beau? Alex, was his name?"

Camilla brightened at that, and the others leaned in.

"Right, I forgot to tell you. I got an owl from him, before we were supposed to go to the party, and he's coming to Hogwarts!"

"What?" Anna asked, frowning. "I didn't know you could transfer"

Cami flapped her arms in excitement and Lily had to smile at the glee on her face.

"It's this new exchange program, he comes here, and some other sixth year goes to Beauxbatons for the year"

"That's so cool!" Marlene gushed, leaning forward to hug her.

"I know, I can't wait for you all to meet him"

They all had a round of celebratory biscuits.

"Anyone else have any exciting news they wanna share? And no offence, Cami, but it better not be about boys" Lily asked. She shook crumbs off her fuzzy blue blanket.

"I do"

Anna sounded almost shy, which was unusual for her.

"Spill!" Cami encouraged, and Anna rolled her eyes.

She took a deep breath.

"I got an apprenticeship with Ollivander for next summer" Anna blurted, and then started to grin, covering her face with her hands.

"Anna, that's amazing!" Lily told her

Marlene was wiggling with excitement for their friend, and Camilla was smiling so big it looked like her face would spilt in two.

"I was doing some research and apparently he hasn't taken on an assistant for about thirty years"

"Merlin, that's impressive. You're going to be fantastic" Marlene told her, beaming.

The four of them were caught in a circle of giddy congratulations and delight. Weak light filtered through the gaps in the pillows and blankets, casting a slice across Cami's green hair, a strip across the blanket covered floor. They'd hung an enchanted lantern from the ceiling, and the warm golden light made it seem like they were somewhere impossible, like the captain's cabin on a pirate ship, or a wooden cabin deep, deep in the woods, where unicorns roamed.

"You lot are amazing" Lily told them, utterly sincere. She'd been lucky with her friends.

"I know" Cami said loftily, tossing her hair back.

"Oh!" Anna said, starting to grin. "I think we need to prank the Marauders"

Marlene frowned at her. "Why?"

"For the Love Potion" Anna explained.

"That wasn't really their fault" Lily pointed out, tugging the blanket tighter around her shoulders and leaning against a pillow. She reached for the thermos of tea and poured herself a mug lifting it to her mouth. Sometimes she felt like she ran solely on tea. She was fairly sure a large percentage of her blood was actually tea.

Anna lifted one shoulder. "Yeah but still. They prank basically everyone; they deserve a taste of their own medicine"

Camilla wrinkled her nose. "True. Remember when they switched my tin of peanut brittle for Cockroach Cluster?"

"I still don't know how you didn't tell the difference immediately" Marlene said, shaking her head.

Camilla hit her with a pillow, and the conversation degenerated quickly into a full-scale pillow fight. They calmed down a bit after one of the pillows burst in Anna's face, and feathers floated everywhere, covering the interior of the fort. Batting feathers away from her face, Lily coughed and set down her own pillow.

"Ok" she said, clapping her hands. A feather drifted into her tea mug and she plucked it out quickly, setting it to the side. "Pranking the Marauders. I don't think this should be retaliation for the Love Potion, but rather cumulative retribution for all the shit they pulled last year. Namely, the Cockroach Cluster, hexing Marlene's pimple vanisher so it created boils, and didn't they do something with a Howler?"

Anna nodded. "They sent Artemis a Howler at work telling her I loved her. Apparently it was really, _really_ loud"

"I forgot they did all that" Marlene said. "I guess there was more important stuff that we were focusing on"

"It's a mark of how bad last year was that we basically ignored the Marauders pranking us"

There was a moment of silence as they acknowledged that point. It was getting warmer in the fort, and Lily set her blanket to the side, pulling her knees up to her chin as she thought.

"Have any of us ever pranked someone before?" Camilla asked finally, and they all slowly shook their heads.

"Damn" Anna said, "We need to break the rules more often"

"No we don't!"

"Fine. We need to _bend_ them a bit more"

Lily nodded, reluctantly, at that.

"So. Pranking. What shall we do?"

"We could set a whole bunch of magical creatures on them" Camilla suggested eagerly, and glared when Marlene sighed.

"This is going to take a very long time"

* * *

It did indeed take a very long time. After the initial idea of pranking them, they brainstormed for quite some time before coming up with the first part, and it involved going outside. The four girls rummaged through trunks and closets until they came up with enough rain jackets and umbrellas for all of them, and then it took another ten minutes before they could convince themselves to go outside.

Lily dragged Camilla out the door with her, their boots immediately splashing into a deep, muddy puddle. The rain was a warm summer rain, and it streaked down Lily's cheeks like freshly washed tears. Flowers in the front garden were blooming enthusiastically; their faces turned up, accepting the rain like an offering as they grew brighter.

"This sucks" the other girl whined as Marlene and Anna followed them, skirting the puddle.

"You'll survive" Lily said grimly, keeping a hold of her.

"This way" Anna said, leading them down the main road. It was lined with tall, slender trees, their trunks a whitish silver and their leaves a pale green. Only a few cars sat to the side. Almost no one was out, but the shops were still open, the plate glass storefronts gleaming invitingly. Magical shops sat side by side with conspicuously Muggle ones, windows of Quidditch supplies and standard caldrons beside displays of roller skates and terracotta pots.

A lone shopper hurried into the pharmacy, eyes glancing off the Apothecary beside it.

The sweet shop was small compared to Honeydukes, but it would do for their purposes. It was warm inside, and Lily took a grateful breath of the caramel scented air, stomping her boots on the mat to remove excess mud. Dim light obscured the farthest corners making it feel larger than it was.

The clerk, a tall, bespectacled wizard who was reading the Prophet, looked rather surprised to see so many people in his shop, and Anna leaned over the counter, smiling in a slightly frightening way.

"Hi Taffy" she said, and he smiled back, nervously.

"Anna. What can I do for you today?"

"I'm going to need the biggest box of Every Flavoured Beans that you have available"

"Need?" he asked.

"Need" she said, solemnly, still smiling.

He hopped off his stool and disappeared into the back room, leaving them to wander the shop.

There were large bins of saltwater taffy and barrels of different flavoured caramels. A glass case housed large chocolates, and a tray of Sugar Quills sat on the front counter.

Despite the arrays of sweets, the shop had a rather dismal air, dingy windows and dust in the corners, and Lily suspected that they were the only customers that the clerk would see today.

He came back a minute later, lugging a large, battered looking, cardboard box of beans that was rattling with every step.

"Excellent!" Anna said, beaming at him.

"That'll be four Galleons, Anna"

They all dug out a gleaming coin, passing them to Anna, who dropped them on the counter and tried to pick up the box.

"Bloody _hell_ , that's heavy!" she groaned, letting it fall to the ground, and Lily came to pick up the other side, digging her fingers into the soft cardboard.

Together they manoeuvred it out of the shop, just managing to squeeze through the door, Marlene and Camilla following them. Camilla held an umbrella over the box so it wouldn't get wet, and the four of them hurried through the drizzle, trying to avoid the puddles.

"D'you think this'll work?" Lily panted.

"This is only the first part" Marlene reminded her. "And it should work"

The rain got heavier as they walked, and Lily winced as a stream of water coming off the umbrella slipped down her neck, cold fingers brushing down her spine and making her shiver. In this weather they all probably looked alike, dark coats and heavy boots, hair covered by hoods.

They arrived at the Rogers's cottage quickly, the dark windows looking uninviting. Anna's father worked in Diagon Alley at a bookstore, and had left early that morning.

Anna left them in hastily, and they kicked off their mud spattered boots in the gleaming foyer, letting the box drop to the floor. It took a bit before they reconvened in the living room in dry clothes, Lily towelling the water from her hair and carrying a large clean pail with her to plunk in front of the box.

The other three girls were already there and staring at the box with some trepidation.

"So" Anna said, "Anyone got any ideas as to how we should tell the bad beans from the good?"

Lily stared at her with disbelief. "This was _your_ plan! I thought you had it all figured out"

"It's a good plan… I just didn't think it all the way through"

It took a great deal of trial and error before they came up with a process, albeit a slow one.

They tried creating a potion that would change either to red or green to indicate a disgusting flavour. ('Oh it says green – EWW")

Lily tried charming the beans into sorting themselves. ("They look like they're dancing a demented tap dance, I don't think it's working, Lil")

Finally, a slow fool proof plan was decided upon.

Marlene and Camilla were the samplers, biting off the corners of beans, and tossing them into pots depending on their flavour. Lily repaired the good ones, and Anna multiplied them, hoping that the large amount of wizards living in the area would be enough to conceal their Traces. Lily had learned that the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Magic mostly depended on the parent, and whether they trusted their child to use magic out of school. Anna's parents were incredibly permissive, pointing out that all the girls were cautious and sensible enough to be trusted with magic at home.

"Blech, bleurgh, _eww_!" Camilla shuddered, tossing a green bean into Lily's pot.

"What was it?" Anna asked and peered closely at it. It was a funny mottled green, and she seemed reluctant to touch it.

"I don't know, but it was gross. Make a whole whack of that one" Camilla said, popping a pineapple bean in her mouth.

By the time an hour had passed, they had a large potful of disgusting beans, and Lily declared the day a triumph, though Marlene and Camilla departed to go brush their teeth.

Lily helped Anna box up the remaining beans, shoving them deep into a closet, Anna pointing out that they basically had a lifetime supply of the things.

"D'you know when you're seeing Artemis again?" Lily asked as they headed into the kitchen to make lunch.

Anna grinned. "She's actually coming over tonight; we're going out to dinner at the pub"

"Are you gonna kick us out to sleep on the couch so you have the room to yourself?" Lily teased.

The other witch shook her head, pulling down a box of pasta. "Cami and Marlene are going home today so you'll have the couch all to yourself"

"How generous. Won't your parents notice you sneaking her in?"

Lily grabbed a pot from a cupboard and started to fill it with water as Camilla and Marlene returned, still looking faintly queasy.

"Nope" Anna said, lighting the stove. "She'll sneak in through my window and then my parents just pretend they don't notice her leaving"

"So you and your parents have a system all worked out"

The pot on the stove was starting to bubble and Anna dumped the pasta in, clanging the lid down as Marlene pulled some tomatoes from the fridge, and finished dicing the onions on the cutting board. The kitchen was filling with warm steam, fogging the windows and making Lily's hair stick to the back of her neck. She traced a pattern in the condensation on the window. Her finger skated over the slick surface, and she peered out the window before freezing.

"Oh my god" Lily whispered, backing away from the window.

She took a stagger-step back, one, two, like she was being shoved.

The small of her back hit the counter and sharp pain spread up her spine, curling around her ribs.

Camilla frowned at her as she looked out the window. Lily could see the moment she noticed it. Her slim shoulders drew up tight and tense, and she shook.

"The Dark Mark" Camilla said, as if in a dream.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thanks for reading and please drop me a review!  
**_


	27. Over All Our Heads

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. Whoops, this chapter is kinda sad with a side of angst. C'est la vive. Anyways, at least the cliffhanger is gone. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Anna and Marlene hurried to the window, gasping at the emerald green skull, hovering above the Prewett house. A snake curled through its mouth. It hovered there, against the grey sky, just smoke. They all knew what it meant, and Lily was already on her way to the living room fire, tossing a handful of Floo Powder into the flames.

"Department of Magical Law Enforcement" she forced herself to say, sticking her head into the flames and closing her eyes as she spun.

When the spinning stopped, she opened her eyes carefully. It was a large office, neatly organized but rather bare. The walls were plain white, no pictures on them, and the dark desk had a block of golden wood on it, a name painted in glossy black on it. A large clock rested on the wall behind the desk.

A few bookshelves were shoved tightly into a corner and packed with battered looking volumes. And a short, curvaceous blonde witch sat behind the desk.

"Er, hi?" Lily said, and the woman jumped, turning to look at Lily with dark hazel eyes and a pink smile. She was delicately pretty, her features dainty, but there was something about her eyes that suggested she was formidable.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm currently in the wizarding village of Upper Flagley and the Dark Mark just appeared over one of the neighbours' houses"

Her sweet face went pale and sharp, but she stood quickly, snatching a brass bell from her desk and rang it once.

"Do you know who the house belongs to?" the witch asked, moving around her office restlessly. Lily could hear footsteps in the corridor.

"The Prewetts" she said softly, and the woman cursed under her breath.

"Alright. Are you staying with a friend?"

Lily nodded and the woman continued. "I want you to go back, and lock yourself into the most secure room in the house. A basement would be preferable. Take your wands and don't worry about the underage magic rule. An Auror will come get you when it's safe"

"Ok" Lily said, nodding her head in the flames. Back in Anna's house, her knees were starting to ache. "Thank you"

"Thank _you_ for letting us know so promptly. What's your name?"

"Lily. Lily Evans"

Before the witch could react, Lily pulled her head back through the flames and leapt to her feet. The other girls were still in the kitchen, and didn't resist as she started to usher them towards the basement.

"The Aurors are on their way but we should get to the basement"

"What?" Anna seemed to snap out of her daze and looked at Lily. "Why do we need to hide?"

"I Flooed the Head of the DMLE and she told me to get to the basement and stay there until someone came to get us"

"Oh – right" Anna shook her head, and Lily rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment before yanking open the basement door. She lit the candle she held, and started down the stairs.

Once they were all past the door, Lily started laying as many sealing charms and spells on the door as she could remember. Behind her, she could hear the murmur and whoosh of spells and knew that the other girls were adding their own protection. The battered old wood glowed with magic.

Of course, Lily knew it wouldn't hold back a powerful witch or wizard forever, but they just needed time, that was all. A bit of time and a bit of luck. Maybe they were only after the Prewetts. Maybe the outspoken family had finally doomed themselves with an offhand comment to the wrong person. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe Fabian and Gideon were lying behind their front door, their parents sprawled beside fallen wands. Maybe Molly Weasley was the only one of that family left alive.

Lily would drive herself mad, like this, and she sat down on one of the rickety stools beside the table that she and Anna had made potion on. Anna was pale and shaking, hands twisting and folding together. She knew the Prewetts well, Lily realized, had known them probably for all her life.

Marlene was pacing, and Lily could see her wand clutched tightly in her hand as she watched the stairs.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked Anna softly, and the other girl shook her head tightly. It was a grudging movement, barely moving her head. She looked terrified. Anna – lately she seemed to be breaking. Her tough exterior sloughing off slowly until she was fragile and damaged and vulnerable. She was a china doll, breaking piece by piece.

* * *

It seemed like hours before there was a knock on the door. Lily had been staring into the candle flame, the only source of light in the basement, and she blinked away the white dots until she could see Anna hurrying towards the door. Before she could grab Anna, Marlene lunged at the other girl, grabbing her around the waist and dragging her back.

"Wait" Marlene whispered harshly, and the basement was silent. Lily blew out the candle. The darkness, that had previously felt thick and smothering, now felt like a friendly presence. Protective. She caught her breath as someone knocked again, clapping a hand over her mouth as if she could force the breath back in.

"Anna?" someone called. "Are you in there?"

It was Artemis, sounding worried, and Lily let out a shaky breath.

"I'm coming up!" Anna said, and Marlene released her to hurry up the stairs.

Lily couldn't quite see, but from the noise that Artemis made, it appeared that Anna had flung herself into her arms. The slice of light from upstairs fell inelegantly down the stairs, and the rest of them hurried up. Artemis exclaimed in relief and hugged them all quickly, before pulling back, face stiff.

"The Prewetts?" Anna asked fearfully.

Artemis was fidgeting, every eye on her, and she looked like she wished to be anywhere but there.

"Mr Prewett… he's dead"

Anna's hand flew to her mouth and she let out a sob.

"What happened?" she asked after a moment, Camilla's arm wrapped around her.

"His sons, Gideon and Fabian, they were ill yesterday, so Mr Prewett stayed home from his job to look after them today. At about eleven o'clock, they convinced him they were well enough to go outside, and they left for a picnic. When they returned, the Dark Mark was over their house and they ran straight to the neighbours. Lily must've seen it maybe five minutes before they did"

"Why'd they kill him?"

The tall witch shook her head slowly. Her curls bounced. "I don't know… from what the boys said he and his wife are – were, very – opinionated"

"He was" Anna said sadly. "Has Kara been notified?"

Artemis nodded. "Yeah, she's with the boys now. I'm so sorry, Anna"

"Thank you. I should probably go owl the Potters – they were close, I know"

Artemis kissed Anna chastely before she left, and there was something so tender with an edge of desperate about it, that Lily looked away. It was far more intimate than a simple kiss.

"I probably won't be able to come over tonight, I'm sorry" Lily heard Artemis murmur, and turned away.

* * *

His mum was bent over her small desk when James came into her study with the letter. Her hair was disarrayed and she looked tired. The candle illuminating her work was worryingly close to her parchment. It was a light, airy room at the top of the house, but in the rain it felt like a cave. The walls were painted a light blue, and on a sunny day, it felt as if you were floating atop the trees.

"Letter for you" he said, tossing it on her desk and taking the free chair. The fireplace behind him flickered.

"Oh – thank you Jamie"

He rolled his eyes at the old nickname but said nothing.

"I was translating some of these old Mer texts, they're utterly fascinating. Time got a little away from me" she said, with a guilty look at the clock. "Who's the letter from?"

"The Rogers"

With an ornate gold letter opener, she slit the thick envelope open briskly and pulled the letter out.

"What's it say?" he asked, as she started to pale. Her face creased.

"Oh – god, no, no, please no. Warton-"

Euphemia Potter lifted shaking hands to her eyes, burying her face in her arms.

"Mum?" James said tentatively, lifting the letter out of her hands.

The handwriting was messy and scrawled, all spiky edges and tightly squeezed loops. There were random inkblots all over it, and something that might've been a tear stain.

 _To Mr and Mrs Potter, and James,_

 _Today there was an attack in Upper Flagley. Lily spotted the Dark Mark and we Flooed the DMLE. Ten minutes ago we were notified by an Auror that Warton Prewett was murdered by Death Eaters. Kara Prewett and their sons are safe. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this._

 _Anna Rogers_

James set it aside with a strangled noise. Mr Prewett had always given him Quidditch tickets for his birthday. He'd grown up playing with his sons, teasing Molly, spending Christmases and birthdays with his family. And he was gone.

His mum was sobbing in earnest now, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, staring out the large window over the tops of the green trees.

Mr Prewett, a man with a wife, and children, and grandchildren, had been killed because he opposed the murders of innocents. James just felt – numb. How had it gotten this far? Their world was disintegrating slowly.

"Kara and the boys should come stay with us" James said, trying not to cry. Euphemia nodded quickly, swiping at her eyes and pressing her fingers over her mouth.

"Yes" she said in a choked voice, her eyes watery. "James, could you owl her? Tell her the fireplace is open, or I can come collect her"

"Sure" he said, pulling a piece of parchment towards him. The candle was dripping wax, unnoticed by his mum, onto her Mer texts and he shifted it away carefully, starting to write.

 _Dear Kara,_

 _We are so sorry for your loss. I can't think what to say. As your house may no longer be safe, we'd like you to know that our fireplace is open and our guest bedrooms empty. Please feel free to come stay with us, and stay as long as you need. I could also come collect you if that would be easier._

 _With love,_

 _Euphemia_

James passed the letter to his mum to sign, and carried it to the window where his mum's snowy owl sat, drinking from a silver water dish. He watched as the owl flew away, and he wondered if she would pass over the house that Lily was staying in.

Peter and Remus had gone to see a Quidditch game, halfway across the country, and they'd owled earlier to say that they'd be staying overnight, so Sirius was the only other person in the house. James found him in the Potions room, inspecting a jar of Bowtruckle eggs.

"Hey Prongs" he said, turning to smile, but his face dropped as he saw James. "Merlin, are you alright?"

James shook his head wordlessly, sitting on one of the sturdy stools that surrounded the old table. His dad used to make potions in here, he remembered. James used to help. He would measure and weigh beetle eyes and unicorn horn. There was something so quiet and unassuming about a potion. It was hard sometimes to remember that they were one of the most powerful pieces of magic in their world.

"What happened?" Sirius asked softly, setting the jar down and coming over to James.

"Mr Prewett was murdered" James said tonelessly. He stared at the jar of pale eggs. The outside of them looked like the bark of a silver birch and they were about the size of his smallest fingernail.

Sirius swore loudly, sitting down besides James.

The Potions room, though scrubbed to within an inch of its life by a small army of determined house elves, had a general air of neglect from disuse that all the magical stain remover in the world couldn't remove. Tall narrow windows looked out on the damp garden, and the racks of ingredients were shoved into one side of the room. It was dark and it smelled strange.

"Does your dad know yet?"

James shook his head. "I just owled the Prewetts to tell them that they should come stay. Their house can't be safe anymore"

"I better start packing" Sirius said, hopping off the stool.

"What? Why're you leaving?"

"Well if the Prewetts come… They're hardly going to want a Black hanging around, are they?"

"Don't be stupid" James leapt off his stool hastily and almost tripped over his own feet. "You're family, you know that"

"They might not" Sirius said quietly, looking at his feet.

"Well then I'll _tell_ them. You're not leaving, Padfoot"

"Sure?"

"I'm sure"

They stood there for a moment, until James pulled Sirius into a swift hug. He dropped his chin onto the other boy's shoulder, and felt a tear fall down his face.

* * *

 _ **A.N. I hope y'all liked it! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews, they're amazing. Please give me more? I appreciate them so much.**_


	28. Two Sides of a Coin

_**Disclaimer... these character belong to JKR**_

* * *

 _ **Recap: Mr Prewett is murdered by Death Eaters, the girls plan to prank the Marauders, and James and Sirius have a 'bro' moment.  
**_

* * *

When the Prewetts arrived, they looked like statues. Shocked and numb and not quite understanding enough to grieve yet. Kara Prewett was a petite redheaded witch with deep brown eyes and lightly freckled skin. There were laugh lines around her eyes and furrows in her forehead.

Her arms were wrapped around her sons, like if she didn't keep them close they'd be snatched away. Gideon and Fabian, normally boisterous and mischievous enough to rival the Marauders, were silent, faces closed. There was a lone carpet bag by their feet, and soot on their clothes. They looked like they would never move again.

Euphemia took a step forward, and suddenly they jerked into motion. Kara collapsed into her arms, not sobbing exactly, but shaking like she was freezing.

James spotted Sirius lurking behind a tapestry and rolled his eyes, but started towards the Prewett boys.

"I'm so sorry" he said, twisting his hands awkwardly.

"Thank you" Gideon muttered, staring intently at the carpet beneath his feet.

"Are you hungry? There's food in the kitchens, or if you'd just like to go to bed, we have the guest rooms ready for you"

"Sleep sounds really good" Gideon said, picking up the carpet bag. He looked exhausted and Fabian looked worse.

James led them up the stairs, shooting an exasperated look at Sirius who held up his hands innocently. Kara Prewett was still clinging to his mother like she was the only thing keeping her upright.

There was an excess of guest bedrooms in the Potter house, and most hadn't been used in years.

The one that James took them to was painted a dark red with two single beds and a dark glossy dresser and desk. It was dark and grey and colourless, all the lights off. Rain beat heavy against the window.

"Er – here you are" he said, ushering them in.

"Thanks" Gideon said tiredly, setting his bag down. Fabian flopped down on one of the beds without saying a word.

"If you need anything, you know where my room is"

"Thanks" he said again, and James backed out of the room.

Once the door closed, he leaned against it for a moment, the wood hard and cool and carved. It was achingly quiet in the house.

Footsteps sounded softly against the thick carpeting, and James opened his eyes to see Sirius tiptoeing towards him.

"Hi" he whispered, and James waved at him.

"My room?" he said. Sirius nodded.

"Poor bastards" Sirius said as they passed a portrait of James's great, great grandmother. She held a pair of opera glasses to her eyes and peered at them severely.

"Master James" she said stiffly. "Might I inquire as to who your foul-mouthed acquaintance may be?"

"His name is Sirius. Sirius Black"

"Ah!" she smiled, "the Blacks were always a most illustrious family. My regards to your mother and father, young Master Black"

"Will do, Granny" Sirius said, and followed James in hurrying down the hallway.

"Oh you've done it now" James told him solemnly. "That old bat holds grudges for _years._ When I was five, I threw an egg at her portrait because she was always telling me off about my messy hair. After that she'd start shrieking about Dungbombs and Firewhiskey whenever I passed her. Mum and Dad learned to ignore it and then she stopped"

Sirius sucked in his breath and shook his head ruefully. "That's got nothing on some of my family portraits. They're all mad. Great Uncle Toberous started chasing me around the house one day through all the frames and screaming at the top of his lungs. He only stopped because he tripped over his wife Bertha's cat"

James laughed, and the noise echoed through the silent house. It felt good to laugh.

* * *

"Are you sure you still want to do this?"

"It'll be a laugh. Something I think we all need"

"Isn't it a bit in bad taste? I think Kara and the boys are staying with the Potters"

"It'll be fine…"

Lily sighed as she looked at the box of Every Flavour Beans. Pepper and earwax and vomit and burnt toast. With Anna's help, they'd managed to duplicate the packaging on a box of the candies, and shovelled the beans into it.

"It looks real" Anna insisted.

"It does… But the Marauders do all these huge, elaborate, masterful pranks and we're sending them a box of icky sweets"

Anna turned to her. "First off, who the hell says 'icky'? Five year olds? And secondly, the Marauders put a Kappa in Jugson's office. That's not very subtle. Or elaborate. Or masterful"

"The Kappa was _them_? I thought they did the slime cake"

The other girl uncrossed her legs to peer at the box more closely.

"Of course it was them. Sirius was wandering around with a Kappa on his shoulder for the last term, how did you miss that? And what's a slime cake?" she asked absently, picking up one of Camilla's abandoned socks and tossing it in the corner.

"Oh, they enchanted all these cakes to fly at Jugson and then they turned into slime once they hit her. It was cool"

"I'm not flinging cake at the Marauders. That's absurd"

"It is a bit" Lily admitted, tucking herself more securely into the arms of her chair. With Camilla and Marlene gone, the small house seemed very quiet. Mr and Mrs Rogers hadn't made it home yet, despite the news about Mr Prewett, and the two girls were sitting in the living room in oversized jumpers and leggings. Anna had locked herself in the bathroom for half an hour, and when she came out she was calm and collected, her eyes faintly red, but her skin clear. Lily thought Anna could beat her for emotional suppression.

"We'll figure out something else to do but I think this is a good start" Anna said. She picked up the box of sweets and starting wrapping it in glittery silver paper.

"Who're we gonna say it's from?" Lily asked.

"Anonymous"

"That won't work" Lily pointed out. "After Mr Prewett, they'll think they're poisoned or something. Or a bomb"

"Right. A bomb constructed out of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. I wish I'd thought of that"

"Oh shut up"

Anna shut up and went back to wrapping, ripping strips of Spellotape off with her teeth.

"There" she said after a moment, admiring her package.

Lily fought not to laugh. It was misshapen and lumpy, bits of tape hanging off and the paper creased at odd angles.

"Give it here" Lily said and stretched out her hands for it, taking the paper off and starting over.

"We could say it's from a secret admirer"

"Considering the fact that his last admirer drugged me, I would hope that Potter is a little more careful regarding admirers now"

"Good point"

Lily stuck out her tongue, frowning in concentration as she tucked the last corner of the paper in and secured it with a piece of Spellotape.

"Er – say it's from Remus? D'you know what his handwriting looks like?"

"Sort of" Anna said. "I think I have a letter from him – we were talking about who would get the Prefect badges last summer"

"Perfect"

"Great, I'll go find it"

Anna scrambled off the couch and Lily set the package on the floor, looking out the window. It had become very easy to shove things away, to the corner of her mind. It was like letting your eyes half close, until everything blurred. You could do that with your brain, too.

She looked up as Anna returned, waving a roll of parchment in triumph.

"Here we are. How good are you at forging handwriting?"

The end result was a neat looking, glittery package, the letter attached with a bit of black silky ribbon.

"It's very pretty. But does it look like something a teenage boy would send to another boy?" Lily asked.

Anna tilted her head to the side and considered it. "Maybe if they were dating?"

"I think we need some plain paper"

She shook her head but crossed the room to the cupboard and pulled down some plain brown paper.

"Have you heard anything from them? After you sent the owl, I mean" Lily asked softly, taking the roll.

Anna shook her head. "No. I hope they're alright"

"They're probably not. Maybe – maybe this will make them laugh. Some Muggle writer called laughter 'the soul seeking release'"

"That's pretty" Anna said thoughtfully.

Lily nodded, crumpling up the paper a bit. "I kinda agree. Humour and pain are – I guess two sides of the same coin. We use humour as a coping mechanism, but we also use it to make sense of impossible situations"

Anna bit her lip and curled deeper into the corner of the couch. Her hair fell across her face and she shoved it back impatiently.

"That makes sense. Humans are sort of terrible at making sense of tragedy. You can be the most compassionate, understanding person in the world and a loss like that – it'll turn you into an awkward wreck. Gallows humour can do a lot"

Lily said nothing but attached the letter to the package. It was appropriately rumpled and she held it up for Anna's opinion. She got a thumbs up, and hopped out of her chair. The eagle owl perched on the windowsill and Lily tied the box to her leg carefully before shoving the window up and letting the owl fly into the rain.

"Alright. Part two. Got any clever ideas, Anna?"

"Nope" she said cheerfully, inspecting a hole in the knee of her leggings.

"Maybe Mary will have a plan" Lily suggested hopefully, and Anna snorted.

"Right. _Mary_ will have a plan. Mary, who bakes biscuits for first years and cries when the baby Hippogriffs moult. I'm sure she'll have a devious scheme"

"She might. People surprise you"

"Not that much"

"Mm. Have you heard from her recently?"

Anna shook her head and leaned forwards until her elbows were balanced on either side of her crossed legs and rested her chin in her cupped hands. She closed her eyes as the heat from the dancing firelight washed over her face.

"No. She sent me a letter two days after she arrived in France – she says it's marvellous. Camilla sent her the address of her new boyfriend and suggested they meet up for a drink or something"

"I thought he was coming to Hogwarts?"

"He is, but he's spending the summer in France so he can say goodbye to friends and stuff, I guess"

"Ah"

They were quiet for a moment, basking in warmth and silence and the satisfaction of a completed prank.

The living room was golden in the firelight, a small bubble of comfort as the rain pounded angry fists on the roof. Hardwood floors looked rich and glossy in the soft light, and Anna's face was shadowed delicately.

She was thinner than she had been, Lily realized. Her cheekbones were high and sharp and her collar bones looked like a coat hanger.

"Are you ok?" she asked suddenly, and Anna looked up, startled.

"Yeah, why?"

"You just look sort of – unwell?"

"In any particular way?" Anna asked dryly, and Lily shook her head mutely.

"No, not really. Just a general observation"

"Alright"

Lily went back to staring into the fireplace, realizing in a detached sort of way that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and that she probably should.

"Hey Anna, are you hungry?" she asked.

"Not really"

"We should eat something" Lily wheedled, getting up.

"Biscuits" Anna suggested.

Lily grinned at her. Maybe biscuits weren't the healthiest idea, but they were food, and Anna was looking positively waifish.

"Alright. Let's make biscuits. I think we ate all the ones from that old packet this morning"

Anna nodded and unfolded herself, all sharp edges and protruding bones. Lily wasn't sure how she'd missed the changes in her friend, but she had.

The kitchen was still half unpacked from the lunch preparations that were interrupted. She put the tomatoes back in the fridge and the pasta away, and pulled butter from the fridge as Anna got flour and sugar and chocolate.

Soft music was playing, the wireless in the corner tuned to the WWW's Witching Hour and turned low. Anna swayed in her sock feet and hummed loudly and out of tune as Lily preformed a dramatic lip-sync of the song, using a wooden spoon as her microphone.

"When d'you think our OWL results will turn up?" Lily asked, measuring vanilla extract.

Anna shrugged. "Dunno. I asked my mum and she just said hers arrived towards the end of the summer"

The smell of butter and sugar rose from the bowl and Lily passed it to Anna to taste. The other girl cradled the bowl to her as she scooped up a generous spoonful.

"We should just eat it like this" Anna suggested.

"Ok"

"Really?"

"It's food and I'm starving"

"Ok"

They grabbed spoons and retreated to the living room, Anna pausing on the way to turn up the radio.

The program had changed to the news, and they both stood stock-still as the announcer's deep tones filled the small room.

" _-Prewett found dead this morning by a team of Aurors in his family's Upper Flagley home. A neighbour had alerted the DMLE after spotting the Dark Mark over the house. Members of the wizarding community are advised to take extreme caution in protecting homes and businesses. The Ministry has released a pamphlet of simple defensive charms and spells-"_

Anna snorted derisively and sat down on the floor. Lily followed her and leaned back against the wall.

"Right. Simple charms. _Those_ are going to protect us against fucking _Death Eaters_ "

Lily hummed in agreement and grabbed her cookie-dough laden spoon.

"Why does the Ministry have to be so stupid?" Anna sighed, leaning her head on Lily's shoulder. "Why oh why oh why?"

She shrugged and continued listening to the program.

"So" Anna said, clearly changing the subject. "OWLs"

"OWLs" Lily repeated. "How d'you think you did?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure. The end of the year was kind of – messy. What with Mary, and Snape, and the spat between the Marauders-"

"I don't even know why that fight affected us" Lily complained, shoving cookie-dough in her mouth. "We're not even friends with them?"

"Right. We're _allies._ Their bad mood just kind seeped through Gryffindor Tower. _Everyone_ was done with them. I found Oliver Sand crying in the library cause Potter cursed Black in the middle of the night. He said James kicked Sirius out to go sleep on the couch"

"Poor Ollie" Lily said sympathetically.

"It was a little pathetic" Anna said, in a very unsympathetic manner.

"Oliver's cute. He's sort of like the mascot"

Anna snorted and reached up to turn the radio off.

"Our mascot specifically, or the Gryffindor mascot?"

"Gryffindor"

"Hmm. That's true. But it was a fucked up last term and I have no clue how I did"

"Me neither" Lily confessed, feeling lighter. She'd thought it was just her. Just her, who didn't know how she did, who didn't know what her marks would be, who didn't know if she would be able to get a proper job.

She'd looked forwards to the OWLS, from the time she heard about them. It had been an exciting prospect. They would let you know what jobs you were qualified to apply for, and Lily, while not exactly full of herself, was at least confident that she'd score highly.

Now she didn't know. It was frightening. _Well,_ she thought, smiling grimly to herself, _I suppose I can always get a job bagging groceries at the shop down the road._

"Hey Anna?" Lily asked, after a moment of silence. She fixed her gaze on the wall opposite them. There was a large picture of Anna in her Hogwarts' robes, beside her trunk, beaming at the camera. Her dark straight hair was glossy and her small face was slightly chubby.

"Yep?"

"The Order of the Phoenix… what d'you reckon?"

Lily felt, rather than saw, Anna shudder.

"I think it's a terrible idea" she said firmly.

"Really? You don't want to fight?"

Anna shrugged.

"I think Artemis is fighting enough for the both of us. I don't want that, Lily. The fear, the uncertainty. Every time I say goodbye, I don't know if I'll ever see her again or if I'll get a letter one day from her mum telling me when the funeral is"

"Merlin"

"Yeah"

It was a surprise. Anna – brave, fierce, Anna, didn't want to fight. Lily wasn't so much disappointed as she was shocked. Maybe a little hurt. It was her, after all, that the Death Eaters hated. Not Anna. Not Mr Prewett. Mr Prewett had been killed because he stood up for people like her. Lily could understand that Anna didn't want to lay her life down for a cause that wasn't even her own. But she'd thought that Anna held right versus wrong in a little higher regard.

"Well I want to fight" she said staunchly, ignoring the way Anna flinched, like she'd slapped her.

"Of course you do"

Anna sounded half fearful, half proud, voice teetering gently and fondly.

* * *

When the sun rose, it banished the clouds. They dissipated mistily, leaving a thin fog hovering above the ground, coating the mulch-ground of the forest in cotton wool.

It was a bright, scorching, unforgiving sun, and it shone down brilliantly on the Potter mansion that seemed shrouded in gloom, grief pressing itself against the windows.

James had to struggle from sleep. Sirius was sleeping on his couch, (he got nightmares) still dressed with his arms crossed over his chest. He was facing up at the ceiling. His feet hung over the end of the sofa.

Without even thinking about it, James pulled a pillow from behind his head and whipped it at Sirius. It connected with a firm smack and Sirius sat up, sputtering.

" _Arse_ " he said, flipping James off. James smiled at him and swung his legs out of bed.

"How'd you sleep?"

Sirius yawned, running a hand through his messy hair. "Dreadfully"

"Nightmares?"

"'course"

"You can wake me up, y'know" James said quietly and stared out the window. Tendrils of clouds skulked over the horizon, lit pinkly.

"Eh. They weren't too bad"

"Alright. What time is it?"

Sirius consulted his watch.

"Seven in the _fucking morning_ , what are you playing at, Prongs? Why the fuck am I awake?"

"Well I woke up" James explained. "And then I thought you ought to be too. 'Sides, Remus and Peter get back at half past"

"Brilliant" Sirius grumbled, but rolled off the sofa anyways.

The house felt murky. Dim hallways and chill light, despite the blazing sun and changeable weather of summer. The Prewett boys' door was closed, and James and Sirius passed it quietly, tiptoeing down the creaky stairs to the kitchen.

A small wizened creature with protruding, elephant-like ears was scurrying busily around the kitchen. They were wearing a neatly pressed blue shirt with matching trousers, and boots were fitted on their disproportionally large feet.

The aroma of frying bacon drifted from the large stove, and James could see daffodils nodding their sunny, cheerful heads through the window that looked over the garden.

"Hullo Trixie" James said, sliding into a seat at the kitchen table. Sirius perched on the edge and caught up an apple from the polished wooden bowl in the centre of the table.

The house elf turned around, beaming fondly at the two boys.

"Good morning Master James! Master Sirius!" she giggled, turning back to her frying pan.

"I've told you before, Trixie, you can just call us by our first names" James told her gently, amused.

"Of course Master James" she said, flashing him a grin. Her large eyes were a greyish blue, and she peered at the pair of them intently for a moment before returning to her cooking.

"Trixie is so very sorry for your loss" she murmured after a moment, not looking at them. "Mr Prewett was kind to Trixie, and to her masters. He will be missed"

"Thank you Trixie" James said.

Trixie had been with his family since before he was born, and she had been free for as long as he could remember.

She'd taken care of him when he was younger, had stopped him from sneaking out to play Quidditch at night more times than he could remember, and had been there for everything from scraped knees to offering comfort the first time Lily rejected him. He trusted the elf implicitly.

"Breakfast, Masters" she squeaked after a moment, sliding two plates in front of them.

Sunny side up eggs matched the daffodils outside.

"The Prewetts should eat something – Trixie, could you bring up trays to Mrs Prewett and her sons?"

"Of course Master James" the elf said, bustling away.

"So – putting depressing topics aside, how have you been, since that disastrous party?" Sirius asked between gnawing on his bacon.

"How is that not a depressing topic?"

"It's less depressing than death" Sirius amended.

"Not by much. I think I've sort of accepted the two facts that a) I'm not going to be able to get over her, and b) she's never going to like me. It's like a terminal disease"

Sirius turned his snicker into a cough as James glared.

"Ahem, sorry. Maybe comparing your crush on a girl to a terminal disease is a bad idea. Personally, _I_ wouldn't like to be compared to a terminal illness. It's hardly going to endear you to her"

"But it _is_ " James complained. "It's never going away, it's never going to get better, and for all I know it'll kill me one of these days"

"Merlin, you're a drama queen"

"Am not"

"Are t-"

The doorbell rang before he could finish talking, and James fled Sirius's judgmental look. Honestly, it did feel that way sometimes. It felt stupid to admit it to himself, but some days, looking at Lily, watching her laugh and smile, and make magic, it felt like he was dying a little bit on the inside.

It was Remus and Peter at the door, clutching camping gear and looking bedraggled. Peter's mousy hair was sticking up oddly on one side, and was flattened on the other, like he'd slept on it funny, and Remus was wearing mix-matched socks. He had dark bags under his eyes.

"The match was _brilliant_ " Peter said, pushing past James impatiently and dropping his muddy hold-all onto the foyer floor. Remus followed, kicking off hiking boots and tugging off his batter old coat.

"Guys-" James said as they proceeded to the living room, discoursing loudly on the prowess of the Wigtown Wanderers.

"Morning Sirius" Remus said, collapsing into a chair and pulling a plate of toast towards him. He spread it thickly with jam before shoving half of it in his mouth with one bite.

"Morning" Sirius replied, passing the butter to Peter who was making impatient hand gestures.

"Mr Prewett is dead" James blurted.

It was almost comical. The pair of them froze, identically horrified expressions spreading across their faces. Peter dropped the butter knife, and the clang echoed in the suddenly silent kitchen.

"What?" Remus said, in a hushed tone.

James took a breath. "He was murdered yesterday, by Death Eaters. Kara and the boys are staying here; the house in Upper Flagley might not be safe"

"Fuck" Peter said. It wasn't an exclamation, it was an exhalation. He sounded like he'd already given up.

"I know" James said bleakly. Remus picked up the dropped knife numbly, and stared at the plate of toast that was rapidly going cold.

"Why would they – why? He's a pureblood"

"He's a blood traitor"

Sirius sounded very bitter, and shoved his half eaten breakfast away. "And my goddamn family, while people like Mr Prewett are standing up and being _killed_ , they're sitting on their arses and handing gold and wands and soldiers to Voldemort"

"Padfoot, mate, it's not your fault your family are terrible" Peter told him seriously. "You're brave, and you stand up for what's right. That's what matters, ok?"

Sirius looked rather touched, and smiled awkwardly at Peter, before stuffing half a fried egg in his mouth to avoid talking.

For a few minutes, the kitchen was silent as the four boys ate. Warm sunlight filtered through the large, gleaming windows, and crept up the table legs slowly.

There were heavy sounding footsteps on the stairs, and James looked up from his plate to see Gideon and Fabian shuffle into the kitchen. They looked – decimated. Like they had been ripped apart and sewed messily back together, stuffing falling out all over the place.

There were red lines carved down Fabian's pale face from tears.

"Hullo" James said, standing up. "D'you want some breakfast?"

Gideon nodded tiredly, steering his younger brother to a chair before sitting down himself.

"Oi, TRIXIE!" James hollered, and felt immediately guilty as he saw Fabian flinch.

He could hear small, pattering footsteps hurrying towards the kitchen, and Trixie appeared, cheeks red from exertion.

"It is no good to be yelling so loud, Master James!" she scolded, wagging her finger, before she spotted the Prewett boys. Her worn, kind face fell, and she heaved a heavy sigh before taking a sidle-step towards Fabian and stretching up to wrap her arms around him. She had to stand on her tip-toes as she hugged him tightly, brushing messy auburn hair back from his face.

"Poor dear" she whispered. "Trixie is so sorry"

Fabian hugged her back for a second before pulling away.

"Sadness" Trixie said, hovering over the stove. "Is like a wound. A deep wound that goes bad and rots from the outside in. You have to drain it. You have to let go. Else it will poison you with all manner of nasty things"

Fabian nodded tentatively and scrubbed at his face with a damp, balled up sleeve, before Trixie ran a cloth under the tap and passed the cool, wet piece of fabric to him.

"Thanks" he said, voice thick, and she smiled.

Her misshapen, homely face lit up the room.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Extra long chapter for y'all, since I'm not sure what my internet situation will be for the next few days. I hope you enjoyed it, please review, and have a wonderful day.  
**_


	29. A Slight Change

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

 _ **A.N. GUYS, GUYS, I'M BACKKKK.  
**_

* * *

"We were thinking of playing a game of Quidditch today" James said, eyes on his plate. "D'you want to play? We have spare brooms"

Gideon and Fabian traded glances before nodding slowly. "That sounds like a good idea" Gideon said slowly. "I think we will"

"Great. With you two, we'll have enough for three on three"

The place where the witches and wizards of Godric's Hollow played Quidditch was a small field, ground muddy and spotted with bright wildflowers. It had been enchanted years ago to repel Muggles, but the charms were getting old and from time to time a curious Muggle wandered into the middle of the game, only to have their memories wiped. Of course, most of the magical folk living in the village whole heartedly agreed that it was senseless and reckless, but no one could quite be bothered to lay down any protections again, so it remained a misty, half-forgotten spot on the edge of the Muggle population's consciousness.

No one was using it that morning, despite the sunny weather and the large amount of children home from Hogwarts, so they had it to themselves.

James and Sirius hauled the crate of balls up, puffing, as Remus reminded them that they really could've just left the Bludgers at home.

The two teams were fairly evenly matched – James and Gideon were both fabulous, (James's words, not Gideon's) Fabian and Remus were decent, and Sirius and Peter were abysmal. Bright sun beat down on the makeshift pitch and one of the elderly wooden goalposts was knocked over, but they were able to play several games before heading back to the Potter house.

Gideon and Fabian were both flush-cheeked and laughing, and James felt a spark of satisfaction as he watched them. _I did that, I made them smile_.

"What was that last goal you tried to shoot?" James asked Sirius as the other boy jogged up beside him, broom under arm.

Sirius looked faintly abashed. "That was a move of my own devising, Prongs. I call it the Padfoot Pass"

"You nearly fell off your broom"

"I saved myself"

"Your hair got caught in your broom bristles, there's a difference"

Sirius waved a lofty hand in the air and nearly tripped over a protruding root as they walked down the slight hill that led back to the village. Ahead of them, Peter was experimenting with how low he could fly on his broom, as Fabian attempted to knock him off it and Gideon and Remus tried to separate the pair.

"Details, details" Sirius said.

James snorted inelegantly, before lobbing the bright red Quaffle at Peter, who squeaked and toppled off his broom to land on the damp forest ground.

* * *

James's half thought out plan basically involved keeping the Prewett boys too busy to grieve. It was, perhaps, a not particularly sensitive plan, but it seemed to be working. After cleaning up from Quidditch, he dragged the whole group to London to go to the zoo. The wizarding world didn't have zoos, and the younger Prewett boy was very curious about the whole spectacle.

"Why are they all in cages?" Fabian asked loudly as they passed the big cats enclosure. A sunny summer day ensued that the zoo was packed – and the crowd of bodies just made it hotter. A red faced toddler ran past, chased by his harassed looking father, and a small girl clutching a lollipop waved the sweet menacingly at James. He took a hasty step back.

A Muggle woman shot him a puzzled glance and James flashed her a quick smile.

"Cause else they'll escape and eat us" he explained.

Fabian frowned. "It seems like there ought to be a simpler way. Couldn't they just charm them harmless?"

James groaned.

"They don't have magic, idiot" Gideon said, equally loudly, and attracted a few more curious looks.

Fabian flipped his older brother off, causing him to throw up his hands in annoyance, and pressed his face against the bars of the lion's cage.

"Look!" he said, "it's our mascot"

He waved. The lion did not look impressed, but yawned widely, exposing large teeth and a pink tongue.

Peter was farther along, and had found a badger that he was quite entranced by.

"A badger, for the Puffs. I guess badgers are friendly or something?" he said, pointing at it.

James peered at the sign alongside the enclosure and began to shake with silent laughter.

"What?" Remus asked him, looking at the sign.

James pointed at the sign, and Remus looked at it closer.

 _Honey badger – primarily carnivores, with few natural predators due to their thick skin and ferocious defensive tendencies. Aggressive._

"Oh" Peter said and shot a rather aggrieved look at the badger.

Over by the lion cage, Fabian was talking loudly about Red Caps. James hurried away to go shut him up.

"- I mean, what exactly do these animals _do_?" he was asking a puzzled looking zookeeper. "What are their magical properties? Does their blood have any uses in potion making?"

"Sorry" James told the bemused man, pulling Fabian away. "I think the heat's gotten to him"

"I was having a discussion" Fabian argued as James took him to stand in front of the honey badger enclosure.

"With a _Muggle_ "

"He had a distinctly wizardy feel about him" Fabian insisted. "He had a Chocolate Frog wrapper in his pocket"

"He did _not_ " Gideon said firmly, and Fabian shut up, looking mutinous.

"Who's hungry?" Remus asked loudly, starting to steer the group away. They were beginning to attract stares.

"I think there's a restaurant here" James said.

"We don't have any Muggle money" Sirius pointed out.

"Right. Leaky Caldron it is, come along, gang"

"We're not your gang" Peter complained.

"Shut up"

* * *

It was one o'clock before they made it to the Leaky Caldron – and the dim, grubby pub was a cool respite from the scorching streets of London, and the teeming crowds. A few elderly wizards sat in a corner with goblets of firewhisky, and a beleaguered looking woman clutched her young daughter's hand as she tugged her towards the entrance to Diagon Alley.

Sitting up at a stool, by the bar, was Mary MacDonald.

"MacDonald!" James called, and she jumped slightly, before turning round to smile at them.

"Hello, boys"

"I thought you were still in France, when did you get back?"

"Oh" she said, setting her book down beside a bottle of cold Butterbeer, "I just got back today, I was going to go round Anna's and surprise the others. How are you?"

James traded a rather awkward look at the Prewett boys, and Gideon nodded slowly.

"There was – an attack yesterday" James said shiftily. "In Upper Flagley"

Mary's hands flew to her mouth.

"Mr Prewett was killed"

"Oh god – Fabian, Gideon – I'm so, so sorry"

She hopped off her stool, and hurried over, eyes bright and glassy. The unshed tears made them more focused, almost. You felt like she could see right through you. Her grief was heartbreakingly sincere.

Mary pulled both of the Prewett boys into a hug, and they clung to her like they were sinking.

"Thanks Mary" Gideon murmured.

"Have you eaten yet?" she asked.

"No – we were just about to get lunch. Come join us?" Sirius offered, smiling at her.

"Sure, thanks"

She walked back to the bar and dropped a few Sickles on the counter and scooped up her book – a large, dense hardcover that she deposited in a purse that seemed much too small to contain it.

"Were you going to eat here?"

"Yep"

They chose the largest table in the middle of the room, underneath a rather crude cast iron candelabra. There were white wax splatters on the wood table.

Tom, the bartender was at the table the second they sat down, notepad in hand.

"Cold Butterbeers all around" James said, as everyone nodded.

"I'll have a cheeseburger" Mary said, and the rest quickly ordered the same. It was a well-known, but unfortunate fact that the Leaky Caldron did terrible lunches. Dinner was always fine. Breakfast was delicious. But for some reason, all the lunch food that they offered was horrendous. The burgers were the only safe things to order, really.

"So how has your summer been?" she asked, before wincing and looking at the Prewett boys guiltily. "Merlin – I'm sorry"

"It's fine" Gideon said quietly.

In the silence that followed, Tom bustled up with a huge tray of precariously balanced Butterbeers.

"How's _your_ summer been?" Remus asked, once they'd all taken a few gulps of Butterbeer. "How was France?"

"Oh – it was wonderful. The wizarding history there is really fascinating. And I met Camilla's new boyfriend, he's coming to Hogwarts from Beauxbatons on an exchange program next year. He seems nice"

"How will they know what House to put him in?" Remus asked, frowning slightly.

"Dunno" Mary took a sip of Butterbeer and wiped the foam off her lip. "Maybe they'll Sort him"

"I bet the Hat would get annoyed at having to Sort a sixteen year old"

"I'm sure they'll sort it out" Sirius said solemnly, and Peter whacked him.

* * *

After lunch, Mary waved goodbye and hurried away to Diagon Alley, murmuring something about potion supplies, and the boys wandered after her, peering into bright window displays and pausing at the ice cream parlour to purchase large chocolate dipped ice cream cones.

"Does anyone have any errands?"

They were passing Madam Twitchwood's, and Remus halted.

"Oh – yeah, I need some new dress robes. You lot go on ahead, I'll just be a few minutes"

"Alright"

James stopped in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies, bringing the group to a standstill, and ogled the new Nimbus in the window.

Behind him, Peter muttered something that sounded like 'typical'.

"Oi" he said, without turning round. "It's a beautiful broom – look at the curve on that handle, and I hear it goes naught to sixty in three seconds…"

There was no answer, and James whipped round to discover that his friends had departed, and were walking away from him. Cursing under his breath, he hurried after them.

On that hot summer day, Diagon Alley was nearly empty – no one had gotten their booklists yet, so there were no queues in Flourish and Blots and a few shops were closed early, a miasma of heat hovering sleepily over them. The division between Diagon Alley and Knockturn was abrupt.

Ice cream parlours with their candy-striped awnings gave way to dim, dusty storefronts. An odd, unpleasant aroma rose from Knockturn Alley.

"Come on" James encouraged, as Peter and Remus faltered at the entrance.

It felt like they were being watched.

"James . . . in these times. . ." Remus had stepped back a bit, followed by Gideon Prewett.

"It'll be fun" Sirius said briskly. Fabian followed him and was cast instantly into gloom. Shadows painted him in dark stripes.

Peter seemed to hesitate for a moment before taking the plunge, hurrying across the divisive line of darkness that marked Knockturn Alley.

Shaking his head mournfully, Remus followed and Gideon came afterwards.

There was an edge to the air of Knockturn Alley. A bite. It felt like a wand – cool, polished wood – held to your throat. It was intoxicating in its illicitness.

"I don't like this" Peter said, looking around.

James sighed and grabbed him by the sleeve, tugging him to the middle of the street.

"Look around" he ordered.

Peter looked around.

"What do you see?"

"Rubbish. Grotty windows, dens of inequity, and – _is that a rat_ "

It was indeed a rat, and James stared at him incredulously.

"Peter"

"What"

He lowered his voice and cast an uneasy look at the Prewetts. "Peter, not to be rude, but y'know, _you're_ a rat"

"Oh right"

James patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "Feel better?"

"Not in the slightest" Peter said firmly. "I want to go home"

"Merlin's sake"

"Fine" Sirius said soothingly, stepping over from the Prewetts and Remus. "We can go home, but I did _really_ want to pick up some Wartcap powder"

Peter wavered and James crossed his fingers behind his back.

"Alright! Go get your Class Two Non-Tradable Substance. Don't blame us if you get tossed in Azkaban"

"That's the spirit" Sirius said, cheerily, and dashed away. Leaving James with Peter who was scowling furiously.

A cool breeze whipped down the alley, carrying a trail of dust with it. Peter scowled more, and James rolled his eyes, heading over to Remus and the Prewetts.

"Where d'you even _go_ to get Wartcap powder?" Gideon asked.

"Sirius says he has contacts in the 'Underworld' but his family is kinda – dark, so he does know some people" Remus said.

There was a lone figure walking down the narrow road between the shops, and James squinted at it. They weren't wearing robes – it looked like baggy jeans and a large sweatshirt.

He could see a curtain of dark hair and he had a horrible feeling he knew who it was. Once upon a time, seeing Snivellus during the holidays, with no one to restrain them might've been a cause for celebration, but he hadn't seen Snape since the Shrieking Shack. His feet turned away, and he shot a panicked look at Remus who mouthed 'do something' at him.

"What's the matter?" Fabian asked.

"Erm" Peter said awkwardly, spotting Snape. He was still walking towards them, head down, ratty trainers scuffing the grubby cobblestones.

"Damn" James whispered as the other boy looked up at him. His narrow features immediately soured with distaste.

"Potter. What're you doing down here?"

"I could ask you the same, Snape" James said coolly. "In the current climate . . . it doesn't seem like a very _auspicious_ place to be seen"

Snape sneered and turned away, starting to walk away slowly. James could see that he had a hand in his pocket, and he would've bet a bucket of Jelly Slugs that his fist was balled around his wand.

His thin shoulders were tense, like he was expecting a hex between the shoulder blades, but James just watched him go.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Ahhh I'm so happy to be back. I'm about to sail through the Panama canal, so that should be cool. Did y'all have a good Halloween? (if you celebrate). I dressed up as Melisandre from A Game of Thrones.**_ **  
**


	30. A War Waged With Butterbeer

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **So there was a bit of a mixup... I forgot what part of the last chapter I had uploaded, so I missed a whole section! Whoops. Thank you so much to the reviewer who pointed it out, and I hope you enjoy the extra part.**_

 ** _gUYS, HALLOWEEN IS OVER, SO THAT MEANS IT'S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS SEASON, DECK THE HALLS, Y'ALL._**

* * *

 _Recap: James tries to cheer up the Prewetts with Quidditch, the zoo, and Diagon Alley. He resists the urge to hex Snape._

* * *

After Sirius emerged from dim shop, grinning like an idiot and clutching a thick paper sack, James dragged him out of the alley, tailed by the others.

They caught the Knight Bus back to Godric's Hollow, and piled out, faintly queasy.

Mrs Prewett and Euphemia were sitting in the front room of the Potter mansion, clutching mugs of tea. Kara Prewett was wearing a thick blue men's jumper and her eyes were red, but she smiled tremulously when she saw her sons and held her arms out.

Looking uncomfortable, Gideon and Fabian sat on the sofa beside her, and she immediately pulled them to her, dropping a damp kiss on Fabian's forehead.

"Jamie, a package came from you in the kitchen" Euphemia said, shooting her son a meaningful glance. James got the message, and backed out of the living room, Sirius, Peter, and Remus following.

The package, a crumpled brown box that looked rather damp, sat on the table.

"Who's it from?" Peter asked, dropping into a kitchen chair and picking up an apple.

James shook the box quizzically as Sirius plucked the letter from the package.

"It says it's from Remus" Sirius said, looking curiously at Remus, who shook his head.

"I didn't send you anything" he said.

"Weird", James ripped the paper off the box, and held up a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.

"Thanks Remus" he said.

"I didn't send you that" Remus insisted, picking up the sweets and frowning at them.

"D'you know another Remus?" Peter asked.

"Nope" James popped a bean in his mouth and pulled a horrible face, and spat the bean out.

"Eurgh James" Sirius complained.

James pointed at the half chewed bean accusingly. "It was carpet!"

"How d'you know what carpet tastes like?" Remus wanted to know, and Sirius ate a handful of beans.

For a second, he seemed fine, and then his dark eyes bugged out and he sprayed a mouthful of beans across the kitchen, coughing and spitting.

"Eurgh Sirius" Remus mimicked, deadpan, as Sirius ran to the tap and stuck his mouth under, gulping water.

" _Fuck_ " Sirius swore. "I don't know _what_ sort of sweets those are, but they're all horrible. Peter you try one"

Peter shoved back from the table. "I'm good" he said.

"No, try one" Sirius insisted, shoving the box at him.

Remus reached over the table and grabbed a couple. He ate one, chewed for a moment and spat it into his hand.

"Bleck" he said.

"What was yours?" Peter asked.

"Peanut butter"

"What's wrong with peanut butter?" Sirius sounded vaguely affronted, and Remus shrugged.

"It's gross"

"It is _not-"_

They were interrupted by Peter crouching over the rubbish bin and vomiting loudly into it.

"Really, Peter?" James asked, and Peter made an angry sound from where he had his head stuck in the bucket.

"He has a weak stomach" Remus explained, sitting down and grabbing another bean.

James frowned at the package.

"I think someone's trying to prank us" he said finally. He picked up the letter again and looked carefully at it. It certainly looked similar to Remus's handwriting, but it was a bit too neat. The 'g's were different too.

Sirius snorted. "Amateurs"

"It's actually a pretty good one" Remus argued. "It's subtle and devious"

Peter stood up from the wastebasket, wiping his mouth and looking sick.

"Why are _we_ being pranked?" he complained.

"Because we're bad people" Remus said absently. He had taken the letter and was peering at it. "Who do we know who does their 'g's like this?"

"Lily" James said automatically.

"Of course you know that" Sirius rolled his eyes.

James threw an apple at him, more out of habit than anything else, and plucked the letter back from Remus. The sun was starting to drop below the tree line, turning the tall pines into dark shadows and casting tired-soft light over the pale climbing roses. Their brooms were propped up by the low, half collapsed broomshed, and the Quidditch ball box sat next to them. A gnome scampered through the ankle high grass, holding a grasshopper in one fist and a beetle in the other.

"Wow" Peter sounded mildly impressed. "The _Allies_ are pranking us. That's new"

"Are we allowed to prank them under the terms of our alliance?" Sirius wanted to know.

"I don't think we ever drew up a contract" Remus said, and inspected a handful of beans.

"Are they all gross? How did they even do that?"

Screwing up his face like he was preparing for something unpleasant, Remus ate a bean. He spat it out and ate another.

" _What_ are you doing?" James asked.

"Seeing if they're all gross"

Remus kept eating, while the others looked on, slightly impressed.

"They are" he confirmed after another few minutes. "Not a good one in the batch"

"Those girls scare me a little bit" Peter confided, and Sirius ruffled his hair fondly. "Don't worry about it Peter. We'll take care of it"

"What're we gonna do?" James asked apprehensively, and Sirius grinned wolfishly. "Give as good as we got"

* * *

The Marauders of course, were expert prankers. Veterans of a hundred prank wars, inventors of new jokes, refurbishers of old. They had this. In the spirit of sportsmanship, they had decided to match the girls' opening move – with a six pack of _special_ butterbeer.

Remus stuck out his tongue as he carefully stirred the huge caldron of butterbeer. It was bubbling, a rich, caramel smell wafting out, and Sirius dumped in a vial of some blue, sludgy looking substance, and prodded at the flames beneath the caldron.

"So we can't send it to them, that'd be suspicious" Peter was saying. He tapped a quill on the old wood table. A piece of paper covered in scribbles rested over an old burn and six empty butterbeer bottles sat next to it. They were in the potions room, lights lit and windows opened. James was inspecting the shelves of ingredients, and Peter tilted back on his chair, craning his head to look around on of the cabinets.

"James are you listening to me?" he asked.

"Mm hmm"

"How are we going to get it to them?"

James straightened up from behind the shelves, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"We send a secret agent. Someone unmatched in cunning, a master of duplicity, someone to charm the socks off them-"

They all looked at Peter.

"What, me?" Peter said, looking alarmed.

"You're endearing" Sirius explained patiently. "They won't think it's weird if you drop by to say hi, catch up and oh would you look at that, I stopped and picked up some butterbeer on the way, want some?"

"Won't they think it's weird if I don't drink one?" Peter asked anxiously.

"We'll leave one undoctored and mark it so you know which one it is" Remus told him. "There's some bottles downstairs, we'll just substitute it"

Peter fidgeted in his seat, but finally nodded resentfully, pushing them empty bottles towards Remus.

The butterbeer by this point, was steaming, but otherwise looking perfectly ordinary. Turning off the heat, Sirius started to funnel the butterbeer back into the bottles with a large ladle. Remus replaced and sealed the caps, and James wiped down the bottles until they looked brand new and untampered with.

"There" James said in a satisfied manner, wedging the five bottles back into their carrier. Sirius supplied an ordinary bottle of butterbeer from downstairs, and made a neat scratch in the glass, placing it in the corner of the carton.

"That one's yours" he told Peter, who nodded, and inspected the ordinary bottle carefully.

"The only thing wrong with this prank is that we don't get to witness it" James sighed regretfully. "Peter, we shall live vicariously through you"

"Alright" Peter said calmly, looking back at his piece of paper covered in scribbles.

* * *

The next week passed by slowly and softly, in a haze of golden light and crystal water. Lily and Anna spent long afternoons with Marlene, Camilla and Mary (newly back from France) in the Rogers's garden, and in the evenings, they sometimes went to the wizarding pub on the town square to talk to other Hogwarts students and sip butterbeer, or they spent nights out in Muggle London, dancing at clubs and eating greasy fish and chips from small shops.

It was safe. It was comfortable. It was careful and fragile and lovely, and Lily was content to drift through her summer cushioned by friends and distance from all the things that were hurting her. She stopped reading the Prophet. She stopped bringing up the elusive Order of the Phoenix, (after all, Marlene had no more information than she did when she first mentioned it) and spent her time laughing and joking and floating.

On Tuesday evening, right before they were about to head out for the night, the doorbell rang. Lily tilted her head back over the arm of the couch to peer at the light wood door upside-down.

"Anna!" she hollered.

"I'm getting dressed, get up and quit being so lazy"

"Marlene?" she asked hopefully.

"Cami's doing my makeup" was the reply.

"Mary?" she tried.

"I'm trying to find a pair of shoes that match this skirt"

Lily heaved a put upon sigh, but dropped her book to the floor and rolled off the couch, nearly squishing Travis the cat in the process.

She padded to the door in bare feet and wrenched it open, narrowing her eyes at Peter Pettigrew who stood on the other side of the door, clutching a pack of butterbeer and smiling at her nervously. He was still lightly tanned from Italy, light streaks running through his hair and he looked taller.

"Hey" she said, waving awkwardly.

"Hi" he returned, proffering the butterbeer. She took it, grappling with it slightly.

"Er – are you coming in?" she asked, opening the door wider and stepping back so he could enter.

"Sure, thanks" he said.

Lily went off to find the others and left the butterbeer on the coffee table.

"Peter!" Mary greeted him, emerging from the deep closet, clutching a pair of dark blue shoes. "How've you been?"

"Not bad" he said, returning her hug. "Those beans were masterful by the way. Good job"

Mary shot Lily a confused glance, and she blushed lightly, looking faintly abashed.

"I dunno what you're talking about" Lily tried, and Peter just grinned at her.

"Anyways" he continued. "I was in the neighbourhood, so I thought I'd pick up some butterbeer and come catch up"

"Have a seat" Lily invited as Anna wandered in, tugging at a russet red crop top and a black leather skirt.

Mary and Camilla followed, similarly dressed.

"Oh – were you going out? I can go-" Peter offered, starting to stand.

"No, it's fine, sit down" Anna ordered, curling up in a low seat.

Lily watched her for a second. Anna had pulled back together over the past week, her threads tightening.

Peter offered round the box of butterbeer, grabbing one for himself.

"Thanks" Lily said, prying the top off hers and passing one to Mary. She sipped it cautiously. She didn't _distrust_ Peter, per se, but they _did_ prank him and his friends. It tasted perfectly normal, caramel and sweet and warm, and she gave the others a tiny nod. Peter didn't seem to have noticed the hesitation.

"Remus mentioned you two went to a Wigtown Wanderer match" Mary said, propping her feet on the coffee table. "How was it?"

Peter perked up and launched into a play-by-play of the match as the others sipped butterbeer.

Lily's head was starting to spin and she frowned at her bottle. The room felt abruptly warmer, and the dust motes came into sudden focus. There was a muzzy feeling in her limbs. Marlene was giggling, a high, girlish sound that was most unlike her, and Anna was half tipped sideways onto Peter.

Peter was lovely, Lily thought. He was friendly and sweet. They should talk more.

"We should go dancing" Camilla said, starting to pull at Mary and stumbling slightly.

" _Yes_ " Anna cheered, climbing out of her chair and stumbling to the door, grabbing her boots.

"Peter should come!" Lily said, linking her arm through Peter's and pulling him to his feet. She felt drunk, but all she'd drunk was a Butterbeer, and there was no way she was sloshed on that. Before she could contemplate it further, she took the final few swigs of Butterbeer from her bottle and the thought drifted away like mist dissipating off the warm ground.

Everything was golden and soft, the sun sinking, drowning in thin white clouds.

Peter looked slightly alarmed as the girls buckled shoes and tied laces, giggling as they slumped against the wall but eventually clambering to their feet and tugging him out the door.

Threads of gold twined through the wispy clouds like veins in marble and the sun's last light coated their skin, flecking Mary's skin with gold and making Lily's red hair glow copper.

"Maybe we should stay-" Peter tried, as they pulled him along.

"Nope!" Camilla insisted, skipping ahead of them. She tripped over a rock and nearly fell, but steadied herself. "We're going out. The Muggles have marvellous clubs, you'll like it"

Abandoning all caution, Peter yanked out of Anna's grasp. "James!" he yelled. "Remus, Sirius, help!"

Mary tutted at him. "Shh" she said, waving her finger commandingly. "Shh, why are you yelling?"

Lily noticed the bushes rustling, and frowned as three boys emerged from it.

"Potter?" she said, teetering.

"Where are you taking Peter?" he asked, smiling.

" _Dancing_ " Camilla said loudly, latching on to Remus, who looked deeply uncomfortable.

"That sounds fun" Sirius grinned. "Were you thinking of going anywhere in particular? Cause I know an excellent club in Muggle London"

Marlene frowned theatrically, considering, and Mary giggled loudly, draping her arms around her friend from behind and planting a noisy kiss on her cheek.

"Why do you even know clubs in Muggle London? Your parents hate Muggles, you can't tell me they're all fine and dandy with you going out to pick up Muggle girls and drink Muggle drinks and listen to Muggle music and _interact_ with Muggles"

" _'_ _Fine and dandy'_?" Sirius mimicked derisively.

Remus whacked him upside the head calmly.

Lily fuzzily noticed a neighbour twitching crocheted lace curtains aside to peer at them curiously. The whole group was standing in the middle of the road, the girls tripping over themselves, the boys with barely restrained grins as they realized exactly how successful their prank had been.

"We should go back inside" Remus suggested.

" _Nooo_. We wanna go dancing" Anna complained, executing a clumsy two step in the grass.

"There's a great club just this way" Sirius said convincingly and took her arm.

A slight breeze skipped over Lily's skin and her hair danced, lifting off the back of her neck and flying out behind her. Potter was watching her, she noticed. Eyes wide. She smiled at him, feeling almost friendly towards him for once. He wasn't so bad. He was smart – and sometimes he was almost funny. He had nice eyes, too.

"Come on, Lily" he said firmly, starting to steer her towards the house. For a second, she considered shaking him off, but then she saw her friends starting to head back, and followed him willingly enough.

* * *

They really hadn't thought this prank through. Disregarding the fact that getting them drunk unknowingly was a morally grey area, it really wasn't fun to take care of five very drunk teenage girls.

Remus was dealing the best, dispensing water and coffee and food while Sirius whined about the fact that they had to take care of them. Also Anna kept kicking James when he tried to get her to drink water. Next prank, they'd try to think the repercussions through a little farther.

"I'm gonna throw up" Mary groaned, clutching at her stomach, and Remus passed her a bucket that he'd dug out for this express purpose. He really was awfully good at taking care of people, James thought.

"No one vomit on me!" Sirius shrieked, jumping up, and Peter shot him a dirty look as he held Mary's hair back.

"I didn't sign up for this" Peter complained. "I signed up for a prank – not vomit, and giggling"

He sniffed at his hands after he let Mary's hair down, and made a face. "I didn't sign up for hair gel either. _Yuck_ , it's all over my hands, why do they coat their hair in this shit?"

James patted his hair defensively, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

The sun had fully gone down, the village darkened, and James sincerely hoped that Mrs and Mr Rogers didn't come home anytime soon. It wouldn't be at all fun to explain to them why their daughter and her friends were drunk off Butterbeer.

"Hey Anna?" he asked, faux innocently. "What?" Anna snapped.

"What time do your parents get home?"

"Oh" Anna rolled over onto her front on the couch. "They're visiting my mum's sister in Kent, they won't be home for a week"

James let out the breath he'd been holding.

Lily muttered something into her pillow.

"What was that?" he asked immediately.

She lifted her head, brushing hair back from her face and focused green eyes on James. "I said" she told him, "I'm sober enough now to wonder how exactly we all got drunk off of one Butterbeer"

The boys traded shifty looks, and Peter mouthed, ' _you do it_ ' at James, who sighed, and looked at the ceiling for a moment.

"Well" he said, still studying the beige ceiling. "It was – well. It was kinda us?"

"What?" Marlene demanded loudly.

"We were pranking you back for the Bertie Bott's thing. We found this potion – really old and obscure – it basically lets you increase the alcohol content hugely without any difference in taste"

"Wow" Lily said, and James did a double-take. That was almost – was that _admiration_ in her voice? It couldn't be.

"That's pretty impressive magic" she continued, raising her eyebrows.

"Thanks" he said warily.

"And Peter" she said. Peter looked nervous. "Nice job. You were very sneaky, we didn't suspect a thing"

Relaxing, Peter shrugged modestly and James hid a grin.

Groaning, Anna lifted her glass of water in a mocking toast to him.

Someone, probably Remus, had lit the fire, and the flames cast shadows across the ground and across everyone's faces. For a second, James was over-come with how odd it all was. Last year, Lily would sneer at him in the hallways, his method of communication would be commenting loudly on her legs, and none of the others would really talk to each other.

Now, they sprawled on couches and chairs – Anna's feet propped in Sirius's lap, Camilla chatting quietly to Peter, and Lily sitting by his side, gazing silently into the fire. Her lashes cast shadows on the tops of her cheeks when she blinked, and there were dark hollows caused by the over-exaggeration of the firelight.

James wanted to reach out and take her hand again – see if it was as soft as he remembered. It probably wasn't. She wasn't made of porcelain. Her skin wasn't silk, or satin. She was flesh and warm and textured. The skin beneath her eyes was tissue paper thin, almost translucent.

Hardly breathing, he slid his hand across the gap between them, fingers skating tentatively over the back of her hand. She didn't move, or look at him, but she turned her hand over so it laid face up, fingers curled softly.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Alright, there we go! All fixed. Please keep up the reviews!**_


	31. Something They Can Never Take Away

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **Hello, hello, I'm so sorry I've been AWOL. I've been fairly busy, and my internet has been terrible. I'm not giving up on this fic - you just might have to wait a few more days between updates.**_

 _ **A note before we get started: I am in shock that Trump won. I believe his presidency will be a fiasco for this country, and for any progress towards equality, and protecting the environment. I cried myself to sleep last night, and this morning, I cried again as I re-read Obama's victory speech from eight years ago. We are being pushed backwards, and last night was a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Today I'm going to pick myself up, hold my chin up, and keep going.**_

It was midnight by the time that Anna, being a polite host and properly sober, ordered the boys to stay over, pointing out that the new Ministry decree had imposed a curfew on underage wizards and witches and they'd be breaking it if they left.

Sirius had raised his eyebrows at that. "You're actually listening to that?" he demanded.

"Well, no" Anna admitted, "but it's too late to go now, you might as well stay. You can make breakfast to thank me in the morning"

"Our prank has backfired" Sirius informed James glumly as Anna trooped off with Camilla to go find extra blankets and pillows.

"Definitely" Mary said, stretching her legs out luxuriously and pointing her toes. She sat up straight, reaching for the ceiling and rotating her wrists.

James ignored the both of them, still sitting next to Lily. She had tucked her feet up under herself, and was slowly sipping at a glass of cold water. She still wasn't looking at him, but her hand was loosely intertwined with his.

The grin slowly slid from his face. From what he could see of her face, the corners of her mouth were turned down slightly, and she was gazing into the fire like she could see the future, like it held answers to questions she hadn't even asked yet.

"Are you ok?" he asked softly.

"Yeah" she murmured, sounding preoccupied. "I was just thinking . . . about Mr Prewett"

"Oh"

Lily nodded slowly, eyes in front of her. "I know – there've been other murders, and disappearances. But this one, it was the first one that really felt real, y'know?"

"Yeah. I know. Lily, you want to fight, don't you?"

"D'you?" she said, not answering, but he saw the corner of her mouth crook up a bit.

"Of course" he told her, indignant.

"Me too"

"Good"

"We can fight together, can't we?" Lily asked softly.

"We'll be the best team ever" he promised, squeezing her hand gently.

"Damn straight". She sounded marginally more cheerful, and James smiled.

"We'll be ok, Lily"

"I know" she said hesitantly. "But what if we're not?"

She turned to look at him, and her eyes were shining and a bit glassy. They were still bright, and dark, in the light of the flames. "What if we die?" Lily continued. "What if – what if we die, and no one remembers, and Voldemort wins?"

"That won't happen" he said, trying to sound firm. "We'll win. And we'll be ok. And if we're not, we'll go out fighting, yeah?"

"Yeah" she said, trying and failing to smile, and James's heart went out to her. She was trying so hard to be brave. In his eyes, the trying just made her braver.

Mary woke everyone up the next morning. She had forgotten to force down liquids last night, after the Butterbeer Fiasco, and was terribly hung-over.

"Kill me" she pleaded with Lily, and Lily gave her a hug instead.

"I'm serious" she said, voice muffled from where her face was pressed into Lily's pyjama shirt.

"I know" Lily soothed.

"It feels like there're tiny little gnomes whacking at my brain with tiny little hammers" she groaned, sinking to the ground and cradling her head. "D'you have any hang-over potion?"

Lily made a face at that. "Why would I have hang-over potion? I don't really drink"

"You're smart. Drinking sucks. I'm never drinking again. Remind me if I seem likely to forget"

"Well it's not exactly your fault" Lily pointed out. " _You_ thought you were drinking Butterbeer"

Mary shook her head sadly and pulled her knees up to her chin. She seemed like she was about to cry and Lily patted the other girl on the head awkwardly, as Remus wandered into the hallway.

"I'll never look at a Butterbeer the same way again" Mary groaned.

"Morning" Remus said pleasantly.

"Did you sleep well?" Lily asked politely, trying to ignore Mary clinging to her leg. The black-haired witch pressed her face into Lily's pyjama clad leg.

"Yeah – Anna has a comfortable couch"

"D'you want some breakfast?" Lily asked, started towards the kitchen and dragging her leg behind her awkwardly, since Mary refused to let go.

"Sure" Remus said, following her and casting an amused look at Mary, who glared. "Can I help?"

Lily pulled down a huge mixing bowl and directed Remus to the fridge to grab the eggs.

"I'm making pancakes" Lily said, starting to measure flour. Pancakes were what her mum made for her and Petunia if they were sick, or having a hard day. It seemed appropriate – after all, this strange collection of people were her new family.

"Mary?"

Mary groaned.

"You can wash the blueberries, ok?" Lily told her.

Mary groaned again, but it sounded slightly more cheerful.

Lily started cracking the eggs, the short, sharp shattering noise vaguely comforting, as the shell crumpled against the side of the bowl. Remus had dug out two frying pans and was letting the oil heat as Lily stirred, crushing lumps of flour against the side of the bowl with the spoon. Mary offered a bowl of freshly washed blueberries, and Lily tossed them in, stirring the batter once before starting to ladle the pancakes into the pan.

"Is anyone else up yet?" she asked Remus quietly and he nodded, smirking a bit.

"Peter is – last I saw him, he was stacking things on top of James and Sirius"

The cats had come into the kitchen by that point, crawling over Mary's lap, who was sitting on the floor again. Lily assumed they'd been lured by the scent of frying bacon, and flipped a few pancakes onto a plate and sliding them into the oven to keep warm.

The morning was hazy, the first drizzly morning in a week and a half, and Lily rubbed her arm at the chill in the air. Remus had put on the kettle and was making a pot of tea with Anna's enormous clay tea pot. Anna had made it at a Muggle pottery workshop that she'd taken when she was thirteen, and it was ugly and misshapen, but it could hold about fifteen cups of tea, so any cosmetic complaints were discarded in favour of functionality.

By this point, Mary was lying flat on her back, Travis lying on her chest and Mr Squiggles wrapped around her head. She was groaning softly, and Lily waved a piece of bacon under her nose until Mary's hand came up to snatch at the bacon.

"D'you want some water?" Remus asked her, from where he was perched on the counter, and Mary nodded slowly.

"You should go wake the others" Lily told him and started to pour more pancakes.

"On my way" Remus said, and Lily paused for a second.

"Just – be careful when you wake Camilla. She throws things"

"Sirius does too" Remus said. "I'm well practised at waking irritable people"

Lily passed him a freshly cooked pancake as bait and pulled the tea ball out of the tea pot, dumping the soggy tea leaves in the rubbish bin. Mary managed to detangle herself from the cats and pulled herself to her feet, getting stacks of mugs down from the shelf.

"How many of us are there?" she asked, and Lily hid a grin.

"Nine"

"Ok"

There was an upset noise from the direction of Anna's room, and Lily slid more pancakes out of the pan with a practised hand. Camilla was up.

Five minutes later, the rest of the group stumbled into the kitchen, sleepy eyed with ruffled hair. Mary waved at them limply from her corner, and Lily started handing out tea and plates, pulling the plate of pancakes in the oven out. Anna grabbed the syrup from the fridge, and tossed a handful of cutlery on the kitchen table.

"Morning" Lily said, and everyone muttered back. The boys looked slightly more awake than the girls, and starting stacking pancakes onto their plates as Lily cooked, plunking a platter of bacon down on the table.

"How'd everyone sleep?" James asked cheerily.

The group responded with groans.

"Right" he said, taking a bite of bacon.

"Does your mum know you're here?" Anna asked. She grabbed the pitcher of orange juice and filled her glass.

James sat bolt upright, looking panicked. "Shit"

"You can borrow my owl" Anna said, smirking a bit. James leapt from the table and dashed off, and Lily slid into his vacated spot, chuckling.

"His mum is – very _protective_ " Remus said carefully, sipping his tea. They barely fit, crammed round the small, circular table, but it was cosy, and Lily smiled. Outside, it was misty and dim, and the only colour that she could see through the rain was the bright spots of the climbing roses, almost gory in their crimson vibrancy.

The small front garden had turned into a mud puddle, drowned plants floating on the top of the opaque water, and Lily smiled at the sight of a gnome, miserably crouched under a briar bush, holding a large maple leaf over his head.

The end of summer would be there soon, they'd be back on the train, back to Hogwarts. Hogwarts – these days it felt – _shadowed_. She shivered at the thought. Some days, in that castle, the cold air and shadowy corners conspired until the castle felt deserted and abandoned and hopeless. Like Dementors were hovering in every room, in every niche, absorbing all the happiness until all anyone could think of was the war.

They'd be ok. They always were. Forcing a smile, Lily handed around the pancake plate again.

 _ **A.N. I know this was real short, I'm sorry... the muse has been ill lately.**_

 _ **P.S. if you caught my sly Hamilton reference in the chapter title, you get a cookie.**_


	32. OWL s and Memories

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

 _Recap: The Allies and and the Marauders have an unintentional sleepover. James forgets to tell his mum he's going to be out, and well, you've met Mrs Potter. I wouldn't want to get on her bad side.  
_

* * *

Mrs Potter replied very promptly to James's letter. With a Howler.

"JAMES POTTER. I ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD A FOOLHARDY STREAK, BUT I _NEVER_ BELIEVED YOU WERE STUPID. WELL, YOU'VE CHANGED THAT, YOUNG MAN. YOU'RE AN IDIOT. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, STAYING OUT ALL NIGHT WITHOUT LETTING ME KNOW A THING? NO NOTE, NO OWL – I HAD NO IDEA WHERE YOU WERE – YOU COULD'VE BEEN DEAD UNDER THE DARK MARK FOR ALL I KNEW. WHEN YOU GET BACK, I'M GOING TO BLOODY MURDER YOU. YOU TOO, SIRIUS. AND PETER. I'M SURE REMUS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT; HE'S A LOVELY, SENSIBLE BOY, BUT THE THREE OF _YOU_. YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE, YOUNG MEN. YOU'D BEST START PRACTISING YOUR SHIELD CHARMS, BECAUSE I FOUND A LOVELY BOOK OF OLD HEXES"

The bright red envelope curled into flames and withered to ash, falling to the floor of Anna's bedroom. James listened for a second. There was dead silence from the kitchen.

Anna's eagle owl, perched on her silver perch, preened gracefully and avoided James's accusing eyes. He'd known, of course, that he had been in for a bit of a – _lecture_ – but this went beyond the pale. You could hear the fury in Euphemia Potter's voice, and James may, or may not, have quailed before the Howler.

On the floor, a draft scattered the ash of the Howler over James's bare feet, and he left the room hastily, shutting the door and leaning his head against it. Maybe he ought to have apologized in his letter. He ran it back over in his head, frowning.

 _Dear Mum,_

 _Me and the boys are at Anna Rogers house – it got a bit late and we ended up sleeping over. We'll be back soon, save some lunch._

 _Love,_

 _James_

It was probably the bit about lunch that pushed her over the edge. In the kitchen, voices were murmuring again, some sounding rather fearful.

"Did you hear that?" Remus asked smugly. "I'm a ' _lovely, sensible boy_ '"

James grinned as he heard Sirius's retort.

"Fuck you Moony; at least we have a reputation"

"There's no such thing as bad publicity" Peter intoned as James came back into the kitchen.

Remus was laughing as Sirius pelted him with pancakes, and Lily shouted at them, but they fell silent when he came back into the kitchen.

"Mate" Anna said solemnly, holding out a cup of tea to him. "You're doomed"

He took the tea, noticing that her fingernails were painted dark silver. Some of the paint had chipped off.

Peter let out a wail, and Camilla patted him comfortingly, smiling despite herself.

"You stole my seat" he told Lily, who smiled up at him. "Find another" she said, passing his plate to him.

Marlene pounded on the table for order. She used a marmalade spoon as her gavel and bits of sticky jam flew up.

"Order!" she shouted. "Order. Alright. So, we haven't always been friends, right?"

There was a murmur of assent.

"But we've been making an effort" she continued. "Pranks aside – last night was fun. Strangely enough, the alliance seems to be working"

She paused to let people nod. Sirius wolf-whistled and Marlene flipped him off in a bored sort of way.

"So it only seems fair that we should try to defend the Marauders from the wrath of Mrs Potter"

"How would you do that?" James asked, eating a rasher of bacon pensively.

"Anna's owl was delivering a letter and we were out of Floo powder" Lily said immediately, and the whole table looked at her askance.

"I still find it weird how quickly Lily comes up with lies" Camilla said, addressing no one in particular. She shook her head and colour crept down her hair from the roots until it was a deep turquoise.

"It could work!" Lily insisted. "They dropped by to say hi, it started to rain, they couldn't let Mrs Potter know, and they couldn't go home… Not with the curfew…"

"It could work" Remus said. "With a few embellishments-"

Lily reached across the table to high five Remus, grinning. Her mobile mouth was crooked up and her eyes were lit with a mischievous light. Red, unbrushed hair was pulled to the side in a sloppy pony tail, and she was wearing a tattered old t-shirt. She was lovely.

Her nose was a bit crooked, and her chin too strong, there was a gap between her teeth, and there was a spot on her chin, and she wasn't perfect, but she was _vibrant._ James wished he could kiss her.

There was a smudge of flour on her cheek, under one eye. Her lips were faintly purple from the blueberries. And she wasn't looking at him. She was smiling at Camilla, and teasing Peter, and pulling Mary into a one armed hug, and she wasn't looking at James.

He tried to tell himself that he was glad that he hadn't been caught staring like an idiot.

"James" Sirius said quietly, and he startled. His kneed hit the underside of the table and the plates jumped. "What?" James asked.

"Try not to be so obvious"

"What?" he said again.

"You're staring at Evans like you want to propose on the spot"

James scoffed. "Don't be an idiot, I don't have a ring"

"James, it's disturbing that that's the only thing stopping you"

Sirius was grinning, but there was a solemn, sad look in his eyes and James dropped the charade.

"I'm trying" he told Sirius. "Really – I am. But last night-"

"Last night she held your hand" Sirius said.

"You saw that?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and pushed his hair back, leaning closer to James. The rest of the table was ignoring them, the group large enough that they were drowned out.

"Of course I saw that, I'm not blind"

"That'll be on your tombstone" James said, half-heartedly mocking. "' _Sirius Black – he wasn't blind_ '"

"I'm sorry, Prongs" Sirius said, solemn for once, and James smiled with one half of his mouth.

"'s'ok"

He heard someone say 'OWLs' and looked up. Mary was discoursing on the grading system, gesturing, and one of her arms nearly knocked the tea pot off the table. Camilla rescued it hastily and mopped up a spill with her sleeve.

"My mum said the results come out about two weeks in" James jumped in, and Marlene shrieked.

"But that's today! We left Hogwarts two weeks ago today!"

She leapt up from the table and hurried to the window, as if the owls had been just waiting for someone to notice them. From the back, her shoulders were tight and James watched with some amusement as she stuck her hands in her curly blonde hair and pulled at it in agitation.

"Calm down" Lily said, pouring more tea for Marlene and getting up to hand it to her. "You're going to be just fine"

"I'll be excellent" Anna said smugly, and received more than a few glares from around the table.

The atmosphere was tense and everyone had begun to fidget. Remus clapped a hand to his head.

"James, the owls will come to your house! Not here!"

Lily dashed to the window as the boys started to get up, and she turned around grinning.

"They're here! All nine of them"

There was a rush for the window, and Lily and Anna wrestled it up, leaning half out the window with their arms outstretched. Everyone scrambled for their owl and there were a few indignant hoots from the manhandled owls.

Lily held the envelope in her hands for a moment before ripping it open, a shaky feeling in her limbs.

 **ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS**

 ** _Pass Grades Fail Grades_**

OUTSTANDING (O) POOR (P)

EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS (E) DREADFUL (D)

ACCEPTABLE (A) TROLL (T)

 _Lily Evans has achieved:_

* * *

 _Astronomy E_

* * *

 _Care of Magical Creatures A_

* * *

 _Charms O_

* * *

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts O_

* * *

 _Divination E_

* * *

 _Herbology E_

* * *

 _History of Magic O_

* * *

 _Potions O_

* * *

 _Transfiguration O_

* * *

Lily's breathing eased. It was as good as she could have hoped for, considering the events surrounding the end of the year. Honestly, she didn't expect even one 'O'. There were five, and she dropped her head to the paper for a moment, giddy relief loosening her limbs.

"How'd everyone do?" Camilla asked timidly, looking up from her paper. Her dark turquoise hair made her delicate oval face look even paler, and she brushed a strand of hair back from her face.

"I did _excellently_ " Sirius sounded almost indecently excited. He received a roomful of eye-rolls and James snatched his results from his hands.

The owls were scattered around the room and they started to make for the window in a flurry of feathers. Lily pulled out a chair and sat down cross-legged on it. Marlene curled up by her feet, and the two of them traded papers without saying a word.

Marlene had done very well – four 'O's in Herbology, Astronomy, Charms and Transfiguration.

"Good job" Lily whispered, and Marlene smiled up at her.

"Did anyone fail anything?" James hopped up on the counter and started fanning himself with his exam paper.

"I failed a whole bunch" Peter said proudly.

"Good on you Peter" Sirius said briskly, reaching for the bacon.

"I failed Divination, History of Magic, and Astronomy"

"Ah well" Anna said, grinning at him. "You don't need any of those anyways"

"I got everything I need" Mary said, scanning her paper. "Potions, Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology . . ."

"Did anyone do _terribly_?" Remus asked.

Simultaneously, they shook their heads.

"Have a pancake" Lily offered, beaming.

"A celebratory pancake" Camilla said dubiously, but took one anyways, and held it up in a toast.

"To our futures, and our dreams" said Peter solemnly and he clinked pancakes with James.

* * *

It was dark still when Lily woke up to someone shaking her shoulder gently. Dragging her long sleeve across her eyes, she opened them. There was a dark shape, hovering above her. Long dark hair tickled Lily's face and she made a noise of complaint. It was Anna, already dressed in an oversized jumper and leggings. Her heavy boots clunked on the hardwood floors.

The air was chill and Lily just wanted to burrow under the covers when she remembered what today was. Diagon Alley. They were going back to Hogwarts tomorrow. She felt sick. For so many years going back to Hogwarts – it had been one of the best days of the year. Going back to where she belonged, going back to her friends for good.

Of course, she loved her family, and she was grateful for how accepting they were, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same as playing Exploding Snap with Oliver Sands, and helping Alice Fawcett with her Transfiguration homework, and making potions with Snape –

She took the jumper that Anna handed her and ran her hand through thick, sleep tousled hair. Lily wasn't going to think of Snape. She was through with him.

It felt – shakily good. Lily took a deep breath and smiled at Anna through the darkness.

* * *

Diagon Alley was bustling today. They'd visited a few times over the holidays and it was always sleepy and silent. Now, children were chivvied through the narrow streets by mothers waving overstuffed handbags, and street vendors hawked good luck charms and beauty potions.

"Pearl dust and moonstone! Essence of Belladonna! Only the very finest – you'll be beating the boys back with a stick!" one small, tattered looking wizard called, brandishing a vial of clear pink potion.

Anna and Lily rolled their eyes and followed Mrs Rogers into Flourish and Blotts.

Inside, it was packed, but Mrs Rogers quickly corralled a clerk and he was soon pulling down stacks of books and piling them into the girls' hands.

"Hmm, yes – you'll be wanting Lindburg's _Compendium of the Next Dimension_ " he hummed, stacking a thick hardcover on top of Lily's pile. She could barely see over the top, and exchanged a fearful look with Anna.

It was a dark book, with a thick, queer feeling leather cover. It was disproportionately heavy for its size, and Lily peered at the illustration on the front. A swirling portal opened in iridescent greens and purples and blues, and a dark silhouette, clearly a woman, peered through it, one slim hand reaching into the ephemeral mass.

"For Divination?" Mrs Rogers asked, picking up Anna's copy.

The clerk nodded enthusiastically. His bow tie bobbed.

"You've got a teacher that knows what they're doing – Lindburg is an excellent volume"

Anna and Lily exchanged another glance.

Their current Divination professor, an elderly wizard named Holloway who spent most lessons gazing moodily into his crystal ball, was not what you'd call an expert. Lily had only stayed with the class because it was an easy credit, and she didn't want to start a new subject. Maybe Holloway was being replaced. For the past two years, he'd only put the first and second volumes of ' _The Second Sight – a Guide_ ' on their booklists.

"Now, you'll be wanting Bagshot's latest?"

The two girls nodded, Lily still frowning at the book, and the strange sensation it caused, deep in her chest.

* * *

After stocking up on potions ingredients at the Apothecary, they met Camilla and Mary for lunch at the Cackling Stump – a small, cosy café that had just recently opened. The waiter was a tall, handsome wizard a few years older than them, who smiled at Mary charmingly.

"He's cute" Anna said off-handedly, perusing her menu.

"You're gay" Camilla pointed out.

"I'm not _blind_. He smiled at you Mary, you should introduce yourself"

Mary ignored the bickering and hid behind her menu. Lily could see her blushing faintly, and the other witch brushed her springy black hair forwards so it hid her face.

"I think I'll have the pasta salad" Mary said, still ignoring them.

Lily nodded at the waiter, and he hurried back, shooting a smile at Mary, who blushed again.

"I'm Jack" he said, still staring at Mary. Lily hid a smile. "I'm Lily" she offered, and nodded towards Mary. "That's Mary, and Anna, and Camilla"

"Are you on your way back to Hogwarts?" he asked, pulling out a pad of paper.

Anna grimaced. "Unfortunately. After last year – it doesn't really feel safe"

Mary was staring at her hands folded in her lap as Jack took their orders. She was shaking slightly, and Lily realized what was happening a split second before the others did. Mary was remembering the attack.

Camilla's pale hand came out and landed on the shoulder of Mary's dark blue sweater, and Mary's head jerked up. Her lips were pressed together tightly, and trembling.

"Uh – I'll have the Greek salad" Anna said quickly, wrong-footed, and trying to hurry Jack away as fast as possible.

He shot a slightly confused look at Mary, but jotted down Anna's order and walked away, looking back over his shoulder.

"Thanks" Mary whispered, taking Lily's outstretched hand.

"You ok?" Anna asked, gazing down at her menu. Mary nodded tremulously and took a sip of water.

Lily squeezed her hand and let go. Dim light filtered from the busy street into the cool air of the café, the dust motes above them spinning in an aerial ballet like miniscule fallen leaves, and Lily was transported back to a September a year ago – outstretched hands caressing candy coated leaves, slick and chill and tissue paper thin. Laughing as her feet sunk into a wealth of crackly, flame coloured leaves. Spinning, head back, hair flying.

James had been there, she remembered. Or _Potter_ as she called him back then. He'd stopped to watch her. She hadn't noticed then, she never noticed him then, but _remembering…_ He'd been wearing a red scarf on that September afternoon, and his hands had been deep in the pockets of his wool coat.

The air had been so perfect… crisp, and scented with melted wax, and wool and caramel and magic. Her fingers had parted it like it was tangible. Later, rosy cheeks and bright eyes and warm Butterbeer.

She smiled gently, setting the memory back aside, funneling it back into its bottle. She poured candle flame and sleek varnished wood and leather boots back into her mind and came back to the present.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Ok. So.**_ **A Rise and Fall _is over 100,000 words. And it's only 1/3 of the way done. I hope you're all still enjoying it, and haven't gotten bored yet! Thank you for every single review, they keep me writing._**


	33. A Departure and a Meeting

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

Lily's parents didn't come to see her off to Hogwarts. She'd asked them not to, and they'd replied telling her they understood. They sent her an owl, wishing her luck in her sixth year, and she'd sent back her O.W.L results in return. They'd been happy for her. They hadn't said anything about Petunia, but when she came back from Diagon Alley with Anna, there'd been a letter on her bed. It was the same stationary as the letter she'd received earlier in the year, the same bubbly writing, so at odds with her brisk words, and the same scent of flowers, all bottled up.

Lily remembered what the last letter had said, and picked it up as carefully as if it had been a Howler. She stared at it for a moment, running fingertips over smooth cool white paper.

Anna was in the kitchen, helping her mum put away bags of shopping, and a peal of laughter rang out, drifting like a flag in a breeze.

Lily flicked open the envelope.

 _Lily,_

 _I guess you're going back to school, then. Mum and Dad are really upset that you didn't come home. You said you were trying to protect us. Lily, I believed you. I thought you were telling the truth. I should have known, really, that it was just you trying to get attention again._

 _Petunia_

God. The only times her sister wrote – it was these bitter, vitriol filled notes that served no purpose. And then when they saw each other again – Petunia pretended it never happened.

Lily dropped the note on her bed and turned away. Her trunk sat open at the foot of her bed, and she started to pull sweet wrappers and odd socks and bits of crumpled parchment from the bottom, tossing them in the rubbish bin.

When her trunk was fully cleaned out, she started to carefully pile folded robes and jeans in, cushioning her brass scales and glass vials. Her books were stacked in her caldron, and she tucked her Potions kit, a sturdy, well-made dragonskin bag in the side. The divination book, _Compendium of the Next Dimension_ still sat on her bed and she scowled at it. She wasn't quite sure how to articulate her feelings towards it. It made her feel – _open_. Like she was a void and all the world could come rushing in to fill her. It must be at least partly magical. There had to be some spell on it that was causing this sensation, it couldn't just be _her_.

Anna walked in as she was scowling furiously at the book.

"Er – are you alright?" Anna asked tentatively.

Lily pointed at the book. "What d'you think of it?"

"Well, I haven't really had a chance to go through it…"

Anna was holding a stack of freshly washed socks and tossed a bundle of them to Lily, dumping the rest in her trunk unceremoniously. Her caldron was chucked in next and she tossed her glossy black hair back over one shoulder. Anna's room had slowly become more lived in looking over the holidays, but that was disappearing now. Books and clothes were vanishing into trunks and the empty, airy feeling was back.

"No" Lily snapped. "How does it make you _feel_?"

Anna sat down crosslegged on her bed and made a face at Lily.

"It makes me _feel_ that I really don't want to take Divination but I have to cause Ollivander said it's a good class for wandmakers"

"That's not a feeling. That's an opinion"

Anna sighed, and looked at the book. From her trunk, she picked up her own copy and turned it over in her hands, running fingers down the cover and inspecting the spine. Lily watched her carefully.

"It – makes me feel – like I'm – boundless" Anna whispered, sounding surprised at her own words. She paused, lifting a hand to her mouth. "What – I didn't mean to say that…"

Setting the volume down hastily, she turned to look at Lily in confusion.

"What does it make you feel?"

"Open" Lily said immediately. "Like – I'm a void and the world is rushing in"

Anna nodded, eyes fixed on the book. "I think our new Divination professor is going to be very interesting"

* * *

The next morning was chill and crisp. The leaves were just starting to change colour and the light filtered through them in a riot of frozen flames. There was frost on the ground, the grass milky green and brittle. James threw a pillow at Sirius, who flung it back, still half asleep.

Remus was sleeping on a mattress on the floor and Peter had commandeered the camp bed that resided under James's huge queen size bed. The Prewetts had ended up staying at the Potter house for the rest of the summer – but Mrs Prewett had decided to move out once the boys were back at Hogwarts. Euphemia Potter had tried to convince her to stay, in vain. She was going out to look at cottages around the village once Gideon and Fabian were off.

" _Why don't we have an alarm clock_ " Sirius whispered angrily into his pillow, and James grabbed the pillow out from under him on his way to the bathroom.

"You'd just hex it" Remus pointed out, yawning. His trunk was already packed, of course. He hadn't even needed to sit on it to close it.

The curtains were half open, and one of the windows was cracked open. The room was freezing, and Peter, sitting up in bed, shivered.

"I think we're getting a new Divination professor" Remus said, starting to help Peter pack.

"Why?" Sirius yawned. His feet stuck out over the end of the couch.

Reaching into Peter's trunk, Remus pulled out a thick book. James walked back across the room and shrugged. "So? We got a new book"

"Holloway only ever gives us _'Second Sight_ '" Remus pointed out, tossing the book back. "This is most definitely not _'Second Sight_ '. It makes me feel weird"

"Every book makes you feel weird, Remus" Sirius grabbed a jumper and pulled it over his head, blowing hair out of his face and standing up from the tangled nest of blankets and pillows on the couch.

"I'm going to go wake up Gideon and Fabian" Peter said, climbing off the camp bed.

"What's so weird about it?" James asked, stepping over to Peter's trunk and picking up the other boy's copy of the book.

"What does it feel like?"

James pulled a face. "Well, that cover feels _disgusting_ "

"What does it make _you_ feel?"

James paused for a second, staring out the window. Golden fingers were just starting to stroke the horizon into awakening, and brush the leaves of the trees with copper. It felt like he could see around the curve of the earth, like he could see anything and everything and every piece of knowledge was just _there_ to be plucked up –

Remus took the book out of his hands, and James blinked.

Now that it was gone, he felt almost disappointed. "So?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. Sirius watched the pair carefully for a moment.

"I – I dunno. It's like – I could see it all, like everything in the world was laid out before me"

"Huh" was all that Remus said. "Interesting"

"Interesting?" Sirius demanded. "This book is messing with your heads!"

"Like I said" Remus said calmly. "Interesting"

The heavy door creaked open then, and Peter came back with the Prewett boys in tow. They both looked half asleep, auburn hair sleep mussed.

"Hello boys" James said cheerfully, sitting on his trunk and pulling on a coat. "You ready to be off?"

Gideon nodded. "It'll be good to go back. Mum – it's been hard"

The four older boys exchanged awkward glances, but Remus nodded. "I understand. You need your space"

James cleared his throat. "We'd better go down; Trixie's probably got breakfast done"

Getting four large trunks out of the room and down the stairs was quite a feat. At the end of it, the tally of injuries included three pinched fingers, a bruised shin and a slightly crushed foot.

"Careful!" Sirius yelped as his trunk started to careen down the stairs. They'd lost their grip on it, and it had rocketed off down the steep flight. There was a crash, from the bottom, and James winced. Sirius galloped after it, and Remus kept tugging at his trunk, sliding it down carefully.

"Why" Peter huffed, "didn't we just use magic?"

"We're underage!" James told him sternly. "We can't use magic out of school, think of the example we'd be setting!"

Peter gave him a venomous glare, and James grinned.

There was some shouting from downstairs, and the sound of Sirius apologizing profusely to Mrs Potter, who he'd nearly knocked over with his trunk.

James shook his head and kept going down.

"Come on!" James said impatiently. The whole group of them were standing on Platform 9 & ¾, and the Hogwarts Express was gleaming. Steam from the train flooded the platform with thick mist, and Peter nearly ran over a second year Hufflepuff that darted in front of his trolley. Remus waved at Oliver Sands and Sirius sneered as he caught sight of his brother, Regulus.

A little ways down the platform, Camilla Lovegood was standing with a tall, tanned blonde boy, who was gazing down at her adoringly. That must be the Beauxbatons exchange student, Alex, James thought. They were an attractive couple. She was tucked against his side, her dark turquoise hair contrasting against his white button down shirt.

Marlene stood a little off to the side, fiddling with her trunk. An owl on top of her trolley screeched and she hushed it. He couldn't see Lily, or Anna, but Mary came up behind Marlene and gave her a hug.

"D'you wanna sit with us?" James asked the Prewett boys distractedly, still scanning the platform.

"Sure" Gideon said, tugging Fabian along. The whistle blew, and James looked up at the giant clock. Five minutes till the train left.

They managed to get their six trunks onto the train, before hopping back down to the platform to say goodbye.

"Be safe" Mrs Potter whispered as she pulled James into a tight hug. Her dark hair covered his face and he pushed it back gently before kissing her cheek. "I will. I'll write when I get there, alright?"

She nodded, lips pressed tightly together before pushing him away and smiling tremulously at him. "Have a good year" she said briskly, and hugged Sirius, Remus and Peter in quick succession.

As he was clambering aboard, James met Snape's eyes, halfway down the platform. The other boy's dark eyes narrowed in dislike, and James looked away. Lily was better off without Snape, honestly.

It seemed like there were less students than last year, somehow, and James snagged a passing Prefect, a tall sixth year witch with long brown hair and big chocolaty eyes.

"What?" she snapped, looking down, very pointedly at where he was holding her arm.

"Sorry" he said, hastily releasing her. "I'm James. I was wondering if you know why there are fewer students than last year"

The girl, a Slytherin, sighed, and looked down at her boots. "People are pulling their kids out of Hogwarts" she said quietly.

"What? Why?"

"They're scared" she said, the bite back in her voice. "Jemma Markel, Warton Prewett, Lily Evans…"

"Lily Evans?" James's voice was quick and panicked and he rested a hand on the wall panelling. He'd seen her just a week ago, what could've happened in a week? He would have known –

The girl frowned at him. "She was attacked at the end of last year?"

She spoke slowly, like he wasn't too bright, and the fear left James in a rush. He smiled at her hopefully.

"Ah. Right, of course. Sorry, I just – forgot. What did you say your name was again?"

She was still looking at him like he was an imbecile, but she smiled. She was wearing dark red lipstick, and her mouth was very full. "I didn't. But my name's Lark"

"Lark" James repeated. "That's pretty"

"Thank you, James. It was nice to meet you"

"You too!" James called as she turned and walked away.

* * *

 _ **A.N. the plot thickens... Let me know what you thought of the chapter in the comments!**_

 _ **Next chapter: you meet Alex, the Beauxbatons exchange student...**_


	34. The Sorting Song

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

 _ **A word of warning: As the chapter title may suggest, there is a Sorting Song in this chapter. What the title does**_ **not _tell you, is that I have no lyrical skills. None. So please, next time I think it's a good idea to write a Sorting Song, stop me. (Edit: I let my amazing friend know about my predicament and she helped me revamp the song, so thank you to her!)_**

* * *

The others had managed to find a compartment, and the five of them were crammed in, owl cages in laps. Sirius's Kapa, Katherine, had escaped at some point during the holidays and he was eyeing the fluffy tabby cat on Fabian's lap thoughtfully.

"I like cats" he announced.

"That's nice" Remus said absently. He was leafing through the _Compendium of the Next Dimension_ and frowning.

"It is" Sirius agreed happily.

"People are pulling their kids out of Hogwarts!"

James had arrived at the door to the compartment, panting and gasping. Merlin, he was out of shape.

"Hi" Peter replied mildly.

"Why?" Gideon asked as James wedged himself between Sirius and Fabian.

Outside, the hills were blanketed in tall golden tree, the morning sun alighting on them. A ray fell across their compartment and painted them in light. James wondered where Lily was, before shaking his head. She was with the Prefects. With Lark. She probably knew Lark.

"They're worried, I guess", James cast an uneasy glance at Fabian and Gideon but they didn't seem to realize anything was amiss. "More people are leaving Britain too, I mean, they're not safe anywhere, but Voldemort doesn't seem like the sort to go off to the Caribbean"

"No" Remus said slowly. "I suppose he doesn't"

"Right" James said, clapping his hands and trying not to look at the Prewetts. "Who's up for a game of Exploding Snap?"

* * *

Lily kicked the door shut after her. Her friends were all in a compartment, Chocolate Frog wrappers and the remains of Pumpkin Pasties littering the floor. There was an addition to the group. A tall blonde boy sat beside Camilla, head bent attentively to her.

"Ah" Lily said, falling into a seat and narrowing her eyes. There was a Liquorice Wand sitting next to her and she bit the end off. "You must be _Alex_ "

The boy looked up and smiled. Lily narrowed her eyes some more. His teeth were suspiciously white.

"Yeah, that's me"

He didn't have a French accent.

"You don't have a French accent" Lily said. By this point, her eyes were simply two slits. She wasn't quite sure how she was able to see out of them.

Camilla looked rather alarmed and hastily jumped into the conversation. "Alex grew up in England" she explained. "But his mum wanted him to go to Beauxbatons"

Lily used the remaining bit of the Liquorice Wand to gesture between the two of them.

"And she's ok with you taking a year to go to Hogwarts?"

"She likes Cami" Alex said. "And Camilla's very – _persuasive_ "

Camilla blushed.

For a second, Lily stared at him. And then Lily blinked and opened her eyes properly, sitting up straight. "Alright" Lily said, so suddenly that Alex flinched. "You can keep him"

The other girl clasped a hand to her chest mockingly. "Oh really, Mother? For true?"

"Shut up" Lily said fondly, and turned round to prop her feet in Marlene's lap.

It was too warm in the compartment, but the light was honeyed and smelled like cinnamon and the papery earthy scent of fallen leaves.

Alex, it turned out, was nice. He was funny and charming and sweet to Camilla and Lily found her guard slowly dropping.

It was dark by the time he finished a story about the time he thought it would be a good idea to go off, hunting for the giants.

" – Dad caught me just as I was flying over the border, I'd never seen him so mad-"

"Look!" Anna interrupted, standing up and pointing out the window. "You can see Hogwarts"

Lily leant forward, nose pressed against the window, and gazed at the outlines in the sky, turrets sketched strongly against the dark blue.

Despite her reservations about returning to Hogwarts, she felt a blossom of warmth, deep in her chest. It was that familiar sense of home coming that always lit her up when she saw Hogwarts. It was the memories of feasts in the Great Hall, and the light of a perfectly cast spell and the feel of warmth from the fire in the Common Room on her face.

"Hogwarts" she whispered, a smile crossing her face slowly. She pressed a hand flat against the glass, and felt the cool hardness under her palm.

* * *

McGonagall took charge of Alex as they all filed into the Great Hall.

"Ah" she said briskly. "Mr Bevell. I see you've already made some friends?"

"Oh – I know Camilla outside of Hogwarts" Alex explained.

Professor McGonagall swivelled her eyes between the two of them and frowned.

"I see" she said.

"Uh – we'll meet you inside" Mary said, waving at Camilla and leading the others towards the Great Hall.

"What d'you think of Alex?" Marlene asked once they sat down.

Anna shrugged. "He's suspiciously charming"

"Maybe it's a French thing" Mary suggested.

"Maybe" Lily said doubtfully. "Maybe we should all date French boys"

"That's an idea" Marlene agreed.

There seemed to be more than a few people missing from the Hall – Amanda Greengrass wasn't at the Slytherin table, and neither was Mulciber. Helen Monksfoot was also missing from the Ravenclaw table, as was Jarvis Nott. Lily was glad for a second – they were enemies, and they were gone – before common sense kicked in. Helen Monksfoot wasn't a Voldemort supporter. Her parents were probably just scared. But Mulciber and Nott… the only place they could've gone would be to join up with Voldemort's army.

Lily felt a slight pang noticing Amanda's disappearance. She'd liked Amanda – she was a brash, mysterious presence, but she'd been friendly to Lily on the night of James's party. She scanned the Slytherin table one more time, trying to see if anyone else was missing. Dark, familiar eyes caught hers, and she stopped. Snape. He was staring at her, mouth half open as if he wanted to say something. He was starting to stand up, and Lily hastily wrenched her eyes away.

"So, d'you see the new Divination professor?" Lily asked loudly, turning back to her friends.

"Oh –er-"

Mary sat up straight as she could, straining to see over the tops of the students' heads. Up at the head table, Dumbledore was sitting next to Professor McGonagall, head bent towards her. There was a frown on his face, and Lily kept looking. A ruffled looking Professor Sprout sat next to Hagrid, her hat askew. They were conversing eagerly about something, and Professor Sprout pulled a green shoot of something out of her pocket and handed it to Hagrid to inspect.

Professor Flitwick and Professor Merrythought were seated off to the end, Flitwick waving his hands excitedly to illustrate something. On Merrythought's left hand, a tall, slender witch sat quietly. She was sitting perfectly upright, hands folded over themselves on the white table cloth, and her proud face was lifted high, a stern jut to her chin. Her lips were full and dark and from what Lily could see, her eyes were huge and deep. A coiled black braid snaked round her neck to fall down her collarbone and across one arm.

Lily nudged Anna, and nodded towards the head table.

"Damn" Anna sounded impressed. "She's Vivian Tallhart. She's a famous Seer – for those who believe in that sort of thing, of course"

Mary kicked her under the table. "How d'you know that?" Mary asked. She was frowning.

Fiddling with her golden fork, Anna shrugged. "I keep abreast of these things"

"Of course you do" Marlene said. It was warm in the Great Hall, and Marlene pulled her curly blonde hair off the back of her neck, piling it atop her head.

"There must be a new Defence professor too" Lily said, scanning the table.

After a moment of searching, she found them. A mild looking blonde man, who looked friendly. He was gazing out over the students, his eyes sharp.

"There" Lily pointed. "I don't suppose you know who that is?"

They all shook their heads.

A hush fell as Professor Slughorn waddled into the Hall at the head of a string of small first years. Some of the older students smiled encouragingly at them, and Lily waved at a few. They all looked terrified.

The Sorting Hat was brought out, and sat for a second before the rip near the brim opened wide. It gave the sense that it was looking around, considering and scanning the Hall and the students.

 _Our school is like a family,_

 _And families don't lie,_

 _Our family must stay strong and free_

 _To see or surely die._

 _I have always been your sorting hat,_

 _It's my eternal job and task,_

 _Many a witch or wizard, upon this stool they've sat._

 _But every year I sort you I worry is my last,_

 _For what will happen to your school when you are all in masks?_

 _But enough of that, we must move on, the sorting must begin!_

 _In Gryffindor, your friends will stand with you,_

 _They'll take your hand and have your back- you'll never have to fear, just do._

 _In Slytherin, where you are clever and bold,_

 _You'll protect your house through thick and thin,_

 _And be friends until you're old._

 _In Ravenclaw, we always aim to make a good impression,_

 _You'll learn so much, you'll be the one,_

 _to answer every question._

 _In Hufflepuff, you'll be a friend,_

 _You'll be ever-true and kind,_

 _Truly, never will there be,_

 _a kinder heart you'll find._

 _These are your four houses, now be sure in who you are-_

 _And never forget that anywhere you go,_

 _You should aim to go there far!_

"God, the songs just get worse and worse" Marlene groaned, dropping her head to her arms as 'Allen, Murphey!' was led forward to become a Hufflepuff.

"They really do" Anna agreed, still frowning up at Vivian Tallhart. The witch was watching the Sorting with interest, though she seemed very detached from the whole affair. It seemed like the other teachers didn't even see her – their eyes just – slid over her without focusing. The whole thing was very odd.

Finally, after 'Yale, Nancy' was sorted, (Ravenclaw!) Camilla reappeared with Alex, and the two dropped into the seats that the others had saved for them.

"Alex is going to be staying in Gryffindor Tower with us!" Camilla said, diving for a tray of chicken legs.

"With – us?" Mary asked dubiously.

"Not in our dormitory, obviously, up with the other sixth year boys"

"The Marauders?" Anna said, starting to grin.

Camilla, mouth stuffed full of chicken, made a garbled noise that Lily took as agreement.

They'd gotten a good batch of new Gryffindors that year – and they were inspecting the golden plates with interest and staring up at the ceiling with awe. It was a clear night, and the stars outshone the candles. Lily could almost feel their cold white light passing over her skin like a blessing.

"Oh dear" Marlene was saying. "You ought to have fun with the Marauders, Alex"

"Who're the Marauders?" he asked. He didn't seem very impressed by the Great Hall, or the enchanted ceiling and Lily couldn't help a little stab of bitterness.

"They're a _gang_ " Anna told him, and Camilla swatted at her.

"They're not a _gang_ ; they're just a group of boys. They're perfectly nice – just – watch out around them. They like pranks"

Alex nodded, looking slightly alarmed by the new information.

"Oi-" Anna stood up on the bench, to the consternation of those around her, and waved at Oliver Sands, a ways down the table. His light green eyes widened and he clambered off the bench, gesturing for Anna to get down.

"Miss Rogers, get _down,_ what on _earth_ are you doing?"

A scandalized Professor McGonagall hurried down from the high table, and stopped in front of their bench.

"Sorry Professor" Anna said, unabashed and hopped down.

Oliver Sands hurried up as Anna was settling herself back down, to titters from around the table.

"Rogers?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hi Ollie" Lily waved at him, and he smiled back.

"This" Anna said, indicating Alex, "Is Alex Bevell. He's an exchange student from Beauxbatons – he'll be rooming with you lot. Make sure the Marauders aren't too hard on him, yeah?"

Oliver looked slightly doubtful, and Lily sympathised. Really, _no one_ could control the Marauders, let alone Ollie Sands, who was terrified of them. They'd once turned his bed into a small, angry lion, and he'd been afraid of them ever since.

"I'll do my best?" he said, flashing a quick smile at Alex. "But you know them better than me, couldn't you-?"

"Nope" Marlene said, patting Oliver's arm. "You'll do fine, just – don't let them walk all over you"

Muttering something about lions that Lily couldn't quite catch, Oliver slunk away.

"Don't worry" Camilla draped an arm around Alex's neck and gave him a quick kiss. "They're really not that bad"

The food was replaced with pudding, and for a while there was silence as they all dove for dessert. Finally, the puddings disappeared too, and Dumbledore stood up, beaming.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts. I trust you all had a marvellous, meaningless summer, and are ready to apply yourselves to your classes. A few messages, before you return to your houses. As Professor Jugson – ahem – turned out to be a Death Eater, we've replaced her with Professor Hawthorne, an old friend of mine"

The blonde man waved, and there was some polite applause.

"And replacing Professor Holloway, after he decided to retire, we have Professor Tallhart, your new Divination professor. As I'm sure many of you know, she's an acclaimed Seer"

The tall witch waved as regally as a queen, and after a hushed silence, there was more applause.

"Now – Prefects, please lead your first years up to their dormitories"

* * *

After the feast, Lily and Remus rounded up the new first years and started corralling them to Gryffindor Tower, chatting easily the whole way.

"James was looking for you this morning" Remus said, during a pause in the conversation.

Lily hesitated. The candles in the sconces shadowed her face, and she knew Remus couldn't see her expression. One of the first years started wandering off towards the dungeons, and as Lily brought the boy back, she thought about her answer.

Really, she hadn't been avoiding James. Really. She just hadn't wanted to shatter the easy camaraderie they'd built over the summer. Unsure as to how their friendship would fare back at Hogwarts, she'd headed straight for the Prefect's compartment after getting on the train, and volunteered to stay in the compartment doing paperwork, instead of taking patrols. She hadn't seen Potter – _James_ , she corrected herself firmly. His name was James, and she wasn't going back to the sneering exchanges of last year. He'd saved her life. That had to count for something.

"I must've missed him" Lily said briskly. "I was signing the third years' Hogsmeade permission slips"

The knowing way Remus looked at her made her bristle. "Maybe you were avoiding him?" Remus asked.

Lily tugged a small red haired witch back into line, and straightened the suit of armour that the girl had almost knocked over.

"I wasn't" Lily said. Even she was able to hear the mulish tone in her voice.

"Sure you weren't" Remus said lazily. Peeves was hovering in front of their group, clutching an armful of chalk, and Remus hexed him out of the way without blinking.

"Shut up, Lupin"

"Ohh, the last name retort. What a classic"

"You've been spending far too much time with Sirius" Lily informed him. They were walking up one of the staircases that had a high ration of trick stairs to real ones, and the two of them were kept busy – scooping first years out of the staircase and lifting some of the smaller ones past the two trick steps in a row.

"And anyways" she continued. "It's only the first day back. I don't have to spend every second with him; we're barely friends"

Maybe Remus heard the warning in her voice, because he didn't push it.

After getting all the first years through the Portrait Hole, Lily and Remus sat down by the fireplace, bickering in a friendly sort of way as the Common Room slowly filled.

She wasn't very tired. The plush red carpet under her palms was soft, and the fire was warm. Someone had turned on the wireless, and music was playing softly. Lily hummed. Brass lamps lined the walls – the perfect light for reading – and a few third years were playing chess over in the corner.

The armchairs and squashy sofas were slowly filling with upperclassmen, who were chatting quietly to friends. No one seemed to quite want to go to bed yet. Lily was revelling in how safe she felt. At first, she'd thought that the whole year she'd be on her guard, looking back over her shoulder.

This wasn't like that. She felt safe, and warm and comforted, and it was nice.

* * *

"Padfoot!" James shouted, freezing in the entrance to their dormitory. "Remus!"

Remus didn't show up, but he could see Sirius hurrying up the stairs.

"There is an interloper in our midst" James said, without taking his eyes off the intruder. The boy looked familiar – but James couldn't place him.

"Whoa!" the boy said, flinging up his hands as Sirius leapt heroically into the room, wand at the ready.

"Pardon me, but who the hell are you?" Sirius asked him politely.

Without taking his hands down, the boy stammered; "I'm Alex – Alex Bevell. I'm an exchange student from Beauxbatons, I'm rooming with you?"

Sirius dropped his wand.

"Ahh" James said, falling back onto his bed. He remembered where he'd seen the boy before. "You're our dear Cami's new beau"

"Our? New?"

Alex looked rather befuddled, and Sirius decided to help matters.

"James, here, dated Cami for a month. They were quite the couple"

James grinned and folded his arms behind his head, addressing the ceiling. "I'd forgotten about that"

The blonde boy was slowly turning red, and James took pity on him.

"Nice to meet you. I'm James Potter, this is Sirius Black"

From where he was lying on the bed, James stuck his hand out, and Alex shook it awkwardly.

He was tall and irritatingly good looking – tan and well-muscled. There was an extra four poster bed that had been added to the end of the room – (now that James thought about it, the room was slightly larger) and a trunk sat at the foot of it.

"So you know Camilla?" Alex said, sinking onto his bed.

"Obviously. She's a sixth year Gryffindor, we're sixth year Gryffindors . . . It stands to reason that we'd be acquainted"

"Right" Alex said, clearly deciding not to engage. "She mentioned you, I think. Called you the Marauders"

"That's us" Sirius told him cheerfully.

"We should get business cards" James suggested, jabbing the air. "The Marauders – mischief is our business"

Alex started to unpack. Perhaps he'd decided that making friends with his crazy new roommates was a bad choice, or maybe he just wasn't sociable. Whatever the reason, he remained silent as Sirius and James bantered back and forth lazily.

James was happy to be back at Hogwarts, despite not having seen Lily yet. There would be time. There would be time to build their friendship; there would be time for other things. He had enough time, for once. He could slow down.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Soooo for those of you that watch Supernatural, there's a reference in there. If you caught it, you will recieve a) a cookie and b) you now know more about a coming plot twist.**_

 _ **I've been re-reading this fic, and holy shit those early chapters were just - so bad. Thanks for sticking with this fic. I know I'm not a great writer, but I think I've improved through writing this. Thanks for all the reviews, and for putting up with initially terrible writing.**_

 _ **Another thing, (whew this A.N. is getting too long) I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, so there'll be at least 30,000 words uploaded over the course of this month. Have a great day!**_


	35. First Day Back

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

 _ **A.N. My internet has been absolutely terrible, so sorry for my absense.**_

* * *

 _Recap: Everyone returns to Hogwarts - including a new student, Alex Bevell, who's Camilla's boyfriend. They readjust to life at Hogwarts after the events of the summer._

* * *

Alex, it turned out, woke up early. Five o'clock early. Early enough that James, who was an early riser himself, felt sorry for all the times that he'd woken Sirius with a pillow to the face. Sunlight flooded the room as Alex pulled the curtains aside, and James groaned. He repressed the urge to hex Alex, and felt very proud of himself.

"What time is it?" James asked, shielding his eyes.

"Good morning!" Alex said cheerfully. Around them, the rest of the boys were starting to wake up.

"Oh look" Sirius glared. "A new target for my morning rage"

"Calm down" Remus sighed, swinging his legs out of bed. "We're up now; we might as well get ready"

Alex looked puzzled.

"You don't wake up this early, normally?"

"Of fucking _course_ not" Peter grumbled. He was pulling on his robes grumpily. "Who the hell gets up this early? Is this a French thing?"

"You don't have morning athletics?"

"Hell no" Remus said. "Why would we want to do exercise?"

Alex just looked more and more confused. "To stay healthy?"

"Fuck healthy" James said. "I want bacon"

* * *

He got his bacon, eventually. Halfway through breakfast, McGonagall came sprinting up, looking harried. She snatched his plate away and dropped it on the table.

"Potter! As I'm sure you know, Bela Oaks has graduated, and we need a new Quidditch captain. In the wake of last year, certain appointments were _neglected_ -" (Professor McGonagall's lips thinned at that) "- and we didn't send out our Quidditch captain letters. Would you be willing to take on the responsibility?"

"Bloody hell, of course!" James said loudly, grinning, and backtracked when her lips thinned further.

"I mean – of course, Professor. I'd be honoured"

She dropped a shiny red and gold badge on the table. "We'll have a meeting later, to discuss putting together a new team. Slytherin isn't winning this year"

As Professor McGonagall walked away, Sirius whooped and pounded James's back. "Gryffindor Quidditch captain! You'll put me on the team, right?"

"You're rubbish at Quidditch"

"Damn right I am, you're going to make an excellent captain with those sorts of judgement calls"

* * *

Lily's first class was a free period, and she returned to the dormitory with Marlene and Camilla, Alex trailing behind them somewhat.

"Does Hogwarts have a Quidditch team?" he asked, speeding up to take Cami's hand. He cast a curious glance at one of the paintings – a portrait of a beautiful raven haired siren that fluttered her eyelashes beguilingly at him.

"Splash off, you fish" Camilla hissed at her, and with an offended glance, the mermaid slipped off her rock into the painted sea.

"Er – yeah, we have a Quidditch team" Marlene said. She swung her bookbag round to dig through it, and pulled out a hair tie.

"We have four, one for each house" Camilla added.

"D'you play?" Lily asked, starting to braid Marlene's hair as they walked.

"Yeah, I played on the Beauxbatons team. I don't suppose they have any spaces?"

Lily tapped her lip with a finger, releasing Marlene's hair after securing it with the hair tie.

"You know" she said thoughtfully. "I heard from Bliss Bones who had it from Lacy Selwyn that James has been made Gryffindor Quidditch captain. There'll be some spots then. You ought to ask him when try-outs are"

Marlene groaned. "Just what we need. A James Potter on equal footing with the Prefects"

"Well, at least he's not allowed to dock points" Camilla said.

"Yet" Lily pointed out gloomily.

By that point, they were back at the dormitory, and Lily clambered through the Portrait Hole first, after giving the Fat Lady the password, (Babbity Rabbity) and spotted James Potter playing a game of Gobstones with Peter Pettigrew.

"Lily!" he said brightly, nearly upsetting the board. Peter was squirted in the face with the goop from one of the Gobstones and pulled a horrible face.

"Hullo James" Lily said, smiling despite herself. "How're you?"

"I'm Quidditch captain" he told her loudly, pointing at the badge pinned to his robes.

"I heard, congratulations"

The three others drifted away, Marlene pulling out the _Compendium of the Next Dimension_ and inspecting it closely.

Lily took a seat by their game and propped her feet on the table next to the board.

"Cami's boyfriend, Alex, was asking about try-outs. D'you know when you're holding them?"

"That mad French bastard woke us all up at five a.m.!" James complained. "I'm not giving him a spot on the team!"

After giving him a half-hearted kick, Lily sat back up. "You can't just not give him a chance cause he's an early riser" she lectured. "He seems nice enough, I'm sure you'll like him eventually"

"Well he won't like _me_ "

"How come?" Lily asked, and Peter spoke up. There was still a bit of Gobstone goo in his hair and he looked sour.

"Because Sirius told Alex that James had dated Cami"

Lily let out a whoop and doubled over, clutching at her stomach. "That's right, you did!" she gasped. "I'd forgotten. I bet he loved that – did he hex you right away?"

James shrugged. "Nah, he just kind of ignored me"

"Huh" Lily looked impressed. "Alex is more mature than I gave him credit for"

Pushing the Gobstones to the side, he flopped onto the couch next to Lily. "Peter swore at him" he said quickly, and Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Really Peter?"

The other boy flushed. "It was early"

"That's no excuse for swearing at our innocent new roommate" James lectured cheerfully. He'd gotten an apple from somewhere and was tossing it from hand to hand before Lily stole it and took a bite.

"Potter, I'm sure you swore at him too, leave poor Peter alone"

"Thank you Lily" Peter said, and retreated behind his Charms textbook.

"D'you know a girl named Lark?" James asked Lily quietly, trying not to disturb Peter.

She frowned, fiddling with a lock of red hair. She tugged at it twice, like it was a bell rope.

"Lark Rivers? Er yeah, Slytherin Prefect. She's nice. Really smart too, and I think she's on the Quidditch team"

James nodded, filing the information away, and Lily elbowed him. "Why?"

He shrugged. "No reason. I ran into her on the train, that's all"

"D'you like her?"

Hating himself a little bit, he made himself meet Lily's curious eyes. "Maybe" he said, watching her face. It was blank, and then a perfect smile appeared, and he was sure he had imagined the blankness.

"She's lovely; I'll introduce you, if you want"

"Ok" he said slowly. James wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but he knew s _omething_ had. He couldn't go back now. It felt like a dare, almost.

Lily was still smiling at him, composed, and he made himself smile back. Now it felt like a fight, and he wasn't going to lose this one.

* * *

Divination followed her free period, and Lily wandered out of the Portrait Hole, trailing Cami and Alex. She'd never really liked Divination. It seemed – foggy. What the Muggles would call a false science. Along with half of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff sixth years, Lily lined up by the door to a classroom on the fourth floor. It wasn't Professor Holloway's classroom. She didn't think she'd ever been in this one before.

"Hi" she whispered as Anna came up beside her. "How was Arithmancy?"

The other girl shrugged. "Not bad"

"So, this Professor is really a Seer? The real deal?"

Anna nodded slowly. "From what I can make out – yeah. She predicted Dumbledore's appointment to the Wizengamot three years before it happened"

Raising a sceptical eyebrow, Lily pulled the Divination book from her bag. "That's awfully specific. And no one could really prove that she didn't cause it – like, maybe her prophecy influenced the decision in some way"

Anna nodded and started to respond, but hushed as Professor Tallhart opened the door and smiled welcomingly.

"Come in, come in" she urged, stepping back.

The classroom was full of light – golden lamps sat all around and the windows were thrown wide open to admit a chill breeze. There was the faintest hint of roses, heavy and fragrant, and Lily could smell bitter almonds surrounding the professor. Instead of desks, there were comfortable looking couches and loveseats, and small tables sat in front of each seating arrangement.

Looking up, there was a perch hanging from the ceiling, and a large raven sat on it, preening glossy black feathers.

"Welcome" Vivian Tallhart beamed, perching on the edge of the desk. She was a lovely witch – her eyes were dark, and her skin was amber coloured. Robes were replaced by a sleeveless light green silk dress, which just brushed the tops of her old fashioned black boots.

"Now" she continued, once they were all seated. "I know you've all been studying Divination for the past two years. Have you enjoyed the subject?"

There was a dull murmur of assent, and the professor laughed, teeth flashing against her dark skin.

"Alright, so you haven't. I'd like to change that. Divination is a profoundly useful tool – and one that anyone can learn to use, providing they practise and are sincere in their intentions"

"In my class, you'll learn to detect and acknowledge omens, you'll learn how to glimpse the future, and learn to use that new knowledge to your advantage, and you'll begin basic mental projection and telepathy. A bit more rigorous than your former course, I think. Are there any questions?"

Everyone shook their heads mutely, and Lily slipped her bag off her shoulder to land on the floor with a clunk. This could be an interesting class.

"Have you looked at the book I assigned?" Professor Tallhart asked. A few people raised their hands, and she nodded.

"How did it make you feel?"

Surprisingly, Anna lifted her hand.

"Like I can see _everything_. Like I could see for miles, and see the smallest speck of dust"

There was a flash of white teeth as the professor grinned.

"Yes, I thought it might have that effect"

* * *

"What are you thinking?" Lily hissed at Anna, some time into the class. The pair were sitting cross legged on the floor, holding each other's wrists. Their eyes were closed.

"You tell me" Anna said through gritted teeth. "I'm projecting, you're the one that's supposed to be receiving"

"We're bad at this" Lily hissed back, and that's when Professor Tallhart swooped down on them.

"Having trouble?"

Lily's eyes popped open. "Er – yeah. I don't think we're very good at this"

"It takes practise" she said, settling herself onto the ground between the two girls and offering Lily her hands. Lily let go of Anna and hesitated for a moment before taking the teacher's hands. Vivian Tallhart's hands were warm and strong and dry, and she held Lily's tightly.

"Think of an image" Professor Tallhart murmured, closing her eyes. Lily followed suit, and cast around for an image, before her mind settled on one that felt right.

She could see every detail, every part of it –

Professor Tallhart released her hands, smiling at Lily. "A silver stag. A Patronous?" she whispered.

Lily nodded silently, and didn't miss the sharp glance Anna cast her way.

"Is it your Patronous?" the Professor asked, and Lily shook her head.

"No – no, not mine. A friend's. Mine is a doe"

The Professor nodded slowly and climbed back to her feet. "Well done, Lily. Just keep concentrating; the two of you will get there eventually"

Lily turned back to Anna's smirk. "Shut up" she said automatically, and Anna laughed.

"I didn't even say anything. I was _going_ to say, 'Potter's Patronous, really?' but then I thought better of it"

"It was an accident!" she insisted.

"'Course it was" Anna said easily, and Lily narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"What were _you_ thinking of?"

"Artemis"

"'Course you were"

* * *

Potions was next, and the missing students were more apparent, then. Amanda Greengrass's best friend, Lacy Selwyn, sat by herself looking lost. Mulciber was gone too, James realized with a surge of satisfaction, as was Jarvis Nott. Snape was still there, bent over his caldron. James frowned at the back of his head.

He looked the same as ever – unkempt and sallow, and he was studying the instructions on the board for the Draught of Living Death, scribbling in the pages of his textbook at the same time. It didn't look like absent doodling; he was writing quickly and neatly in the margins of the book, from time to time glancing up at the chalkboard.

Not many students had progressed to the NEWT level. Of the Gryffindors, it was him, Remus and Sirius, Lily, Anna and Mary. Snape, Lacy Selwyn, Lark Rivers and some girl called Ella from Slytherin. The dungeon felt half empty.

Professor Slughorn walked among the desks slowly, hands clasped behind his back. From time to time, he peered over a student's shoulder, offering admonishment, or encouragement.

"Stir quicker, Miss Selwyn, your potion's congealing. Ah, Miss Evans, excellent work as always. The addition of the belladonna – inspired"

James cast a quick glance in Lily's direction. He hadn't been quite sure what to say to her, since that morning. Whatever had happened between them, he didn't understand it and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Her bright head was bent over her caldron, and she was stirring the contents sedately. He could see her lips moving as she counted the stirs.

A few desks over from him, Lark was crushing poppy seeds into a paste with a heavy mortar and pestle. Her fingers were quick and slender.

James frowned. They were year mates, how was it that he hadn't noticed her before? The red lipstick that she wore was a bright contrast to her skin – the colour of milky coffee. As if sensing him watching her, Lark glanced up smirking, full lips closed and quirked at him. He waved awkwardly at her. She shook her head, a half laugh on her lips, and turned back to her work.

The caldron in front of him was starting to bubble, odourless steam rising, and he turned the heat down quickly. Beside him, Sirius gave him an exasperated look.

"Concentrate, James"

"Shut up"

"It's called the _Draught of Living Death_ , I don't want you killing the whole classroom with fumes"

James sneered at him, and kept stirring.

By the end of the lesson, James had something resembling the Draught of Living Death, but Slughorn tsk-ed when he got to him. "Not quite up to standard, Mr Potter. The poppy seeds, did you remember them?"

James felt slightly flustered, and ran a hand through his hair. "No Professor" he muttered, staring at the desk.

"There's always next time"

He moved on to Lark's potion, exclaiming over it, and Sirius raised an eyebrow at James. "Distracted by anything?"

"Nope"

"Sure"

Professor Slughorn clapped his hands. "Homework! A foot explaining the reaction between the poppy seeds and the Shrivelfig skin. Bonus points if you calculate the exact ratio that tips this potion from a sleeping draft to a poison. Oh – Miss, Evans, Mr Snape, take fifteen points apiece for two perfectly brewed potions"

James watched as Snape and Lily traded an awkward look as they cleaned up their supplies. Lily just looked sad, but Snape looked – hungry. Desperate. It unsettled James, and he quickly Vanished the rest of his potion before shoving the ingredients back in his bag.

Once they were out of the dungeons, Remus caught up to them. "Lunch?" he asked.

"Sure" James said, tucking the homework away. "I think Peter had Care of Magical Creatures in this period, he should be able to meet us"

"Oh right" Sirius remembered. "He only got 'Acceptable' on his Potions OWL, McGonagall told him he couldn't do NEWT level with that mark"

James nodded distractedly as Lily walked by with Anna and Mary. She flashed him a quick, brittle smile before turning away.

"When are you holding Quidditch try-outs?" Remus was asking.

There was a brief flash of panic as he remembered McGonagall that asked him to meet her later to discuss try-outs.

"Fuck. I have to run, I'll see you later"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Ah it's good to be back at Hogwarts... I hope you all enjoyed! Please give me a review.**_


	36. Old Friends and New Conclusions

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

McGonagall was frowning over papers in her office when James knocked on the door.

"Oh – Potter, yes, come in. You're here about the try-outs?"

"Yep"

"Right, I managed to convince Horace to let us have the pitch tomorrow at four, so you should be able to get the word out by then"

James was impressed. "How'd you convince Professor Slughorn?"

He could've sworn McGonagall smiled. "A box of crystallized pineapple, a bottle of Rosmerta's finest mead, and some blatant flattery"

Grinning, James leaned forwards to balance his elbows on his knees. "Nice job Professor"

"Thank you Mr Potter. Now, I expect that you'll put together a superb team – the two other old Chasers and you are the only ones remaining at Hogwarts"

The dark haired witch looked back at her marking, clearly dismissing him.

* * *

It seemed that more than a few older students had forgone lunch that day in order to get a head start on homework, and the Marauders were quiet for once, reading as they ate.

James had _Achievements in Potioneering_ propped up on a pitcher of pumpkin juice in front of him, and was jotting down notes about the Draught of Living Death and the reactions of the ingredients as he piled pork chops onto his plate.

"Remus?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Remus was still squinting at _Registry of Common Potions Ingredients_.

"Explain the poppy seeds"

"Ok, the poppy seeds induce sleep – it's not just their chemical makeup, it's also the fact that they've had a history of being a flower that cause sleep. Remember when Peter made us watch _The Wizard of Oz_ last summer?"

"Hey!" Peter said indignantly. "You loved that movie"

"Anyways" Remus continued. "That poppy scene, where the flowers make them all fall asleep?"

"I don't think I can reference _The Wizard of Oz_ in my Potions essay"

"Maybe not" Remus allowed. "But opium is derived from poppies, and opium can be turned into heroin, which the Muggles use as a drug. But Lily could've told you that, and she'd probably explain it better – why aren't you sitting with her? She's top of the year at Potions, apart from Snape"

"I dunno. She's being weird. But thanks Remus"

"No problem"

Remus turned back to the _Registry_.

Up at the high table, the new DADA professor, Hawthorne, was calmly eating salad and pork chops.

"When do we get him for lessons?" Peter asked, following James's eyes.

Pulling out his schedule, James ran his eyes down the colour coded blocked that Remus had insisted on charming.

"Not till tomorrow" he said, putting away the sheet of paper.

"He looks boring". Sirius prodded at his green beans and made a face.

"Eat your vegetables" Remus said without looking up from his book.

A little ways down the table, Lily was bent over a sheet of parchment, so low that her nose was nearly touching it. She was scribbling away furiously as her friends chatted over their pumpkin juice. Alex had joined their circle, and he and Camilla were draped all over each other. James looked away.

"How was Care of Magical Creatures?" he asked Peter.

He shrugged. "Professor Merrythought told us he's trying to bring in a chimera, but we just got Kneazles today"

"He's mad, that one" Sirius said with a bit of awe in his voice. "Imagine what we could do with a chimera-"

"No" Remus said firmly, folding up his book and shoving it in his bag. "I'm going to the library, and James, you're coming with me. I messed up my Vanishing spell in the Transfiguration practical and you're the best at it"

Remus hauled him away by the arm as he frantically tried to stuff the last of his pork chop in his mouth.

* * *

The library was already busy with sixth years and seventh years. James felt a twinge of anxiety, looking at the stacks of tomes in front of the older students, and remembering all the stories he'd heard about NEWTs. They were called Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests for a reason. Most everyone said they were even worse than OWLs.

In the back of the library, they found a quiet table, and Remus passed James the _Registry_ as he started working on Vanishing a bread basket that he hauled out of his bookbag.

After watching his friend for a moment, James said; "Your wand movement's too stiff. It has to be _graceful_. More of a _swoop_ than a slash"

Gritting his teeth, Remus tried again. You could hear the faint murmur of voices from the stacks, and the air was utterly still. No windows were open, and no fires were lit, so the air was motionless and cold. Stiff, almost. Like egg whites beaten into peaks.

There was a crashing noise from over in the shelves and James poked his head around the corner.

Lark Rivers was crouched, trying to gather up an assortment of textbooks that she'd dropped.

"Need some help?"

"Nope"

James bent down anyways and picked up a few of the books, stacking them on the table beside her.

"I'm James – from the train?"

"I remember" she said, brushing fine brown hair out her eyes.

"Have you started on the Potions essay yet?"

"Yeah, but I haven't been able to find any sources that talk about the poppy seeds"

"Oh – have you tried _Registry of Common Potions Ingredients_?" James suggested.

"All the copies are checked out of the library". Lark shook her head and gathered up the rest of her books. "I'll just flip through these and see if I can find anything"

"I have a copy of _Registry_. If you want, you could look through it?"

Well, technically it was _Remus_ 's book, but James was sure he wouldn't mind sharing.

Lark smiled slowly. She had a nice smile – sort of mocking, but in a friendly way.

"Sure. That'd be great, James"

* * *

Lily cut across the study area to get the Restricted Section, and was halted by the sight of two dark heads bent over a book together. She recognized one of those heads. No one else had the same absurd, sticky-uppy hair. The other one – the girl's brown hair hung down like a curtain over one cheek, but Lily could see her strong profile, and recognized Lark Rivers.

That's right. That morning, James had mentioned her. And Lily had practically goaded him into pursuing her.

"Hi"

Lily tossed her bag on to the table beside the pair and slid into a seat.

"Remus mentioned you had a few questions about the Potions homework?"

James looked up, frowning, but when he saw her, he grinned.

"Hi Lark" Lily greeted the Slytherin Prefect, smiling. Lark waved.

"Yeah – and I had a question about the Prefects' bathroom, too"

"The Prefects' bathroom" Lily said flatly.

"Yep. Apparently, as Quidditch Captain, I'm on the same level as you Prefects so I get to use the bathroom. I popped in there this morning – how do the bathing arrangements work? Does everyone bring bathing costumes or is it a big watery orgy?"

Half exasperated, half amused, Lily pressed her lips together and reached over the table to whack James upside the head with the book in her hand.

"Ouch"

"You deserved it" Lark told him, reaching to high five Lily.

"It was a serious question!" James protested, rubbing his head and looking wounded.

"It was _not_ " Lark said sternly, but her brown eyes were dancing, and she and James shared a conspiratorial grin. Lily felt suddenly out of place, and cleared her throat, pulling out her Potions work.

"So see, the poppy seeds complement the Shrivelfig – but I know the ingredients pretty well, so I knew that the belladonna extract would float to the top so I could skim it out, leaving just enough that the sleep is instantaneous-"

* * *

James woke up early on Wednesday, even earlier than Alex, and tossed a pillow at Sirius.

"I'm going to kill you" Sirius threatened in a muffled tone.

Ignoring his friend, James rolled out of bed and grabbed his captain's badge from the bedside table, and his Nimbus 1989 from under the bed.

"Quidditch try-outs today!" he told Sirius happily.

Removing the pillow from his face, Sirius sat up and yawned. "Quidditch try-outs today, at _four o'clock_ " he corrected. "The fuck are you doing?"

" _Preparing. Organizing_. Getting ready to _captain_ "

Sirius looked, if possible, even more annoyed, and yawned again, dragging a hand down his face.

By this point, their conversation had woken the others up, and Alex bounced out of bed, far more cheerful than anyone had a right to be at that hour. Oliver Sands scurried off to the washroom, and Remus and Peter sat up, rubbing their eyes blearily.

"He's all hyper" Peter observed, in a rather detached manner. "I don't like it"

"No one likes it when James is hyper" Remus pointed out.

James ignored them, concentrating on polishing his broom handle.

"What time are try-outs?" Alex asked, pulling on his trainers.

"Four o'clock" James said immediately. "What position d'you play?"

"Keeper" Alex told him, standing to go. "I'll see you lot down at breakfast, yeah?"

After he left the room, there was a moment of silence.

"He's alright" Sirius said, flopping back on the bed.

"He's not a bad bloke" Remus agreed. He already had his nose buried in a book, and James squinted at the cover. _Miranda Goshawk's Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six._

"How's your Vanishing spell coming?" he asked Remus.

"Not bad" Remus said. "Yesterday I Vanished half of Mrs Norris before Marlene caught me and made me put her right"

James shook his head. "Shame you didn't Vanish her completely"

"I really hope Merrythought doesn't get a chimera" Peter spoke up, breaking the lull in the conversation. "I don't want to deal with a chimera on top of everything else"

"On top of everything else?" Sirius sounded vaguely amused.

Peter coloured and crouched down to pick up the sock he'd dropped.

"Peter?" Remus bent down and peered under the bed to look at him.

"I didn't mean that" Peter said quickly.

"What did you mean?" James took a break in his broomstick polishing and reached for the twig clippers.

"I just meant-", he sighed and dropped his head to his chest. "There's a girl" Peter admitted, and Sirius whooped loudly.

"A _girl_? Who is she? How old? What's her name? Do we know her?"

"Yes, a girl. She's a Ravenclaw, she's a fifth year, her name is Hallie, and you don't know her. I think" Peter told them. "We met a few times over the holidays – and I like her?"

"Good for you, Peter" James said briskly. "We'll help you woo her"

Caught off guard, Peter stammered. "Uh – what, no thanks – Merlin, no, don't _do_ anything, Remus stop them?"

"Alright" Remus said, laughing. "If Peter wants our help, he'll ask. Leave her alone, Prongs. You too Padfoot"

" _Fine_ " James sulked, clipping a bent twig with more force than was strictly necessary.

* * *

On Thursday, the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw sixth years lined up in front of Professor Hawthorne's classroom, chattering excitedly. Rumours were flying. Some people insisted that he was helping Dumbledore hunt down Death Eaters. Others claimed that he'd been living with giants for the past four years. Lily was just happy he wasn't Jugson.

Shaking her head, Lily ended up next to Remus in the line. "If he's done half the things this lot seem to believe, this ought to be an interesting year"

Remus grinned at her. "Oh definitely. What did you think of Professor Tallhart?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I dunno" she admitted. "She seems a bit weird-"

"She teaches Divination" James interrupted, popping up between them. "She's gonna be weird"

"Yeah, well, I'm reserving judgment. Her lesson was interesting, but that book she assigned us is just creepy" Lily insisted.

"It is" James agreed, leaning on Remus's shoulder. "Are you coming to Quidditch try-outs this afternoon?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. Camilla's going"

"To support Alex?" Remus asked.

"Nope" Lily said. "She's trying out"

"I didn't know she played" James said, slightly surprised.

"Yeah, she plays Seeker. She's pretty good, I think"

"She commentated last year" Remus remembered.

Lily laughed, remembering. "She was terrible at it"

"She was a laugh" James argued, but shut up when the classroom door opened and Professor Hawthorne stuck his head out.

"Come in everyone" he said, before retreating.

Marlene caught up to Lily once they were inside, grabbing the desk next to her and dropping her bag on the floor.

"Hi! I haven't seen you at all today" Marlene smiled at her.

Lily thought back, going over their schedule in her mind. "Didn't we have Charms?-"

Marlene was shaking her head. "I dropped Charms, remember?"

"But you got an Outstanding in Charms!"

"I never really liked Charms" Marlene said, tapping the desk with her nails as the rest of the class filed in.

"Good afternoon" Professor Hawthorne grinned at his class. "I'm Professor Hawthrone. Now, I'd like you all to demonstrate your Patronus… we'll be learning about Dementors this unit"

* * *

 _ **A.N. So a guest reviewer asked if I have an updating schedule so they can know when to expect new chapters... I'm afraid I don't, mostly because I don't have reliable internet access. I try to post every three or four days, however.**_

 _ **I hope you all liked the chaper! Please review.**_

 _ **P.S.**_

 _ **How many of you have seen Fantastic Beasts? I saw it the other night and it was so amazing to be back in the wizarding world...**_


	37. Different Isn't Bad

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR  
**_

* * *

It felt like the entirety of Gryffindor house had turned out, James thought as he looked out over the stands. Lily was there, he realized with a leap of happiness, but when he looked at her closer, he saw that she had a book out and was swigging something from a flask. Probably tea.

Peter, with the help of Sirius and Remus, had created a fairly ostentatious banner. It featured a shirtless painting of James and the paint had been charmed to flash different colours. Real-James winced as Painting-James flexed his muscles and smirked out over the crowd.

The other Marauders whooped and waved the banner joyfully as James stalked over to them.

"It's not a match you idiots, what're you doing?"

"Supporting you" Peter said innocently, tapping the banner casually with his wand and grinning as it doubled in size.

"And embarrassing you" Remus added.

"Marlene did the painting" Sirius said, poking his head out from behind it.

It was a crisp, sunny day, and James couldn't help smiling at the thought of flying again. Forming a proper team.

"Right!" he said, walking back over to the group on the pitch, clutching broomsticks nervously.

"Form into groups depending on your position – Seekers over there, Chasers there, Beaters, and Keepers to the left"

The red and gold crowd scurried into order.

James swallowed nervously. He really ought to have planned this better.

"Er- just go for a quick fly round the pitch. Keepers first"

The group flew in a tight pack – from time to time one would jostle in front of the group before being reabsorbed. James kept an eye on Alex as he flew. He was a steady flyer – nothing flashy there. He kept pace easily with the rest of the group, and gave off an air of lazy nonchalance.

Wishing for a whistle, James shouted and waved his arms until the prospective Keepers landed.

"Chasers, off you go!" he yelled, clapping his hands briskly.

Alex was walking over to him, and he kept one eye on the group of Chasers as the other boy got closer.

"How's the Captaining going?" Alex asked.

"Not bad. How long have you been playing for?"

The blonde boy shrugged. "Since before I can remember. My dad played for England – it's not something I would want as a career, but I love it"

"Me too" James said. "Well, not the bit about my dad, but the rest" he corrected hastily.

Above them, one of the Chasers was wobbling and made a hasty landing before sprinting off the pitch.

"How're you liking Hogwarts?" James asked.

Alex dipped his head cautiously. "It's cool. Really different from Beauxbatons, but I like it. It's less formal. The exam period is insane at Beauxbatons, I'm glad I'll be missing it"

"How does that work? Don't you sit your OWLs in sixth year over there?"

"Yeah, I got permission to sit OWLs during the exam times over here"

"Ah, right"

Excusing himself, James started waving and shouting again to signal the Chasers to land. He really was going to have to invest in a whistle.

* * *

By the end of the evening, James had a Quidditch team. Alex had flown a superb trial and beat out all the other contenders for Keeper. The old brilliant Chasers from the team had returned – Felicity Toppart and Melody Clearwater. He had found two excellent Beaters – a lithe girl called Nalla and a stocky boy named Podrick. The Seeker was the surprise, though. Camilla Lovegood had caught the Snitch in three minutes, and caught every single golf ball that he charmed to fly at her.

"Welcome to the team you lot" James said, shaking everyone's hands. "You all flew really well today, good job"

Camilla and Alex were trading glances that were becoming more heated by the moment, and James hastily dismissed them, starting the long walk up to the castle.

Someone fell into step with him, and he looked up at Lark, slightly startled.

"I didn't know you came to watch"

She scoffed, tossing glossy brown hair back over one shoulder. The sun was setting, and the light fell round her, like a halo.

"I didn't. I was helping Professor Merrythought put together his chimera proposal"

"His chimera proposal?" James asked, nonplussed.

Lark nodded. "He wants to introduce a chimera to the Forbidden Forest – he thinks it'd be a great opportunity for the students to study one"

James snorted. "Bet the centaurs would love that"

"They're not thrilled" she admitted, gazing up at the sky. The first star was peeking out; a diamond nestled shyly in deep blue velvet.

"It's a lovely night" Lark cast him a sidelong glance. There was no guile in her tone, just observation. "D'you wanna stay out a bit longer?"

James hesitated, before grinning across at her. "Sure" he said easily, turning towards the lake.

"You're on the Slytherin team, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm a Chaser. Our first match is in December – think you can whip your new team into shape that quickly?"

"Definitely" he said. It was getting cooler, by the water and he dropped down behind the lee of a tree. Lark sat next to him, back against the bark.

"I never thought I'd be friendly with a Gryffindor" she said, tipping her head back lazily.

"Never thought I'd be friendly with a Slytherin. I've spent a good part of my Hogwarts career hexing you lot"

Lark laughed quietly. "Well, a good part of us deserve it" she said fairly. "But we're not all bad. We're a tight knit House, we take care of each other"

He nodded slowly. Under his palms, the grass was chill and slick and he traced one of the tree roots with a finger.

"I suppose you don't have to worry about Voldemort" James said, thinking aloud.

She jerked back. Even in the dim light, Lark's eyes flashed coldly and for a single bizarre moment, he was reminded of Lily.

"We're not all purebloods, y'know" she said bitterly. " _I'm_ certainly not. We have as much to fear from the Dark Lord as the rest of you"

"You call him the Dark Lord? I thought only his followers did that"

There was anger and horror and fear etched on Lark's delicate face as she faced James. He felt a stab of shame, deep in his chest like someone had shoved a knife there.

"What are you trying to imply, James? That I'm some sort of Death-Eater-in-training? My grandfather was a Muggle tailor. My grandmother was a teacher, at a Muggle school. My mother is Muggle born, and she's _terrified_ of Voldemort. She won't let my little brother come to Hogwarts – she's home schooling him, she won't let him out of her sight. My dad works at the Ministry and doesn't tell anyone about mum, because he doesn't want her to become a target"

His mouth was opening and closing silently. "I'm sorry" he said helplessly. "I didn't mean it like that – I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm really sorry Lark"

She took a deep breath, and the lines of emotion on her face smoothed away. She pushed her wavy brown hair back from her face so it fell around her shoulders in a tumble of curls.

"It's alright" she said quietly, seeming to let the anger slough off until she sat a bit straighter. "I know what people think of Slytherins, I know the assumptions people make, I shouldn't have shouted at you"

"No, you probably should've shouted more" James told her earnestly.

The laugh she let out, like it had been startled past her lips, was a beautiful sound. She was Lily's opposite – dark and forgiving, calm and level headed, where Lily was fair and fiery and quick to anger and slow to forgive. James didn't care. Lark was Lark, and Lark was lovely.

* * *

October arrived crisply, like biting into a fresh apple. A panoply of brittle leaves chased themselves through the air, before the rain pounded them into sludge. Woolly jumpers were pulled out, and more than a few students learned how to knit magically. It was a common sight in Gryffindor tower to see knitting needles clacking away, a scarf growing from the bottom as the owner scribbled away at homework. The fires were lit and baked apples and pumpkin pies appeared at dinner and lunch.

It was easy to settle into a rhythm, back at Hogwarts. Lily spent her days in classes and in the library. She avoided Sev, and skipped the first Hogsmeade weekend in favour of a nap. At night, she would patrol with Remus, and from time to time other Prefects, including Lark Rivers.

Hogwarts felt safer this year, despite the grim tidings in the Daily Prophet every morning.

' _Muggle Family Killed – Death Eater Involvement Suspected', 'Muggle Liaison Witch Kidnapped', 'Giants On the Move – Going to Join You-Know-Who?'_

No one was doing anything, and Lily was being driven half-mad by it. It was a constant hum, a need for action, surging through her fingertips until every second spent at Hogwarts felt like a second wasted – a second that she wasn't fighting.

Defence Against the Dark Arts was a bright spot. Professor Hawthorne seemed hell-bent on teaching them how to fight. At the start of their second lesson, he set the textbook down on his desk very deliberately and stepped in front of the class.

"I'm chucking this sanitized Ministry course out the window" he informed them. "You're not going to learn anything new from it"

By this point, the class was leaning forward eagerly, books lying abandoned on their desks.

"You need to learn how to defend yourselves" he continued. "That's the whole point of this class, and reading about Leg-Locker Curses is hardly going to do it. Who here's duelled before? Don't worry – you're not going to get in trouble"

Most of the Gryffindors held up their hands, and a fair chunk of the Ravenclaws. Lily was one of them, and she traded a look with Mary, who was blushing sheepishly.

"Excellent" Professor Hawthorne said, smiling at them. "We'll be doing more of that, then. Who can demonstrate a Stunning Spell? I'll need two volunteers"

A Ravenclaw girl called Emma Fawcett stuck her hand in the air.

"Perfect, Miss Fawcett. Who's willing to get Stunned? No volunteers? Alright, Mr Black, how about you?"

Sirius climbed to his feet resentfully and walked to the front of the class.

"Not too forceful Miss Fawcett – excellent"

Sirius toppled over, caught by a Cushioning Charm before Professor Hawthorne walked forward to revive him.

The rest of the lesson was spent duelling in pairs. Jugson had taught a single class on duelling, and she let them use low-level jinxes, but this was something else entirely. As Lily dodged Stunners and curses, she had never felt more alive.

* * *

"Somehow I doubt the Ministry would approve of us duelling each other" Marlene said as they headed out of the lesson. The rest of the class didn't seem to be concerned by that, as they walked away, chattering excitedly.

"The Ministry can shove it" Camilla said. "That was an excellent lesson"

"My mum works for the Ministry" Marlene sounded slightly put out.

"Oh – sorry, I didn't mean her" Camilla told Marlene, shoving her books away.

"He's right though" Lily said. "We need to learn how to defend ourselves – I mean, despite the whole Death Eater thing, Jugson wasn't a bad teacher, but she did follow the Ministry curriculum to the letter"

"Right" Anna said dryly. "Apart from her being a raging pureblood supremacist she was _awesome_ "

Mary had said nothing as the group headed towards the Transfiguration classroom, but she spoke up.

"It makes me wonder" she said softly. "If I'd known all that, if I'd practised and been taught how to fight – would Mulciber still have been able to attack me?"

Silence fell over them, until they passed a cluster of chattering Hufflepuffs. Lily gave her a one armed hug.

"I dunno, Mar" Lily murmured. "But you'll know it now. That'll never happen to you again"

* * *

McGonagall had given them a veritable pile of homework, and the five plus Alex of them slowly, steadily worked through it, recruiting James halfway through to give an impromptu lecture on Animagi. Camilla perched on the arm of Alex's chair, from time to time leaning down to dictate a thought to him. Lily smiled as Cami's turquoise hair touched Alex's blonde hair and turned golden before she pulled away.

"-There's been quite a few studies on how your Animagus form corresponds to your personality, but no conclusive evidence" James addressed them from where he stood on the sofa, gesticulating down at them importantly. He'd was using his wand as a pointer, to sketch out ideas, and a few silver sparks shot from the end of it, landing on Marlene, who sneezed.

"Thanks James" Mary said, scribbling away.

"My pleasure" James took the only available armchair, propping his feet up on the coffee table until Anna shoved them off.

"How d'you know so much about Animagi, anyways?" Lily asked.

James coughed, looking suddenly awkward. "Er – well – I've done a lot of research on how to become one. Strictly theoretical, obviously"

"But you didn't right?" Anna said sternly. "Because that would be highly illegal"

James hesitated a beat too long, before smiling reassuringly. "'Course I didn't. Far too much work, anyways"

Lily set down her quill to look at him for a moment. Not even he could be so stupid –

Of course he could, she realized. It was exactly the sort of thing he'd do. He was smart enough to do it, too. James got the best marks in the year for Transfiguration, he could figure out a way. The idiot.

Now that she'd thought about it, the idea wouldn't leave her.

"James" she said abruptly. "Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?"

He looked rather apprehensive as he stood up, and Lily dropped her work down on her seat.

"Something the matter?" James asked.

She folded her arms, and waited.

"Er – Lily d'you want to talk about something?-"

"You did it, didn't you? You became an Animagus"

The way he smiled at her … so disarmingly, like he was well practised at lying to her.

"Don't be an idiot, of course I didn't. It's just something I find interesting"

It wasn't even the fact that he was lying that made her feel betrayed. It was the fact that he was so good at it. Inside, Lily was screaming. She wanted to shake him until he admitted the lie. He was smiling at her still, mildly and impersonal, like she was a stranger. His hazel eyes were distant.

"Right" she said, biting the 't' off. "Sorry to bother you"

Lily wasn't even sure _why_ she was so sure. But she knew. If he had been telling the truth, he would've rolled his eyes at her suspicions and said something like ' _sure Evans, I was keeping that up my sleeve the whole time. If I really could turn into an Animagus, don't you think I would've told you?'_

James shrugged and turned away, back to his friends lounging in front of the fire.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry.

* * *

 ** _A.N. Oooh the angst... Happy thanksgiving y'all! Now that we've officially passed into Christmas season, I've started planning a series of twelve ficlets about Jily's first Christmas as a married couple. I'd post one a day from December 12th unti Christmas Eve. Would anyone be interested in reading that?_**

 ** _Anyways, thanks as always for reading and reviewing!_**


	38. I Won't Get Forever

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

The first match of the Quidditch season was halfway through October, and it was a freezing, sunny day. Frost cracked under James's boots as he walked out onto the pitch at the head of his team. He'd already had to separate Alex and Cami, who were clinging to each other in a decidedly unprofessional manner, and was regretting his decision to put a couple on the team. The Ravenclaw team across the pitch were in a huddle.

The stands were full – Gryffindors whooping and cheering alongside Hufflepuffs, their traditional alley in Quidditch, and the Slytherins were supporting the Ravenclaws. Remus, Peter and Sirius had dug out the banner that they'd made for tryouts, and the charmed paint was flashier than ever. Painting-James surveyed the crowd, waving regally. Real-James wanted to sink into the ground.

He spotted Lark up in the stands, in blue and bronze, chatting to a Ravenclaw. She was smiling, a scarf wound round her neck and there were woolly gloves on her expressive hands.

Felicity Toppart kicked him in the shin. "James!" she hissed. "Go shake hands!"

The Ravenclaw captain was a slim girl who played Seeker, and she grinned as she shook his hand.

"Good luck with your green team, Potter"

It was one of the longest matches James had ever played. Both teams were tiring, but still they flew, ducking and weaving around Bludgers and shooting goals when possible. James pulled away for a moment and flew straight up, looking down at his team. They were doing well, and he shot back down to join Felicity and Melody as they flew at the Keeper.

Melody and James peeled off just as Felicity threw, and scored. A blur of red and turquoise passed James, and he saw Camilla lunging towards the end of her broom, fingers closing on what looked like empty air.

"GRYFFINDOR WINS!" the commentator whooped, and Camilla was caught in the middle of a mid-air hug, still clutching the Snitch.

"450 points to 300, ladies and gentlemen, that was quite the match! Gryffindor's new team captain has put together a superb team!"

Even the sight of his mates waving around the banner gleefully couldn't tarnish James's excitement. They'd won Quidditch matches before, but James had never won one as captain.

* * *

The Marauders had snuck into Hogsmeade with James's cloak, and raided the Hogwarts kitchen to return with a feast. Since the match had gone on all day, most of Gryffindor Tower was starving, and the piles of food quickly disappeared.

James spotted Camilla and Alex engaged in a little post-match celebration of their own, and hurried away to find his friends. Sirius and Marlene were giggling about something over Butterbeer, and Lily was leaning against one wall, staring out the window. She was holding a goblet of pumpkin juice and her hair was tangled.

She looked sad, and James found his feet turning towards her without his permission. Since that night, when she'd guessed about him being an Animagi, they hadn't spoken. He didn't even know how she'd known. He hadn't been that obvious, had he? But she was smart, and she knew him, and maybe that was enough to at least plant the suspicion in her mind.

If it had been just his secret, he would've told her in a heartbeat. It was Remus's secret too, though, and Sirius's and Peter's and he couldn't share their secret even for her.

* * *

James didn't know that as he turned away, Lily turned towards him.

She nearly dropped her goblet of pumpkin juice, but caught it at the last minute. Some juice slopped over her blouse and she cursed, grabbing her wand to dry it.

"James!" Lily called. She was done fighting.

He had already disappeared into the crowd.

She set down her goblet, intending to go upstairs to the dormitory, when she spotted Anna. The other girl was dancing close to a seventh year girl, leaning into her.

Lily paused, half wanting to pretend to have seen nothing, and half wanting to march in there and yank Anna out before she did something she would regret.

She wavered, teetering. Before she could do anything, Anna backed away from the girl and dashed away.

Lily followed her friend up the stairs to the dormitory.

"Anna?"

There was no answer, and Lily stepped over to Anna's bed. Anna was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her arms were crossed over her chest.

"Are you alright?"

Lily plopped down on Anna's bed and tucked her knees under her chin.

"No" Anna said, voice hollow.

"Missing Artemis?"

"Yes"

"I'm sorry"

"S'ok. I just haven't seen her in about two months. She owls, but she's busy, and I _know_ that she's busy, but it just – I want to see her"

Anna was whispering towards the ceiling and there was a rawness in her voice that Lily hadn't heard before.

Lily reached down to take her hand, smoothing her fingers over the back of Anna's hand as she thought. Anna's hand was pale and smooth, fingers warm.

* * *

She hadn't met Anna until after the Sorting Ceremony, when she was sitting shrouded in red Gryffindor blankets wishing they were green.

"I'm Anna" the girl sitting on the bed next to her said.

She had long, glossy black braids and her teeth were very straight.

"I'm Lily" Lily said, smiling tentatively.

"Did you want to go into Gryffindor?" Anna asked curiously, winding one fat braid around her index finger.

Lily shook her head. "Not really. I wanted to go into Slytherin like my friend"

Anna made a face, and Lily tensed. Most of the Gryffindors she'd met so far seemed to really hate Slytherin.

"The Sorting Hat told me I'd do well in Slytherin" Anna continued, and Lily relaxed. "It said I had potential and _ambition_ "

"How come you ended up in Gryffindor?"

The other girl flopped back against her pillows and stared up at the canopy.

"I told it I'd rather be in Gryffindor cause green isn't really my colour"

Lily laughed at that, and Anna laughed with her until the small blonde girl in the bed over from them told them to be quiet.

* * *

Lily blinked out of her remembrance. "I know it's hard. But the two of you – Merlin. Sometimes you're kind of gross. I bet she wishes she could spend every day with you. One day you'll get forever, ok?"

Anna grimaced. "You're a sap"

"The Prefects' office has a connection to the Floo Network. I could sneak you in" Lily offered.

Anna perked up at that, rolling over onto her side to grin at Lily. "Really?"

"Really, come on"

They managed to skate through the still-partying Gryffindors, (Lily ignoring the Marauders resolutely, as they started lobbing fireworks out the window onto the grounds) and slipped out the Portrait Hole without being waylaid by any of their housemates.

"It's a bit of a security risk, really" Lily said, holding her Prefect badge up to the door and letting Anna in first. "After Jugson they introduced the wards – they work from the inside too, you can't get out without a badge – but they're not perfect. I can't count how many points I've had to dock from students trying to use the Floo to go see family or whatever. Mostly Hufflepuffs"

Lily kept up a constant chatter as she lit the fire, knowing it would annoy Anna out of whatever hole she was in, before passing her the silver bowl of Floo powder.

"Aren't the teachers worried about Prefects sneaking out?" Anna asked, taking a handful.

"Not really – they have a bit of a blind spot as far as the we're concerned"

"Ah"

"D'you want me to come?"

Anna shook her head tightly before chucking her handful of glittering powder into the flames.

"The Leaky Caldron. Room 18"

She stepped into the roiling green flames and was gone. Luckily for Lily, the Prefects' office was well stocked with a supply of tea and biscuits, and she made herself a cup of Earl Grey as she waited for Anna to return. It took a surprisingly short time.

* * *

Anna did not so much step out of the huge fireplace as fall. There was soot on her face, with pale streaks cut through it, and her hands shook. The cup of tea beside Lily was knocked to the ground where it spilled over the dark floorboards, but Lily didn't notice.

"Anna?-"

"She's dead"

* * *

Lily looked back over all her memories of them. Now of course, she knew something bad was going to happen. They were just too perfect. They were like flowers that hadn't been pressed to preserve them, sacrificing freshness for longevity. They were striking and lovely and fleeting. Ephemeral and doomed, because this wasn't a fairy tale, where love like this had a place. This was a horror story and the only place devotion like that belonged was at the sacrificial alter.

Every time memory of them – it was like watching a clock wind down. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick -. She waited with held, frozen breath for the tick that wouldn't be answered. The air seemed to gather around them, trying to give them just a minute more. Now of course, she knew it couldn't last.

Every memory of the two of them together was newly tinged with desperation. The night Lily met Artemis – the way she and Anna held hands so tightly, it was like she knew that she would be pulled away. At the Yule Ball, when they danced so close it was like they were one person. When Mr Prewett died, and Anna launched herself into Artemis's arms, so relieved and grief-stricken. And most of all, the night at James's party. That memory was painfully clear. Lily wished she could soften the edges so they didn't cut into her so much.

Anna and Artemis had been barely moving, just holding each other while candlelight flickered on their skin, and flowers waved behind their ears. Artemis's had been an anemone. Anna's had been a white rose. _Dead love_.

Professor Tallheart had said they would learn to read omens. Lily was learning, but she was seeing them too late.

Anna on the floor had pulled herself into a ball, and Lily slid off the couch to join her. The both of them were numb together. Lily couldn't even feel Anna's hot tears on her skin.

* * *

By the time Lily was able to pull Anna off the floor, draping herself around her friend, an hour had passed. Cold tea had soaked the knees of her jeans, and there was soot on her hands from holding Anna.

There was a lump in her throat, stuck like peanut butter, and all she could do was hold Anna hoping to take a little bit of her pain.

The party had wound down by then, the fires burning low, and the only remnants of the celebration were empty butterbeer bottles and greasy crisp packets.

Although the flight of stairs up to the dormitory was short, it seemed to take far longer than it should to climb up them. Anna and Lily were frozen together.

Up in the dormitory, the other girls were still awake, but they stopped talking as the two stumbled through the door.

"Merlin – Lily? What's wrong?" Camilla crouched down by her side, the post-match glow disappearing and a worry line creasing the smooth white skin between her eyes.

"It's Artemis" Lily whispered, swallowing. She didn't want to say it aloud. That would make it real. It would solidify Anna's pain and freeze it and stick it in her chest, and that grief would never melt.

"No, no, god no"

A single tear trickled down Anna's still face and she nodded silently, turning her face into Lily's shoulder.

Marlene pulled down blankets and pillows from the beds and wrapped Anna in them, and they all spent the night on the floor, wishing for sunrise.

* * *

"We should tell McGonagall, she needs to go home to her parents" Mary whispered, after Anna fell asleep.

"I don't think that's a good idea" Camilla said. "She needs us. She'd just – retreat if she went home. We'd never be able to find her again"

"We should tell McGonagall though, she'll know what to do" Lily murmured, turning her head away from Anna.

"I can do it". Marlene extricated herself from the blankets and clambered to her feet. "I'll be right back"

She returned in ten minutes, with a sleepy looking Minerva McGonagall trailing her. The teacher seemed to wake up when she saw Anna on the floor.

"What exactly happened?" the dark haired witch asked them, speaking quietly. On the floor, Anna stirred.

Lily swallowed. "She was – really missing her girlfriend. So I told her she could use the Floo in the Prefects' office. I know it was against the rules, but I'll take full responsibility, it wasn't Anna's idea-"

"Miss Evans" Professor McGonagall interrupted. "Please continue"

"Right – sorry. So she used the Floo and she was back in ten minutes and all she said was 'she's dead' and then she just sort of – collapsed. She needs us, she shouldn't go home, not unless she wants to"

Professor McGonagall seemed to consider that for a moment, before nodding. Lily was rather surprised.

"I would tend to agree. The five of you – I think students need a larger support network than just their friends but in your case it seems to be working. I will have to notify Miss Rogers's parents, and I would suggest that you take her to the Hospital Wing once she wakes up, but in this case I think this is the best thing for Anna"

"Right" Marlene said, sounding taken aback. "Thank you Professor"

"Don't hesitate to wake me if she needs to talk" Minerva McGonagall said, before walking away with a last regretful look at Anna.

* * *

 _ **A.N. How many characters have I killed off so far? Probably too many. Someone needs to stop me. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please let me know what you think.**_


	39. Cinnamon And Sky

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

Artemis's funeral was on Saturday, and Professor McGonagall gave Anna special permission to leave Hogwarts for it. She even arranged the Floo to Artemis's mum's house, and let Lily to go with her.

Anna went first, in her black Hogwarts robes, and Lily followed. The warm breeze caused by the flames startled her, but she kept her eyes squeezed shut, ash blowing around her feet.

She stepped out onto a dingy carpet and straightened up. It was small flat, crowded by milling Aurors and a few shell-shocked older relatives. Peeling blue wallpaper covered the walls and a faint scent of musty flowers permeated the air. Underfoot, there was worn beige carpeting and puffs of dust arose from it where they stepped.

There was a large photo of Artemis on the table in the parlour, and Anna drifted over to it.

In the photo, Artemis was smiling gently at the camera, and Lily saw Anna lift her hand as if to reach into the photo, only to let it fall back to her side.

"Hey" Lily said quietly, stepping up beside Anna.

"Hey" Anna repeated, dully. The group of Aurors there were all in black uniform robes, and most look devastated. Artemis had been well-liked at the DMLE.

"I better go find her mum – I haven't talked to her since…"

Lily nodded and let Anna go, looking at the photo. There wasn't much movement, but you could see Artemis's shoulders rise and fall as she breathed, and her cinnamon hair stirred gently in a breeze. She was smiling to the side, her face in profile, and a hand reached out from the frame to touch her cheek. It was Anna's hand – slender and elegant.

She hadn't known Artemis well. She'd spoken to her only a few times, and had liked her because she made Anna happy. She had made Anna _so_ happy.

 _"Oi Rogers" Lily remembered, starting to get dressed, "how's your Auror doing?"_

 _"Exceptionally well" Anna said smugly. She'd succeeded with the new pair of tights, and was lacing her feet into high heeled black ankle boots. "Her name is Artemis Bangnail, she's a trainee Auror, so she's only eighteen, and she supports the Tutshill Tornados. She was in Gryffindor, her favourite band is The Golden Snidgets, and she grew up in Mould-on-the-Wold"_

 _Mary groaned._

 _"The Snidgets_ suck _"_

 _"Well, apart from her terrible taste in music, she sounds lovely" Lily said diplomatically._

 _"She really is" Anna said dreamily, "she's coming to Hogsmeade with me today"_

Dreamy. Lily had never heard Anna sound like that before Artemis. The older girl had softened corners and edges in Anna that had always been there, always been sharp, and she hadn't even seemed to realize what she'd done.

Anna had been the first of their group to fall in love, which was a surprise. Anna had always been severe and – sometimes a bit _mean_. She wasn't the sort to let her heart go easily.

"Mrs Bangnail decided not to do the ceremony – she says she just wants to be around people who loved Artemis"

Lily steered Anna towards a pair of free chairs.

"Are you alright with that?" she asked carefully.

The other girl nodded slowly, watching her hands twisting in her lap like some sort of strange insect.

"Y'know the Tales of Beedle the Bard?"

"Yes" Lily said.

"'The Warlock's Hairy Heart' was always my favourite. I never knew why people thought it was so odd – it made sense to me. I thought love would make me less logical, that it would make me stupid and slow and foolish"

Lily waited and listened. 'The Warlock's Hairy Heart' had always repelled her, but she could see what Anna meant. It was frightening to let go, for even a moment, and sometimes she wondered that Anna had managed to do it at all.

"It didn't" Anna continued. "It made me strong and weak and brave and cowardly and brilliant and stupid. It made me a contradiction and I hated it and I loved it but I always loved her and I just don't _know_ what I'm going to do- "

Her head dropped to her chest and she took a few deep breaths before looking up, eyes clear and dry.

"The first time I told her I loved her – it was on April Fools Day and she thought I was joking. I'd forgotten what day it was"

"You never told me that" Lily whispered, wanting to pull Anna into a hug and never let her go.

Anna shrugged. "It never seemed important. There would be time for that – to tell everyone how we met and fell in love, and our friends would think it was adorable and we would grin at each other and now – now she'll be forgotten. No one's going to remember her name. I'll grow old and she'll always be nineteen. She's never done anything that will be remembered. I'll cry on her birthday and on the day she died and slowly I'll forget her too, and then one day I'll die and she'll be gone for good because no one else will _care_ "

"How did she die?" Lily asked, instead of trying to reassure Anna. Her friend was too smart for reassurance.

"It was a routine patrol – down Knockturn Alley. There was a commotion, and she and her partner ran towards it, and it was a few Death Eaters and a Muggleborn. Her partner made it out. Artemis and the Muggleborn didn't"

Facts were what Anna revelled in, and Lily knew it. Mary took refuge with tiny, adoring first years, who loved her because she helped them with Charms and was kind to them, and they would return the favour with hugs when she was hurting and telling her their secrets.

Marlene defended herself with humour, but she wasn't afraid to let people reach her. Camilla let her friends take care of her, and let herself heal, but Anna dealt with facts.

She laid things out logically and worked through them carefully and methodically and Lily could tell that was what she would try to do with Artemis's death. It wouldn't work, because grief wasn't an equation to be broken down and solved. Grief was a lump of ice in your chest that never thaws.

* * *

When James heard about Artemis he was eating breakfast in the Great Hall, and heard a torrent of whispers. The Daily Prophet landed on his plate, a picture of Artemis on the front. She was beaming at someone out of the picture, and James realized with a shock that it was a picture of both Anna and Artemis, but they'd cropped Anna out.

"Artemis – that Auror that was here"

"Yeah, she's dead"

"Poor Rogers, I never really liked her but they were really sweet together"

"God, she was only nineteen"

"James"

It was Lily, sitting down beside him, flaming hair scraped severely back. Her bookbag made a heavy sound as it hit the table, and it nearly knocked the teapot over. A few flecks of tea spotted his newspaper, making the black ink bleed onto the white paper.

"Is it true?" he asked. "About Artemis?"

Lily bit her lip and nodded. She was pale, her mouth only a shade darker than the rest of her skin, and her hair just looked redder in contrast – almost gory in its bright shade.

"Yeah, it's true. Anna and I just got back from her funeral; I'm surprised it took this long for everyone to pick up on it"

James buried his face in his hands for a moment, feeling heaviness weigh down his limbs, before looking at her. There were tears in her eyes and she blinked them away hastily.

"James…"

"I'm sorry" he said quickly. "I was being stupid. But seriously Lily – I'm not an Animagus"

"Alright" Lily murmured. She fiddled with the sleeve of her blouse for a moment before glancing at him. "I'm sorry, I should've believed you. I don't want to fight anymore, James"

"Friends?" he said, offering her a half smile.

"Friends" she agreed, passing him the toast.

* * *

The History of Magic lesson that day was about Gellart Grindlewald, and Anna was absent. He noticed Lily taking down more notes than she normally did, scribbling away furiously at a stack of parchment squares.

A slip of parchment landed on his desk, and he looked over at Remus, who was the only other Marauder to take History of Magic.

He unfolded the parchment.

 _Hogsmeade tonight? Sirius suggested getting Anna a pint of Firewhiskey but Marlene shot that down so how about a Honeydukes hamper?_

James nodded quickly and Remus flashed him a quick smile as Professor Binns droned on.

"Grindlewald's motto was ' _for the greater good_ '. A foot of parchment on the meaning behind that phrase, due next lesson. Try to delve into how it expressed his philosophy"

* * *

Herbology was with the Slytherins in Greenhouse Three. Professor Sprout had brought a collection of walking trees to be pruned and re-potted – the small peculiar bonsai trees that scampered about on twiggy legs and to James's cautious delight; he ended up partnered with Lark, who looked pale and tired. There were bags under her brown eyes, but she smiled at him.

"NEWT work _sucks_ " she sighed, pulling on her dragonskin gloves.

"Ah well, we only have two more years of having to function at high capacity with only five hours of sleep a night"

She lifted one corner of her mouth in a wry smile and something very odd occurred in James's chest. A sort of sideways leap.

"Strangely enough that's not reassuring" Lark said.

"Pessimist"

" _Realist_ "

"I bet you only got four hours of sleep last night"

"Try three" Lark yawned, flicking her silky brown hair back from her face. "I haven't seen you recently, is everything alright?"

James fidgeted, staring at the walking tree he was meant to be pruning. "Er – my friend – she lost her girlfriend a few days ago…"

Lark's dragonskin-covered hands flew to her mouth and she seemed to catch the gasp that she was about to let out and force it back.

"Anna Rogers's girlfriend? The Auror? Merlin – James I'm so sorry. Were you close?"

The tree under his hands wiggled and he concentrated on the plant for a moment before responding. He wasn't quite sure what to say. The Gryffindor sixth years were a bit of a mess, to be honest. There were the Marauders, friends since practically day one, and then there was Oliver Sands who hung around the edges and mostly spent time with Hufflepuffs. Then there were the girls, who had been embroiled in a bitter war with the Marauders, mostly due to James and Lily's arguments. And partly because the Marauders had an unfortunate habit of pranking them.

Anna and Sirius were – to use Anna's term – ' _bros_ ' and Marlene and Remus studied together in the library and Camilla was nice to most everyone and always got her year mates birthday presents, along with Mary who distributed biscuits at exam time.

At a certain point, their relationships had all become so tangled and confused that James wasn't quite sure where they all began and left off. And that was even before the addition of significant others. And considering how he felt about Lily.

"No" he said finally, setting his scissors down. "No not really. But – Anna and I are. Sort of. Our friendship is basically derived from an uneasy alliance that occasionally descends into war, so I guess I know her better than most"

Lark looked rather wrong-footed. "Erm. War?"

"Prank wars" James clarified.

"Ah. Well, regardless, I'm sorry. I saw them at the Yule Ball – they looked – really, _really_ in love"

"They were" James told her, smiling slightly. "And it was funny, Anna was the prickliest person you'd ever meet and then Artemis happened – she was still thorny, but you could I guess – see her kindness too. You could see her the way Artemis saw her"

Lark caught their walking tree as it tried to dive over the table edge and dragged it back to the centre.

"She sounds lovely" Lark whispered.

"She was" James said, slightly startled. He hadn't really thought about Artemis much, other than the fact that she seemed cool and she'd taught him a few new hexes whenever she saw him. But she had been lovely. She had been kind, and funny and smart, and painfully invested in the war against Voldemort, and it had killed her in the end. Knowing what he did of Artemis, he knew that probably her only regret was the fact that she had to leave Anna.

"Too many people have died" Lark said, gripping the walking tree a little too tightly, and James rescued it quickly. "Too many-"

"I know" James said. "I know"

There was something dark in her eyes, and her face – it was shadowed, even in the bright sunlight filtering through the glass.

* * *

Anna skipped Defence Against the Dark Arts. Lily thought she was late when she arrived in Professor Hawthorne's classroom – the rest of the class was already seated and looking up at the board eagerly, and Lily remembered.

Professor Hawthorne had promised to bring in a Boggart for a 'fun' lesson. Lily felt like it said something about the wizarding world when their idea of 'fun' meant battling a copy of your worst fear in front of a roomful of your peers.

She saw the other girls sitting near the back and went to join them, dropping her bag on the desk they'd saved for her.

"Hi" she whispered.

"Anna's not with you?" Mary asked, the corners of her mouth turning down.

Lily shook her head. "I thought she was coming with you"

"She needs some time" Camilla said quietly, looking down. Her slim arms were wrapped round her abdomen like her stomach hurt, and Lily remembered with a pang that her father died the year before she came to Hogwarts. "She'll be alright – she's Anna, after all, but she needs time"

The whispered conversations ceased when a trunk floated through the open door, followed by Professor Hawthorne.

"Good afternoon!" he beamed, letting the trunk fall to the ground with a thud. Its lid rattled menacingly, and a few people shoved their seats back.

"How many of you have come up before Boggarts before?"

Five or six people raised their hands.

"Wonderful – they're fun, aren't they?"

They looked amongst each other and nodded slowly, looking confused. Professor Hawthorne was – _eccentric_.

"Yes, they're marvellous, Boggarts are" the professor continued, rubbing his hands together in boyish excitement. "Who can tell me the incantation that repels them?"

A Ravenclaw boy stuck up his hand. " _Riddikulus!"_

"Quite right. Take five points. Now, ordinarily, you would've learned about Boggarts previously, but the Ministry thought it perhaps not _prudent_ to reveal your greatest fear in front of a classroom full of your peers. Notwithstanding my personal opinion, if you wish to banish your Boggarts privately, I'll set up sessions"

No one moved.

"Alright then" Professor Hawthorne beamed, pleased. "Who's first?"

A queue quickly formed, and Lily ended up about halfway in.

Professor Hawthorne perched on his desk and brandished his wand at the chest. The lid swung open, and flames rose out of it, higher and higher until they almost reached the ceiling, flickering and forming ghastly shapes.

The girl facing it waved her wand. " _Riddikulus!"_

 _Crack._

A clown appeared and doused the flames with water from a trick flower pinned to his lapel.

Marlene took the girl's place – and Lily appeared. There was a strange shiver, and the Lily-Boggart split into five shapes.

Lily, Anna, Mary, Camilla, and Marlene's little sister Sammie stood in front of the class, swaying slightly.

"You're stupid" the Mary-Boggart sneered, tossing her black ringlets over her shoulder. "Only got 'A's in Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts. You got a 'D' in Divination, idiotic girl. And you can't even get rid of a simple Boggart? Pathetic…"

"You never take anything seriously" the Camilla-Boggart added. Her turquoise hair turned gold, like Marlene's curls. "Everything's a joke to you. We hate you"

"Only put up with you out of pity" the Lily-Boggart echoed softly, mouth twisting into a mocking fakery of the real Lily's smile. "You just latched on and wouldn't let go…"

"I'm glad I'm not like you" the Sammie-Boggart declared. "My incompetent, stupid, clumsy, ugly, rude, tactless, mean older sister. When I get to Hogwarts I'll make sure everyone knows the _real_ you"

"You don't matter to us" the Anna-Boggart shrugged. "The rest of us – we're important. I'm smart. Mary's kind. Camilla knows people. Lily takes care of us. But you? What do _you_ give us? Nothing. You're useless"

The whole class seemed to be in a state of shock, no one going to help Marlene. She was shaking, her wand dropping. Lily could see tears falling down her face.

"No one will ever love you, Marlene!" the Lily-Boggart told her, stepping closer. "You'll die alone and no one. Will. Care. We won't care. We'll be _glad_ when you're gone. I hope it's soon"

" _Riddikulus_ "

Professor Hawthorne's voice broke through the haze of abuse as the Boggart parts circled in on Marlene.

He directed the black, hooded figure that it had become into the trunk and kicked the lid shut.

Marlene was on her knees, hands clamped over her ears, wand lying abandoned on the floor.

"Well" the professor said, sighing heavily. "That was emotionally violating. I think that's enough for today, there'll be no homework. Miss McKinnon-?"

Marlene stumbled to her feet and ran.

"Lily, you go" Cami ordered, scooping up Marlene's books and bag. "You'll be the best"

Lily had serious doubts about that but she left anyways, hurrying after Marlene.

She found her in an alcove, behind a tapestry that bulged slightly outwards. She was crying, her lightly tanned skin red and her bright blue eyes watery.

"Lily – I'm sorry"

"You're sorry?" Lily shoved the tapestry aside and dropped to her knees, pulling Marlene into her arms. " _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry you're afraid that that might ever happen – but it never will, alright? We love you 'Lena"

Marlene's pretty face crumpled and she hid her face in her knees, sobbing softly.

"Shh" Lily murmured, rubbing her back. "It's alright, don't worry. You don't need to go to class, I'll stay with you. It's only Divination, it doesn't matter. It's alright dear"

"I'm sorry" Marlene gasped, hiding her face again. "I don't want you to think I hate you or something"

"We know" Lily soothed. "Shh, we know. It's ok, we got you"

They stayed like that for quite some time, jammed into an alcove, hip to hip. Lily's arms stayed around Marlene, whispering comforting nonsense to her. Lily's heart ached. Maybe they did sometimes take Marlene for granted – Marlene and her funny, dry sense of humour, Marlene and her wildly fluctuating marks that caused teachers to both hate and adore her, Marlene and her ironclad sense of right and wrong.

"It's ok" Lily whispered. "I understand"

Lily wasn't sure what her _very_ worst fear was, but she knew one of them. It was being alone, being abandoned.

"Sorry" Marlene murmured again. She rested her cheek against the smooth cool stone and closed her eyes. Her lashes were clumped together with tears.

"I really dislike Boggarts" she said after a minute, and Lily laughed quietly.

"And I mean – what sort of maniac thinks they're _fun_? Hawthorne's off his rocker"

"Well, we already knew that. He's working at Hogwarts – you'd have to be mad to take that job"

Marlene smiled up at Lily and stretched her legs out. "Thanks for staying with me Lil"

* * *

 ** _A.N. I promise I'll start being nicer to my characters at some point. Anyways, thank you to all the Guest reviewers, I wish I could respond to them properly._**

 ** _Another note - chapters might have longer gaps between them because I'm going to be working on my collection of Christmas Jily fics. I'll be posting one a day from the 12th to the 24th so stay tuned for that! Have a great day y'all!_**


	40. Dens of Iniquity and Halloween

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

The next Hogsmeade weekend fell on Halloween, and the other girls tried to coax Anna out with them.

"We'll go to Honeydukes" Mary wheedled.

"Gladrags has a sale on" Camilla added.

"We can visit the Shrieking Shack, I know it's your favourite" Lily suggested.

"Maybe we'll find something in Zonko's that we can use to prank the boys?" Marlene offered, recovered from the Boggart experience.

Anna curled up tighter on top of her bed and said nothing. Her smooth dark hair was ratted and greasy and her skin sallow. Her cheeks were hollow and Lily was reminded of the summer, when she seemed so thin and fragile. It was so much worse now. She hadn't been to class since Artemis died and she hardly ever came down to meals anymore. McGonagall had visited a few times, trying to persuade her to either go home or go to class, but Anna wouldn't. Madam Pomfrey gave her a Sleeping Draught, for when she had nightmares, but Lily worried that she was becoming dependent on the potion.

There was a grim heaviness floating around Hogwarts these days, with none of the soft magic of summer. The air was chill and stiff and everything had darkened. It was easy to slip into the shadows and let yourself go.

"Please Anna"

Lily dropped to sit on Anna's bed, taking her hand. It was skinny and limp, a palmful of twigs.

"You don't have to go in any of the shops" Camilla told her firmly. "Just come out and get some fresh air"

They had tried everything. Coaxing and coddling and bribing, but now it was down to tough love, and Lily was determined.

"Alright" she said, standing up. "This isn't a choice anymore – you're going to get up and take a shower and put on fresh clothes and come with us to Hogsmeade, because you can't live like this Anna. I know, god, I know you're hurting but you need to keep going. You can't just shut yourself away. She wouldn't want that for you"

Anna tilted her head to look up at Lily, and _there_. For the first time in a long time, there was that _spark_ in her dark eyes. A bite.

"Fine" she snapped, swinging her legs out. "I'll come. But we're not going to the Three Broomsticks"

Of course. Where she and Artemis had had their first date.

"We can go to the Hog's Head" Marlene promised, pulling her up and giving her a gentle shove towards the bathroom.

As she slammed the door behind her, the four of them let out a shared sigh. Lily unclenched her hand and stared at the red-crescent shaped marks that her nails had left in her skin. The truth was, she missed Anna. Missed her cynical world view and borderline rude conversation.

"I didn't think she was going to come" Camilla admitted.

"Me neither" Lily said shakily, before going to grab her scarf.

* * *

It was drizzling lightly outside, but Lily couldn't stop smiling. Marlene had linked arms with the taller Anna and was pulling her along through the rain, kicking merrily at the mud puddles. It wasn't the warm tear-like rain of the summer, but it was cold and fresh and it felt like waking up.

Lily stomped into an ankle deep puddle and tipped her head up to the sky, letting the rain wash her clean.

Camilla bounced up beside her, damp blue hair stuck to her face in silky coils, like some strange seaweed.

"How's Alex?" Lily asked quietly, glancing ahead to make sure Anna was out of earshot.

"He's fine" Camilla said, her pale pink lips turned down slightly.

"That's good"

"Well. He's fine, but I dunno about _us_ "

Lily looked up at her, startled. Alex and Cami had always been ridiculously affectionate and sweet together. There was much more PDA in their relationship than Anna and Artemis's had had.

"What's up?"

Cami sighed. "I'm not exactly sure. Something just seems – off. It's stupid but I can't quite put my finger on it and it's weird"

"You're a good judge of people" Lily said carefully, not wanting to take a misstep. "You should trust your instincts"

"He's just made some odd jokes about the war and about Muggleborns – and it doesn't sound like he supports the Death Eaters or anything, but it doesn't feel quite right" Camilla said, shoving her hands in her pockets and biting her lip. The rain started to get a bit harder and Lily tugged the hood of her coat up before responding.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Cami. Have you talked about it or anything?"

"I'm sort of afraid to" Camilla admitted. "What if he's a horrible person and I've been dating a dreadful monster this whole time?"

"I'm sure he's not a dreadful monster" Lily reassured her, patting her back.

"It just seems like the pretty ones are always terrible – like they sacrifice moral integrity for attractiveness. But there's always hope, I suppose" Camilla said dubiously, trailing off as they caught up to Mary, Marlene and Anna.

* * *

The whole group of them hesitated upon the threshold to the Hog's Head.

"I heard the barkeep keeps goats in there" Camilla said, sniffing distastefully.

"There's nothing wrong with goats" Mary said.

"Sure" Marlene snorted. "Goats are just dandy in a petting zoo but not in a _bar_ "

"Dandy? Who the hell says ' _dandy_ '?"

Lily stopped the argument by shouldering the door open and stepping through. It was dim inside, and there was a smell that might've been goats, but it was dry and warm and quiet and the girls stomped their boots clean and shook off their jackets before heading up to the bar.

The barkeep slumped up to the bar, tall and thin with a grizzled beard that might've once been brown but was now streaked with grey and white. His robes were grey with age and dirt and he had a long thin nose, his bright blue eyes nearly hidden behind bushy eyebrows.

"Hi" Lily said, looking about edgily. She'd heard that students came here – sometimes, and she'd asked Remus exactly _how_ disreputable it was, and all in all it wasn't as bad as she expected.

A few couples were crammed into the dim smoky booths, some looking about furtively like they didn't want to be seen, and Lily could've sworn that that was Professor Tallhart in the corner, slouched over a steaming glass of Firewhiskey, but she quickly averted her eyes. No sense advertising their presence.

Someone tugged on the back of Lily's coat, and she turned round to see Mary staring up at her, wide eyed.

" _Lily. This is a den of iniquity_ " she whispered.

"Don't be so dramatic" Lily whispered back, before turning to the barkeep with a wide smile. "Five Butterbeers please"

"Ten Sickles"

They all dug in their pockets for silver and slid it across the grubby bar.

"It's not a _den of iniquity_ " Lily said from between gritted teeth. "It's where students go to cheat on their partners and where teachers go to avoid students. And it may have a goat or two, but that's beside the point"

"Who the hell has _time_ to cheat? Also, we're _children_ " Mary said, scandalized.

They took their dusty Butterbeers and found a small booth in one corner, Anna, Lily and Marlene jammed into one side, hip to hip.

"So" Marlene said lightly, tapping the top of her Butterbeer with her wand. The top fell off and fell with a soft thud to the table. "This is nice"

"Sure" Camilla said doubtfully, reaching across the table to pick a small spider out of Anna's hair and blowing it away.

"Was that always there?" Marlene asked, leaning away. "You did bathe, right?"

Anna stared at her stonily and took a gulp of Butterbeer. Silence descended over the small table, and Mary kicked at the table post awkwardly.

To occupy herself, Lily took a sip of Butterbeer and avoided the others' eyes.

"How did everyone do on that last History of Magic essay?" Mary asked, louder than was strictly necessary. She stared up at the smoke-blackened ceiling.

Lily jumped on the topic gratefully.

"I think I did ok – I found an excellent paper in the library, it had some quotes from Dumbledore in it, which was interesting. I had no idea how involved he was in Grindlewald's downfall"

"He thought that wizard kind shouldn't have to hide anymore" Camilla said softly. "It'd be nice. To be able to do magic without being afraid of being seen"

"Yeah, it would". Marlene swigged her Butterbeer. "But he went about it in a pretty shit way"

"Yep"

"He and Voldemort would get along famously" Lily said darkly. "Both of them think wizards are superior"

Anna was saying nothing, but there was a small smile on her face as she watched her friends, and that was good enough for Lily. Just like any wound, it would take time to heal. But she was getting there.

"Did you hear about the Inferi in Mould-on-the-Wold?" Mary asked.

"You're just a font of conversation starters today, aren't you?"

"Did you or didn't you?"

"Honestly I've kind of given up on the Prophet" Marlene admitted. "All I see is death, death and more death"

"It's fairly depressing" Lily said. "I didn't hear about the Inferi either"

Mary shuddered. "It's awful" she said in hushed tones. "A whole group of them went on a rampage through the village last night. Ten wizards and witches were killed – four of them children"

"Fuck" Camilla said blankly, staring out the dirt encrusted window. "Fuck"

* * *

It was Halloween, and as such, it was the Marauders' night. James and Peter had rounded up some Muggle costumes (one of which was an enormous gorilla that didn't seem very scary but Peter insisted it was terrifying) and they had a delightful evening of terrorizing first years planned.

On account of being a Prefect, Remus was refusing to take part.

"Come on Moony" Sirius pleaded, wiggling into a bloodstained mummy costume. "Live a little. Your furry little problem won't bother us for another week – have some fun!"

Remus crossed his arms and let the vampire cloak that Peter tossed at him fall to the floor in a heap. Peter huffed indignantly.

"All the work that James and I went to – sneaking these into Hogwarts and for what? To have you forsake us on the best night of the year?"

"The best night of the year's Christmas Eve" Remus told him. "And running at eleven year olds in fake fangs does not sound thrilling"

" _Christmas_?" Peter sounded scandalized. " _Christmas_? You're a bloody werewolf, what d'you want with _Christmas_?"

"I don't see how my being a werewolf has anything to do with my holiday preference" Remus argued. "And keep your voice down, Merlin"

Peter started to say something but Sirius pulled him down to sit on the floor. "Give up" Sirius advised him.

"We could conduct a séance!" James proposed.

Remus shot him a tired look. "Nearly Headless Nick would hang out with us if we asked him. But he did say something about hosting a Headless Hunt party. He invited me but I went a few years ago and it was horrible. Great platters of rotting food everywhere and the music-". He shuddered. "It was enough to wake the dead"

"Maybe that's the point" Peter said darkly. "Was the Headless Hunt there?"

Nodding, Remus flopped back onto his bed.

"They still haven't let him in yet?" Sirius shook his head. "Poor bloke"

" _Anyways_. Oh – I have an idea. Professor Tallhart said she'd be reading fortunes on Halloween. That could be fun" Peter suggested.

"Would that fall within your parameters of legal activity?" Sirius asked Remus deferentially.

Remus threw the vampire cloak at him.

* * *

There was a surprisingly long line up in front of Professor Tallhart's classroom door. A group of fourth year Hufflepuff and Slytherin girls giggled madly as they passed a group of Ravenclaw boys, and they bunched into a cluster.

"Why do they always – _giggle_?" Sirius asked, looking faintly unwell. "It's disturbing"

"S'how they communicate" Peter said wisely. "Like whale song"

James shifted from foot to foot impatiently. The feast had been excellent as always, and he and Lily had sat next to each other and chatted about _Quidditch_ of all things. She had looked slightly distracted the whole time, and it had surprised James to find that he didn't feel on edge around her anymore. He could relax.

The line was moving fairly quickly and finally it was time for James to go in.

The classroom had been transformed. Desks and chairs had been pushed back along the walls and covered in black fabric. Candles burned brightly on them, wax pooling on the heavy cloth. Instead of the light airiness that had filled it before, flickering brass lamps hung from the ceiling, draped in rich red gauze and Professor Tallhart sat behind a low table, a burning brazier beside her. Some warm spice perfumed the air – so different from the flowers and bitter almonds of before. It tickled his nose and he had to resist the urge to sneeze.

Her black hair was covered with a deep green veil, and James could just make out her huge dark eyes glittering behind it. Slender fingers bedecked with rings wrapped around a crystal ball gently, and James took a seat on the low footstool in front of the table.

"Hello James" Vivian Tallhart spoke almost in a whisper, and her teeth flashed white behind the veil.

"Hi" he said awkwardly, shifting on his chair.

"What would you like to know about your future?"

"Maybe just some – all-purpose general knowledge?"

She nodded seriously, her fingers passing over her crystal ball lightly. "That sounds feasible"

James could tell when she closed her eyes because the watchful gleam of her eyes disappeared from behind her veil and the tops of her cheeks fell into even deeper shadow.

When she opened them again, the crystal ball had filled with whitish-grey smoke. Usually, James regarded Seers and Divination with the sort of scepticism that one reserved for your grandmother's suspect cure for colds that involved pinning a dirty sock around your throat and coughing three times, but there was something so – _strange,_ so un-put-your-finger-on-it-uponable about Vivian Tallhart, that in that moment, he believed she could see _things_. Whether it was the future or the past or distant realities, she knew things that others didn't.

"Fire" she whispered after a moment, sounding very distant. "I see fire and I see emeralds. Perhaps you raid a dragon's treasure? And – three moments in your life. Three very, very dangerous moments. You'll survive them. But you'll need help. Oh – what's that? Maybe not… I think I'll keep that to myself"

Professor Tallhart was speaking so quietly that James had to strain to hear, almost like she was talking to herself.

"There are suns and there are moons and there are candles and then there are lights that flash so fast and so bright that their memory is seared into the minds of all that behold them… I cannot say what you are, James. There are so many extremes for you – such pain and fear and sadness – but such _joy_ and love and hope"

She looked up at him suddenly and flipped her veil off her face, smiling brightly. It looked genuine. That was good, right? Clearly she hadn't seen any terrible future for him. Hopefully.

"Happy Halloween, James. And please don't scare the first years too badly tonight"

"Right" he stuttered, standing and nearly knocking the table over. "Thanks. Happy Halloween"

His feet seemed numb as he moved through the room strewn with odd, delicate glittering objects. Trying desperately to avoid knocking them over, he stuck out his hands to the sides. The classroom seemed much larger than it had when he entered – the door miles away.

"James?" Professor Tallhart's voice sounded concerned and very far away. "Are you alright?"

James wasn't sure. _Fire and emeralds_. He knew what that meant.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Oooh the intrigue. Well, that was slightly happier. Right? Maybe? Starting to see the light at the end of this dark, depressing tunnel of a fic? Ah well, if not, it'll get better soon. Thank you for continuing to read and for putting up with my fits of cruelty towards my characters. Please review!**_


	41. Letting Go

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

"It's a _sign_ " he explained to Sirius and Peter, later that night. Alex was of doing – something. Remus was on Prefect patrol. With Lily. James tried his hardest not to be jealous of the fact that he got to spend hours wandering the castle with her at night.

"It's _not_ " Peter said. "It's a mad person making up random things. ' _Fire and emeralds_ '? James, a dubious crystal ball reading about the colour of Lily's hair and eyes is not strong ground on which to build a relationship. Just go ask out – Lark, or whatever her name is. She probably likes you and you like her, right? Didn't you say you were getting over Lily?"

"Yesss" James said reluctantly. "What d'you think, Padfoot?"

"I think you should go tell Lark that you think she's fit and you wanna go out with her"

" _You_ told me not to give up" James accused. " _You_ said I wasn't fickle"

Sirius squinted at him and lounged back carelessly on the pillows from his bed that he'd strewn on the floor.

"When did I say this?" he wanted to know.

"About six months ago" James admitted. They'd purloined a selection of desserts from the kitchen and he picked half-heartedly at a slice of treacle tart. "I wish Moony was here. He's good at advice"

"Merlin, you're such a _girl_ " Sirius said and a grin slowly lit up James's face.

"Oh no" Peter said. "He's got his planning face on. Sirius this is bad, stop him. He's going to do something stupid"

"I'm not" James said indignantly. "But Sirius has given me an excellent idea"

"I don't want any part in whatever this is" Sirius said quickly.

"I sneak up to the girls' dorm"

"The stairs won't let you, I've tried. They turn into a slide, there's a siren, a bit of abject humiliation – honestly, it's not worth it" Sirius told him.

James made a face and climbed off the pile of pillows. His bed was empty of blankets and sheets and he lay stomach down on the cool white bottom sheet, staring at Peter and Sirius.

"What if – I _believe_ that I'm a girl?" he asked, and paused, eyes alight. It was an excellent plan, he thought smugly.

"What?" Peter asked blankly and James hauled himself back off the bed, sighing in irritation.

"I _believe_ I'm a girl. They'd have to let me up, right? It's probably more mental than physical. Hopefully"

Sirius regarded him flatly. He coughed quickly into his fist. "Let me see if I've got this right. You're going to – _believe_ – that you're actually a girl, sneak up the stairs, and spy on the girls?"

"To see if Professor Tallhart's reading actually means anything or if I should ignore it and ask Lark out" James said promptly. "And I have excellent mental control, I became an Animagus"

"Right". Peter picked up a large apple turnover and waved it at him. "Well, good luck. I'll stay here and eat more dessert. Enjoy your disturbing, doomed mission"

James sneered at them in a rather elegant manner before tossing his Invisibility Cloak over himself and departing the dormitory. As he left, he kicked the turnover out of Peter's hand and left him sputtering in annoyance.

Luckily, the Common Room was mostly empty. A few couples sat in the more secluded nooks, but the majority of the house was probably asleep or putting in some late night hours at the library. He paced back and forth nervously in front of the girls' staircase.

 _'I'm a girl_ ' he told himself fiercely. _'I'm a girl and my name is – Jessie, and I need to get to my room. Definitely a girl. I love pink. And kittens? I'm fond of Charms. And boy, that James Potter is a dish. I'd sure like to go out with him to Hogsmeade. For scones… and kissing'_

He held his breath under the Invisibility Cloak, and considered the stairs. They looked daunting.

At least there weren't too many people around to witness his degradation. The first foot went on the stairs. Followed by the second. Nothing happened.

Hardly believing it, he hurried up, almost running. He was on the top step when he heard a klaxon start up, and the stair suddenly disappeared under his feet. A long, slick marble slide replaced the steps, icy under his feet, and James toppled backwards, flailing desperately. A hand grabbed his and he tightened his grip instinctively.

Whoever had his hand and was slowly pulling him to safety shouldn't even be able to see him, he realized, before noticing that the hand in question was sticking out of the Cloak and was very plainly visible. The hand holding his belonged to Lily Evans.

"Hi" he blurted, and cursed internally. James might've been able to escape if he hadn't said anything.

"James?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't know you could become invisible"

"It's a cloak" James mumbled, withdrawing his hand and sneaking it back under the Cloak.

"Oh" Lily said, half smiling at him, before reaching out and giving the Cloak a good sharp tug. It slid off him and he waved a bit before dropping his hand awkwardly.

"Hi" James said again and shifted from foot to foot.

"Hi" she replied and offered him the Cloak back. "So… dare I ask what you were doing trying to sneak into the girls' dorms?"

"I was – er, trying to find you. I need advice. Female advice. For a female problem. Well – not a female problem of that sort – I mean, my anatomy's obviously very different and-"

"James" Lily interrupted. "Blathering. Is it Lark?"

James blinked, half grateful that she'd stopped him but at a loss as to what to say.

"Um. Yes. How did you know?"

Inside, he was shrieking at himself. _'No, no_ no, _not_ Lark' _._

"Female intuition" she said dryly, and beckoned him as she turned away.

* * *

The girls' dorm was more or less identical to the boys' except it was rather – neater. No dirty clothes lay abandoned on the floor and there were significantly less empty crisp packets under the beds. James felt a bit like he'd entered a courtroom as the five girls in the room stared at him.

"Hi" he said.

"James has female problems" Lily announced, taking a seat on the free bed and crossing her legs.

Marlene and Anna both snorted at that, and Lily shot Anna a strangely grateful look.

"That's charming" Marlene said. "He should probably go to Madam Pomfrey for those"

"Female problems regarding an actual female" Lily clarified.

James perched on the edge of one of the dressers. The five pairs of eyes followed him.

"What's her name?" Camilla asked briskly.

"Lark" Lily answered for him, frowning slightly.

This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to spy on them in a slightly creepy fashion and find out if Professor Tallhart's reading had had any truth to it. He wasn't supposed to have them help set him up with Lark.

"Lark Rivers?" Mary asked and James nodded. "She's nice. We used to do our Potions study together"

"Yeah – she's cool"

"And you like her". Marlene was inspecting her nails, looking almost bored as she spoke, but when she looked up, her blue eyes were like icicles, piercing and clear.

"Yeah"

"You don't sound too sure about that" Camilla told him.

"I- I'm sure" James tried to sound a bit more confident.

"Uh-huh. Does she like you?"

"I dunno". James tried for a charming grin. "Probably – I mean, look at me"

"Drop the fake arrogance" Marlene said. "It doesn't really suit you. You're a nerd; you might as well be open about it"

"Right"

" _Don't_ ask her to Madam Puddifoot's" Lily cut in abruptly. "Girls hate that place"

"Then why does everyone go there on their first date?" he asked.

"Because clearly some Hogwarts boys have an antiquated sense of female tastes" Anna said. "One of the many reasons – notwithstanding the fact that I was born this way – that I'm gay"

A pained look flashed across her face and she stared down at the bedspread. She had looked down so fast he couldn't be sure, but he would've sworn that there was a cool gleam of tears in her dark eyes.

"Ok" James said, wishing he could escape. Lily looked rather displeased and he wondered if she was jealous. Even though that wasn't why he was doing this. Lark was a genuinely good person and he liked her a lot. It was just sometimes hard to remember that when he was in the same room as Lily. "Be a nerd and don't take her to Puddifoot's"

"Talk about her interests, not yours" Mary told him.

"What if our interests converge?"

"Even better"

"Right" James said, standing and still staring at Lily. "Thanks guys"

The girls waved, and he hurried away. This could work. He was going to ignore insane Halloween night fortune telling, and do what felt right. He was going to grow up.

* * *

November passed coldly, sleet pounding the walls of the castle like fists at all hours of the night. The enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall reflected an aching bruised sky that looked like it would spilt at the seams and bring hot blood with it. Lessons got progressively harder – they had moved onto nonverbal spells and all the teachers whose classes had wandwork required it.

Astrology was cancelled more often than not due to inclement weather, and James avoided Professor Tallhart as much as he could. Within the walls of Hogwarts, during the period of insane study time that took place in the winter, it was easy to forget about the war. You were isolated.

* * *

James hurried down to breakfast one Monday, trailed by the other Marauders plus Alex, who looked mildly amused.

"Wish me luck" he said through gritted teeth. He squared his shoulders, and Alex shook his head.

"James – you can't just approach it like a – hurdle or something. Smile. Act like you actually want to be there"

He ungritted his teeth and took a tentative breath.

"Better" Alex said in approval, and clapped him on the back.

"Good luck Prongs!" Sirius told him.

Lark sat at the Slytherin table, the Daily Prophet open in front of her, a glass of pumpkin juice by her hand. Her dark hair was dishevelled and she looked tired.

"Hi" James said, sliding onto the bench beside her.

It seemed to take a moment for his presence to register and she startled slightly, knocking her pumpkin juice.

"James? You know you're not allowed to be here"

"Right, of course. I was erm – just wondering if you might want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

She raised an elegant eyebrow. James was instantly envious of the control that she was able to exert over them.

"We don't have another Hogsmeade weekend until December" Lark pointed out, starting to smile.

James shrugged. "We don't have to wait for the next Hogsmeade weekend"

"Are you telling me you have a secret way to sneak undetected out of the castle and get to Hogsmeade and you haven't told me?"

"Maybe"

Lark darted a look around and folded the Prophet up before turning back to James. She was still grinning and he started to smile back, something in his chest inflating. She really was lovely. Maybe she hadn't been the person he had wanted first, but now… Lily didn't seem to matter so much anymore. Friendship with her would be just fine. And he and Lark could try – whatever this was.

"Alright. I'll go out and break some rules with you. When were you thinking?"

"Tonight?" he suggested, fingers crossed under the table.

"Nine o'clock?" she asked.

"Excellent"

"I'll come find you" Lark added. "Unless y'know where the Slytherin Common Room is?"

"I do – but you might as well come up to the Gryffindor Common Room. I'll see you tonight" James told her, unable to stop grinning at her.

"Cool". Lark turned back to her toast, and James managed to climb off the bench without falling over.

He was feeling rather proud of himself. James had done the _mature_ thing and he was ready to let go.

* * *

When Lily came back to Gryffindor Tower after the Prefects' meeting, it was nearly nine o'clock, and Lark Rivers was pacing in front of the Portrait Hole. Lily thought she had a pretty good idea who she was waiting for.

The Slytherin Prefect had dispensed with her uniform and she was wearing dark jeans that looked expensive and practical heavy leather boots. A deep green scarf was wrapped round her neck and her hands were shoved deep in the pockets of her fawn coloured coat.

"Hey" Lily said, slinging her bookbag over her other shoulder. "Are you waiting for someone or d'you want to come in?"

Lark looked up and smiled. Her dark eyes were inscrutable, but Lily thought she looked a bit nervous. Something about the set of her mouth.

"I'm fine – I'm just waiting for James"

"Right" Lily frowned. It was late – and Lark was dressed to go outside. They were sneaking out of the castle. Lily felt a pang of something that couldn't possibly be envy because why would she _want_ to sneak out of the castle? It was a terrible idea. Especially sneaking out with _James Potter_ of all people. Him and Lark would probably be caught within five minutes. "Well, have fun" she told the other girl, whispering the password to the Fat Lady and clambering through the entrance. James was waiting on the other side, and she shot him a quick smile.

"Good luck sneaking out of the castle. An Invisibility Cloak will only get you so far"

He looked supremely self-confident. "We'll be fine. And how did you know we're sneaking out?"

Lily gave him a once over. James was also wearing jeans, and a thick knitted jumper under a raincoat.

"Well, I hardly think you're sneaking off for a late night study session in the library" she pointed out.

"Oh" James fidgeted, and she smiled at him.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to rat you out. Lark's a Prefect too y'know"

"Thanks Lily"

She was glad, she decided. Lark was a nice girl and James – James had grown up. They'd do alright together.

"Have fun" she said, clapping him on the shoulder as he passed through the Portrait Hole.

* * *

 ** _A.N. Right, let's see where this goes..._**

 ** _On another note, is this fic getting too long? It's about 300 pages already and it's a little over a third done. That's like 600 more pages, possibly. Would y'all keep reading if it got that long or should I try to cut it down a bit? I just don't want it to get boring... Thanks as always for reading!_ A Rise and Fall _recently passed 20,000 hits, so that's pretty cool. Have a great day everyone.  
_**


	42. Trial and Error

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

The first though that crossed James's mind was that Lark was stupidly, perfectly beautiful. Dark and lithe, she was incredibly different from – nope. He wasn't going to do that, not even in his inner dialogue. Lily was a friend. Nothing more. Back to Lark.

Her wavy brown hair looked shinier than normal, and her signature deep red lipstick had been replaced by something dark and velvety. Her coffee coloured eyes shone and she smiled at him.

"Hi" Lark said. "So how're we getting out of the castle?"

"Ah" James said delicately. "Y'see, erm, well, I'd _love_ to show you it, but I'm afraid the way out is – a secret"

Lark crossed her arms and regarded him evenly. "I see. How's this going to work?"

James took a deep breath and held up a thin strip of black fabric. "Do you trust me?"

* * *

It turned out that steering a blindfolded person while underneath an Invisibility Cloak was trickier than you may think.

They shuffled forward slowly, James holding Lark by her shoulders and directing her towards the statue of the one eyed witch on the third floor.

"Are we there yet?" Lark said, starting to laugh quietly. Her hand came up to rest on one of James's.

"Not quite" James said. There was a flight of stairs in front of them and he halted for a moment. "There's some stairs here, take a step"

Wavering, Lark made it up the stairs, hands holding tight to James.

"Careful!" he said as her foot slipped off a step, and James caught her quickly.

"Nearly there" he told her, spotting the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor.

James tapped the witch's hump with his wand and leaned in close to whisper. " _Dissendium_ "

The hump opened and James was left with the problem of how exactly he was going to get Lark, still blindfolded, into the passage without causing her grievous bodily harm. So far, she'd gone along with this whole scheme gamely.

"Alright, there's a bit of a clamber here and then it's a slide. You'll go first and once you get to the bottom you can take the blindfold off"

"Marvellous" Lark said wryly, accepting James's hand up into the entrance. She let out a short squeak as she slid down the tunnel only to be cut off as she hit the bottom and yanked the blindfold off. "James, you better not have trapped me down here" Lark shouted up at him, and he smiled before following her down the tunnel.

* * *

It was a bit of a walk to the Honeydukes entrance, and the stone tunnel was cold. About half way through, Lark reached over and took his hand, almost absent-mindedly.

"How'd you find this?" she asked, marvelling and running her other hand along the slightly damp stone wall.

"A bit of trial and error" James told her. "And a fair few detentions, to be honest"

Lark's hand was warm and strong, her palm and fingers calloused from holding a Quaffle. They matched up perfectly against James's own, roughed skin to roughed skin.

He could barely see her face in the gloom and didn't want to let go of her hand to light his wand so they walked side by side, connected by their hands. Even her eyes were shadowed.

"Trial and error can be good" Lark said softly. "You can discover nice things"

James shot her a sideways look. She was gazing straight ahead, and he could barely make out the corner of her smile, coated in dark lipstick.

"Like this?" James asked, and her smile grew.

"Yes" she said. "Like this"

* * *

By the time they made it into Hogsmeade it was close to ten o'clock. The Three Broomsticks was still open, and Rosmerta just shot him a tired look when they walked in.

"Oh dear" she sighed. "Who's this and why are you roping her into your illegal activities?"

James slid onto a barstool. "This is Lark, and they're not _illegal_ , Rosie, don't exaggerate. We're breaking one tiny, insignificant school rule"

"Don't call me 'Rosie'" Rosmerta snapped reflexively and James grinned widely at her. It'd been too long since he'd seen her last.

Rosmerta rolled her eyes at James but stuck her hand over the bar. "Nice to meet you, dear. Good luck with this one"

"Thanks" Lark said, smiling. "It's been quite the – adventure – so far"

"Hear that?" James asked smugly. "I'm an _adventure_ "

And so what, if he ignored Rosmerta's all-too-knowing sideways glance as she filled two tankards with Butterbeer. She knew him better than he might like to admit, and she knew enough about Lily to wonder why James had wandered into her bar with a Slytherin girl in tow instead of a red-headed Gryffindor.

Lark smacked him lightly on the shoulder without looking up from her Butterbeer, and Rosmerta cackled.

"I like her" she informed James, starting to polish the brass railings on the bar by hand, her wand lying forgotten on the countertop.

"I haven't been in Hogsmeade at night before" Lark commented. She spun on her barstool so she could peer out into the darkness. The other shops were still lit.

"Well" Rosmerta said, waving her wand lightly and watching as a few rags picked themselves up and started to dust the gleaming bottles behind the bar. "We've got _quite_ the nightlife. Hogwarts' professors are party animals"

"Thanks Rosie" James said hastily, sliding off the barstool and taking Lark's hand. It was nice, how automatic it was. "We'll – just be over there"

Lark followed him towards a booth the corner while Rosmerta called after them. "Oi! No snogging in my nice clean booths, alright?"

James lifted a hand in affirmation and slid into one side of the booth, Lark on the other.

"She's nice" Lark said pensively, sipping her Butterbeer. James was still holding her hand, across the table.

"She's _dreadful_ " James corrected. "But she makes good Butterbeer"

Lark laughed, warm and supple. It sounded like – soft fire. Like candle light.

"How's your team doing? You lot are up against us in the next match" she said.

Beaming, James launched into an enthusiastic account of his new team's merits. If it were anyone else, James would suspect that they were trying to get information out of him – but it was Lark. And she was just so guileless that he couldn't distrust her if he tried. She was the opposite of what he'd always assumed Slytherins were.

Lark was ambitious, without a doubt. She wanted to work her way up through the Ministry, starting with Magical Law and rise to Minister for Magic by her late thirties, changing the Ministry from within. For the better.

Clever? Of course. She excelled in every class she took (with the exception of Potions) and was taking an absurd number of NEWT classes.

But cunning? It just wasn't in her. Lark didn't distrust anyone, and she would never give you cause to distrust her. She was – artless.

She had a bitter, sarcastic side to her, but James didn't often see it. Despite everything in their world that had gone so terribly, horribly wrong, despite her House being associated with the worst of it, she was still kind. She was still hopeful. Being around her gave James hope, and it seemed to him that fostering hope was perhaps even more important than fighting.

* * *

The first snows started to drift over Hogwarts in the last few days of November, gleaming whiteness piling up and up until all you could see was glittering crystals, set ablaze by the winter sun.

Lily was rudely woken by Marlene, who was tugging on her shoulder and dancing from foot to foot.

"Lily it's _snowing_ " she whispered gleefully, giving her an almighty tug and pulling Lily right out of bed.

"Ouch" Lily said, glaring up at her friend. "What time is it? I was going to sleep through my free period. And maybe skip Divination so I have time to finish that essay for Charms"

"It's six thirty" Marlene told her, hauling her to her feet and shoving her towards the window.

The other three girls were already awake and clustered around the thick glassed windows, peering at the shimmering expanse of ice and snow. The Lake was iced over, sullen and blue, and eddies of snowflakes were caught in the breeze around their window.

"It's nearly Christmas!" Camilla squeaked, looking thrilled.

"The season of the enchanted mistletoe" Anna said darkly. She sank down the stone wall until her knees were pulled up under her chin and her mouth turned down. Half sad, half angry.

A chorus of groans rose. The mistletoe – well, no one quite knew who put it up every year. Most students suspected Peeves. Some had their money on Dumbledore. Whoever it was, they hung it up all over the castle with a Permanent Sticking Charm and enchanted it so whoever found themselves underneath it was trapped until they kissed.

It made walking round the castle in December – interesting, to say the least. Last year, to the great amusement of all, Anna had found herself trapped underneath it with Oliver Sands.

"You and Alex should have fun". Marlene nudged Camilla. "He's never had a Hogwarts Christmas"

Camilla nodded, looking faintly uneasy, but she didn't reply and no one seemed to notice.

"I'm going back to bed" Lily said and wandered away from the window. Her bed was cosy and soft and she was able to tone out the murmur by the window until her eyes shut and she fell into a dusky, velvety sleep.

* * *

"Gobstones!" James announced cheerfully, the first Saturday of December. He rattled the box enticingly until Sirius slipped off the couch obligingly and Peter rolled over towards the low table. Remus ignored them, pulling his book up higher to hide his face.

"Ladies?" he asked, looking around. The girls had chosen a group of armchairs by the fireplace, and were quietly doing homework, from time to time wandering over to fetch a fresh cup of tea.

"Sure" Anna said, dropping her quill and sliding over. Lily followed, along with Marlene, but Camilla and Mary remained oblivious.

"Merlin" Anna stretched back, her spine a long curve. "I wish we could go back in time and _murder_ whoever came up with NEWTs"

Busy setting up the Gobstones, James let Sirius respond.

"That's a little violent Rogers" he said mildly.

Anna grinned, all teeth. "Sometimes violence is the only way to solve things"

By the corner of the table, half thrown into shadow, Lily looked quietly unsettled, hand half stretched out as if she wanted to take Anna's arm. Her hand dropped and she tucked her chin down.

"If someone invents time travel" Peter said, rolling one of the Gobstones across the board. "You'll be the first to know"

"Who _did_ invent NEWTs?" Lily asked. She made the next move and whooped as Peter's stone was knocked off the board and he was squirted with foul smelling goop.

"One of the Marshbanks" Sirius said.

"A Marshbank lives near us" Anna commented. "Right nosy old hag"

"Isn't Lark a Marshbank?" Peter asked absently, and James's head jerked up.

He had seen Lark a couple of times since sneaking out to Hogsmeade with her, and each time it had been – comfortable. There were no hidden corners or edges to avoid with her. No secret crooks in her to draw blood.

"Her surname's Rivers" he said carefully.

"How is she?" Lily took a gulp of tea and smiled at James. "I haven't seen her since the last Prefect meeting, did you two have a nice time in Hogsmeade?"

"When did you two go to Hogsmeade?" Marlene had latched onto him, her blue eyes boundless. "The last weekend was a month ago"

That gained Sirius and Peter's attention, and they both stared at him accusingly.

"Did you show her the passage out of the castle?" Sirius whispered.

"No!" James said defensively.

"How'd you get out then?" Peter sounded annoyingly reasonable.

"We _used_ the entrance". James stared at the Gobstones board and fidgeted. "But I maybe – blindfolded her to get her out of the castle?"

There was a rather pregnant pause while the group digested that.

"You" Anna started, her mouth starting to twitch up. "You – _blindfolded_ her, and _smuggled her out of the castle_ for a date?"

"Yep" James said, still staring at the game.

To his relief, Lily started to laugh, nearly spitting out a mouthful of tea.

"Well, that's fun" she said lightly. "I'm sure she'll be rushing for a second date"

"It was mysterious and enigmatic!" James said indignantly.

"Of course". Sirius threw a pillow at him and he caught it, clutching it to his chest and frowning at his friend. "Just what every girl wants on a first date"

It _had_ been nice. Or was Lark just being kind? Maybe it was horrible. Maybe she never wanted to go out with him again. James buried his head in the pillow.

"Oh dear" Lily sighed. "I think you broke him"

He heard her shuffle closer and she patted him on the back in a reassuring sort of way.

"I'm sure she had fun" Lily comforted him. "It sounds like – a very _interesting_ first date. Anyone would've liked it"

James removed his head from the pillow and squinted at her suspiciously.

Anna had busied herself with the Gobstones board and Sirius was making forced conversation with Peter.

"Are you positive?" he asked.

"Quite sure" Lily smiled. " _I_ would've enjoyed it. I mean, apart from the risk of getting caught and tossed out of Hogwarts, yeah"

James sniffed. "The day I get caught sneaking out of Hogwarts is the day the world ends"

"Right" Peter said flatly. "Let's get back to Gobstones, shall we?"

* * *

 ** _A.N. I'm backkkk. Did y'all miss me? The next chapter's a good one, so stay tuned. Please review!_**

 ** _And I've decided I'm just going to write until this_** _behemoth **tells me it's done. Have a good weekend everyone.**_


	43. Mistletoe

**_Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR_**

* * *

Snows drifted higher and higher around Hogwarts, transforming the castle into an ice palace. Even the Whomping Willow, all twisted, snarled branches looked pretty under its icy sheen.

Gradually the school began to fill with Christmas decorations – the dreaded mistletoe covered the walls and ceilings, the suits of armour were festooned with greenery and red ribbons, and even the portraits got into the holiday spirit by hanging jingle bells all over themselves, setting off a clamour of bells whenever the inhabitants moved.

Lily managed to avoid the mistletoe, but she could've sworn Alex and Cami actually sought it out. Whatever issues they'd been having seemed to be solved. They had Potions that day, and she busied herself by dragging bits of her Potions kit out from under the bed, shoving dusty bottles back into her bag and stuffing handfuls of fluxgrass into small pouches.

"You're eager" Marlene commented from her perch on the window seat. She was idly leafing through the Daily Prophet, and Lily squinted at the cover. Something about the French Ministry's ambassador being found to have Death Eater sentiments.

"We're making Felix Felicis today – I can't wait. Anything interesting in the Prophet?"

Marlene flipped the paper towards Lily and sighed. "They're really cracking down on Death Eaters – look at this"

She tossed Lily the newspaper and Lily scanned it quickly.

 ** _Adrienne Bevell, the French ambassador to England, has been connected to a group of Death Eaters –_**

Lily stopped reading. Something about the name seemed familiar – she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Does the name ring a bell to you?" Lily asked, staring at the picture of the witch on the cover. She was pretty – sleek and blonde with a light tan and full lips. She was staring into the camera haughtily, her dark eyes hooded.

Marlene frowned. "I don't know any Adriennes"

Lily snapped her fingers impatiently. "No, no, the surname"

A look of mingled horror and realization came over Marlene's face and she rolled off the window seat, hands fluttering in agitation. Lily still couldn't remember why it was so familiar but Marlene's troubled expression made her drop the newspaper.

"What?" she demanded and Marlene gulped, eyes wide.

"Lily" she said weakly. "Alex's last name is 'Bevell'"

* * *

Camilla had dropped out of Potions and Lily didn't run into her on the way to the dungeons. Her fingers tapped at her leg absently as she made her way through the throngs of students. Her mind tried desperately to process.

 _Think,_ she told herself firmly. _You have to figure this out_.

Alex's dad was British and his mum was French. Lily didn't think she was an ambassador – Cami had never mentioned it. Close relative then? No, that didn't work either, because Bevell would be his _dad's_ surname, unless his mum kept her maiden name and passed it to Alex? It did happen. Maybe an aunt or a cousin.

Lily knocked into someone with her shoulder and didn't look up. Pressing her fingertips to her temples, she winced. She was getting a headache. Suddenly she slammed into some sort of invisible barrier, bouncing off and back.

Lily stared ahead in dawning horror. That fucking mistletoe. She really wasn't in the mood to snog a stranger.

Someone tapped her shoulder, and she looked up, cursing inwardly. James Potter stood above her, looking desperately uncomfortable. Lily didn't know what the odds were of this happening, but they had to be pretty damn slim.

If this had happened a year ago, Lily would've suspected him of lurking under the mistletoe and waiting for her. But he'd changed. There was Lark now, and the fact that he was looking anywhere but her settled it. It was just a really horrible twist of fate.

Lily pulled herself to her feet, grimacing and picked her bag up off the floor.

"Morning James" she said grimly, and he smiled at her weakly.

"Hi"

"I'm late to Potions and I swear, regardless of our friendship, _I will hex you_ if you try to kiss me" she warned.

James locked his hands behind his back and stared up at the ceiling. "Duly noted" he said. "But I dunno how we're going to get out. I don't suppose you have any ideas?"

He was smirking. Just a bit, but Lily plunged her hand into her robes and withdrew her wand, slashing it menacingly. The hands went up and his hazel eyes widened behind his crooked glasses.

"Shit – Lily, I promise, I wasn't making fun" he told her quickly.

There was something warm on her cheek and she swiped at it with her free hand. His frightened expression changed to alarm and he took a slow step forward as Lily dropped her wand hand.

"Are you alright?"

"No" Lily whispered. "Did you see the Prophet?"

Alarm switched to panic. "Is someone-?"

She shook her head hastily. "No, no, sorry. It's – well – the French ambassador. She was arrested for conspiring with Death Eaters"

"So?" James asked.

"Her last name is Bevell"

His face went blank for a second. "Like – Alex?"

Lily nodded, putting her wand away. "Yeah, and I don't want to assume the worst, or anything, I mean, look at Sirius – his family is awful and he's wonderful – but – I don't want any more of my friends hurt"

"Of course" James said, still looking concerned. "It doesn't have to mean anything terrible. It's probably nothing"

She nodded again, trying to reassure herself. That moment of initial panic had faded and she felt a bit silly for breaking down over it.

"Right, you're right. Now, how are we going to get out?"

A group of third year Hufflepuffs waiting for their classroom to open started heckling them.

"Kiss!" one tiny frizzy hair blonde witch whooped. "Kiss!"

A small red haired boy cheered along with her, bouncing up and down on his toes excitedly.

"Oi!" Lily shouted back. "I'm a Prefect and I _will_ dock points, just try me, midgets"

"Abuse of power" James said.

"Bite me" Lily snapped. "I don't know how to get out and I'm late to Potions, fuck"

James knocked on the invisible barrier speculatively. "I'm late to Potions too"

"Have you and Lark been trapped yet?" Lily asked. There was still a hint of annoyance in her voice, and to her dismay, it came out rather bitterly.

"We're not quite at that stage yet" he told her.

"And we are?" Lily yelped, nearly tripping over her own feet.

James rolled his eyes at her. "Relax Evans. I didn't mean it like that"

"Evans" Lily said. He hadn't called her that in – a long time. It was sort of nice, in a way, but it also reminded her of when they were barely civil to each other.

"You haven't called me that in a while"

"Force of habit when we're arguing"

"We're not arguing"

"Right"

Silence fell between them and Lily scuffed at the stone floor with her shoe. She didn't know why she was making such a big deal. It was just a kiss. If it had been Remus or Sirius or Peter, she would've just rolled her eyes and gotten on with it but with James – they had too much between them for a kiss to just be a kiss. Kissing led to – other things.

"Lily?" James said after a minute and she flinched slightly. The bell had rung a moment ago, and the halls were mostly empty.

"Shit" Lily sighed, turning around and squaring her shoulders. "Let's just get it over with"

"That's the spirit" James said dryly and moved closer, into her space. She tensed slightly, she couldn't help it. For a moment, she was reminded of that summer night. Swaying in a darkened kitchen with James, not really dancing just – barely moving in time to music that you could only hear the edges of. That was the last time they'd been this close, physically to each other.

She shut her eyes and leaned forward slightly. This was awful, horrible, she was going to _murder_ whoever put that mistletoe up … Nothing was happening. She opened one eye.

James was fidgeting awkwardly.

"What?" she snapped. "I don't want to fail Potions, but if you do…?"

He didn't say anything but lifted a hand to her cheek – and they were kissing.

Lily felt like she was melting but also like she was hardening, like her bones were turning to ice and steel and her blood to fire. It was a slow, aching give and take. She was freezing and burning all at once and her body was supple, curving naturally towards James – and she pulled away. There was a faint tinkling sound, like glass breaking a very long ways away.

Distantly, she realized she was breathing quickly.

"Right" she said blankly. "Right"

* * *

Lily had hurried off, leaving James standing in the hallway, bookbag by his feet, frozen to the spot.

Someone coughed and he moved and the spell was broken. It was Lark, looking just as frozen.

"Um" she said, avoiding his eyes. "I was looking for you… to walk to Potions together…"

"It was the mistletoe" James said desperately taking a step towards her, but she took one back and held up a hand. Her dark eyes were shining and she blinked quickly a few times.

"Right" she said quietly. "Ok. I'm just – I'm going to go"

James didn't follow her, knowing that she wouldn't want to talk. He knew her well enough for that. She would process things and come to her own conclusion and whether or not that conclusion would show him in a favourable light – well, he wouldn't be able to change that.

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

* * *

Her caldron encompassed the world. Lily breathed in time with the flickering of the flames beneath, and stirred slowly. A spoonful of gold dust followed by a hippogriff feather and a counter-clockwise stir… The dungeon door opened and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Slughorn scurry over to the door to hush the intruder with hissed threats.

It was James.

Lark had arrived after Lily, oddly, cheeks red and eyes shining. There was a hard set to her jaw.

Lily ignored it all. Her potion was starting to gleam, copper coloured smoke rising off the top. Merrily popping bubbles formed and splashed up the sides of the iron pot like goldfish.

She held her breath and tossed in some shaved elder wood. It was funny, almost, she thought, remembering the old witches' proverb.

 _Wand of elder, never prosper._

The elder let off a bit of aromatic smoke before being consumed by the thick gold potion.

"Normally I would save this for seventh year" Slughorn said happily. "But you've been doing admirably – and you're living up to my expectations!"

He peered over Sirius's shoulder. "Except for you, Mr Black" Slughorn snapped. "Why is your potion _bronze_ instead of the clear golden described in your textbook?"

Sirius offered up a cheery grin and Lily hid a smile. "I thought it said it was supposed to be the colour of a Knut?"

"That's the Beauty Potion – on the _next_ page"

Sirius stared at his book. "Whoops" he said. "I might've made that"

Sighing deeply, Slughorn moved on to Lily.

" _Wonderful_ work Miss Evans – have you considered a career in Potions? I have some contacts in the League of Extraordinary Potioneers?"

"Oh" Lily said, slightly flustered. "Thank you sir. I'm not sure what I'll be doing after Hogwarts, actually"

"Well, m'girl!" Slughorn boomed, patting her firmly on the back. "If you ever need any recommendations, just send them to me!"

"Thank you very much" Lily said firmly, turning back to her caldron.

On the other side of her, Lark sniffed quietly, lifting a sleeve to her eye. Lily dropped her spoon and shot a look at the other girl.

"Are you alright?" she murmured.

Lark looked up at her sadly. "I would think you'd know the answer to that"

Fuck. She'd seen her and James – but why hadn't James just _explained_ it to her?

"Listen" Lily said urgently. "We got trapped under the mistletoe – I promise it wasn't intentional. He's a good guy. You shouldn't do anything hasty until he explains. I'm so sorry Lark, we didn't do it to hurt you. I just wanted to get to Potions. It was nothing"

Lark stayed quiet, staring into her caldron. A tear fell in, and the potion turned a muddy silver instantly.

"Shit" Lark swore, stirring the potion once before looking up at Lily. "I know it was the mistletoe" she said quietly. "But – you couldn't see how it looked. Lily – that wasn't just a quick kiss to get to Potions. That was… I don't know what it was, but it wasn't nothing"

Lily flushed, remembering. Heat and ice and melding together – she dropped her eyes.

"I am so sorry" she whispered. "James – there's _history_ between us, and I think that was the conclusion of it. I don't know. I'm confused as hell, but I do know that the two of you – you're good together and you should talk to him"

The other girl nodded slowly. "Thank you. I'll try it". She turned back to her potion, ending the conversation.

* * *

 _ **A.N. What happened to the slow burn? What was that? These characters are unruly and I apologise on their behalf.**_

 _ **On another note, I hope you're all enjoying my holiday Jily fics! If you're not reading them, head over there now and check it out. Thanks for reading!**_


	44. Justice From the Devil

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

Resolving to let James and Lark solve it, Lily hurried out of Potions and sped away to find Camilla. Luckily, she was easy to spot in a crowd. There was a flash of blue hair and Lily caught up to her.

"Cami!"

Camilla's face was unconcerned, and Lily couldn't decide if that was good or bad. Either she hadn't seen the Prophet, or she had, and Alex had explained. Hopefully it was the latter.

"Hi Lily!" the other girl said breezily, giving her a quick hug. "I heard you and James got caught under the mistletoe"

Lily blinked, nonplussed. "How'd you hear about that?"

She tapped the side of her nose mysteriously. "I have my ways"

"Right" Lily said flatly. "Anyways, did you see the Prophet?"

Camilla shook her head. "No, what's wrong?"

Digging in her bag for a moment, Lily fetched out a rather crumpled copy of that morning's Prophet.

Camilla stared at it uncomprehendingly for a moment, pale slender fingers tracing the thick black letters.

"Bevell?" she asked, confused. "That's Alex's name"

"Is Adrienne his mother?" Lily asked her gently. She took Camilla's elbow and steered her into a quieter corridor.

"No" Camilla whispered. "Adrienne – that's his sister"

"Maybe he hates her" Lily offered, sounding hopeless even to herself.

"They're really close" Camilla said dully, balling up the newspaper. "Before she became an ambassador she would visit Alex every weekend at Beauxbatons"

"Maybe he doesn't know?"

Camilla's blue hair swung and Lily realized that what she took for sadness on Camilla's face was actually anger, her jaw clenched tight and her eyes hard and cold as black iron.

"How d'you keep something like this from someone you love?" she asked, and Lily heard the unspoken question underneath.

 _How did he trick me like this?_

"Cami, I'm sorry" she said helplessly. And she was. She'd seen too many of her friends hurt and Camilla – brave, lovely Camilla who gave up her heart so joyfully was about to be broken.

Camilla shook her head again, and black threads of colour crept through the lapis blue of her hair. Lily leaned back, startled as the other girl seemed to grow taller. It wasn't an illusion, in a moment, she was taller than Lily. The Metamorphmagus thing always surprised Lily.

"Um" Lily said hesitantly, reaching out to put a hand on her arm.

Cami shook her off. "Thanks Lily" she said, her voice brittle. "But I have to find Alex"

* * *

The next time Lily saw Camilla was late that night, stumbling into the dorm. There was a strange orange mark on one of her high cheekbones and a burn mark on her arm, and Marlene noticed it with a noise that sounded like a scalded cat.

"Well that was fun" Camilla said tiredly, falling face first into her bed.

"Cami!" Marlene hissed, scrambling across the beds and stepping on Mary's head. Mary woke up with a groan, and tossed a pillow at Anna until they were all awake and sitting on Camilla's bed.

"Did that bastard _hit_ you?" Lily demanded, tilting Camilla's chin up and inspecting the orange mark carefully, before turning her attention to the burn.

Camilla shook her head. "I cursed him first" she said with a certain grim satisfaction. "He won't be able to get rid of those devil's horns for a while"

It did, Lily thought, have a certain poetic justice.

"Duelling?" Marlene said.

"I was very, very pissed off"

"What happened?" Mary whispered, scooting closer to Camilla. Her hands fluttered over the other girl's thin shoulders like she wanted to hug her but wasn't sure how it'd be received.

"It turns out" she said heavily. "That I've been dating a fucking _blood supremacist_ since July. Him and his sister – they're in cosy with some Death Eaters. He thought I might like to come over to the _dark side_ or something – the idiot"

Lily blinked, thrown for a second. "Was that a Star Wars reference?"

Camilla glowered at her. "Sorry" Lily said hastily.

Anna was frowning. "Camilla – I'm sorry and all that, but how come he's been hanging out with us? I mean, Mary's a halfblood and Lily's family is as Muggle as they come"

Cami shrugged and leaned against Mary, yawning. "Dunno. Maybe he thought I was an easy mark. Or maybe he thought by being with me he'd get close enough to some Muggleborns to off them"

Lily swallowed and pointed her wand at the door, locking it magically. Just in case. There was a sick twisting sensation in her heart, like her internal organs were being balled up and wrenched out of her. Alex had seemed so – decent. He was kind to Cami and he studied with them in the library and Lily just couldn't fathom _why_.

"And he hexed you?" Marlene asked, feathering her fingers across the angry burn.

"I cursed him first. His was self-defence" Camilla insisted. "At least we know he's not sexist"

"How does hexing you prove he's not sexist?" Lily asked sceptically.

Camilla lifted her chin. The light threw the sharp lines of her face into harsh relief, the strange orange mark like another shadow.

"He respected me enough to consider me a worthy opponent"

Marlene whistled. "No, it means he's an asshole. You should tell someone"

"And what would I say?" Camilla demanded. "'Yeah, I cursed my boyfriend but he hexed me back, the bastard!'"

"Maybe something like 'I found out my boyfriend is a Death-Eater-in-training so I cursed him and then he attacked me'?" Lily suggested. She felt very heavy, and she couldn't quite imagine how tired Camilla must feel. Betrayal just made you want to curl up and sleep forever.

Camilla yawned again. "I don't know" she said softly. The bravado was gone from her voice and she suddenly looked very small. Coat hanger collar bones. "I'll do something in the morning" she murmured. "I just want to sleep"

* * *

The dorm was empty and cold when James arrived, and he slumped onto his bed. He'd really messed up. The look on Lark's face… He knew why. It wasn't the fact that he'd kissed Lily – she understood about the mistletoe. But it hadn't been just a simple kiss, and Lark had seen and understood that. He wanted to talk to her but he hadn't been able to find her after Potions, and that was the only class they had together today.

Sighing, he pulled out a small mirror from the pocket of his robes. It was about the size of his palm, and there were a few scratches on the silver surface.

"Sirius Black" he said loudly, and the mirror fogged over briefly, before Sirius's grinning face appeared.

"Prongs! What's up?"

"Have you seen Lark?" James asked. There was a nervous knot of tension in his chest.

Sirius shrugged. "I haven't seen her since Potions, something wrong?"

"Well" James said awkwardly, looking away. "She might've – er – found me kissing Lily"

For a moment, Sirius looked utterly shocked. If it were a different situation, James might've appreciated the moment more. He snapped his fingers in front of the mirror, startling Sirius out of it.

"You _what_?" Sirius said loudly. James winced.

"It was the enchanted mistletoe"

"That makes more sense" Sirius said, and shook his head forcefully. "Yeah, I was worried someone was impersonating Lily for a moment, mistletoe makes more sense"

James scowled at him. It had been – he didn't really know how it had been. It had been fleeting and ephemeral and James was trying to ignore the way it brought up old emotions. He was failing miserably. Lily had been so warm in his arms, like she was a few degrees hotter than everyone else. Her bare skin had burned with fever warmth.

"Prongs?" Sirius said, and James jerked out of his reverie, running a hand through his hair and straightening his glasses.

"Right – yeah, sorry. I haven't seen Lark since and I tried to explain, but-"

The other boy whistled lowly. "Lark seems – understanding, but I think anyone would be a bit pissed to find their boyfriend snogging another girl under the mistletoe"

"We didn't snog" James protested. "Anyways, I need to find her"

"Give it time, mate" Sirius advised. "She'll come round"

James nodded and Sirius waved his hand over his mirror, dissolving the connection.

The dormitory door opened and Alex hurried in. There was something – strange protruding from the top of his head. Like horns. And something that looked like red paint was splashed across the front of his robes – James looked closer. The red marks spelled out 'LIAR' in thick, angry letters.

"Alex?" James jumped to his feet and hurried over to steer Alex to his bed. "What the hell happened?"

"Camilla" the other boy said heavily, conjuring a handkerchief and starting to wipe at the front of his robes. The horns sprouting from the top of his head were tall and spiralling, made of dark bone. Devil's horns, James realized.

" _Camilla_?" James asked incredulously. "Tiny thing, blue hair, about as tall as your shoulder?"

"Camilla who's very good at DADA" Alex corrected.

"What – what-?" James was at a loss for words. Cami was one of the sweetest people he knew. She wasn't a pushover, she was just – kind.

Alex looked rather shifty.

"Was it about that thing in the Prophet?"

"Adrienne's my sister" Alex blurted out.

"D'you agree with her?" James spoke quietly. He wasn't close to Alex, but he was a good Keeper and he was a nice guy. James really didn't want him to be a Death Eater supporter.

Alex hesitated and James held his breath. There was something in Alex's face, like shifting shadows, subtly transforming his expression.

"We shouldn't have to hide" Alex said quietly. "And if getting rid of a few Muggles is the way to do that – well, it'll be worth it. And Muggleborns shouldn't even exist – it's not right. That magic shouldn't belong to them, it should belong to witches and wizards"

James interrupted, hands clenched into fists. "Did you tell Camilla all this?" he asked. He didn't quite want to speak – maybe if he just didn't hear anything else it would all go away…

"Yes" Alex said.

"Well then" James said tightly. "I'm surprised you're not more of a mess. You should leave. Now"

"You're a pureblood" Alex argued. "You should be helping us – not crawling in the mud-"

BAM.

James's fist connected with Alex's unmarked cheek, the impact stinging through his knuckles and up along his forearm like electricity. Alex rocked back on his heels, his face dark red and his eyes shadowed.

"Go" James said. "Unless you want to join your sister in Azkaban"

Without saying a word, Alex sneered but turned on his heel and left. James stood in the middle of the empty dormitory, breathing quickly, his knuckles smarting.

* * *

December passed quickly. Before James quite knew what had happened, term was ending and people were planning visits home.

Lark and him – well, he'd explained, and she'd understood. Or said she had. There was some sort of gap in their communication that hadn't been there before, and unfair as it was, James found himself blaming Lily. So he avoided her, and it seemed like she was avoiding him as well. It would work out, eventually, he hoped.

He bent over his Transfiguration essay but looked up when someone slid into the seat next to him. Outside, it was snowing and he'd holed up in an empty classroom with his homework and a cup of tea Summoned from the kitchens.

It was Lark – cheeks and nose red with cold, eyes shining.

"Hey" she said, kissing his cheek quickly before pulling off her damp gloves and taking his hands in hers.

"Shit, you're freezing" James gasped at her cold hands. "Where were you?"

"Down by the Forest. Professor Merrythought's roped Hagrid into his insane chimera scheme, I'm conducting – damage control"

James let go of one one her hands to pull his wand out and mutter a Heating Charm. Warmth blossomed through them, like they were connected, and Lark shivered with pleasure.

"I'm rubbish at Heating Charms" she sighed as he took her other hand back.

"I know" he smiled.

"Are you going home for the holidays?" she asked, pulling out a roll of parchment from her bag and dipping a quill into James's open pot of ink.

James rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. "Yeah, Sirius and Peter are both going home, so I'm going too"

"Me too, we're going to visit my cousins in Scotland" Lark told him, busy scribbling away.

"Nice" James said absently. He hadn't been home for the holidays since third year, and he was looking forwards to Christmas in Godric's Hollow.

They lapsed into silence as they worked, from time to time peering over one another's shoulders to offer suggestions or changes. It was comfortable, James thought. Like they thought with one mind.

Much as he was looking forwards to the holidays, he was concerned about Sirius. He hadn't been back to his house for Christmas – ever, but his parents were insisting. It made James suspicious.

"I've got to run" Lark said regretfully, an hour later. "Quidditch practise. I'll come find you before we leave tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure" James said, kissing her quickly.

* * *

 ** _A.N. Ohhh what a twist. Please review!_**


	45. Not a Care in the World

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

Lily and the other girls had all put their names down to stay. Anna had flatly refused to go home, as had Camilla. ("I'm certainly not going home, Alex's house is right next to mine" Camilla said staunchly. Because no one could really _prove_ that he was an awful, terrible, no good, very bad person, he hadn't been kicked out of the exchange program, but apparently he was leaving after Christmas of his own volition. Unfortunately he would be spending Christmas with his parents. Who lived next to Camilla).

So, in a show of solidarity, the other three decided to stay with them.

"It'll be awesome" Marlene predicted gleefully. "Most everyone else is going home this year – it'll just be us and a few seventh years"

"And Remus" Mary said. "I dunno why he's not going home"

"The more the merrier" Lily said firmly, slinging an arm round both Mary and Marlene.

Camilla started humming 'God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs' loudly, until Anna flung a pillow at her.

"Dumbledore's not doing a Yule Ball this year, right?" Marlene asked. She yawned and fell back on her bed. The group of them had holed up inside their dormitory with plates of scones pilfered from breakfast and a pot of tea. Fuzzy pyjamas had been found, and it reminded Lily of building the pillow fort over the summer, grey, rain sodden light creeping in.

"Nah" Lily said. She poured herself another cup of tea. "And I'm glad – d'you know how many vomiting fourth years I had to deal with? James spiked the punch, the git"

A careful silence fell, and Lily looked around, confused.

"What _is_ up with you and James?" Camilla asked. Waving her wand lazily, she levitated a scone from the plate across the room and caught it neatly, taking a bite.

"Nothing?" Lily was still confused. Nothing _was_ up with them. They'd kissed, Lark had been upset, Lark and James had sorted themselves out, and she and James were back to friendship.

"Mm hmm" Marlene sounded unconvinced.

"From what I heard" Anna added, tossing a packet of butter to Camilla. "Your little rendezvous under the mistletoe made Lark _very_ upset"

Lily swallowed guiltily. Lark was nice. They were friends – sort of. They talked to each other at Prefect meetings and sometimes Lily helped her with Potions.

"Well" she said briskly, trying to change the subject. "We just wanted to get to Potions"

Camilla studied her carefully for a moment, brow furrowing as she gazed at Lily. "Alright" she said suddenly, turning away.

"Camilla" Lily said sternly. "It won't work"

"What won't work?" Cami asked innocently. Anna snickered into her tea.

Lily gestured at her vaguely, using a scone as a pointer. "This whole – thing you do, where you pretend to drop a subject and then keep talking about it in a sneaky manner"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Camilla said loftily. " _You_ seem to be the one that keeps bringing it up"

Lily sighed and went back to her scone. At least Camilla seemed to be coping well, after the Alex fiasco. She seemed – strangely blasé about the whole affair. Almost breezy. Lily just couldn't tell if it was an act or not. (James was very upset about it. He spent a half hour ranting to Lily about the difficulties of finding a new Keeper this late in the season)

"Alright" she said. "Never mind"

* * *

On Christmas Eve, Sirius arrived at the house in Godric's Hollow soaked with snow and shivering. His hands were bare and empty and James wasted no time in pulling him inside and shoving him into a chair by the fire.

"What happened?" he demanded, wrestling the damp wool coat off of Sirius.

"My parents"

James knew that Sirius's parents were not exactly – _good_ people but Sirius didn't like to talk about them and James didn't like to pry. Whatever happened must've been really bad.

Sirius was staring broodingly into the fire, tendrils of wet hair plastered to his pale face. He was still shivering.

"What'd they do?" James asked quietly, tossing a knitted throw from the couch over Sirius.

"Apparently" Sirius said, bitterly. "It's time for me to start behaving like a proper Black"

"Which means?"

James was drumming his fingers on his chair arm nervously, not taking his eyes off of Sirius's face. His friend's normally sparkling black eyes were empty.

"I'm to stop associating with you lot, for one. You're a bad influence"

"Granted" James acknowledged. "What else?"

The corner of Sirius's mouth lifted. "They didn't exactly specify but I'm given to understand that there'll be a lot of lurking about in a dark cloak and looking threatening"

"Sounds charming"

"I thought so. But afterwards the expectation is that I'll follow cousin Bella's illustrious footsteps"

"And become a Death Eater" James finished flatly.

Sirius dropped the half smile and looked straight at James. He was unexpectedly vulnerable looking, his jaw set in the way that he had to keep himself from looking scared.

"I left" he said. "I just – left. I can't stay there James, not anymore. I can't _listen_ to them – what if I start believing it? What if I start believing everything they do – believing Lily doesn't deserve to live, and Mary's dad doesn't, and-"

James leaned out and grabbed his arm, forcing Sirius to look back at him.

"Nope" he said firmly. "It's not going to happen. Sirius – you're one of the best and bravest people I know, alright? You'll stay with us for the rest of the holiday and we'll figure out the rest later"

Sirius hesitated, lifting a hand to push his damp hair back. "I dunno…"

"Mum and Dad will be pleased to have you" James argued. "Look – it's Christmas Eve and I'm not letting you go back to your horrible family"

Sirius looked over at the huge Christmas tree in the corner, decked with lights and ornaments.

"Alright" he said finally. "I'll stay"

"Great!" James said brightly. "I'll be right back"

Leaving Sirius by the fire with a cup of tea summoned from the kitchen, James hurried off to Euphemia Potter's study and tapped on the door.

"Jamie?"

His mum opened the door quickly. She was a bit – frazzled looking. Her silver shot hair was sticking up like she'd been running her hands through it and her eyes were wild.

"What're you doing, still up? It's Christmas Eve, dear!"

"Sirius is here" James told her, and watched her expression fall into worry.

"Poor thing… is he alright?"

James wasn't sure.

"I'm not sure" he said, and she sighed.

"He'll stay with us for the rest of holiday, yeah?"

"I convinced him"

"Good" Euphemia said distractedly, sticking one hand in her hair. "Good. I'd better – presents. Tomorrow's Christmas for god's sake. Presents!"

She shut the door on James and he blinked, rocking back on his heels.

Sirius was still in the living room, staring into the fire when he got back.

"Hi" James said tentatively, not quite sure what to say. He'd never experienced Sirius's situation. From the moment he understood what love was, he knew that his parents loved him very much. Sirius had never had that, and James didn't know how to help him.

"Hi" Sirius replied, quietly. "'D your parents want me to go?"

James shook his head frantically. "Of course not, idiot. My mum's delighted. Y'know she loves you"

"You have great parents" Sirius said. They were quiet for a while as the snow danced on the other side of the window panes, tiny crystals catching the light from the fireplace.

A few minutes later, Trixie the house elf trotted out, bearing a plate of iced gingerbread cookies.

"Master Sirius!" she gasped, sinking into a bow. James rescued the biscuits quickly. "Trixie is very glad to sees you, sir. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas" Sirius said, grinning at the little elf. "It's good to see you Trixie"

Trixie coloured and snatched the plate of biscuits back from James, her large ears turning pink.

"Thank you sir" she squeaked, offering him the plate.

" _I_ never get bows" James grumbled, and Trixie dimpled.

"Master James is not deserving of bows from Trixie"

James gasped. "How dare you!"

Trixie shook her head, smiling and trundled back to the kitchen.

"It'll be ok" he said, after a moment, shooting an anxious glance at Sirius. "We'll figure it out, ok, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled crookedly. "Merry Christmas Prongs"

* * *

Lily's Christmas was uneventful. Her parents sent her a new set of dress robes and a potions book she'd been wanting and she and the other girls exchanged small presents with each other. On Christmas Eve, they dragged Remus into their dormitory for an ill-advised round of Firewhiskey-fuelled Truth or Dare which finished with Marlene climbing up the Astronomy Tower in a fit of tipsy bravado and breaking into the storage cabinet to change all the positions on the professor's star charts.

"Merry Christmas" Lily toasted, finally. She sat cross legged on her bed and flopped back. "Here's hoping that the new year will be better than the last"

"It wasn't that bad" Mary said lazily, before looking at Anna guiltily.

"No" Anna said quietly. "It wasn't that bad at all"

There was a soft, sad look on her face, like she was remembering something very far away. Last Christmas had been the Yule Ball, and she and Artemis had been one of the last couples on the dance floor.

Lily swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat, and pulled the cover up.

"Night everyone"

Camilla put out the lights, and the dormitory was steeped in friendly darkness.

* * *

 _ **A.N. I banged this out this morning as a quick Christmas present for y'all so it's pretty short, sorry. I hope you're all having a lovely day, whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, or nothing at all.**_

 _ **If you want more Christmassy goodness and you haven't already found it, head over to my collection of Christmas Jily fics, '** That First Christmas **'**  
_

 _ **As always, thanks for reading.**_


	46. The Marauder's Map

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

The next morning, on Boxing Day, Lily ran into someone as she was coming back from the library. Her mouth went dry and she took one, two, three stagger-steps back. She'd seen Snape during lessons, of course, and during one particularly horrible Potions lesson when Slughorn paired them up, but she hadn't talked to him in months.

"Merry Christmas" Severus said abruptly, staring at his feet.

"Merry Christmas Se- Snape" Lily said slowly, not sure what to do.

"Are you ok?" he asked. He looked up at her, and Lily couldn't read his dark eyes. She'd always been able to tell what he was thinking.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I heard about that boy from Beauxbatons"

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I just thought he might've been – rude to you"

"Like you?" Lily snapped, stung. Sev had given up whatever right he had to comment on her life a long time ago.

Snape hesitated. "Lily – it's Christmas. Don't you think you could-"

"No" Lily said tightly. "No"

Without looking back, she gripped the handle of her bag more tightly, and hurried towards Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

Things returned returned to normal, (mostly) after the Christmas break. James had managed to extract a reluctant promise from Sirius that he'd be staying with the Potters for the summer, but other than that, they hadn't talked much about Sirius's flight from Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

They also hadn't told either Remus or Peter about it – James suspected that Sirius was simply pretending it hadn't happened and he went along with it, figuring it was his friend's business how he dealt with it.

Despite Sirius's family troubles, Alex's betrayal, and the mistletoe incident, it was good to be back at Hogwarts. Lark was there for one, and she lent a certain steadiness to his days with her quiet presence. They spent quiet days in the library together, and sometimes they would go skating on the Lake in the afternoons, gloved hands holding tight to the other.

It was good to have that certainty as they moved into the new year.

Lily was a constant presence too. James had told himself sternly that _it wasn't her fault,_ and in the wake of their _encounter_ under the mistletoe they'd developed an easy, teasing camaraderie. It was the exact opposite of what James's would've assumed that would happen.

He thought they would've gone back to being uneasy acquaintances.

So it was rather surprising for James to realize that it had all worked out alright. No one hated him. His friends were alright. Sirius was ok, and Camilla seemed to have blocked all remembrance of Alex from her mind, which was, ok, kinda weird, but if it worked for her, James wasn't complaining. He just needed to find a new Keeper.

He was holding tryouts next week, but he wasn't holding his breath. Alex had been the only decent player when he assembled the team for the first time and now he was left hoping that someone had magically improved, or someone else had decided to try out. Either way, the odds didn't look good.

On the first Monday back, he ran smack into Gideon Prewett on the way to Defence Against the Dark Arts and nearly jumped up and down from excitement.

"Of course!" he exclaimed, seizing Gideon by the shoulders and dancing around with him. "I'm an _idiot_!"

Gideon looked slightly perturbed, but not as much as James might've expected. Perhaps living with Fabian Prewett lessens your capacity for confusion.

"Er – James?"

"Quidditch!" James said loudly, starting to spin in a circle, still holding onto Gideon.

"What-"

"I've lost my Keeper and you're a _brilliant_ Keeper! You'll try out, yeah?"

"Oh – James, I don't know" Gideon hedged, prying James's hands off his shoulders and picking up his dropped book bag.

"Go on" James cajoled. "Gryffindor _needs_ you"

"Ok…" Gideon said hesitantly, and James brightened.

"Excellent. Try outs are on Monday"

"Right" Gideon said weakly, watching James leave.

* * *

Lily was torn between surprise and amusement as Camilla peered through a shrub at a couple sitting by the Lake.

"Merlin, they must be freezing!" her friend said.

"Cami, I thought we were going back to the castle"

Camilla flapped her hand impatiently. "Shh. Just a moment Lily, I'm _lurking_ "

"Of course" Lily sighed. At least Camilla was keeping busy, although spying on innocent classmates was perhaps not a healthy activity.

"D'you know who it is?" There was a grin in Camilla's voice as she spoke.

"Who?" Lily asked.

"James and Lark!"

"And they're just _sitting_ there?"

Camilla nodded. "I _know_. They're just holding hands! It's so sweet!"

Lily sighed again. "Can we please go?"

"Fine" Camilla grouched, extricating herself from the shrub. "But goodness Lily, you never told me James was such a gentleman!"

" _You_ dated him for a month! Not me!" Lily said, exasperated as they started the slow, snowy trek up to the castle.

"That's right" Camilla sounded vaguely surprised. "I'd forgotten about that. There wasn't much - talking to be honest"

Lily grimaced.

"Maybe he's matured" her friend continued thoughtfully.

"Well, yeah" Lily pointed out. "We're friends now, of course he's changed"

"Or you've changed" Camilla suggested.

That was an unsettling thought. Of course Lily had changed over the past year, they all had. Changed and twisted and mutated to survive, but deep down, she hadn't _really_ changed, had she? Maybe she and James had both changed and the resulting differences in their personalities were enough that they could be civil with one another.

"That's a possibility" Lily allowed. "Or maybe it's Lark"

"What?"

"Maybe… now that he likes someone other than me we can really be friends"

"You were friends before that. And then you made out"

Lily struggled to come up with something to say to that.

"How's your Divination essay coming?" she asked finally, and Camilla just _smirked_.

* * *

Complicated friendships aside, sixth year was _hard_. Lily was doing ok with non-verbal spells, and she continued to shine in Potions, but she wasn't at all sure about Divination. It wasn't as if the subject really mattered – almost no jobs needed NEWTs in Divination, but failure bothered her, and the esoteric subject matter didn't make anything easier. History of Magic was as boring as ever, but she managed to push through – averaging Es on her papers and tests.

It was a long winter that year, the snows lingering longer than normal, and the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall remaining grey and stormy well into April.

There wasn't much time for friends, really. It was difficult. The sixth year Gryffindors were busy studying, and Lily only saw her friends at meals, or at night. Sometimes she would say hello in the library, but the workload left them all tired.

Peter Pettigrew accosted her after Charms one day.

"Lily!" he said, looking relieved.

"Hi Peter" she said distractedly. She scanned a parchment list of assignments and placed a checkmark next to the Charms essay.

"Ineedhelp" he said, all in a rush, and Lily looked up. She narrowed her eyes at Peter. He looked anxious.

"What's the matter?"

"There's a girl"

"A _girl_?"

"You don't need to sound so surprised" Peter sounded vaguely affronted. They kept walking, slowly.

"Sorry"

"S'alright. Her name's Hallie, she's a fifth year, and she's a Hufflepuff"

"What're you coming to me, for?" Lily asked, slightly nonplussed. She'd never actually had a romantic relationship of any kind. She was always too busy, and she'd never seen the point, if she was being honest. There was time for that outside of Hogwarts.

"You're nice" Peter said pathetically and Lily made an exasperated face at him.

"Alright. How long have you liked her for?"

Peter hesitated. "Since the holidays"

Lily laughed, a little bitterly. "Does she like you?"

"I dunno"

"Well, ask her. Don't phrase it like that though. Tell her you like her and see what she says"

"What if she doesn't like me?"

"Plenty of fish in the sea, Peter"

Lily hurried on, leaving Peter standing in the hallway looking a little lost.

 _Relationships._ The idea didn't necessarily frighten her, but she was definitely wary of them.

 _Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a child,_ Lily mused. _I'll be fine. I'm just too busy right now. I could have a relationship if I wanted_.

The next person she ran into was James, who was grinning like a lunatic.

"Hi" she said, falling into step with him.

"Hello!"

"How much coffee have you had James?"

"None!"

"Then why- "

Lily turned to gesture vaguely at him. He looked a little – overexcited.

"We're going to win the Quidditch Cup!"

"That's great, James" she told him, smiling despite herself.

His hair was messier than normal and his glasses were smudged with fingerprints. There was a smear of mud on one cheekbone, and without thinking about it, she reached up to brush it away. He flinched back and she dropped her hand hastily.

"Sorry – you have some dirt – just – there"

James rubbed at his face impatiently. "Gideon is _much_ better than Alex"

"Well it's lovely to know he isn't a bigoted blood purist"

"No, no" James said, waving his hands. "Don't be an idiot. He's a better Keeper. I don't give a damn about his political leanings"

"That's a lie" Lily accused, and didn't notice him watching her closely out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah" he agreed. "It is"

"I miss talking to you" she told him and he smiled back at her.

"I miss talking to you too. I miss talking to everyone, these days. No one talks anymore. We're all too busy"

"NEWT work _sucks_ "

* * *

Lily said the very same thing that Lark had said just a few months back, and hearing those familiar words in that familiar voice was strange.

James had to pause for a second to regain his balance, running his hands through his already windswept hair.

"It does. I only got about four hours of sleep last night – that essay for McGonagall is taking forever" he said, trying to sound unconcerned.

He'd said something to Lark about only having two more years left. He wasn't going to say the same thing to Lily.

Lily's eyes brightened for a minute. "I finally finished that one this morning! It was awful"

He _had_ missed talking to her. Talking to Lily was an easy give and take. It was a dance that he knew most of the steps to, and even when he tripped, she was there to offer him a hand up. He was glad they'd become friends.

"Who d'you think will be the Head Boy and Girl next year?" he asked her, and she frowned.

"Remus, probably. And I bet Lark will get it – she's one of the top in our year"

"Not in Potions" James pointed out, and a crease appeared between Lily's eyes.

"She's getting better"

The two of them fell silent as they arrived outside Professor Hawthorne's classroom.

They were a little early, but absolutely no one else was there, not even in the halls. Lily's footsteps echoed in the emptiness as she turned around slowly.

"James" she said. "Where is everyone?"

James rapped on the classroom door and pulled it open when no one responded. Empty.

He followed Lily as she hurried down the corridor, black robes trailing in her wake.

"I don't see anyone" he said, his heart starting to race. Once upon a time, empty corridors and classrooms wouldn't be a cause for alarm. But these days… you paid attention to everything, because it could be the difference between dying and surviving.

"We were just walking… where did everyone go?"

They retraced their steps back down the corridor, into one of the busiest halls. A lone Ravenclaw Prefect, Theo Nartsbore was hurrying down it, and when she saw them she broke into a headlong sprint.

"Why" she panted, massaging a stitch in her side. "Aren't you both in your Common Room?"

Lily took her by the elbow. "Theo, what the hell? We were on our way to class, where is everyone?'

"Attack" Theo said, still gasping for air. "Attack in Hogsmeade. Inferi – the teachers have gone down to help fight until the Aurors arrive – everyone is supposed to be in their Common Rooms!"

 _Inferi_. The very act of creating an Inferius was a desecration. They were abominations and Voldemort wasn't squeamish about making more.

It was, Lily thought, sickened, like a cheesy zombie film, but this was real life, and it was terrifying.

She let go of Theo's arm and brought a hand to her mouth. Her stomach roiled. How horrible it must be, to see people you loved and lost – family, friends, neighbours – brought back in a parody of life.

"Shit" Lily said, very, very quietly.

"Hurry up, I still have to tell Professor Slughorn's second year Potions class"

James gave Theo a quick nod and Lily and James started down the hallway again.

"James we're going the wrong way" Lily hissed, and then let out a muffled yelp when James pulled her into an alcove.

James took a deep breath and looked her right in the eyes. Hers – grass green and clear, were cold and bright.

"You want to fight"

It wasn't a question and Lily didn't hesitate before responding.

"Of course"

 _This is a terrible idea_ , James thought, even as he reached into his bag. _An awful, terrible, horrible idea. You didn't even show Lark this, and she's your girlfriend! Why the_ _ **hell**_ _are you showing Lily?_

Luckily, James was good at ignoring the whole concept of 'common sense'. He pulled out the Map, (or the yellowed bit of parchment that would _become_ the map) and touched his wand to the surface lightly.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good"

Lily sucked in her breath as inky lines thin as spider webs began to crawl across the parchment, weaving themselves into familiar shapes.

"What the _hell_?"

She ghosted her fingertips across it, eyes fixed on it. In lovely ornate script, words started to appear.

 _Mr Prongs would like to offer his compliments to Miss Evans, and if she would allow him the liberty, he'd also like to say that her hair looks especially nice today._

 _Mr Padfoot agrees with Mr Prongs's assessment of Miss Evans's hair, and he would also like to politely inquire if Mr Prongs has lost his tiny little mind._

 _Mr Moony and Mr Wormtail concur with Mr Padfoot. They too wish to know if Mr Prongs has 'lost his tiny little mind'._

Lily's hand jumped to her hair and she laughed to herself quietly.

He folded up the map hastily before gazing across at her. James wished he could see her expression. He wondered if she was impressed.

Then she looked up, and he grinned at her.

"This is… really impressive magic"

"Thanks"

"You used the Homonculous Charm, right?"

"Yeah" James said, surprised. "How did you know?"

Lily shrugged, turning her attention back to the map. "You couldn't have made it otherwise. But I've heard your mates call you Prongs – so what's up with the map?"

"Well" James said delicately, shifting from foot to foot. "Y'know how the Sorting Hat works, right? The Founders all sort of – put a bit of themselves in it?"

"Right" Lily said slowly, frowning.

"We did the same thing with the map"

"That's quite clever really" Lily said. "And the nicknames…?"

"Long story"

She seemed to accept that, and fell silent.

He unfolded the map, pointing out their tiny labels, and then showing her the passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor.

"It leads to Hogsmeade" he told her, letting her make up her own mind.

Again, she didn't hesitate, and something about that made James want to hug her tightly and never let go.

"Let's go" Lily said simply, and dropped her bag at her feet.

* * *

Hogsmeade's sky was filled with fire. In the wizarding world, there were twenty four spells for fire alone, and it looked like most of them were being used. Fire that shone diamond white and looked just as hard; blue flames that roiled like the sea; purple ones that made James think of the twilight sky… Ropes and clouds and spears of fire, all edged round by walls of conflagration. Here and there, pillars of flame stood in Hogsmeade's high street, some still staggering for a moment before falling. The cobblestones were dotted with dark blood, smeared by footsteps and James spotted what he thought was a heap of rags before it raised a trembling, bloody hand.

And the Inferi… they were shrunken skeletal beings that moved slowly but relentlessly. In a way, it was easier. If they'd simply looked like fresh corpses, James was sure that not many people would be able to attack them.

There were so many of them. At least a hundred were shambling in a wavy, unorganized way towards the witches and wizards of Hogsmeade. The Hogwarts teachers were easily recognizable, and James saw McGonagall, Hawthorne, Tallhart, Sprout and Madam Pomfrey hurling curses and spells at the creatures.

Leaning out the second floor window of the Three Broomsticks was Madam Rosmerta, who dropped a barrel of Firewhiskey to the cobblestones, drenching several of the Inferi in the alcohol before bellowing something and directing a stream of purple fire towards the creatures. She cackled before shooting spears of red fire out of her wand at the encroaching hoard.

James was about to turn to Lily and suggest that perhaps they ought to go back, he really didn't fancy dying on a Tuesday, thank you very much, when he heard her shout.

" _Incendio Tria_!"

A gout of flames as blue as Camilla's hair shot out the end of her wand and encircled the group of Inferi behind them like a strange snake. One reached out an emaciated hand and stumbled forwards, before James shot a Flagrante Curse at the cobblestones. The Inferius let out an unearthly shriek and it toppled back into the sapphire flames.

When he looked at Lily, she seemed more alive in a direct contrast to the death surrounding them. Her hair flew around her face like more fire and her eyes flashed wildly, matching the green fire blossoming from her outstretched wand. She had never seemed as vital as she did then.

"Nice one, James!" she called, and incredulous, he realized that she was _grinning_.

Of course she was.

A few of the townspeople abandoned the fight to begin to cast fireproofing charms on their homes and businesses while the rest of them fought on, turning the ground beneath their feet to coals and the air to fire that seared the lungs if you got too close.

He spotted Professor McGonagall neatly surround a cluster of Inferi with a lasso of fire and dispatch them with a quick wave. A wizard James sometimes saw working at Honeydukes went down screaming under a pile of Inferi, while another wizard parted a wall of flame and desperately reached out for him.

The Inferi burned like matches and soon the main street was filled with burning and burnt bodies. Throughout the entire fight, Lily and James had kept within a few feet of each other, fighting back to back and next to each other. He was fairly sure none of the teachers had seen them. The Aurors arrived, just as the last few Inferi were falling, and Lily had yanked him off the street.

Her hand was warm and dry against his and her face was pink from the flames.

"We should go" she whispered, shoving handfuls of red hair off her face.

"Sounds good" he whispered back, starting to grin at her despite himself. Some of the elation he was feeling must be from the adrenaline still surging through him but part of it was from Lily – from watching her spin through the flames, as light on her feet as a dancer, watching the Inferi fall before her.

They were _so close_ to the entrance to the passage (a tall boulder that slid aside when you tapped it in a certain pattern), when someone seized James by the neck of his robes and dragged him back.

"Shit!" Lily swore beside him, struggling. When he looked over his shoulder his heart sank. McGonagall did not look pleased.

* * *

She marched them up to her office, still holding them by the backs of their robes like she expected them to escape before she tossed them into the office.

Her lips were thin and white, and that's when James began to panic.

"I have never _seen_ such _irresponsible, reckless, rash_ behaviour!" McGonagall raged, nostrils flaring. James shot a quick look at Lily. Her rosy cheeks had turned pale and she was staring at the floor.

"Professor-" James tried.

"SHUT UP, Potter"

The irate professor took a few deep breaths, her fingers digging into the back of her chair. The sleeve of her emerald robes was smouldering and there was a cut above her eyebrow, blood dripping into her dark eyes.

 _Shit_.

James had never seen McGonagall so angry, and he was more than a little concerned when the harsh noises of her breathing stopped.

"Potter, you're a trouble maker" she said bluntly, staring at him. McGonagall's eyes were very cold and James stifled a whimper. Beside him, Lily reached out her arm and brushed the back of his hand quickly in what could only be reassurance.

"But Miss Evans… I'm disappointed. I thought you knew better. You're a Prefect – your duty is to this school and the students in it. You should've been up in your Common Room, taking care of the younger students and instead you run off and risk your life for no reason"

Lily didn't say anything.

"You'll be having a detention a week, both of you, until the end of the year. Fifty points _each_ from Gryffindor, and I will be writing your parents"

James waited. That wasn't so bad. It wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. He was imagining maiming and expulsion. Although, knowing his mother, maiming wasn't off the table.

"You're not taking away my Prefect badge?" Lily asked, frowning.

McGonagall raised one eyebrow, her expression still frosty. "Would you like me to, Miss Evans?"

"No" Lily said quickly. "Thank you Professor"

"Don't thank me" Professor McGonagall said quietly. It half sounded like she was talking to herself and James had to strain to hear her next words. "Thank whatever gods you believe in that you're not lying dead in Hogsmeade"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thanks for reading! Reviews are Christmas morning.**_

 _ **I hope you're all doing ok - it was so awful to hear about Carrie Fisher... Goddamnit 2016.  
**_


	47. Fire and Fire

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

Lily had had very few detentions. In second year she got a detention for charming a pile of Hippogriff dung to land on James's head during breakfast, and in her third year there was an unfortunate incident when a Bowtruckle climbed into her bag during Care of Magical Creatures and shredded her homework. And then there was that time in fourth year when Marlene dared her to stay out all night in the castle –

So maybe her record wasn't as clean as she thought. But she'd never had this many detentions lined up in a row.

It was a clear chilly day, and the lake was windblown and ruffled, shining like crumpled satin under the cold white sun. The Whomping Willow moved dreamily in the stiff wind while its branches waved gently and gracefully, like some sort of strange dancer, swaying in place.

Hogwarts was tall and forbidding, the stone craggy and dark, the unforgiving sun glancing off the hundreds of windows. Black-robed students dotted the grounds and Lily rested her chin in her hand. She ran her fingers over the roots of the willow tree beneath her – the bark rough and hard. What would it be like, she wondered, to have your veins on the surface, so exposed and vulnerable.

They'd made the right choice, Lily thought. Even if their presence hadn't made a difference, even if all they'd done was endanger themselves, they'd fought, and that was what mattered. It had been reckless and stupid, but Lily couldn't quite find it in herself to regret it.

She dropped her other hand and pushed off the ground, swaying for a second in the cold breeze.

"Hello" someone said and Lily relaxed as she recognized the quiet voice. It was barely louder than the wind whispering through the willow branches above her.

"Hi" Lily replied, nodding at Lark.

"I heard about your … adventure"

There was something a little bit sad in her voice, but her expression didn't change. Lily let her talk.

"Lily, I don't quite understand everything between you and James and I don't think I want to"

"Are you-" Lily started to ask, surprised.

"No" Lark said firmly. "I wouldn't leave him. Only if he wanted me to"

"That self-sacrificing behaviour… not very Slytherin of you"

"It's very Slytherin of me" Lark countered. "We take care of ourselves and if I would be better off without him, I would go"

Lark took a deep breath.

"I know you're very good friends and I don't resent that. But the two of you… he would never _dream_ of sneaking out of Hogwarts with me to go fight Inferi"

"Maybe he wants to keep you safe" Lily said quietly.

"Maybe" Lark allowed. "But he would never do that for you, would he? He would never try to protect you like that"

"I don't think so"

She didn't know what Lark wanted her to say. Maybe she just wanted a sounding board, or some confirmation that she wasn't imagining things.

Whatever Lily and James had, it wasn't romantic. Lily was quite sure of that. They were friends that were perhaps all the closer because they were once enemies. They knew each other's weak spots, their flaws and sensitivities but they had made their peace.

"I just want to be able to talk to him" Lark said, still looking at the lake. The wind had picked up and the ruffled softness had been replaced by icy peaks that stood on end like whipped egg whites.

"Why can't you?"

A half-smile rested on Lark's face when she turned to Lily.

"James Potter is a very extroverted person but he's also very secretive. I think only a handful of people really know him, and you're one of them. I'm not"

Taking Lily's silence for dissonance, Lark pushed on.

"It's ok – I'm not blaming you. I'm just good at reading people. Part of being a Slytherin, I think. I'm just saying, you know him much better than I ever will"

"We only became friends this summer. We used to hate each other" Lily told her.

Lark was close in height with her, so when she glanced down at the ground Lily was able to see the sadness in her eyes.

"He never hated you. But there's something very intimate about being enemies, isn't there?"

Lily kept silent as Lark brushed her silky dark hair back and started to walk away, picking her way deliberately along the edge of the lake.

 _Well_ , Lily thought, a little bitter and a little sad, _maybe he didn't hate me before but he will now_.

She sank back down the ground and stared at her hands. There was a scratch on her knuckle and she rubbed at it absently, gazing out at the lake again. The Giant Squid lazed about on the surface, flopping its tentacles in and out of the water to create foamy bubbles.

Their first detention was tonight – they would be helping Professor McGonagall copy out letters for next year's first years, and Lily's hand was already aching from taking notes all day. She really didn't want to keep using it.

The Prophet had run stories on the Hogsmeade Inferi attack all week and were citing the fact that Hogsmeade was a fully wizarding village as a sign that Voldemort was starting to move away from Muggle-hunting and towards attacking anyone who dissented, be they Muggleborn, halfblood, or pureblood. It was still talked about in hushed voices up at the school and Hogsmeade weekends for the foreseeable future had been quickly cancelled.

The Wizengamot had tried and sentenced three Death Eaters for the attack after pressure from the wizarding community, in the wake of the event. There had been relatively few deaths considering the scale of the attack. A young couple hiking up the mountain behind Hogsmeade, a clerk at the stationary shop, and a brother and sister visiting from London.

Of course, Lily and James's involvement in the attack had spread throughout the school, only boosting James's popularity. After a few instances of having breathless second years run up to Lily in the halls to ask if she'd _really_ snuck out of Hogwarts, she started imitating Anna's leave-me-alone-now-or-so-help-me-I-will-curse-you-with-no-regret glare and most everyone left her alone after that.

Mary came and found her and dragged her back up to the castle to have dinner before she set off rather nervously to Professor McGonagall's office. Lily was not, by the common definition of the term, a teacher's pet, but she didn't like disappointing her teachers and the memory of the anger on McGonagall's face was disquieting.

James was already there, leaning against the door and looking completely at ease. Lily hated him a little bit.

"Hi!" he said brightly.

Lily leaned against the wall next to him, mimicking his position and hoping maybe his calm would reach her through osmosis or something.

"McGonagall's never given me a detention before" she told him, slightly grumpily.

"Really? How the hell did you escape it?"

She smirked a bit. "I'm just a better person than you"

"Sure" James allowed.

"I saw Lark today" Lily commented, leaning her head back against the cool stone. "She wanted to talk about you"

"What did she say?" James asked, standing up so quickly he nearly fell over.

"She says that she can't really talk to you"

"Well" James said, looking awkward. "We have had a few _communication_ errors, but it's fine"

Lily regarded him for a minute. He fidgeted.

"You two are good together" she said finally, not sure how to feel about that. They _were_ good together – James's rashness tempered by Lark's calm and vice versa. Lily and James as friends – they only encouraged each other. They were fire and fire and together they only burned all the faster.

"I think so" James agreed. "I like her a lot"

Lily made encouraging noises.

"Any romance on the horizon for you?" he asked.

At this, Lily froze. Ok. So James was completely, entirely, unequivocally over whatever small crush he may've once had on her. They'd never discussed her love life – mostly because she didn't have one, but also because, well, they both seemed to realize that it was uncharted territory for them. _There be dragons_ , Lily thought, slightly amused.

"Aah – no" she said quickly, smiling a bit at the thought.

"How come?" James sounded almost indignant on her behalf.

Lily shrugged. "I don't have enough time, or enough motivation really"

"That's absurd" James said, and Lily had no doubt that he would've continued, but McGonagall showed up then and ushered them into her office with a steely eyed glare.

* * *

"I trust you're both familiar with the letters that the first years receive?"

"Well" Lily said. "No"

"No?" McGonagall asked, her eyebrows creeping up so slowly Lily would've sworn she was imagining it until she saw James tracking the eyebrow-movement with his eyes.

"I'm a Muggleborn" Lily explained. "Someone from the Ministry had to come and explain the whole thing; they just gave me a booklist and helped us get to Diagon Alley for the first time"

"Ah" McGonagall said, pushing a pile of parchment across the table to them. "This is a template, so just start copying it out. I will be addressing and signing them. As I recall Miss Evans and Mr Potter you both have reasonably acceptable handwriting. Please take care"

Lily picked up a quill with a sigh and dipped it into a pot of emerald ink that was a deeper green than the Forbidden Forest. Her hand already ached and beside her, James looked absolutely miserable.

She kicked his ankle under the table and offered him a flash of a smile.

* * *

It was exam time before James quite realized it. He had been spending lazy days out at the lake with Lark, or roaming the castle with the other Marauders at night, just for the hell of it, or training his Quidditch team, or bickering with Lily in the Common Room. Most of those activities had to cease. Luckily the ban on Hogsmeade weekends had been lifted within a month and James was able to coax Lark away from the library one sunny Saturday afternoon for a final trip before exams.

"Come on" he pleaded, enclosing her hand with both of his and tugging at her lightly.

Lark laughed and closed her Muggle Studies book. She let him pull her up and stumbled forward slightly, and braced her hands on James's chest, before lifting her chin to kiss him softly.

She was warm and soft against him and James fit one of his hands to the curve of her neck and jaw, half concealed by her silky hair.

Something hit him in the back of the head and the two of them broke apart, James swearing furiously. It had been his pencil case, and Madam Pince was brandishing her wand at the pair of them, her eyes bulging.

"Out!" she hissed. "Out – with your – _canoodling_ "

James snatched his bookbag from the air – it was hovering in front of him in a threatening manner – and Lark hastily packed her bag before they sped from the library, not daring to look at each other.

"Oh _god_ " Lark gasped. "Did she just say ' _canoodling_ '? And apply it in reference to us?"

James rubbed the back of his head ruefully. "I think so"

Lark shuddered. "That was terrible; I don't want to be a canoodler"

"What _is_ canoodling?" James wondered as they walked towards the open doors. It was blessedly sunny outside and the air was perfectly cool with a warm breeze.

They managed to get the last carriage down to Hogsmeade as they continued their conversation.

"I don't know" Lark admitted. "But this carriage seems rather perfect for a bit more of whatever it is"

James grinned at her, and met her lips with his own.

* * *

"James" Lark said, once they were settled in the Three Broomsticks with mugs of frosty butterbeer – a summer specialty.

"Yep?"

"I don't think this is going to work" she said in a whisper, looking up from her own mug.

"What?"

It felt like he couldn't move. His arms and legs were weighed down and all he could do was stare at her.

"I had a speech all planned out" she said. "But god – I can't remember a word of it"

She turned her head to the side and James could see a gleam of icy tears in her velvety eyes. He hoped desperately that they wouldn't spill over. He didn't think he could deal with calm, lovely Lark crying.

"We're good friends, aren't we?" she said finally.

"I thought we were a little more than that"

"We tried, James. But you and me – it was never going to work. We complement each other _too_ well. You need someone who has a bit more of your fire – and I – I need someone who looks at me and sees _me_ , not who they think I am"

"I see you"

James couldn't have explained why he was holding on so tightly, why he wasn't doing the gracious thing and letting this be a chapter in his life rather than the end of a volume.

"You don't" Lark said, trying to smile. "It's ok James. We never really got to know each other, did we?"

James shook his head wordlessly.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked eventually, and she ducked her head.

"I thought – maybe I could convince myself that we could be ok. But neither of us want to be _ok_ , I don't think. I want to be seen and _loved_ and brilliant"

"You deserve that. But thank you - for everything. You made me a better person" he said, and Lark smiled, for real that time.

"I do deserve that. And so do you. I really liked you James. And I still do. But do yourself a favour and tell Lily Evans how you feel"

With a flash of brown eyes and the satin swish of her hair she was gone and there was a palmful of silver gleaming in the dim candlelight.

 _What's she talking about?_ James wondered. _I'm_ _ **over**_ _Lily._

But when he stared into the flame of the candle on the table, all he could see was bright red hair.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Wow. What a twist. I am shocked. I've shocked myself.**_

 _ **A lovely Guest reviewer wanted to know when they can expect new chapters, and well - the simple answer is that there is no rhyme or reason to my posting or my writing. I have a spotty internet connection, sometimes the muse just up and dies, and sometimes I'm just too busy. I try to post every three days, but that's not always possible.**_

 _ **As always, thanks for reading and Happy New Year's!**_


	48. The Potioneer

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

"What're you doing?" Anna asked curiously. She trudged into the dormitory, a teacup in one hand and her bag in the other. She looked tired – her long black hair was snarled, and there were bags under her eyes.

Lily tossed a handful of pearl powder into her caldron and dusted her hands off. The shiny dust clung to her hands, coating them in lustre.

"Professor Slughorn hinted that Amortentia was going to be on the final exam. I'm practising"

They were in the dormitory, Lily sitting by her bed and Anna sat down beside her, dropping her bookbag. Lily wiped her hands on the carpet, leaving a glittering residue. Anna swiped up a bit on her fingertip and inspected it dubiously.

"Isn't that very illegal?"

"Technicalities" Lily said dismissively. "Besides, Professor Slughorn gave me a free pass to do some independent brewing this term. Apperently he thinks I'm sensible"

That drew an undignified snort from Anna.

"Does that include Amortentia?"

"Nope" Lily said cheerfully, and Anna shrugged, unbothered.

Anna pulled out a thick Ancient Runes dictionary from her bag and started leafing through it.

It was two months till exams and the castle was filled with sleep deprived students. But it was better than their OWL year, and Lily was glad that they'd have a whole summer to recuperate before NEWTs.

The Amortentia was glistening prettily, the surface a pale lilac. Lily could smell a hint of wood smoke and she grinned in satisfaction. That's when it all went wrong.

Anna shifted her leg, coming close to the heat of the caldron and the merrily jumping blue flame under it. She hissed away from the fire, and Lily rushed to stabilize the pot. The iron of the caldron seared her hands and she flinched, knocking the caldron with the back of her hand. The pot tipped… and a few pearly drops slipped into Anna's teacup. Anna didn't see and Lily was busy trying to stop the potion from spilling all over the carpet.

"Sorry" Anna said quickly, picking up her cup and taking a gulp of tea. Lily's eyes widened, but it was too late.

"Shit" she breathed.

"What's wrong?" Anna demanded.

"You just drank an unfinished Love Potion"

" _What_?"

"Oops"

Lily started flipping through her Potions book with feverish energy, sliding her finger down the list of ingredients and muttering to herself.

"Ok – I didn't add the pomegranate, no issues of compulsion, and the pearl dust should counteract the purity of the unicorn horn – fuck – but there's pink rose oil which-"

Lily slammed the book shut.

Anna did not look pleased.

"Lily" she said loudly. "What's going to happen?"

"Well" Lily said, feeling a bit awkward. "The potion wasn't quite … finished … so rather than _you_ falling in love, it's going to be … everyone else? I think it'll be when they first lay eyes on you – this would make an interesting paper… but in the meantime you should probably learn a Disillusionment Charm"

Anna didn't say anything but the expression on her face grew considerably darker.

Lily backed up a few feet. Anna looked rather murderous by now. And Lily knew from experience that bad things happened when Anna got that look on her face. Most recently, Herbert Glover ended up in the Hospital Wing after accidently decapitating her Regenerative Mushroom with a pair of garden shears in Herbology.

"Why haven't you, then?"

Lily froze. That was a good question.

"I'm not sure" she admitted, turning back to the book. _Advanced Potion Making_ didn't contain much information that she didn't already know but it did have a good basic reaction table.

"Amortentia is a pretty old potion" Lily said slowly, peering at the chart. "I think when it was first created, the idea of same-sex relationships hadn't really been considered. So it might just be – blokes – that are affected"

A look of horror dawned on Anna's face and she swallowed.

"D'you mean to tell me that a whole bunch of idiotic _boys_ will be running round after me?" she asked. "I don't _like_ boys, Lily. It would be one thing if it were girls… _Boys_?"

"I'm afraid so" Lily said gingerly, waiting for the explosion.

"Fuck" Anna swore.

"I'll try to fix it" Lily said desperately. "I have all the components for an antidote; I just need to… put them together"

"And we can't tell Slughorn, can we?"

"Erm"

"I thought so. Maybe we can just wait out the effects?"

"Ah" Lily said delicately, wanting to close her eyes. "Amortentia is a very _strong_ potion, normally it's diluted. Without an antidote, it might last up to a month"

" _Fuck_ " Anna repeated, glaring balefully at the caldron of potion. Delicate spirals of glowing white steam started to rise, and a look of pain came over her face.

"What d'you smell?" Lily asked gently. She could smell old leather, and fresh grass, and clean air, with a hint of fresh lemon winding through the whole thing, tying it together. But the look on Anna's face… she suspected that she already knew the answer.

"Artemis's perfume" Anna whispered, closing her eyes.

Lily reached out to take Anna's hand and the other girl flinched back.

"I'm just-" Anna clambered to her feet, brushing at her sleek black hair ineffectually. "I need the loo"

Lily watched her leave, and the shiny surface of the potion only seemed to reflect her regret back at her.

* * *

James was in denial. Or at least that's what Sirius said. And Remus. Even Peter had chimed in with a bit about ' _chasing your dreams_ '.

So he was sulking.

The Three Broomsticks was a good place for sulking, at least on weekday nights and Rosmerta had long since given up on trying to convince James to stop breaking out of Hogwarts. Besides, it wasn't like he was breaking out to go _carousing;_ he was just escaping so that he could sulk in peace.

"I would think after the excitement with the Inferi that you would've stopped running away" Rosmerta said reproachfully as she wiped down the gleaming bar methodically. The Three Broomsticks hadn't had many customers of late – the number of visitors to Hogsmeade had dropped sharply after the Inferi attack and the townspeople were staying indoors, despite the Auror patrols.

"I'm not _running away_ " James sulked.

"Walking briskly?" Rosmerta suggested. There was a grin on her face, her pink painted mouth quirked up.

"Maybe"

"Where's Lark?" she asked after a moment.

James heaved a sigh and a look of comprehension came over her face. Really, it was concerning how perceptive Rosmerta was. James wasn't completely convinced that she wasn't a Legilimens.

"Ahh" Rosmerta said, nodding her head wisely so her dark curls bounced. "Let me guess. She picked up on the fact that she was just a placeholder"

"She wasn't" James said immediately. "I really liked her"

"Oh" Rosmerta murmured. "I see. You liked her a lot and you thought that maybe, with enough time, you could love her"

"Something like that"

"Is she alright?" Rosmerta asked. "She's a nice girl"

"She's alright" James said. "She's very – graceful about this sort of stuff"

"She does have tact" Rosmerta agreed wistfully. "She was a good influence on you"

"I have tact"

"You do not"

James sulked a bit more. The door of the Three Broomsticks was open to usher in a faint night time breeze. It was scented with the climbing roses that covered the houses of Hogsmeade in the summer, and it was warm and gentle.

"What do I do?" he asked. "I don't want to mess things up with Lily"

"Are you really asking _my_ advice?" Rosmerta asked, sounding suspiciously gleeful.

"Yesss?"

"You _never_ ask for my advice. You just sit there and mope and make me pity you"

"I've asked for your advice before"

"You haven't"

"Have so"

"Haven't"

" _Fine_ " James said. "What's your advice, O great and wise barkeep?"

Rosmerta rubbed her hands together and set her polishing rag down on the bar. She was, James realized, not that much older than him. Maybe three or four years older. She looked very young, when she beamed like that.

"Right" she said, enjoying the moment. "First off, don't tell Lily you like her"

"Then how…?"

"Shut up. Let her come to you. Casually let her know that you and Lark broke up and see how she reacts. If she seems happy, you're in. If she seems sad for you, abandon all hope"

"'Abandon all hope'?" James mimicked.

"'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here'" Rosmerta quoted solemnly, lifting a thin black eyebrow at him.

"Don't quote Dante at me, I get the point"

"'Through me you pass into the city of woe: Through me you pass into eternal pain'"

James threw a Butterbeer cork at her.

Rosmerta shrugged and went back to the bar. It seemed to be an activity that that she took up whenever she had nothing else to do, and as a result, the honey coloured wood gleamed softly in the candlelight.

"How do you even know Dante?" he asked.

"How do _I_ know Dante? How do _you_ know Dante? Your family is as wizard as they come – but my mum's a literature professor"

"Oh"

She threw the cork back at him and kept polishing. Rosmerta flicked her wand at the bottles behind the bar and they started dusting themselves, their contents sloshing musically.

"You'll be fine" she said after a lull in their conversation. "You're tough"

"How's the town doing, after the attack?" James asked her.

Rosmerta shot him a look that said I-know-what-you're-doing-James-Potter but she answered his question. "It's alright. There wasn't much damage, considering"

"Did you know any of the people who died?"

"It's a small town" Rosmerta said, busying herself with the bar again. "Everyone knows everyone. I was in the same year as Tate"

"Tate?"

"The clerk from the stationary shop. He used to come in every Friday night for darts with Professor Sprout on half-priced Faculty Friday"

"I'm sorry" James told her gently, and she looked up, smiling at him a bit.

"You're a good bloke, James. I remember the first time you came in here – you were _so short-_ "

"Alright Rosie" James said loudly, accepting the change of subject.

"But you _were_ " Rosmerta insisted. "You could barely see over the bar…"

* * *

James returned to the castle by ten o'clock, clambering out of the passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor. Normally he would've used the Honeydukes' passage, but that didn't work very well at night.

He wasn't quite sure how he was feeling.

On the one hand, he wanted Lark to be happy, and if she was happier without him… it still hurt. But she was right. The two of them would've drifted along like stars, happy enough but without being drawn irresistibly and irrevocably into each other's orbit. And on the other hand, Lark was brilliant. Smart, funny, kind, beautiful, calm… He would miss her, miss being with her, and making her smile. He would even miss just holding her hand.

Shaking his head, James climbed through the Portrait Hole.

There was only one light on – Anna Rogers was sitting in front of the fire, lolling on the carpet as she chewed the end of her quill absently.

The way the firelight fell on the gentle curve of her cheek captured his attention. James's had never realized how lovely Anna was… and funny, she always made him laugh, didn't she? She really was awfully pretty, he thought fuzzily. _I should tell her_ , he decided.

His foot made a creaking noise on the floorboard and she leapt from lying to standing in a move that was a lot harder than it looked. _She's so graceful_ , James thought admiringly, sighing. How had he never realized how amazing she was?

Anna was glaring at him, her quill held out like a wand.

"Back!" she snapped.

"Whaaa?" James wasn't quite able to fully articulate and just blinked at her.

She was pretty when she was angry.

Anna rolled her eyes so hard James was surprised it didn't hurt her.

" _Idiot_ " she breathed. "Come on James, it's late. You ought to go to bed"

"You're pretty" James sighed.

" _Fuck_ – I'm going to _murder_ Lily – this is all her fault-"

"Don't kill Lily" James said, frowning. He liked Lily. "I love Lily"

"You _what?"_ Anna demanded, dropping the quill.

"I like Lily" James told her.

"You said you _loved_ her"

"I did not"

"Go _away_ James"

"Alright" James said sadly. "There's no need to be mean. I like you too, you know"

Anna muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like ' _I'm too old for this shit'_ before stomping off in the direction of her dormitory.

James stared after her wistfully before dropping down into a chair by the fire and promptly falling asleep. There was a faint scent on the air – it was a curious combination. Roses and cinnamon. Lily's hair always smelled like roses and her perfume was sort of spicy, like cinnamon. Maybe she'd been sitting in the chair before him. James shrugged, and closed his eyes.

* * *

 ** _A.N. Goddamnit Lily. Thanks for reading!_**

 ** _Disclaimer..._**

 ** _'Through me you pass into the city of woe: Through me you pass into eternal pain... Abandon all hope, ye who enter here' is from Dante's_ Inferno, _and it's the inscription above the gates of Hell._ **


	49. Broken Barriers

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

The search for the Amortentia antidote was not going well. Lily was spending every spare minute in the library looking up reaction charts and accounts of unfinished potion consumption but she couldn't find anything related to her problem. Well. Anna's problem.

The effects seemed to be that of a particularly strong Beauty Potion mixed with a Love Potion but Lily just couldn't figure out exactly what reactions were taking place. She'd gone back and recreated the exact substance that Anna had drunk and then broken apart the components one by one. The pomegranate juice hadn't been added yet, which meant that there would be no issues of compulsion or lack of consent, (Lily had always hated that about Love Potions) the fairy wings combined with the pink rose oil were creating the illusion of love, the pearl dust and unicorn horn made Anna seem more alluring, but Lily couldn't figure out how to stop it all. It also seemed to only affect the boys when they either saw Anna or thought about her – most of the time they seemed fairly rational.

She had tried a typical Love Potion antidote to no avail. Anna had ended up being mobbed by flocks of adoring boys and Mary had just managed to restrain her from cursing the lot of them.

"What is _happening?_ " Camilla asked in awe while Lily watched in dismay as Anna literally beat off the boys using one of her hefty Arithmancy textbooks. The two of them winced as she caught a friendly looking Hufflepuff with a particularly vicious overhand blow.

"Unfinished Love Potion" Lily said; ready to leap into the fray. Anna had a ferocious look on her face. "Anna accidentally got some in her tea last night and now it makes every boy who sees her fall in love with her. She's not pleased"

"That's a _great_ idea. It combines a Love Potion, a Beauty Potion and an Infatuation Potion! You could make buckets of Galleons if you patented it"

"That's a _terrible_ idea and I'd have to find an antidote"

Camilla flapped her hand imperiously. "You'll find it"

She had her own small herd of admiring boys around her. Ever since the unfortunate ending with Alex, Camilla had had a trail of boys following her around the castle – carrying her bags, opening doors, and fetching her books. She took it all in graceful stride.

"It's the Metamorphmagus thing" she had confided to Lily one day. "I'm a living fantasy"

Now she turned to Lily and lifted a blonde eyebrow. In celebration of summer, Camilla had gone tan and golden haired. She looked a bit like Marlene these days.

"Are there any herbs that lessen desire – like – an anti-aphrodisiac?"

Lily gasped and pulled Camilla to her to kiss her quickly on the forehead. Camilla looked a bit bemused.

"You're brilliant! Yes – camphor – and – liquorice – thanks!"

She summoned Anna with a wave of her hand, yanking her out of the milling crowd of males.

"I have an idea!"

Anna straightened her blouse, breathing heavily. Her dark eyes were narrowed. "I hate Lily" she informed Camilla breathlessly.

"I'd hate her too" Camilla told her sympathetically.

"Thanks" Lily said. "Now, are you all done hating me or would you like to come with me?"

"I have some more stuff I'd like to share" Anna replied.

Lily rolled her eyes and dragged her away.

Camilla waved at them cheerfully before turning back to her fan club.

"Where are we going?" Anna asked. There was still a small cluster of boys following her and she made a rude hand gesture without looking back. A few of them swooned.

"We're going back to the dormitory; I have an idea for an antidote"

Instead of an outburst of gratitude, Anna instead said, "Did you hear that James and Lark broke up?"

Lily blinked. "That's quite the non sequitur"

"I heard it from Bliss Bones. People just sort of wander up and tell me things, you know. It's rather unsettling"

"Why'd they break up?" Lily asked, cursing herself. She didn't really want to know, did she? It was none of her business; she shouldn't be focusing on this.

"I don't _care_ " Anna groaned. "I don't _care_ and I don't _know_. But there's something that _you_ should know"

"What's that?" Lily asked, giving the Fat Lady the password and scrambling through the entrance. The Fat Lady was humming blithely, and she'd gotten a cage of butterflies from somewhere. They were fluttering through her backdrop in painted splendour.

"Last night James came back to the Common Room late and the potion affected him and I was explaining and I said that I wanted to kill you and he said not to because, I quote, 'I love Lily'"

Lily's stomach had twisted unpleasantly when Anna mentioned the potion. Then when Lily heard what James had said, it untwisted and sort of – floated. She didn't know what she was feeling. Lily had always been good with emotions – she could untangle them with ease, nail them down and then label them. But now she was confused and she didn't know what to think or what to feel.

"James is an idiot" Lily said, more calmly than she felt.

"Of course he is" Anna said in a suspiciously agreeable manner. Lily shot her a sidelong look. The last time Anna had sounded so – _nice_ – Marlene had woken up in a bedful of slugs after teasing Anna about her handwriting. This was a trick that Camilla normally used – disarming people with her agreement and then pouncing on the topic five minutes later.

Lily held her peace as they climbed the stairs but by the time they were in the dormitory, she couldn't stop herself.

"You agreed with me too easily" she blurted.

Anna gazed at her disarmingly. "So now you're upset because I _agreed_ with you?"

"Shut up"

"You shut up and make the damn potion"

Lily dug out her Potions kit and sneered at Anna who sneered right back before settling herself on the end of her bed.

"What are you using as a binding agent?" Anna asked as Lily started crushing mint leaves with her mortar and pestle.

"Lemon and mint. No warm spices"

Anna pulled out her Arithmancy textbook and left Lily to her own devices.

There was only the potion and the flame and her, and she fell into a sort of trance, measuring and cutting and stirring. She sprinkled morning dew into the bubbling caldron, followed by a diced liquorice root and a single unicorn hair. Bark from the camphor laurel tree went in next and Lily waved her wand about the entire thing. It smelled like cough drops and Lily wrinkled her nose.

"Ewww" she whispered, stirring it a final time before pouring some into a small wooden shot glass. Completely coincidently, the average dosage for most potions was the same as a shot.

She handed it to Anna who regarded it doubtfully.

"This smells terrible. You're trying to poison me, aren't you?"

"Of course not. Drink up!"

Anna set the glass down delicately. "This is your own invention, right?"

"Rightttt" Lily said, drawing the word out reluctantly.

"How d'you know it won't make me explode?"

"Who's the idiot now, Anna?"

"Goddamnit Lily"

Anna pinched her nose shut and threw the potion back like a shot of Firewhiskey, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Aaagh" she gasped. "That's _foul_ "

"Adding sugar would render it inert"

"Fuck you and the caldron you brewed this shit in"

Lily climbed to her feet and dragged Anna up. "Let's see if it worked"

They hurried down the stairs and Lily pulled Anna over to Remus, who was studying in the corner. The window was open to admit a lazy breeze and Lily took a deep breath, trying to find the calm that had surrounded her when she was brewing the potion.

"Hi Lily" Remus said, not looking up from his book. Anna tapped him on the shoulder and his head immediately jerked up. He gazed at her adoringly, his green eyes fuzzy.

"Hi Anna" he breathed. "You look lovely today"

" _Shit_ " Anna swore. Lily tried to stop herself from laughing. Staid, steady, responsible Remus was gazing at Anna like a lovesick third year.

"I guess it didn't work" Lily commented.

* * *

The quest to find an antidote had been shelved as exams approached. They were still two months away and Lily wasn't nearly as worried about them as she had been last year – she was able to make it to most meals and sleep about seven and a half hours a night and sometimes she even got time to sit by the lake with a book! It wasn't perfect, but they were managing and it would be over soon enough. The weekly detentions with McGonagall cut into valuable study time but the professor seemed to be weakening in her resolve – the last detention had only lasted an hour before she sent Lily and James away.

"So Lark and I broke up" James told her as they were leaving McGonagall's office on Saturday. Lily dropped her book.

"I'm, er, I'm sorry James" Lily said.

"Thanks!" James said brightly.

"Are you ok?" she asked tentatively. He sounded remarkably – chipper for someone who had just been broken up with. Lark had been good for James. He had matured a lot in the time he'd been with her. "I think Anna still has some Firewhiskey left from November"

"I'm ok" James said, and in a fit of impulsiveness, Lily reached out and took his hand.

"I'm glad you're ok" she said honestly. "I know how much you liked her"

"Thanks" he said. "But I really am ok. Anna's really cool, isn't she?"

Lily swore internally and dropped his hand.

"Damnit – ok – James, listen. You're under the influence of an experimental Love Potion"

James's face was a study in concentration and Lily wished she had a camera. Whatever ill effects this potion was causing, it was certainly supplying her with blackmail material for the future.

"Who…?" he asked vaguely.

"Me" Lily said, and at the look of horror on his face quickly amended that. "Well. It was Anna's fault really, I was just practicing brewing it for the exam and she bumped the caldron. She's blaming me though"

James still looked horrified and Lily was rather gratified by that.

"But why would you try to make me like Anna? Anna doesn't like me, and I don't like her"

" _Merlin,_ this potion makes you stupid"

"That's mean"

Lily ground the heels of her hands into her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes. Yes, you're right. Of course. I'm very sorry James. I didn't mean to drug you, ok? It was like that night at your party when Helen Monksfoot slipped some into my punch"

James brightened at that. "You told me you loved me" he said smugly, and Lily groaned.

"People do stupid stuff under the influence of Love Potion. You should know"

They resumed walking, on their way to Astronomy.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked suspiciously.

"Apparently you told Rogers you loved me"

Lily held her breath. Even she didn't know what she wanted his response to be. Embarrassment? Abject horror? Acknowledgment?

"Oh" James said weakly and Lily let out her breath in a whoosh.

They started up the spiral staircase of the Astronomy tower, ignoring the way it twisted under their feet and jumping over the trick step. Lily could hear footsteps coming down the stairs and automatically flattened herself against the wall to let them pass.

When she saw who it was, her hand crept into the wand pocket of her robes.

A group of Slytherins, about five of them, paused a few steps above James and Lily. Severus was part of the group and tendrils of ice started to creep around Lily's heart. She saw James's hand jump to his wand pocket.

Daeva Yaxley shoved her way to the forefront of the group and gazed down at the two of them. Lily had had a run in with her and her friends a year before. They'd come out the worse for it but it had shaken Lily.

"Hello" Yaxley said, flanked by a boy called Carrow and another of her friends. Lily thought her name was Ella. Sev stood at the back, his face blank. A heavy-set boy called Goyle stood next to him.

"Move" Lily sighed. She wasn't in the mood for this. How did Lark manage it, being in a house with all these awful people?

"She doesn't even say please!" Yaxley addressed her gang. "Thinks she's above us"

"Up-jumped Mudblood bitch" Carrow muttered and the threads of ice around Lily's heart tightened.

Beside her, a look of rage crossed James's face and he yanked his wand out of his pocket. Lily barely managed to wrestle his arm down.

"No!" she said, more frightened that she realized. They were all alone up here, two and a half against one. She didn't want James hurt. "No, please don't James; it's not worth it, stop-"

"They called you-" James broke off mid-sentence. His warm hazel eyes were hard and cold now and Lily kept a hold of his arm.

"I know" she interrupted. "I know. It wasn't the first time and it won't be the last – let's just – go"

Lily took a step up the stairs, sliding her hand down James's arm to take his hand. The connection steadied her, made her feel braver. _Don't get used to this_ , she ordered herself.

"James" Daeva said, stepping in front of them and smiling sweetly. "That's treason, y'know. _Breeding_ with them. They're no better than animals and if we _mingle_ … well. Our species will be wiped out in a decade. She's friends with blood traitors too. That Camilla – her mother will be gone inside of a year. You'd best tell her to watch out"

Lily didn't let go of his wand hand, but tugged at James a bit firmer when he seemed likely to stop.

There was a flash of light and Lily felt herself falling –

James grabbed her wrist and steadied her, and Lily yanked her wand out of her pocket.

" _Levicorpus_!" she shouted, flicking her wand at Snape a few seconds after James sent a Leg-Locker curse at Daeva Yaxley. _Damnit, damnit, damnit_ , she thought desperately, _he broke the dam._

It felt like poetic justice, watching Snape be hoisted up by his ankle, just like the day when he called her 'Mudblood'.

Yaxley windmilled her arms, panic on her face as she struggled not to fall down the stairs. Carrow caught her and shouted something and for a second Lily didn't process the incantation because _no, no, he couldn't –_ and then James screamed. He sank to his knees, falling back against the curved wall of the tower.

 _Crucio_.

For a second, Lily was so overwhelmed by the spells still flashing around them and the sound of James's screams that she couldn't _do_ anything, until Ella shot a blast of purple fire at her and Lily threw up a Shield Charm and just like that she was moving again.

She ducked under a curse from Goyle – the edges of it catching her cheek and tearing a ragged gash in it, and disarmed him as he was shifting his balance on the stairs. Ella shrieked a spell, and Lily blocked it hastily. The other girl was good. For a moment, they shot spells and curses back and forth at each other. _Why doesn't someone come?_ Lily thought desperately, _we're right here, please_.

Carrow was occupied with James so Lily was only fighting Ella – hurling a rope of fire at the other girl who waved her wand almost lazily, turning the flames into a flock of orange canaries that whipped around and darted at Lily. Lily flung her hands up, tiny razor beaks cutting into her palms and fingers.

As Ella reared back to fling another spell, Lily spotted an opening. " _Petrificus Totalus!"_ she yelled, and Ella toppled back. Lily caught her with another ' _levicorpus_ ' and she hung immobilised next to Snape.

She took a step up the stairs and caught Carrow in the chest with her shoulder. His concentration destroyed, he stumbled back and Lily snatched his wand right out of his hand.

Carrow told her to do something unsanitary with herself and Lily responded in kind before Stunning him and hurrying over to James. He had been under the curse for at least a minute. Sixty seconds of unimaginable pain would've felt like an eternity.

Up and down the stairs for a few feet, the Slytherins lay in various states of incapacitation. Yaxley was clinging desperately to some cracks in the rough wall by her finger tips, legs still frozen, Carrow splayed over three steps, Snape was still suspended upside down and Ella and Goyle were frozen and watchful.

Lily pocketed the handful of wands strewn over the steps, and knelt down by James.

He was limp against the wall, head lolling, eyes closed. His glasses were half falling off and Lily set them back gently, before grabbing one of his arms and guiding it over her shoulder as carefully as possible.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry" she whispered as he let out a whimper.

James's eyes opened slowly and Lily let out a shaky breath.

"Let's not do that again" he whispered.

"It was your fault" she whispered back, hauling him to his feet.

" _Ouch_ "

"Sorry"

Lily stepped over the prostrate body of Yaxley, who was shooting desperate looks at the unconscious Carrow. Lily ignored them all.

It took a long time to get down the stairs. James hung off her shoulder weakly, and he wasn't exactly a delicate flower. By the time they reached the bottom, Lily's arm was aching.

"Are you ok?" she asked, guiding him to a bench. He winced.

"Just dandy. You're bleeding"

"James"

"Fine, it hurts like hell. Happy?"

"Not at all. Why the hell did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Cast the first curse"

"I didn't!" James said indignantly, than gasped at the pain. The amused grin drifted from Lily's face to be replaced by worry.

"We should get you to the Hospital Wing" Lily said worriedly, hauling him back up again despite his protests.

"Lily" he said as she was pulling him along.

"Shut up and walk" Lily ordered.

"No, wait. Earlier, you said that Anna said that-"

"Probably some weird effect of the potion" Lily said briskly. She didn't know if she could talk about this, now, with James grimacing in pain. "Magnifies existing emotion. Anna threatened to kill me, your subconscious viewed it as a threat, so 'like' turned into 'love'. I'll have to do some research"

"No – really Lily-"

James sounded a little desperate.

"James. You were just _Crucio'ed_. Madam Pomfrey needs to look at you immediately. Come _on_ "

James fell silent and Lily helped him limp along. Something was going very wrong with her heart. Maybe her mind too. They were both rebelling and Lily didn't know how to stop it.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thanks for reading! And thank you to everyone who reviews, they're treasured.**_


	50. Familiar Waters

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.**_

* * *

Madam Pomfrey was aghast when the pair of them limped in. The pain was still there, an echoing shadow and James winced as Lily unceremoniously dropped him on a cot. His hands were smeared with blood, he realized dimly. Her blood. Her pale hands were covered in tiny deep cuts, and more blood trickled down from a gash on her cheek.

"I've _never_ seen the like" Madam Pomfrey raged, shoving James back in a business-like manner. Lily had dropped, boneless, onto the cot next to his and was staring at her hands.

"Students attacking students with _Unforgiveable Curses_ , of all things-"

Breaking off mid-sentence, shaking her head furiously, she ladled a steaming potion into James's mouth and he coughed, the movement making pain wrap around his ribcage. The potion tasted a bit like mud. The pain of the curse seemed to have settled deep in his bones. The matron bustled over to Lily, picked up her hands and tutting. "Your pretty hands…" Madam Pomfrey said sadly. "Who was it, Miss Evans?"

Lily freed one of her hands and pulled out a handful of wands from her pocket. James blinked at them and started to smile gleefully. She'd collected all the wands of their attackers.

"Very good, Miss Evans" Madam Pomfrey whispered. "The Headmaster will be here soon, and your parents, Mr Potter. Rest now, both of you. I'll be over there if you need anything"

She hurried away, a quill and piece of parchment hovering in the air as she dictated a letter to no one. They jotted away busily by themselves.

"Are you ok?" James asked anxiously. Lily looked sort of… foggy.

She looked up at him, face blank. Was she mad? James couldn't tell.

"You were just _Crucio'ed_ " Lily hissed. "And you're asking _me_ if I'm alright?"

James waved at her vaguely. "You're all blurry"

"Oh" she said, and smiled gently at him. "It's just the potion she gave you for the pain, don't worry"

"I worry about you a lot" he told her.

"Really?" Lily asked. "Why?"

James shrugged and the motion caused a wave of pain to unfurl and race, burning, through his body.

"There's a war on, Lily. It's worrisome"

"Fair enough" she allowed, swinging her legs up onto the clean white sheets. The red of Lily's hair, and the crimson blood still smeared over her knuckles even after Madam Pomfrey healed the cuts were brilliant against the stark white.

"I worry about you too" Lily told him. "I worry about you all. Anna and Mary and Marlene and Cami, and Sirius and Remus and Peter… there are so many people to worry about"

"It's exhausting, isn't it?" James asked quietly. She looked very tired.

"Yes" she whispered. "I'm so scared all the time James… scared that something like this might happen. You should've just walked away"

James tried for a smile and it came out lopsided. "Walk away? What, and leave you with those sacks of Flobberworm dung?"

"Do Flobberworms _have_ dung?" Lily asked curiously.

James thought about it for a moment. He didn't recall much about Flobberworms – they were one of the most uninteresting creatures in Care of Magical Creatures.

"I would assume so" he said finally. "They eat lettuce after all – it has to – go somewhere"

Lily laughed, and even with his pain over Lark and his confusion over Anna (honestly, who decided that it would be a good idea to let Lily brew stuff on her own?), he could appreciate the sound of it.

"You should rest" she said softly. "If your mates or your parents come by, I'll tell them what happened"

"I'm fine" James tried to argue, but she just _looked_ at him.

"You were tortured, James. Shut up and go to sleep"

James closed his eyes quickly.

* * *

He woke up to whispers and shadows hovering over him. Panic filled his lungs. The dark shapes were fluttery around the edges and ominous – and the room was so very cold – _Dementors_ , James thought, reaching for his wand frantically.

A hand caught his.

"Jamie" someone said, and he opened his eyes. It took him a moment to focus. Euphemia Potter was leaning over him, dark hair unbound and fluttering in the light breeze. Her eyes were dark and furious.

James tilted his head and spotted his dad sitting in a chair by a sobbing Peter and awkwardly patting him on the back to reassure him, while Remus tried to convince Peter to calm down. Sirius was standing at the foot of James's bed, face pale, and over by Lily's bed, the other girls were grouped around her chatting in low voices. When they realized James was awake, Sirius broke into a relieved grin, Camilla let out an enthusiastic squeal and came to give James an affectionate hug, and Lily traded a smile with him.

" _Jamie_ " his mother repeated darkly.

"Erm" James said blankly, staring up at Euphemia, who glowered back.

"You got yourself _cursed_?" she hissed.

James struggled up into a sitting position and leaned back from his mum.

"Erm" he said again. "It wasn't really my fault…"

"Oh it most definitely was, Mrs Potter" Lily spoke up from the other bed. "Sorry to interrupt, I'm Lily Evans"

"Lovely to meet you dear!" Euphemia said brightly, reaching over and taking her hand.

Lily beamed. "But your son _was –_ "

"Defending her honour" James interjected, and Lily nodded frantically.

"Right. Yes, that's it. Defending my honour"

"Of course" Euphemia said slowly. "Of course he was. Fleamont?"

"Yes dear?" Fleamont looked up from Peter, who was curled up on the floor.

"Would you like to come speak to your son?"

"I think I'm alright"

James shrank back in his bed.

"Did you at least use that dreadful Bat-Bogey Curse that the Prewett boys taught you?" Fleamont called.

" _Damn_ " James swore, disappointed. "I knew there was a spell I wanted to practice"

His dad tutted. "Next time, I suppose"

"Does Fabian teach that curse to _everyone_?" Anna asked, and Euphemia sighed.

"It would seem so. It's his party trick"

James felt his attention drifting after Anna spoke, and he couldn't hear what anyone else said until his mum snapped her fingers under his nose and Anna hastily excused herself.

"What was that?" Euphemia asked, raising an eyebrow at the other boys who were all staring longingly after her.

"Er. Potion mishap. Haven't been able to fix it yet" Lily said. Fleamont brightened.

"You don't say! I happen to be rather good at potions… maybe I can give you a hand?"

Lily looked relieved and James shook his head, clearing the fog. "That would be wonderful, thank you, Mr Potter"

Someone burst through the Hospital Wing doors and James yanked up his blanket so fast that Sirius slid off the end of the bed.

It was a short, curvaceous blonde Gryffindor that James recognized vaguely. He thought her name was Alice. He knew that Lily had been helping her with Potions, some nights in the Common Room, and the two seemed to be friends.

"Lily!" the girl yelped, hurrying over to Lily's bed and hugging her gingerly. "I just heard, Bliss Bones had it from Lark Rivers and Bliss told Tara who told Oliver who told Melinda who told me!"

James bit his lip to keep from laughing and Sirius climbed back up onto his bed.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked, and Lily smiled at the younger girl, taking her hand.

"I'm just fine Alice. It was sweet of you to come. How's Frank?"

"Oh" Alice said, colouring slightly. "He's fine. But Merlin! I can't believe they used an Unforgiveable"

Her voice was shaking in what James had assumed was fear, but when she turned to him, he saw a dark flush of colour high on her cheeks and her blue eyes were flashing like lightning. She was furious.

"Did you say Lark Rivers?" he asked her, and she bobbed her head, shiny blonde hair swaying.

"Yeah. I passed her on my way up – I think she was coming to see you"

"We'll just-" Sirius nearly fell of the bed again trying to hop off.

"Go…" Remus finished, pulling Peter up with him.

The other girls waved at Lily and James and departed hastily, taking Alice with them.

"Who's Lark?" his mum asked immediately.

"A friend" James said quickly. His mother was relentless.

"A 'friend'?"

"That's right"

"A friend that you like?"

"I like all my friends"

"Don't be obtuse, Jamie. Fleamont?"

His dad unfolded himself from the chair and ruffled his hair nervously. "James, are you – er – seeing her?"

In the bed next to him, Lily shook with silent laughter. _Abandon all hope_ , James thought grimly. _At least I know, now._

" _No_ " James said.

Euphemia regarded him sharply for a single moment before sitting down again.

"Alright. I look forward to meeting your 'friend'"

Lark arrived shortly, and she looked distraught. Her normally sleek brown hair was in disarray and her eyes looked red.

"James!" she said, nearly running across the smooth white floor.

James held out a hand to catch her outstretched one and she hugged him, arms firm and secure around him and she leant back for a quick moment to brush hair out of his eyes. James couldn't be sure who moved first, but one of them did and they were kissing.

It was familiar and wonderful and her lips were soft and worried. He heard someone cough and they broke apart.

Lark's dark eyes were inscrutable, and James quickly looked away.

"Sorry" he whispered.

"It's fine" she murmured, reaching out to brush a piece of hair out of his eyes in an affectionate gesture. "But it was a bad idea"

"Right" James whispered back. Of course it was a bad idea. Lark knew him, for all that she thought she didn't – after all, she'd told him to go after Lily. But it was still wonderful to hold her and touch her again.

" _Friends_ " his mum hissed in Fleamont's ear. " _'Friends',_ he says"

"Um" Lark said, staring at her feet. "Are you alright? I heard…"

"I'm fine" James said, slowly bringing his eyes back to her.

He'd seen Lily's face for a second before she turned away and he could've sworn she was frowning.

"I heard they used the _Crucio_ "

"They did – but Carrow's not very good at it, I don't think"

Lark shuddered. "Carrow's awful. I hope they chuck him out"

"They have to" Fleamont spoke up, quietly furious. "He's a minor, so they can't send him to Azkaban, but he will be expelled"

A slow smile crossed Lark's face. It was faintly devious, with a hint of plotting. "Oh, he's not a minor. His birthday was just last week. I guess he'll be going to Azkaban, right?"

Euphemia let out a very loud whoop and seized Lark's hands, dancing her around the otherwise empty hospital wing.

"He'll get life, for that!" she said happily, planting a kiss on Lark's cheek and hugging her ecstatically.

She looked oddly stiff, like she was unaccustomed to familial affection. James knew that Lark's family wasn't perfect – Voldemort had put a strain on her father to protect his family and her mother was absolutely terrified of Death Eaters, going as far as keeping Lark's little brother out of Hogwarts and at home to keep him safe. But seeing her so uncomfortable, like her mother hadn't hugged her in a long, long, time made James's heart hurt.

He was distracted by Lily swinging her legs out of bed and pulling on her shoes.

"I'm going to go" she said to no one in particular. "Can you tell Madam Pomfrey?"

"Oh – you should stay!" Euphemia said immediately, for which James was grateful. "You're not fully healed yet and you've been through a lot, dear"

"I'm fine!" Lily said, smiling. It was a brittle sort of smile though, and it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'll be fine. James, keep out of trouble, yeah? I don't want to have to rescue you again"

"I'll try" James said, his throat dry.

Lily left without saying another word.

* * *

There was only a faint pink line where the gash on her cheek had been, and Lily ran her fingers over it gingerly. The skin was smooth and there was no tenderness around the scar.

 _Out of sight, out of mind_ , she thought, pulling out a compact of powder and dusting the powder puff over her nose and cheeks. The line disappeared, and she leaned back from the mirror, satisfied. It was late, and she should be going to bed, but she just wasn't sleepy. Lily opened the bathroom door and walked into the dormitory, slipping off her robes and loosening her tie.

The other girls were already asleep so she kept the light off as she changed into pyjamas and crawled under the covers.

 _Damnit James_ , she thought sleepily, _why can't you just_ _ **see**_ _?_

The Potters stayed overnight, splitting their time between the Hospital Wing and the Headmaster's office. At one point Mr Potter arrived in the Gryffindor Common Room with Alice in tow and a furtive air about him and enthusiastically leaped into a discussion of potion ingredients and Love Potions. Between the three of them, (Alice was becoming quite the Potioneer) they were able to formulate a pearly looking silver potion that gave off a clean, lemony smell.

"Oh" said Anna, looking over their shoulders. "That's quite pretty; it smells much better than that last one you made, Lily"

"Yes, _thank_ you" Lily said, pouring some potion for Anna. "See if this works, will you?"

The three of them crossed their fingers as she gulped the potion.

"It tastes like minty lemonade" Anna said, frowning. "Is it supposed to?"

"No reason that it shouldn't" Mr Potter said. "Some potions can taste quite nice. I myself am quite fond of Giggling Elixir – it tastes rather like strawberries"

Anna shrugged. "Right. Let's see if it works"

She walked over to Oliver Sand who was curled up in the corner with a textbook.

"Hey Ollie" Anna said, tapping him on the shoulder.

He looked up, looking rather frightened. "Oh – hullo Rogers. D'you want something?"

"Nope" Anna said triumphantly, marching back.

Lily grinned at her happily.

"Excellent work girls" Mr Potter said, climbing to his feet. "Merlin, I can't remember the last time I made a potion for fun"

Lily shook his hand gratefully. "Thanks very much Mr Potter, we really appreciate it"

She elbowed Anna in the side and the other girl coughed out her thanks as well.

"I'd best be back to the Hospital Wing" Mr Potter said, worry making him look older.

"Is James still not better?" Alice chimed in. She was packing up the potion's supplies but she looked up concernedly.

"It seems Carrow was better at that curse than we realized" he said grimly.

A tight ball of regret bunched in Lily's stomach like tangled wool. "I should've stopped him quicker" she murmured.

Mr Potter rested a hand on her shoulder for a second. "Euphemia and I are very grateful for what you did, Lily. If you hadn't been there-"

"He wouldn't have been attacked if I hadn't been there"

An awkward silence fell and Lily swallowed, looking away.

She hadn't been to see James since Lark came.

"You should go see him" Mr Potter told her quietly. Anna had drifted away by then, and so had Alice.

"I'm sure he doesn't want to see me"

"He asked after you"

Lily jerked her head up, startled. "Really?"

"Really"

"Alright" she said. "I will"

Mr Potter beamed at her. "Excellent. You go on then – I've been meaning to talk to Horace…"

* * *

Lily let herself into the Hospital Wing quietly. It was empty apart from James, and he looked very pale. There was a twist of guilt in her heart, folds of regret and pain and sadness all screwed together like a balled up scrap of parchment.

"Hi" she said, and he looked up, beaming.

Lily would be lying if she said that smile didn't make her feel a little bit better.

"Lily!" James said, patting the edge of his bed. She perched on it gingerly and reached into her bag.

"I brought you something" she told him, pulling out a book.

" _The History and Story of the Cruciatus Curse_ "

Lily nodded cheerfully.

"I hate you" he said.

"No you don't. It's quite good, actually"

"I'm not reading that, you nutter"

"Suit yourself" Lily shrugged. "Have you heard about Carrow?"

"No". James raised an eyebrow at her and Lily grinned back. When she heard the news she might've danced around a little bit.

"A couple of Aurors came round yesterday and marched him out! In chains!"

" _Chains_?"

" _Chains_ " Lily repeated enthusiastically. "We still have to testify, though. It'll be a proper trial – in front of the Wizengamot and everything"

James's face fell, and Lily nodded. She felt the same way. "I know. It's horrible, but we have to. We can't let him get away with it"

"No, no, you're right, of course"

"Marlene says her mum's going to be handling the case. That'll be a little better, won't it?"

"Yeah, of course" James said. "Sorry, I was just startled"

"The others aren't being charged, but I have their wands, so they'll get some detentions at the very least"

He nodded.

"So d'you know when you're going to get out?" Lily asked, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

"You make it sound like I'm in prison"

"Bland food, ugly uniform, tough guards… you kind of are"

"Ugly uniform?" James asked indignantly, and Lily laughed at the annoyance on his face.

She indicated the pyjamas he was wearing and he glared.

"I'll be getting out tomorrow" he said sniffily.

"Excellent. The boys are throwing a party" Lily told him. She'd managed to convince them that a full blown, Gryffindor rager wasn't the best idea for someone just out of hospital so they'd agreed to tone it down to just the sixth year Gryffindors.

"A party?" James asked delightedly, his mood changing instantly.

"Yep. Just the sixth years in Gryffindor – unless you want to invite Lark?"

Lily winced at the forced casual in her tone.

"Oh no" James said hastily. "Lark and I … it's still awkward"

Lily wasn't sure what to make of that. "Didn't you get back together with her?"

"No" James said, frowning. "Where did you get that idea?"

"You snogged her in front of me and your parents. It seemed like a reasonable assumption"

James coloured and Lily smirked a little bit at how embarrassed he looked.

"Lark and I are very much not together. She was – not a distraction, god that sounds awful – but she was – a learning moment, I guess. It was good for both of us, but I think we both knew it wouldn't last"

Lily watched him with wide eyes.

He coughed loudly. "Anyways. Where's this party?"

"Remus didn't actually tell me" Lily said. (Remus had said something about not giving away all their secrets or something but Lily had tuned him out once he started talking about the importance of maintaining an aura of mystery). "He said something about it being found when we need it"

James started to grin in a knowing way and Lily restrained herself from whacking him with the heavy book she was still holding. He was insufferable when he was smug.

"You'll find it" he told her and Lily let out a huff of irritation.


	51. The Trial

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

He was able to convince his parents to leave, finally. They'd been sleeping on the couches in the teachers' staffroom, and both of them were tired looking. Professor McGonagall had lent them her office to say goodbye in and the fire was crackling merrily.

"You need to be more careful" his dad said, giving him a hug. "God – James, we just got a letter saying someone had used an Unforgivable Curse on you"

"It was terrible" his mum told him, pulling him into a hug immediately after Fleamont let go. "In these times, hearing that is terrifying. You could've _died_ "

"He used it for about a minute" James muttered, looking at his feet. His parents regarded him sternly, and he sighed. "I'm sorry. But I couldn't just run off and leave Lily to her fate, could I?"

The two of them traded glances and James watched them suspiciously.

"Of course not" Fleamont said soothingly. "We didn't raise you to do that. Just – try not to get cursed, yeah?"

"Of course" James said, submitting to another hug, before pulling away and waving as they stepped into the Floo.

He took a deep breath and left the room, wandering back through the halls. It was late Monday night and most people were already in their Common Rooms.

James found his feet turning automatically towards Gryffindor Tower, before remembering the party and starting the climb to the seventh floor. As he finally made it up the stairs, a persistent ache deep in his bones, he spotted a cluster of girls by a blank wall. Lily was scowling furiously, arms crossed until she spotted James and her face relaxed.

"Is this a prank?" she asked. "Remus just told us to come up here but they never showed up"

"This" James said, walking closer. "Is one of Hogwarts' lesser known secrets"

As the girls watched curiously, James started to pace in front of the blank section of wall.

 _A party_ , James thought firmly. _A place for a party, I'm sure people have done this before…_

When he opened his eyes, there was a large, ornate door set in the middle of the wall.

"Huh" Marlene said. "That's cool"

James spread his arms wide in a dramatic gesture. "Welcome to the Room of Requirement"

Lily was the first one to step forward, and she pushed at the door until it creaked open and she stepped through.

"You found it!" James heard Sirius call from within, and followed the girls in.

The last time he'd been in the Room of Requirement had been with Lark. It had shrunk down into the size of a small living room, and strings of fairy lights had covered the walls. She'd laughed in delight and ran her fingers over the walls, inspecting them closely. And there had been a book, on the plush sofa. A small leather bound copy of the Tales of Beedle the Bard. Lark had read aloud from it to him, her voice low and steady.

"You keep surprising me" she had murmured. "Showing me more of this castle than I thought existed"

"It's a big castle"

"With lots of secrets" she agreed, and her voice had sounded sad.

James shook himself out of the memory.

Now the room was larger, the walls and ceiling draped in patterned silks and large cushions were strewn over the floors. It looked like the other boys had carted in Butterbeer and food, and they had placed a table in one corner of the room for it all.

In the space of a few minutes, Marlene had found a wireless and tuned it to the Wizard Rock channel, Mary and Remus were chatting earnestly about dragon protection, and Sirius and James were sitting together against the wall, both clutching Butterbeers.

"Did you hear that Apparition lessons are starting?" Sirius asked, pushing his hair away from his face and grabbing a sandwich from the plate by their feet.

James shook his head. "I've been a little busy"

"Of course, getting cursed and all that. They start tomorrow. I signed you up"

"Excellent, thanks Sirius" he grinned. "I've always wanted to learn how to Apperate"

"Me too. I remember the first time I saw Bella Apperate, I thought it was the coolest thing. She Side-Alonged me. Only nice thing she ever did for me" Sirius said, his grin fading slightly before taking another sandwich and plastering the smile firmly back on. "God, exams are getting close, aren't they"

James shuddered. "It's _May_ , already"

"And we need to prank someone" Sirius decided. "We haven't done anything horrible all year. We're losing our touch"

"Indeed… we could do something to the Slytherins?"

Sirius tapped his chin with the sandwich, considering. Peter wandered over to join them and slumped down beside James, sighing heavily.

"Hey Wormtail" Sirius said. "Have you got any excellent ideas for pranking the Slytherins?"

Peter brightened and took a swig of Butterbeer. "I've got _loads_. We haven't pranked anyone in forever- I've missed being the Marauders. But anyways. We should do something with the Giant Squid"

"What sort of something?" James asked apprehensively.

"A _terrible_ something"

"That's very specific, thank you"

Peter stole Sirius's sandwich and took a bite, frowning. He looked vaguely affronted, his brows drawn together. "We could put the Squid in their Common Room" he said finally, grinning and still chewing his sandwich.

"Wouldn't it die?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Details. I'm sure there's a spell for that. So – we put the Squid in their Common Room. They'd have a hell of a time getting it back out again"

"This has potential" James said thoughtfully. They didn't normally do things on such a grand scale, but it _was_ close to the end of the year. He'd missed spending time with his friends.

"I'll talk to Remus about a spell to keep it alive" Peter told them, getting to his feet and wandering away.

"I'm bored" James said, sighing. He felt sort of lethargic, and he wanted to _move_.

"It's been a boring year. No Death Eater plots to foil. Only a few deaths. More than a few duels. An Inferi attack. You got cursed. Terribly, terribly boring"

"Shut up"

"When's Carrow's trial?" Sirius asked.

James sighed again. He really wasn't looking forward to it. He just wanted it all over. "Next week" he said stiffly. "Lily and I are both testifying on Saturday. I think everyone wants to get it over with"

"I'm sorry, mate" Sirius said quietly.

"Me too"

The two of them fell silent, watching the others.

Lily was sitting with Camilla, laughing as Camilla turned her hair different colours and changed her features at the same time. Mary and Remus had moved onto a slightly slurred discussion about Mer rights, and Anna, Marlene and Peter were playing some sort of game with Butterbeer corks and shots of pumpkin juice.

"Thanks" James said suddenly.

"What for?"

Sirius sounded rather bemused.

"For – this. For being my friend"

"Well" Sirius said, stretching. "Someone has to keep you out of trouble"

* * *

The Apparition lessons were going well – James managed it about towards the end of the first lesson. He only lost a toenail. The rest of them were managing it with varying degrees of success. Anna and Lily also got it during the first lesson – Anna Apparating on her second try, perfectly.

The lessons were only running for three weeks and more than a few students Splinched themselves rather badly in their hurry to perfect the skill.

But even Apparition classes weren't enough to brighten the week. Saturday arrived very quickly, and Lily and James were both shepherded towards McGonagall's office where the Floo was set up for them.

McGonagall didn't say anything, but there was a steely glint in her eyes that made James feel a bit better. It felt like she was on their side.

James stepped into the fireplace and was engulfed by warm air, before he started spinning faster and faster. His already queasy stomach just felt worse. He stepped out into the Atrium of the Ministry, and Lily tumbled out a moment later. She grabbed his arm to steady herself. With some amusement, he noticed that she was carrying a roll of parchment and a thick Potions textbook.

"What?" she said defensively. "It might drag on and I have an essay for Slughorn that I haven't finished"

There was a bright flash of light and James flung up his hand while Lily made a noise like an angry cat. When the spots in front of his eyes cleared, there was a photographer with a rather large black camera dancing in front of them.

"I will take that camera and break it into very small pieces if you take another picture" Lily said calmly, glaring at the photographer. He backed off, swallowing nervously and James grinned at her.

The two of them stood rather awkwardly in front of the fireplace for a moment until James saw his parents milling nervously in a corner.

"There they are" he told Lily. "They'll know where we're supposed to be"

Lily didn't say anything but a frown crept over her face. James felt a bit guilty. Her parents obviously weren't here – James doubted she'd even told them what had happened. He couldn't imagine how hard it was to keep an entire part of your life so secret.

Euphemia was cold and hard and brittle when they arrived, and only the fact that she had grabbed James and pulled him into a fiercely tight hug when they arrived betrayed her emotions.

"He'll go to Azkaban, Jamie" she whispered, still holding on to him.

"Hello Lily!" his dad said brightly, shaking Lily's hand. "That potion still working alright?"

"Yes, thank you Mr Potter" Lily said, starting to smile.

"What potion?" James asked.

"Nothing" Lily said hastily, and cleared her throat. "We should be going, yeah?"

"Of course" Euphemia said briskly. "It's a proper trial, so we're on Level Two. One of the big courtrooms"

They started walking, James trying to ignore the curious glances of passing people.

Once they made it down to the courtroom, they had to wait outside for a while.

James took the time to inspect his surroundings, while Lily sat down against a wall and stuck her nose into her Potions' textbook, from time to time scribbling madly at her scroll of parchment.

It was a long, wide hallway, and the door leading to the courtroom was double James's height. The door was made of a dark metal that looked cold. He shuddered and turned away.

"We won't be able to go into the actual trial with you" his dad said gently. "It's only witnesses and Wizengamot members allowed in"

"Right" James said, swallowing. He was suddenly very nervous. "I'm not sure I-"

"You'll be fine, Jamie" Euphemia said, smiling at him. "You always are. Just tell them what happened, yeah?"

"'course" he whispered.

The doors were creaking open, and Lily looked up, startled. James offered her his hand and she took it with a small smile, climbing to her feet. She didn't let go once she was standing and James took some small comfort from that.

They stepped into the courtroom.

The room's ceiling was so high it was lost in the shadows, and the air felt strangely heavy. James took a deep breath. The members of the Wizengamot were sitting on tiered benches along the walls, in deep plum robes. Sparkling silver 'W's were embroidered on their fronts and they stared down at James and Lily like they were some sort of strange creatures. Torched provided the only light and strange shadows painted the walls. James could see centaurs and Dementors and swaying trees in the shadows.

It was utterly silent, and not your ordinary type of silence either. It was the weighty, pressing on your eardrums silence that you got when you were underwater. It was oppressive and deep.

"The Wizengamot" said a stern looking old witch. "Recognizes Lily Evans and James Potter, as witnesses for the prosecutor relating to the events taking place on the evening of Saturday, the 1st of May at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry"

Lily's grip on his hand tightened.

"Please take a seat" the elderly witch said, pointing her wand at the wall. A pair of hard-backed chairs appeared. The pair of them hastily sat down and were promptly ignored.

James recognized Marlene's mum, Lucy McKinnon up in one corner taking notes, and as if sensing his eyes on her, smiled down at him.

Silence fell again, and then the doors opened.

Instantly, the courtroom was filled with the most awful cold. The air left James's lungs and all he could think of was sorrow – Lark when she said goodbye, Anna's eyes after Artemis died, Lily's face after Snape spat at her, when Lily used to hate him… There were fluttery cloaks coming through the doors, and they were supporting someone between them. Carrow. He was limp and pale, and he looked utterly broken. James felt a faint stab of satisfaction through the leeching cold.

"Dementors" Lily hissed, tugging at his hand. "Think of happy stuff"

James thought of the first time he kissed Lark, of playing Quidditch with his friends, of holding Lily's hand during the summer. The cold started to retreat slightly.

"Alfred Carrow" the old witch said. "You have been brought here on charge of using the Cruciatus Curse on James Potter on the evening of Saturday, May 1st. If you are found guilty, you will be sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban"

Carrow had been deposited in a chair in the middle of the courtroom, and clanking chains crept up the legs and round the arms of the chairs like over-friendly snakes, binding Carrow to the chair. His head lolled back and he picked it up with difficultly.

"Character witnesses for the defence" the old witch said. James recognized her vaguely. He knew she was the Chief Warlock, and he thought they might've had her over for dinner one night. Gretel … Something.

"The Wizengamot recognizes Daeva Yaxely and Severus Snape. Please take a seat"

Lily's hand clenched almost painfully around his own and James rested a hand on her forearm. She relaxed.

"You ok?" he asked, and she nodded tightly.

"Lily Evans" Gretel-Something said. "Please rise"

Lily seemed to have to pry her fingers away from his hand to stand, but she walked forward calmly.

* * *

Lily gazed up at the Wizengamot. They were mostly in shadow, but Lily could see a few familiar faces. Lucy McKinnon, smiling down reassuringly. Gretel Spikebird, of course, Chief Warlock. A wizard that once gave a lecture about dragon protection programs at Hogwarts. Lily took a deep breath.

Sev, across the courtroom, watched her with wide eyes and she ignored him.

"Miss Evans, can you please tell the Wizengamot what exactly transpired on the evening of the 1st of May?"

Lily talked for about five minutes, describing the initial fight, and then Carrow's attack. She described how she had to half-drag James to the Hospital Wing, he was in so much pain, (Nothing wrong with adding a bit of pathos, she decided). She repeated slowly and calmly what Daeva and Carrow said, and how their wands corroborated her testimony when inspected. Eventually, she fell silent and looked up at the rows of silent witches and wizards. It felt strangely good to speak about it. Like drawing poison from a wound. She looked back at James and he was grinning encouragingly.

"And that's it" she finished, rather lamely.

Gretel Spikebird's face was unreadable, but she looked down at her notes for a moment. "Thank you Miss Evans. You may return to your seat. The Wizengamot calls James Potter, to recount the events of the evening of May 1st"

James passed her on her way back to her chair and smiled at her for a moment. Lily smiled back, a bit shakily.

James repeated more or less exactly what Lily had said, with a few rather _colourful_ additions that made the Wizengamot raise their eyebrows. He acted out part of the fight, and described in enthusiastic play-by-play detail _exactly_ how Lily took down Carrow.

Lily buried her face in her hands. He never knew when to shut up.

When James returned to his chair, his step was almost buoyant.

"Thank you Mr Potter" Ms Spikebird said dryly. "The Wizengamot calls Daeva Yaxely"

Lily watched Daeva climb carefully to her feet. Her fluffy blond hair had been delicately curled around her fine boned face and her blue eyes were wide and guileless. She was wearing a dainty blue sundress and a matching cardigan and she looked a few years younger than she was. She was the picture of wholesome innocence, and Lily wanted to curse her legs out from under her.

"Yes Your Honor" she said, bobbing a curtsy. Lily and James rolled their eyes in unison.

Gretel Spikebird regarded her evenly. "Please tell the Wizengamot what transpired on the evening of May 1st"

"Well" Yaxely said, eyes still wide and empty. "Me and some friends were coming down the Astronomy when James Potter and Lily Evans stopped us. They said that Slytherins didn't have any place at Hogwarts and-"

She stopped to sniff daintily, dabbing at her eyes.

Lily's fingers itched.

"-And that they would run us out!"

Yaxely gazed around the courtroom in a dramatic pause.

"Well, obviously we were very hurt by this but we asked if we could please go by and they said no and then Lily Evans cursed Sev. Sorry, Severus Snape. She hung him in the air by his ankle and then she – she – used a Leg-Locker Curse on me and I fell backwards down the stairs. I nearly broke my neck. My friends were defending themselves against James, and I don't for one minute believe that Carrow meant to curse Potter. He probably mixed up his incantations"

Yaxely finished speaking and wiped at her eyes again while the Wizengamot stared down impassively.

James caught Lily's hand as it was inching into the pocket of her robes.

"We can curse her after, yeah?" he whispered.

" _Fine_ "

"The Wizengamot calls Severus Snape"

Lily stared hard at Snape as he stood awkwardly, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

"It wasn't James and Lily" he said all in a rush, and Lily's mouth dropped open.

"Carrow started it. He called Lily-" Snape swallowed and looked down, before meeting Lily's eyes. "He called her an 'up-jumped Mudblood bitch' and wouldn't let them go by. Daeva cast the first curse"

There was a murmur, quiet as a breeze that passed through the Wizengamot. Lily was still staring into Sev's eyes and he was staring back solemnly.

"Mr Snape" Gretel said. "Thank you. You may sit down while the Wizengamot confers"

Lily crossed her fingers in the pockets of her robes. Sev looked guilty as he looked away; breaking their eye contact, but Lily stared hard after him. He'd just made himself a pariah in the eyes of his housemates.

"Oi!" Carrow shouted from his chair. The chains around him tightened threateningly and he let out a hiss of pain. "Don't I get a say?"

"Certainly, Mr Carrow" Ms Spikebird said. "What do you wish to share with the Wizengamot?"

"I didn't do it, hear? Weren't my fault. They attacked us – Evans and Potter attacked us, you hear? I were just defending myself, weren't I?"

"Mr Carrow, your wand conclusively proves that you did indeed cast the Cruciatus Curse on Mr Potter. Self-defence or not, the use of that curse is punished by life imprisonment in Azkaban"

Carrow lunged forward and was throttled for a moment by the chains. Lily found that a little more satisfying than she probably should, and couldn't help a pang of disappointment when they released him.

"All those in favour of life imprisonment for Mr Carrow?" Gretel Spikebird asked, lifting a hand.

Hands started to fly up. Too many to count, but certainly over three-quarters of the Wizengamot.

"Those against?"

A handful.

"Alfred Carrow" Gretel Spikebird said calmly, staring down at Carrow. "For the use of the Cruciatus Curse on one James Potter, on the evening of May 1st, the Wizengamot finds you guilty of using an Unforgivable Curse and sentences you to life imprisonment in Azkaban"

There was a leap of vengeful joy in Lily's chest, and even the Dementors that came to take Carrow away couldn't dampen it.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading!**_


	52. Fishy Tales

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

"So _Snape_ came along and disputed Carrow's story?" Anna asked.

The five Gryffindor girls were up in their dormitory, studying. At least that was the plan. Anna had side-tracked Mary's lecture on the healing properties of Dittany to an in-depth discussion on the trial.

Lily dropped her favourite eagle feather quill on the quilt and picked up a sugar quill, sucking on the end contemplatively.

"Yup. It was pretty surprising" she said. She hadn't seen Sev since the trial, which had been a week ago. She hadn't seen much of James, either for that matter. But she wasn't too concerned. Everyone was buckling down for exams, and as she stared at her Herbology textbook, she was reminded she should be too.

"Wow" Marlene said. She stole Lily's sugar quill and bit off the end before handing it back. "You haven't talked to him all year, have you?"

Lily shook her head. He'd tried to, at Christmas, and Lily had run. Now she didn't know what she would say, even if she wanted to talk to him.

'Thanks for betraying your House'?, 'Gosh, that was sure brave, hopefully you won't be murdered in your sleep'?

There wasn't really anything she _could_ say.

"I'm just glad Carrow's in Azkaban" Lily said vengefully, crunching on her sugar quill.

"He has a brother and sister – they graduated last year, I think" Mary told them. She had put down her Herbology notes and was frowning at them. "Can we please get back to studying?"

Camilla tossed her a toffee from their latest visit to Honeydukes and smiled at her. "Of course, Mar. Astound us with your knowledge"

Mary went back to telling them about Dittany and Lily dutifully started making notes, but her heart wasn't really in it. She'd had Prefect patrol until three in the morning last night, and her eyes felt very heavy.

Something hit her head and Lily reached up and found a toffee in her hair. She glared at Camilla.

"You were falling asleep" Camilla said unapologetically.

"Right, sorry"

Lily forced her eyes open, and concentrated on the page in front of her.

* * *

James and the other boys were plotting. Remus had drawn up complicated looking diagrams and was in the process of explaining exactly how they would keep the Squid alive and breathing. Peter was in charge of getting the Common Room password from an unsuspecting Slytherin and Sirius was in the middle of figuring out how to lure the Squid close enough to the Common Room window.

"Could we use sort of a reverse Bubble Head charm?" Remus wondered. "Fill it with water instead of air?"

"Where does the Squid breathe from?" Peter asked. "I mean, what exactly do you know about squid physiology?"

"I guess we're going to the library" Sirius said sadly, and James climbed to his feet.

James hadn't seen much of Lily, or any of Lark, and he'd nearly run into Snape one day in the hall and tripped over his own feet trying to avoid him.

He followed his friends through the halls absently. He was glad the trial was over. Afterwards, his dad had pulled him into a hug and his mum had dropped a quick kiss on his head before they left, and James and Lily had gone back to school.

They hadn't seen Snape or Yaxley, but James had assumed they Flooed back to the school just like them.

"This one…" Remus said, pulling a book off the shelf, "and this one…"

The other boys trailed after him as he plunked the heavy books on a table.

"It says that giant squid have gills in the mantle – that's like their torso – so I guess we just need a really, really big bubble"

"Will the Giant Squid fit in the Common Room?" Sirius asked curiously. "We don't want to kill it, after all"

"I always thought the Squid was a bit ridiculous" Peter confided, and James nodded.

"Me too, where did they even get it?"

"Australia" Remus told them, still leafing through his book. "It was a gift from the Australian Ministry"

"Huh" Sirius said. "Most people send fruit baskets. I guess squid works"

Remus kept paging through the books.

"Ok…" he said slowly. "I think we should be ok. We'll stay in the Common Room so we can put the Squid back in the lake if it starts to look dehydrated"

* * *

The next day, Sunday, the four of them snuck into the Slytherin Common Room with the password that Peter had gleaned from a suspicious first year girl that he bribed with a sack of Honeydukes sweets and a bottle of Butterbeer. They picked a quiet corner and huddled carefully under the cloak. Peter had transformed into the rat and was sitting on James's shoulder quietly as they all tried to pull their legs and arms back under the cloak.

James and Sirius started casting Summoning Charms, one after another in quick succession, hoping that together they would be strong enough to overpower the Squid. After a few minutes, James saw a long tentacle reach out of the gloom. The Squid was slowly meandering through the water, waving its tentacles happily at the Slytherins in the Common Room. A few of the students waved back, and one little first year hopped up next to the window to show the Squid a drawing. The Squid tapped the glass with a tentacle in an approving manner and the little boy beamed.

They had the Squid there. Now they had to get it into the Common Room. James had remembered the glass at the front of St Mungos that you walked through, how it kept the Muggles out but parted like water for wizards. He'd spent quite a few hours poring over books in the library to try to find a similar spell. He'd finally found one. It was immensely complex magic but James had spent the last day practising with Sirius and encouraging him to walk through a sheet of solid glass. He was fairly sure he had it down.

"Alright" he whispered, elbowing Remus out of the way so he had more room. "Everyone ready?"

The others nodded. Peter waved his tail.

James whispered the incantation, his wand moving in complicated squiggles as he pointed it at the window.

"Done" he whispered, raising his wand again.

" _Accio_ Squid!" Sirius whispered loudly at the same time as James.

The Squid whooshed forwards, a few of the Slytherins shrieked, and then the Squid was sitting in the Common Room and Remus hastily cast a Bubble Head charm round its mantle and filled it with water.

The four of them watched with bated breath. The Slytherins didn't seem frightened, more _concerned_.

A group of older students were setting up a bucket brigade of sorts, conjuring buckets and filling them with water. The younger students were dumping the water over the Squid and a trio of tiny first years were clustered round one tentacle, patting the Squid comfortingly and singing lullabies.

One small boy offered the Squid a scone and it shoved the scone into its beak with a tentacle. Another little girl was earnestly telling the Squid about exams and classes, and pulled out a roll of parchment to show it.

Even some of the older students were patting the Squid absently while they chatted. A fifth year girl chased off a group of second years that were trying to braid the Squid's tentacles together, and a cluster of third years were scrubbing off some of the moss that had grown on the Squid's back.

Within minutes, the Slytherin Common Room had turned into a hive of activity as older students ordered around the younger ones, working on keeping the Squid drenched in water.

"Wow" Remus said, staring. "That was unexpected"

"Slytherins are so _weird_ " Sirius said furiously. "Any other house would be running around, screaming their bloody heads off and the Slytherins are _singing_ to a bloody Squid!"

Peter twitched his nose in dismay.

With a surge of amusement, James spotted Lark gently stroking the Squid's mantle and washing it with gouts of water from her wand.

"This is really peculiar" he agreed.

"What do we do?" Remus asked. "We can't just leave them with a Squid in their Common Room"

"We can" Sirius said mutinously. "Let them figure out what to do"

"How about we stay here for a bit and if it looks like they don't know what to do, we'll step in?" James suggested. Lark was still patting the Squid, but now she looked over her shoulder to one of the seventh years.

"I hope none of the Mer come to investigate" she said. "The Common Room can't fit much more"

"Someone must've enchanted the window" the seventh year said, prodding at the glass gingerly. His hand slipped through and he pulled it back hastily, dripping wet.

"Levitation Charms" Lark said, nodding firmly. "Just put it back through the window"

"I don't know how we'd turn the window back…" the boy said.

"Keep it" Lark suggested. "I think it'd be fun for the firsties"

"We could use Bubble Head charms and have field trips!" the seventh year said, brightening. "Good idea Lark, I'll get everyone who can do a decent Levitation Charm"

"Slytherins scare me a little bit" James said. "They're all … _organized_ "

"How terrifying" Remus said dryly. "I guess that's why you're scared of calendars"

James shoved at him as some of the older Slytherins gathered behind the Squid and raised their wands.

Someone counted down.

" _Wingardium Leviosa!"_ they all cried, and the Squid rose up, and shot back through the window where it disappeared into the gloom of the lake.

"That was pointless" Sirius said, and James shrugged.

"I thought it was kind of fun"

"Well" Remus said, starting to pull them all up. "We have studying to do"

"Right" James said grimly, still watching Lark.

She was helping mop up the Common Room, and laughing as the first years enthusiastically described the Squid. Her dark hair was pulled back in a loose braid and her smiling lips were dark red. She fit there, in the cool, dark Common Room, surrounded by green and silver.

James let himself be pulled to his feet and walked out.

* * *

Lily spoke to Snape in the last week of school.

It was a Monday, and she had just finished her Charms final. She thought she had done fairly well – but she had mixed up the strengths of her water conjuring charms and accidentally knocked her desk over. Aside from that, she was feeling confident about it.

Sev stopped her right before she stepped into the Great Hall.

"Can we talk?" he asked simply.

Lily started to shake her head, spotting her friends already sitting down for lunch. A smile quirked her mouth as she spotted James gesturing enthusiastically with a spoonful of mashed potatoes. Anna and Marlene were both cackling at something he had said. Despite everything, she thought, this year had been pretty wonderful. They had transformed from a year group into _family_.

And then she saw the desperate look in Sev's eyes and nodded. "Ok" she said slowly, following him.

He led her to a quieter section of the hall, where there was an uncomfortable looking stone bench shoved up against one wall. Sev sat down and after a moment's hesitation, so did Lily.

"Thank you" she blurted. "For the trial. You didn't have to"

"I know" Sev said. "But I wanted to"

There was a pregnant pause as Lily struggled to choose her next words.

"I hope it didn't get you in trouble with your housemates"

Sev shrugged. "It's a pretty small subset that supports … him. The rest of them are good people"

Lily thought of Lark, of the Slytherins that she'd seen with their Ravenclaw friends, their Hufflepuff romances, their Gryffindor partners-in-crime, and nodded.

"Still. If it makes it hard for you…"

"I managed to convince them that it was for the best" Sev said, staring at the floor. "I can be persuasive"

"How did you do that?"

"I pointed out that he would've gone to Azkaban with or without me and it was to our benefit that they didn't think all Slytherins were supporters of the Dark Lord"

"Yeah" Lily said, feeling herself begin to smile in an awful, sharp way. "But the difference is that you actually _are_ a Voldemort supporter"

Sev flinched. "I just-" he said pleadingly, meeting her eyes. "-I just think that we shouldn't have to _hide_ "

"I need to go" Lily said, breaking their eye contact and standing. "Maybe I'll see you later"

Sev didn't say anything, but let her go silently, watching the whole time with dark eyes.

* * *

 _ **A.N. Thank you for reading! I'm considering publishing this on AO3 after it's finished, and rewriting certain scenes and stuff. I think AO3 just tends to be more active. However, I won't do that until I've finished writing and publishing it on here.**_


	53. Letters

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

 _ **A.N. I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long! The muse ran off - I have a feeling she'll be back soon, though. I've also been really busy, so reworking my schedule was a bit tricky. Ah well. I'm back.**_

 _ **So I didn't want the summer to turn into the 40,000 word monstrosity of last summer, so it'll all be in letter form. Basically, the wizard version of a texting fic. I'm so sorry. Hopefully it works alright.**_

* * *

The leaving feast was raucous. Peter, giddy on the sugar from the vast array of puddings admitted that the Marauders had indeed put the Giant Squid in the Slytherin Common Room, after being interrogated by Camilla, and Sirius acted out the entire affair, using a slice of bread as the window and a baked potato to represent the Squid. It got a little messy once he added the pumpkin juice to his demonstration.

Lily forgot about talking to Sev and laughed with her friends. It was a warm, mellow evening, and the enchanted ceiling was a deep potent blue, speckled with a dusting of sugary stars. A fat yellow half-moon sat in the sky like a slice of lemon. She could smell the heavy ripe scent of roses floating through the soft air.

Ravenclaw won the House Cup, and Lily couldn't find it in herself to feel sad about that. It was too lovely an evening for that. She was sitting next to James, and caught his eyes, smiling. He smiled back, and after a beat, slid an arm round her shoulders. Lily froze for a second before laughing and tipping her head onto his shoulder.

Sirius continued in his dramatic recreation of the Squid-in-the-Common-Room, aided by an enthusiastic Peter who dutifully held up a slice of bread for Sirius to launch the potato through. Lily watched the two of them contentedly and watched how Anna was laughing so hard she was bent double in her seat, watched how Camilla gave Remus an extravagant kiss on the cheek when he finally jumped into the story, before laughing with a sound like pealing bells, watched how Marlene threw a biscuit at Sirius's head to get his attention, watched how Mary was smiling softly and joyfully, and Lily tilted her head so it rested more securely in the crook of James's shoulder.

"Hey James?" she whispered, half hoping he wouldn't hear her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad we don't hate each other anymore"

James paused, and Lily held her breath.

"I never hated you, Lily"

"I think you did, a little bit. You hated that I hated you. That hadn't really happened to you, before me"

"That's true" James admitted, and Lily couldn't see his face, but she was pretty sure he was smiling.

"I know" she said, and fell silent.

"D'you remember when I asked you if I thought we could ever be friends?"

"Yes" Lily said. "I said no"

"I'm glad you changed your mind"

"I didn't _mean_ to" Lily told him, realizing that it was true. She had never meant to like James Potter. She had meant to remain aloof to him throughout the rest of their time at Hogwarts, quietly despising him. It hadn't worked.

So Lily lifted her head, and kissed him quickly on the cheek, watching with delight as he flushed red.

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I know you probably don't want to talk to me. But I want to be friends with you again. You owe me that._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Severus,_

 _It was brave, what you did. I appreciate it. I respect you for that. I also don't owe you anything._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Hi! How's your summer so far? My mum, my sister Greta and I are going to America for a month. She's researching the history of Ilvermorny, the American school! I'm not sure if I'll be able to send many letters – long distance owling is terribly expensive. We're going to see a game of Quidditch our first week – some American teams. The players look delicious. Anyways, I hope you and your family are well! Say hi to everyone for me!_

 _Xoxo_

 _Camilla_

* * *

 _Dear Cami,_

 _Have a lovely time in America! Ilvermorny has such a fascinating history; I remember learning about it in History of Magic. The founder married a Muggle and he was the founder of one of the houses. It's been quiet so far – I haven't seen anyone yet. Marlene wants to go shopping in Muggle London though, so I promised to take her. Give Greta a hug for me!_

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Only one more year until freedom… How're you doing? Sirius is staying with me, and the Prewetts are visiting so the house is very full. I think Peter and Remus are coming in a few weeks to stay as well. You should come visit! It's weird not seeing you every day. I need someone to rescue me from my mum – she's been_ _ **very**_ _protective ever since Carrow, but she likes you. You could charm her into releasing me. I hope you're having a good summer!_

 _Lo_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I know, isn't it strange? Who d'you think will get Head Girl and Boy? My money's on Remus, and maybe Lark. Are the Prewetts doing alright? It's coming up on the anniversary of their dad's death… poor things. I'd love to come visit, it's very boring here. My sister's boyfriend just proposed to her – they're getting married in the winter, I think. She's… not very friendly anymore. Not that she ever was._

 _Your mother's protective for a reason! You got_ _ **cursed**_ _! Idiot. However, I will come rescue you. See you at some point._

 _You_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Can I come see you? I'd just like to talk. I'm sorry – you don't owe me anything. I didn't mean it like that._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Sev,_

 _Alright. The park, where we met. Tomorrow, one o'clock._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'll come fetch you tomorrow so we can go shopping. It's dreadful, I never get a chance to wear any of my nice clothes at school. See you soon!_

 _Marlene_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Thank you for meeting me. Can I keep writing you?_

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _I'm glad we talked. And yes, you can keep writing me._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Peter's staying with me and he's eaten_ _ **all**_ _the biscuits. And he told my parents about the Squid._

 _Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Remus,_

 _You two are coming to stay with me in a week, yeah? Tell him we have many biscuits._

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Remus accused me of eating all the biscuits. Can we come stay with you faster?_

 _Peter_

* * *

 _Dear Peter and Remus,_

 _My mum says you can Floo over this afternoon, see you then!_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I just wanted to say hi… I do miss you. Maybe we could have lunch in Diagon Alley some day? A new café just opened, it looks really nice. I hope you're having a lovely summer._

 _Lark_

* * *

 _Dear Lark_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _D'you want to come over for lunch soon? Maybe Friday? My mum's been asking after you, she really liked you. Hope you're well._

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Of course! That sounds great. I'll see you then, yeah? Say hi to the boys for me, and your mum._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lark,_

 _That sounds good, I've missed you too. How did you do on your exams? I can't believe it's seventh year already… How about Sunday, for lunch?_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _It's good to hear from you. Saturday sounds wonderful, I'll meet you in the Leaky Caldron. I did pretty well – well enough that I'm not worried about NEWTs. It is weird. One more year and we'll be out in the world…_

 _Best,_

 _Lark_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _I can't see you on Friday, sorry. I'm going out for lunch with some friends. Maybe I'll see you Monday? Hope you're well._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _America is wonderful! We had a tour of Ilvermorny and they employ the most delightful creatures as security guards. They're called Pukwudgies. They're terribly grumpy, but they did like the picture I took of them. It's enclosed within. It's just as big as Hogwarts, but instead of a hat, they have statues that pick what House a student should be in. All the statues are magical creatures chosen by the founders._

 _Greta's doing well, but she didn't come with us to Ilvermorny. I think it's too hard, to be surrounded by magic. My mum's had to travel disguised – she's quite a vocal Muggle-rights activist and the Death Eaters already attacked our house once. It's rather frightening._

 _Anyways, I've met an American boy. He's seventeen, about to go into his seventh year at Ilvermorny, and he's in Thunderbird House. Apparently it favours adventurers. His name is Ben and he likes my accent. I hope everyone's well!_

 _Xoxo_

 _Camilla_

* * *

 _Dear Cami,_

 _Everyone's well. America sounds amazing! The Pukwudgies look a bit like goblins, don't they? But I can't imagine a goblin would ever work for a wizard… The sorting ceremony sounds fascinating, but do the statues take your choices into account like the Hat does?_

 _Oh, Anna asked me to ask you about wandlore in America. What sort of cores do they use?_

 _I'm sorry to hear about Greta. My sister, Petunia is the same way but she's much…ruder about it. Did I tell you? Petunia's getting married in the winter. It's awfully close but she thinks she can do it._

 _Merlin, that's terrible about your mum. I hope you all stay safe._

 _Enjoy America, (and Ben)._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I've been having a quiet summer. My dad's understandably worried about Voldemort so my mum's been placing all sorts of protective spells on our house to reassure him. But he doesn't want me to go back to Hogwarts. I'm sure my mum and I will be able to convince him otherwise, but it's a bit concerning._

 _Have you heard anything from Cami? Her trip to America sounds fun. In your last letter you mentioned you'd been talking to Snape. Please be careful, Lily. I don't want you to get hurt._

 _Hugs,_

 _Mary_

* * *

 _Dear Mary,_

 _I hope your dad lets you come back – awful as it is to think about, Hogwarts really is the safest place to be. Even though there's been like, attacks and murders and stuff. I'm sure the teachers would come talk to him if he's really worried._

 _Cami's doing well – she's enjoying the local populace. I have been talking to Sev. I think he's changed, Mary. I think I can convince him that Voldemort is the wrong way._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm glad you came over, Remus and Peter have been at each other's throats. Something about biscuits. I suppose the risk of cohabitation is that proximity breeds contempt. Anyways, it was nice to see you. The Prewetts have left to go home, so I'm sure they'll see Rogers. Have you heard from her? It's been a tough time for her, it sounds like. Hope you're well._

 _Best,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _It was lovely to see you all! I'm sure Peter and Remus will sort it out – Remus is sensible and Peter's sweet. I haven't heard from Anna… I'm a bit worried. She's been withdrawing more and more. Don't tell anyone, but she flunked most of her exams. I don't know what's happening. It's been, god, ten months since Artemis died? I miss her too. I didn't see her often, but you couldn't help loving her._

 _Anna went so dark after it happened. I hope she comes back. Mary says her dad doesn't want her going back to Hogwarts, after he heard about all the attacks and stuff. And Cami is in America! Everyone's so far apart. Merlin, I sound maudlin._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Have you told anyone we're talking again? I know your friends don't like me._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _I told Mary. And they don't like you for good reason – you were awful to most of them._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you again._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _These letters are getting ridiculous, honestly. I think my last one was about 20 words. But yes, I do know you're sorry. I'm glad, at least, that you're slowly coming round. Voldemort really isn't the way, Sev. How's it at home? Are your parents still fighting?_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I know, I felt a little silly. I'm in a difficult situation, you know. Voldemort might not be great but I don't see a better option. They're always fighting._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Sev,_

 _Your options are what you make of them. You won't be able to find a better one until you acknowledge that the one you're choosing now is wrong. I'm sorry._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _How's your summer been since we left? Fabian's been practising Quidditch every chance he gets – he wants to be on the team this year. He's actually gotten pretty decent. I saw Anna Rogers the other day. She seems sad. She was always really sarcastic so it was weird. Mum's been having a tough time, and Fabian's been just sort of ignoring the whole situation. Molly and I are probably the only ones coping in a vaguely healthy manner. She's got the kids and I've been doing alright. I heard Camilla Lovegood went to America for her summer! Ilvermorny is really interesting; I read a book about it not long ago. The founder was one of Slytherin's descendants but she married a Muggle. Anyways, I hope you're all doing well._

 _Gideon_

* * *

 _Dear Gideon,_

 _We're doing fine. The house is pretty full and I suspect my dad's been sleeping at work some nights so he can get some quiet. We will have some spaces on the team next year… I guess we'll see what happens. Lily mentioned Anna wasn't doing so well. My mum says she's putting together a hamper of baked goods and books for her. That's terrible – I'm so sorry. My mum wants me to ask you to ask your mum if she wants to come for lunch._

 _Yeah, Cami's in America. Hopefully she doesn't cause any international incidents. I guess it just goes to show you – not all Slytherins are bad._

 _Have a good summer._

 _James_

* * *

 ** _A.N. Thanks for reading! Again, apologies about the letter format. I just didn't want to over-write._**


	54. Me Agnosceret

**_Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR_**

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _It was nice to see you. Did I tell you that I've been offered the job of the British Youth Representative to the Wizengamot for this year? It'll stand me in good stead for getting into the political track of the Ministry after graduation. Head Boy and Girl letters should be arriving any day, now. I bet Lily gets it. And maybe Remus. They're sensible. Anyways, I hope your summer's been good. My mum's getting more and more worried about me going back to Hogwarts. She wants to leave the country but I hope my dad will be able to talk her down._

 _I've also been seeing someone – he graduated in our fifth year. His name is Caradoc Dearborn. He was Head Boy actually. He's part of this new group that's against Voldemort, it's called the Order but he refuses to tell me anything else._

 _All my best,_

 _Lark_

 _P.S. Did you and the boys put the Squid in the Slytherin Common Room? I heard a rumour…_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Honestly, I'm kind of glad to be going back soon. The quicker we can get out into the world, the better. You told me about an organization called the Order of the Phoenix last summer, and I just heard it mentioned again. D'you know anything more about it? It sounds very secretive. Hope you're well,_

 _Best,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Me too – our Defence Professor was actually good! Hopefully he stays… Professor Hawthorne taught proper duelling and everything. I don't want to be stuck with some frumpy Ministry witch. The Order of the Phoenix… I remember that. Marlene mentioned it. Her mum was a part of it, apparently. I don't really know much about it at all. I guess we'll have to find out more, yeah?_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lark,_

 _That's amazing about getting the BYR post! That'll look really good on your record. Yeah, I guess they will be. There's every chance that you'll get it, you know. I'm sure your mum will let you go back to Hogwarts, it's your last year, after all. Mary MacDonald's dad didn't want her going back either._

 _Yeah, I know Caradoc. He used to be on the Quidditch team. He's a good bloke. I've heard of the Order – it's very secretive. Marlene McKinnon's mum is a part of it. I think it's run by Dumbledore._

 _Hope you're well,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Sorry about not answering your owls. My parents want to take me on holiday with them but I think I'm going to stay. I don't really want to go back to Hogwarts. It reminds me of her, silly as it is. I really miss her. I visit her mum sometimes, and I visited the cemetery once but it didn't feel like anything. I felt like an idiot, just staring at these slabs of stone._

 _Anyways, I've been working at Ollivander's which is interesting, but it doesn't feel as magical as it did. I dunno why. Maybe it's like Christmas – it fades as you get older. Ignore me. I'm being stupid._

 _Anna_

* * *

 _Dear Anna,_

 _Don't worry about it. You're welcome to come stay with me while they're gone, y'know. If you don't want to be by yourself. You have friends who love you. You did meet her at Hogwarts – it makes sense. But a lot of things happened at Hogwarts. I'm so sorry you're hurting. If you do want to come stay with me, I got my Apparition test. I can Side-Along you, if you want. It's odd to be able to use magic out of school, isn't it?_

 _Hopefully things liven up at Ollivander's once the firsties come to buy wands. They're so sweet at first – I'm sure you'll have fun. Cami asked me to tell you that she bought you a book on American wandlore, and she's bringing you samples of all the cores they use. Some are quite peculiar sounding. Please come stay with me? Miss you._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Have you heard anything about Head Boy and Girl yet? I'm sure that you'll get it. How's your summer been? I'm staying with James and his house is very loud. Every so often things explode. I'm not quite sure whether it's purposeful explosions or not. I had a letter from Mary the other day – she mentioned that her dad might not let her go back to Hogwarts._

 _Peter has finally admitted to eating all the biscuits and he bought a big sack of new ones from the shop down the road. Now Sirius is eating them all. Hope you're having a good summer._

 _Remus_

* * *

 _Dear Remus,_

 _I haven't actually. James told me that Lark told him that Caradoc Dearborn told_ _ **her**_ _that you normally get the letters in the last week of vacation. We have a bit of time, I suppose. Mine's been fine – I think Anna's coming to stay with me. Hopefully. That does sound like James. Are they… damaging explosions? Mary told me that too, but I'm sure he'll let her go back. It is her last year, after all._

 _Peter is truly terrible. You'll just have to put aside your own box of biscuits._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Greta wants to stay in America. She says it's not as hard to ignore the magic, here, but she also met a Muggle girl named Sofia, who I think is part of the reason. Sofia knows about magic – she has a Muggleborn brother, so Greta can talk to her about that. They're planning a trip down to Mexico. My mum says Greta can stay – she is eighteen, after all, so she's an adult in the Muggle world. It'll be weird not to have her around though._

 _Did you get your booklist? I guess Professor Tallhart is staying – I saw 'Compendium of the Next Dimension Volume 2' on it. I dunno about Professor Hawthorne though. I hope he stays._

 _Anyways, I hope you're all well! Lots of love,_

 _xoxo_

 _Cami_

* * *

 _Dear Cami,_

 _Wow, that'll be quite a change, won't it? How's Ben, the boy you mentioned in your last letter? Will you be sad to say good bye? It's good that Greta's found somewhere where she's happy, I suppose. And someone who understands her. We all need that, don't we? I did get my booklist – I quite liked Professor Tallhart – for a Divination professor. She wasn't as misty as some of them. Professor Hawthorne was good too. Did you hear about Minister Hartford getting attacked? It happened on Saturday, she's got a contingent of Aurors for protection now. She's not exactly_ _ **doing**_ _anything but I suppose the Death Eaters viewed her as a threat._

 _I've been hearing a lot of rumours about the Order of the Phoenix – remember when Marlene told us about it last summer? D'you know anything about it? I'm rather curious now. What's it like in America, regarding Voldemort? Is it like when Grindelwald was sweeping through Europe but not the rest of the world? Or is it bad over there as well? See you soon._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Are you going to Diagon Alley this week? I was going to go on Tuesday if you want to go together. It would be like old times. I haven't seen you in a few days._

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _I'm afraid I can't make it on Tuesday – how about Wednesday?_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Sure, Wednesday would be fine. See you then, yeah?_

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'll see you on Tuesday for lunch, right? And that Muggle thing you were talking about – what's it called? Moovlie? Something peculiar like that. Looking forward to seeing you,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _It's 'movie'. And I'll see you on Tuesday._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Merlin I haven't talked to you in an age. My summer's been very busy – I've had a job at the Leaky Caldron and I've been meeting all sorts of strange people. I think I met a vampire yesterday, but he could've just been awfully pale. I'm going to tell people I met a vampire though. Are you still talking to Snape? Has James found out?_

 _Kisses,_

 _Marlene_

* * *

 _Dear Marlene,_

 _Did he ask for a Bloody Mary? I'm still talking to Sev, yes, and James doesn't know. Not that it's any of his business._

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I've been practising Quidditch all summer. Gideon taught me the Starfish-and-Stick yesterday and I only fell off my broom once. D'you know when you're going to hold try outs? I want to go in for Chaser – Felicity Davis left last year, didn't she? How's your summer been? Mine's been alright. I went to the Muggle zoo again, with Gideon, and I didn't talk to any Muggles about Switching Spells._

 _Hope you're doing well,_

 _Fabian_

* * *

 _Dear Fabian,_

 _Good job on getting the Starfish-and-Stick, that's a tricky move. It's a good thing your brother can do Cushioning Charms. I don't know – I'll have to see when I can book the pitch. Yeah, Felicity left last year so her spot's open. I guess we'll have to see how you do. My summer's been fine – bit boring since you two left. Peter and Sirius are plotting a party of some sort so I'll probably see you then. Excellent, you really should try to avoid conversations like that. Maybe one day we'll be able to tell Muggles who we are, but that day's a long way off._

 _James_

* * *

 _YOU GOT HEAD BOY? JAMES WHAT THE HELL._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Apparently? I dunno what Dumbledore was thinking. I mean it makes sense with you, but I'm not even a Prefect. Sirius is sure it's a forgery and Remus keeps charming it to 'reveal its secrets'. Peter just won't stop laughing. Congratulations by the way. I suppose this means you can't put me in detention anymore?_

 _Sincerely,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _This is surprising. Scratch that, this is shocking. You're going_ _ **straight**_ _. Giving up a life of crime and misdeeds. Walking on the right side of the law. Small wonder Peter won't stop laughing. Congratulations though, you do deserve it. Really. You've changed a lot this past year. We both have, I think. And I've never put you in detention, prat._

 _Yours,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I heard you got Head Boy! Congratulations, you really deserve it. You'll be fantastic, you know. I heard Lily got Head Girl – say congratulations for me, will you? The two of you will be brilliant._

 _Love from Lark_

* * *

 _Dear Lark…_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I know I'm living with you currently but I felt like I ought to send you a letter to congratulate you. It seems like everyone's doing it these days, so I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Congratulations. If you ever try to dock points or give me a detention, I'll stab you with your own Head Boy pin. Clear?_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Padfoot_

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _Thank you for your… kind words. I appreciate them. And I believe threatening an authority is worth several detentions. I'll let it slide since we're on holiday this time._

 _Thanks again,_

 _Prongs_

* * *

 _Dear Anna,_

 _Are you sure you don't want to stay with me? It's no trouble, really. We'd love to have you. Owl me whenever, yeah?_

 _Love,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm sure. Thanks._

 _Anna_

* * *

 _Dear Mary,_

 _I'm worried about Anna. I haven't seen her all summer and all her letters are … sad. She seemed like she was doing better but I guess now she's at loose ends. She won't come and stay with me either. D'you have any ideas?_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'll go over there today. D'you want to come? I think it's time for an intervention…_

 _Hugs,_

 _Mary_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Are we still on for Diagon Alley?_

 _Sev_

* * *

 _Dear Sev,_

 _Definitely!_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _James, please just owl me back. It's not what it seems like – Sev's changed._

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Lily_

* * *

 _James, please. I miss talking to you…_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Anna's doing a bit better, I think. I've told her I'm coming to stay with her, so I'll be able to keep an eye on her. She grumped around about it for a bit but I think she'll come round. Hope you're well._

 _Mary_

* * *

 _Lily,_

 _I know you used to be friends with him. I know you feel bad for him. But don't do this. He's not what you think and you're going to get hurt. Just leave him alone._

 _James_

* * *

 _James,_

 _It's none of your damn business who I'm friends with. If you can't accept that, fuck off._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lily_

* * *

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like that. I just worry. About you, I mean. Can we talk?_

 _James_

* * *

 _James, my house, tomorrow, 6 o'clock._

* * *

James Apparated over to the Evans's house, still enjoying the novelty being able to zap himself anywhere he wanted to go. Lily's house hadn't changed. It was painted the same pale blue as last summer and gauzy white curtains were floating in the warm breeze. And in the front lawn, Lily sat on a checked blanket with a picnic basket sitting next to her.

She looked up as he stepped closer and pointed at a spot on the blanket, eyes narrowed slightly.

"Sit" Lily ordered. James sat.

There was a light sprinkle of freckles on her nose that hadn't been there the last time he saw her, and her dark red hair was shot with gold.

"Hi" he said nervously. He'd really made her angry, he could tell. Her mouth was one firm hard line, and her green eyes were cold even in the warm light of the candle she'd lit.

The thing was; he was angry too. He and Snape had been enemies since practically their first day at Hogwarts, and even though James had done all sorts of terrible stuff to him, Snape had done awful things too. That fight in their fifth year, when he cursed James with that spell that sliced his chest open and wouldn't stop bleeding. The time when he waited until James was alone before hexing him so badly he could barely walk. And of course, when he called Lily a Mudblood. But, James reminded himself, that wasn't his fight.

"I made muffins" she said, instead of returning his greeting, and she opened the basket. James was handed a muffin and he took it awkwardly.

Lily went back to staring at him silently.

"Why?" he asked her.

She lifted an eyebrow.

"Snape" James clarified. "Why are you talking to him?"

"He stood up for us. He risked a lot"

"For _you_. So you would forgive him. He didn't do it because it was the right thing; he did it so you would come running back to him. And it _worked_ "

Lily's eyes flashed and darkened. "But" she said delicately. "That's really none of your business. We're friends, James. You don't have any claim on me"

"Of course not" James said exasperatedly. "No one can _own_ you Lily, what the hell. But I'm allowed to be worried, aren't I? Or is that none of my business too?"

Lily picked up her glass of lemonade and took a sip, scowling at him.

"Sure. Be worried. Just don't ask me to stop seeing him to ease your concern"

James squeezed the muffin he was still holding in frustration and Lily's mouth quirked up.

"Goddamnit" he said. "He supports _Voldemort_. He called you – he called you-"

"A Mudblood" Lily said calmly, and James exploded.

"Yeah. He called you a Mudblood. He told the whole school what he thinks of you, Lily, and what he thinks is that you're _less_. That you're not worth anything. He doesn't respect you – he just thinks you're beautiful, but he doesn't _care_ about you Lily! Just – stop, ok?"

Lily was looking down at her hands. "Please go" she said in a very small voice.

James's heart sank. He would've given anything to have her on her feet, spitting back at him, angry and wild, but not _this_. She sounded broken.

"Alright" he said quietly. "Alright, I'll go"

* * *

 _ **A.N. Ooooh... Please don't hate me? Thanks for reading!**_


	55. Fire and Emeralds

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

 _ **A.N. This chapter covers a lot of time very quickly, so hold on for that.**_

* * *

Peter offered biscuits. Remus told him about all the cool stuff you got to do as an authority figure. Sirius ranted about Slytherins in general. James was still furious. Lily – she _never_ listened, which he loved, but sometimes he wished she would just wait for a moment before leaping forward.

In their relationship, friendship, enemy-hood – _whatever_ – she had always been the one calling the shots. She would instigate the next fight. _She_ would dictate what they were to each other. James hadn't minded.

But now, now that she was putting herself in danger by her refusal to _listen_ , he was done.

"I'm done" he announced.

Sirius, who was sitting on the end of James's bed, looked up. "That's great" he said. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure, yeah"

"What exactly are you done with?"

"Lily Evans"

"Ah"

Sirius went back to his book, which was odd in of itself.

"What're you reading?" James asked, vaguely curious.

"New Divination textbook"

"Are you ill?"

" _No_ "

James was quiet for a moment. He had a letter from Professor McGonagall about Head Boy duties that he was absently rereading. He hadn't been spending _all_ his time sulking, just a large portion of it.

"Maybe you should apologize" Sirius suggested, rolling over and gazing at James upside down.

"It's not my fault. She should be the one apologizing"

"Yeah" Sirius agreed, still upside down. "But girls are stubborn. Especially red haired ones whose names rhyme with Mily Bevans"

"She's being an idiot"

"You were an idiot for several years and she didn't hold it too much against you"

"I'm _not_ apologizing"

* * *

Lily sat in the middle of Anna's living room with her knees tucked up under her chin, lamplight shining on her hair. Beside her was a pile of roughly carved sticks and she picked one up, twirling it absently.

"Careful!" Anna yelped, diving forwards. "That's un-stretched dragon heartstring, idiot"

A few angry sparks shot out the end and Lily stopped twirling.

"Why do you stretch it?" she asked, frowning.

Camilla was sitting on the sofa with a cat in her lap and she answered before Anna could.

"So the magical residue is – tamed. It can be controlled more effectively"

"How'd you know that?" Anna demanded.

Cami smiled a bit. "Ben wants to be a wandmaker"

Anna rolled her eyes and took the cat from Camilla.

"Where's Mary?" Camilla wanted to know. "I thought she was staying with you"

"She was" Anna said. "She had to go do – something. I dunno. I tuned it out"

"That's not very nice" Camilla chided.

Lily carefully set the half-finished wand down and stood up, stretching her palms up to the ceiling.

"Anna, you still want to test that wand you finished?" she asked.

It was nice being able to use magic over the holidays. She could brush her hair, and turn teacups into biscuits, and Vanish rubbish, and it was just very, very nice. The Apparating was fun too.

Anna let Camilla have the cat again and selected a wand from amongst the pile of sticks. It was polished and neatly shaped, and there were tiny curly vines stretching up from the handle, as if reaching for the sun.

"Ready?" Lily asked, pulling her own wand out of the pocket of her shorts.

"Let's try not to destroy the living room this time" Camilla piped up, hugging the cat tightly.

Anna flicked the wand, sending a bolt of silverly light at Lily who put up a Shield Charm. The spell ricocheted back at Anna and she blasted it aside with a cloud of blue haze. Lily shot an experimental Stunner at her and Anna dodged, sending a hex that Lily didn't recognize back at her.

A few minutes later, they stopped, and Anna inspected the wand carefully. Apparently satisfied, she pulled a long slender box out of the basket by her feet and nestled it in gently.

"Thanks Lily" she said, and Lily sat back down.

It was a week before they were due to go back to Hogwarts and she hadn't spoken to James. She was starting to cave – she wrote half of a letter last night before burning it, and she just wished she was a bit less stubborn.

"Should I write James?" she asked the two girls.

Anna laughed slightly bitterly. "Merlin's sake Lily, why're you asking us? My girlfriend died a year after I met her and Cami's last boyfriend turned out to be a Death-Eater-in-training"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Lily asked.

"I meant, romance wise"

"We're _friends_ "

"You say that _now…_ "

Lily threw an unfinished wand at her head and Anna caught it neatly, shaking her head.

"You should get over yourself" Anna advised. "He's an idiot, but for some reason he cares. Suck it up and apologize for going off on him"

Camilla passed her the cat and nodded wisely. "She's right. Write him, Apperate over there, send him a Howler, just let him know you don't hate him"

Lily didn't hate him, of course. She just found it profoundly irritating when he tried to interfere in something that was _clearly_ none of his business.

She wasn't wrong to find that annoying, was she?

Except… when James was cursed by the Slytherins, she'd swore at him and ranted and told him he was stupid for doing what he did. Maybe that was what you did when you cared. Maybe you gave them hell to _prove_ that you cared. Maybe he was right.

"No, I don't think so" she said determinedly. He had been an interfering arse and she wasn't apologizing.

"Fine" Anna said. "Just don't blame us when you're miserable"

Lily was on the verge of throwing another wand at her head.

"I'm going to bed" she said, standing up and heading for Anna's room.

They let her go without saying another word.

It took four more days for Lily to make up her mind regarding James. She flip-flopped. He was a condescending prick who knew _nothing_ about her or Sev, he was looking out for her, James had always had it out for Sev, he just wanted her to be safe…

It was confusing.

 _Would you miss him?_ she asked herself. _If this is really it – would it break you to never speak to him again?_

 _Yes,_ she decided. _Yes, it probably would._

It was the night before they were going back to Hogwarts when she finally made a decision. Anna, Mary, Camilla and Lily were all having dinner on the living room floor when Lily stood up.

"I should probably go" she said, moving towards the door. "I think I need to talk to someone"

"Yes!" Camilla said, clapping her hands. "Go!"

* * *

Lily Apperated on the edges of the Potter mansion. She knew most families had wards up these days, and she didn't want to set them off. She stopped outside the window that she was fairly sure belonged to James, and scooped up a handful of pebbles from the garden bed.

Pulling out her wand, she carefully levitated one to rap on his window. Nothing. Lily tried again. On the third try, a head stuck out. Lily could see messy hair and she grinned for a second.

"Lily?" he called down.

"Hi!" she whispered loudly.

"What're you doing?"

"Being terribly cliché. Can I come up?"

James pulled his head back in and Lily cursed internally. She should've apologized first.

James returned with a wand in his hand and pointed it at the side of the house, muttering something. A rope fell down the side of the house and landed in Lily's hand. She glared up at him for a moment before sighing and wrapping her hands around the rope. It was slightly rough.

It seemed to take a very long time before she hauled herself, panting, over the edge of James's windowsill. He was smirking. She decided to ignore that.

"Have you never climbed a rope before?"

"Hogwarts doesn't do P.E." she informed him. "I'm extremely out of shape"

James's room was dimly lit and messy. A large barn owl sat on a perch, preening his wings happily. Two Hogwarts's trunks sat in one corner of the room, and his bed was unmade.

"Why're you here, Lily?" James asked, and Lily swallowed, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest defensively.

"I'm here-" she said, and coughed. "I'm here to – to apologize. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you- I missed you-"

There was a pause as she struggled for words, and she stumbled over her own apology for another minute or so.

"I was just _really_ angry. You and Sev have hated each other for years – I thought you just wanted me to hate him too. I didn't realize you were properly worried…"

"You kind of over reacted" James said, studying her. Lily couldn't read his eyes and she tugged at a strand of her hair anxiously. "You didn't need to"

"I know" she said desperately. "I know – I don't like being told what to do-"

"Do you know _why_ I was worried?" he asked.

"You care about me" Lily said, looking at her feet. "Merlin knows why"

"Yeah" James said simply. "I care about you. You _worry_ about people you care about Lily, it's how it works. Snape may've been your friend once, but you've seen him since then. You know the people he's friends with. You know the sort of magic he likes, the power he wants. That's why I worry"

"You never really knew him. You hated him from the start didn't you? Do you even know why you hate him?"

"Because he sides with Voldemort, Lily. The fact that he likes you isn't a sign that he's changing, you're the exception to the rule. D'you know why he stood up for us at the trial? To get you to forgive him"

"You said that last time" Lily interrupted. "You can worry about me, alright? And I won't get annoyed at you for worrying"

James buried his face in his hands. "That's really not how compromises work" he informed her in a muffled voice.

Lily sighed impatiently.

"Fine. What would _you_ suggest?"

"Stop seeing Snape" he said immediately.

Lily regarded him flatly. She wanted to stop fighting with James but it was _hard_. "No" she said.

"We appear to be at an impasse"

"Yeah, but you're the one that's making the problem"

The slightly amused grin dropped off James's face and Lily wanted to grab the words and stuff them back in. She closed her eyes and shook her head once, sharply. "No – I'm sorry, that was stupid. Ok – how about I stay friends with Sev for the rest of the year – and if I manage to convince him to _renounce_ Voldemort, or whatever, you'll let it be. If not, I'll stop talking to him"

James considered her for a minute.

"I don't want to fight anymore" she whispered. "I don't-"

James cut her off with a hug. As Lily's arms wrapped automatically around him, she relaxed. He was warm, and his arms were strong and she felt safe for a moment. Safe and _loved._

"It's ok. That's fine" he whispered, hugging her tighter. "I missed you too"

Lily's arms looped under his and she rested her chin on his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry too" James said. "We're both idiots, yeah?"

"Yeah" Lily whispered back, tears starting to pool in her eyes as she laughed a bit. "Yeah, we definitely are"

* * *

It was lovely to be back at Hogwarts. Even with the added workload of their NEWT year, Professor Hawthorne still gave them Wednesday afternoons to practise duelling, and on Friday mornings Professor Slughorn let them brew whatever they wanted. If Divination got too serious, Vivian Tallhart would cackle in a manner that made her sound much younger and remind them that it was by no means a perfect science, and it was unlikely that their dreams would have much impact on their future lives.

By a sort of unspoken agreement, they didn't talk about Sev. Gradually, Lily stopped seeing him. It hadn't been deliberate – it had just sort of happened – but she got the impression that James was relieved by it.

Lily and James had more than a few late night patrols where they would spend the night talking quietly, or not saying anything at all and simply enjoying each other's presence.

But still, outside of Hogwarts, people were dying and disappearing and Lily and James's quest to find the Order of the Phoenix had been shelved as they were reabsorbed into school life.

"What're you going to do, after Hogwarts?" Lily asked him one night when they had made it to the top of the Astronomy Tower.

"I dunno" James said, staring up at the half moon.

"I don't know either" she told him. "I just – I just want to _fight_. I just want to change things"

"Then do that" he said. "Change the world, Lily Evans"

She kicked him in the ankle, sure he was making fun.

* * *

The months passed quickly. To Lily, it felt like an hourglass, standing on shifting sand as time ran out from under your feet. The new year arrived before she quite knew it. The whole group of them spent the night up the Astronomy Tower with a box of fireworks and a bottle of Firewhiskey, making absurd resolutions and watching a powder light drift of snow cover the dead grass at the foot of the tower.

And on the first day of the new year, they realized that Anna was missing.

"Look, there's a letter" Marlene said, crossing to Anna's bed in two quick strides and seizing up the envelope.

"No" Camilla whispered, all the colour draining from her face. "No, she couldn't have"

Lily's stomach was falling and the sand under her feet was moving and she nearly fell, catching the bedpost at the last minute.

"Open it" Mary said, her eyes glassy.

Marlene ripped it open violently, unfolding the letter.

For two, tense seconds, there was silence before Marlene spoke.

" _I'm sorry_ " she read, and Lily slapped a palm over her mouth to stop her sharp inhalation. " _But I can't stay at Hogwarts any more. I can't be around magic without her. Artemis_ _ **was**_ _magic and without her it all feels fake, I guess. So – I'm off to be a Muggle. You won't find me. I'm changing my name and my looks, and none of you will be able to find me. Please don't try. I don't think I can. I love you all, and you've held me together this long, but you couldn't do it forever. So this, this is my solution. It's a shit solution, as far as these things go, but it's the best one I can think of. Sorry._

 _Anna"_

"Oh my god" Camilla said in a hushed voice, sinking down onto the bed.

"She ran away" Marlene said, dropping the letter. "She fucking ran away"

Lily wrapped an arm around Mary, who looked like she was about to cry, and held on tightly. The days were passing so very quickly.

* * *

The days passed in brief, forgotten scenes, and Lily wasn't quite sure what to make of Hogwarts without Anna's bitter cynicism and biting wit. Something was missing. She missed Anna sitting beside her in Potions, swearing fluidly under her breath when she missed a step. She missed Anna lecturing them about wand woods, and she missed Anna's blunt no-nonsense friendship. She missed _Anna_.

The seventh year Gryffindors spent a lot of time together, and it made the pain a little better.

"James" Lily said one night in front of the fire. The two of them were lying on their stomachs on the rug. Lily stared into the flames until her vision went blurry.

"Yeah?" James asked.

"I like you a lot"

"I like you too, Lily"

"No-". Lily pushed herself up on one elbow, frustrated. She wasn't sure how to articulate this. "I _really_ like you"

"Really?"

"Really"

"Lily are you telling me that you like-like me?"

Lily let out a huff of a laugh. She wasn't sure what she was telling him. These days she often felt unsure, but never around James. Not till now.

"I'm not sure" she said truthfully. "You make me laugh. You make me brave. You make me better"

James was sitting up now too and Lily met his eyes. They were warm, and slightly amused.

"Y'know" he said lightly. "I've liked you for an awfully long time"

"I know" Lily said. "And I was horrible to you-"

"Yeah, but I was a brat"

"Yeah, you were. Anyways. I just – I'm not sure what I'm saying, James"

"Something about my devilishly good looks, I believe"

Lily threw a pillow at him.

"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something"

James sat up attentively, and folded his hands in his lap.

She took a deep breath. "So… we've known each other for a long time"

James said nothing, but nodded.

"For a portion of that time we shouted abuse at each other whenever we saw each other"

He nodded again.

"Then we sort of became friends. Allies – I think Anna called it. Then friends. And that's lovely – I love being your friend, James – but I think…"

Lily trailed off. James was grinning.

"I think I might love you" she said in a rush.

James said nothing and Lily closed her eyes. "Right" she said. "Right sorry, of course – just forget that-"

"Lily" he said.

"What" she snapped, on the defensive now.

"We're living in a really crazy time. One of your best friends just ran off to join the Muggles, people we know have been brutally murdered, a good quarter of the people in this school want you, and people like you dead. Everything's changing but you – you never leave. You're always here, Lily. You made it really hard, trying to get over you"

"But you clearly managed it" Lily said, looking away. Her throat felt tight.

"I didn't" James said. "I never did. I tried and I tried but it never worked. It was like – an earworm"

He frowned. "That came out wrong – you're not a worm"

"Thanks" Lily said dryly.

"Welcome. Anyways – I think I might love you too"

It was warm, in the Common Room, and late. It was utterly empty. The air smelled like fire and rain and wool, and James's hand when she took it was rough with calluses from Quidditch.

When they kissed, the room was silent, the air gathering around them like a held breath. The light from the fire surrounded them in a halo, and at least to Lily, it felt like this whole world was a story leading up to this moment. This moment where Lily's hands tangled in James's hair and one of his went round her waist and the kiss was soft and sure and melting, like they were somehow gluing themselves together forever and ever with this kiss.

When they pulled away, James looked at Lily and all he could see was fire and emeralds and joy.

* * *

 _ **A.N. So there's going to be one more chapter and then FIN. I won't put an author's note on that, so I'm going to say goodbye here.**_

 _ **Thank you to everyone who gave this fic a chance - from the people that left reviews on every chapter to the people who read half of the first chapter and decided it wasn't for them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You've all made writing this a profoundly enjoyable experience, and your comments, questions, and funny reviews kept me writing.**_

 _ **There are so many of you that I can't possibly thank you all individually, but just know that your support meant the world to me. This is the longest thing I've ever written, and it went so fast! I can't believe I started this monster in August. So thank you, thank you, thank you, and please enjoy the next chapter.**_

 _ **Edit: Just gonna put a list of all the fics in the Falling 'verse... I also created a community for this 'verse (creatively titled 'the Falling verse) so if you go follow that, you'll be updated whenever I add a new story to this mess.**_

 _ **1\. A Rise and Fall - September 1975 - May 1978 - October 1981**_

 _ **2\. Eros Vs Philia - March 1978  
**_

 _ **3\. Fool Me Once - April 1978**_

 _ **4\. I Love You (Because I Know No Other Way) - May 1978**_

 _ **5\. Graduations and Declarations - June 1978**_

 _ **6\. Love Poems - July 1978**_

 _ **7\. My Will in Stars - August 1978**_

 _ **8\. Kiss With a Fist - October 1978**_

 _ **9\. Understanding, Unforgiving - October 1978**_

 _ **10\. The Rampaging Romeo - November 1978**_

 _ **11\. That First Christmas - December 1978**_

 _ **12\. Fireworks and Endings - December 1978**_

 _ **13\. Thrice Defied - August 1978 - Fe**_ _ **bruary**_ _ **1980**_

 _ **14\. Godfather Extraordinaire - June**_ _ **1980**_

 _ **15\. The Stories Behind - January 1981 - November 1981**_


	56. The Last Bow

_**Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR**_

* * *

At least his last memory of his son and wife is a good one. Harry, gleeful at the coloured smoke that James conjured with his wand, waving his chubby fists. Lily laughing, kissing James quickly before stepping into the kitchen to check the chicken roasting in the oven, (the two of them have come a long way since that first Christmas dinner). Harry smiling up at him, green eyes flashing as he gently bops James on the nose. And the sound of Lily's laugh… that noise will be will be playing in his head as he dies. Low and joyful and golden. It will make him feel like his death is worth something, knowing he's keeping that laugh alive.

When James Potter dies, his life does not flash before his eyes, because there's no time for that. All he sees is his last glimpse of his wife and son – Lily Potter's emerald green, terrified, broken eyes and Harry's matching ones, staring at him with curiosity and a bit of surprise as Lily slams the door hard and flees. He doesn't have a wand, he's utterly defenceless, but maybe his body will make Voldemort trip or something. This will be – the fourth time he's come face to face with Voldemort and he knows he won't be escaping this one.

This is what love did to him. _I love you,_ he thinks desperately, wishing that he could hold Harry one last time, kiss Lily one last time, see his friends, one last time. _I love you, I love you, IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou – oh god –_

James can't help being afraid. His hands are shaking and his stomach's churning and the amount of time that it takes for the figure outside to open the door seems to last one horrible eternity, every beat of his heart numbered and running out like sand through an hour glass. Everything's blurring – he couldn't get his wand if he tried.

 _Let them live_. Calm descends over him. If they live, if Lily and Harry make it out of this house that was their home but that's become a trap, he'll have died for a reason. And even if his death buys them one minute, thirty seconds, five seconds, _one heartbeat_ , it will have been well spent.

He hears footsteps on the stairs, a cold high voice – and there's a flash of green. Luminous green the colour of Lily's eyes when she's angry or impossibly happy, of Harry's when he smiles. He thinks of Remus, of Sirius, of Peter, who must be dead – dead or in terrible pain – the light is so cold…

There's a high, cold laugh that seems to reach his bones.

James stands tall, back straight. He won't die on his knees.

He crumples and falls.

He's dead before he hits the ground.

He never even got to say goodbye.

* * *

There is a bang and a dull thud and Lily can see light seeping under the door like sunshine pressing round the edges of a curtain on a lazy summer morning. This light doesn't announce sunrise. This light tells her that her husband – her James, is dead. That thud was his corpse falling to the floor, sprawling inelegantly over carpets that they picked out together.

Her husband, the father of the child in her arms, is dead. She's a widow. She doesn't feel anything – despite consciously knowing it was absurd, she still thought – _maybe_ – like his death would rip away some fundamental part of her soul, leaving her her exposed, raw to the elements.

She is cold and she knows what to do. Protect Harry. Run. Do what it takes, whatever it takes, to survive. James told her to run and she _went._ If it was just her, if it were only her… she would've stayed. She would've stood shoulder to shoulder with James and fought and died next to him and it would've been a mercy.

A ruthless calm falls over her; because this, _this_ is Lily Potter's only super power. Cold, absolute determination. James is dead. She's alive. She's going to stay alive, and so is Harry.

Her feet pound the stairs. Someone's screaming, high pitched and horrified and for a terrible second she thinks it's Harry, that he's hurt before she realizes it's _her_.

Her wand, that thin strip of wood is downstairs, and she's shoving at the dresser, Harry in one arm as she tries to hold the door closed, tries to give her son one more minute of life, tries to give herself one more minute – if she could just _think_ – but her brain isn't working and she's screaming and he's at the door –

"Harry, be safe" she whispered, kissing him on the top of his head before turning to place him gently in his cradle. "Mama loves you. Dada loves you"

Harry peers up at her curiously, reaching for her long hair that hangs down by her face. She has to pull away, and foiled, Harry sits down on the mattress, frowning to himself. That makes her smile, just a little bit. Lily just wants a minute more, to play with her son, to drop an absent kiss on his head, to let him know that he is loved so very, very much, but she doesn't have that time.

She spins to face the door, arms outstretched, shielding the cradle.

It flies open.

The light from the spell illuminates the windows and Lily can see the bare branches of the trees outside cracking in the cold Halloween wind. Harry's second Halloween. They were going to dress him up this year, even if they couldn't go outside. James had spent all month making a tiny Quidditch uniform and Lily closes her eyes at the memory.

A figure – tall and emaciated – enters. His cloak trails silently behind him and he spins a long wand between his skeletal fingers.

Lily hears herself begging. She's never begged in her life. Not even the last time she came up against Voldemort face to face, and she thought she was going to die. She can't breathe for the shame of it but if it saves Harry she'd fling herself to the ground and kiss his boots.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"

There are hot tears on her cheeks and she hates them but she can't wipe them away – her arms are outstretched, providing what meagre protection she can with her body – her frail, breakable human body. It feels like a crucifixion.

"Stand aside, you silly girl… stand aside, now"

That voice is so _cold_. Ice shards are forming in her veins and she longs for James to step up behind her, to wrap her in her arms and tell her he loves her, to hold Harry's small warm body close. But she is all alone.

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-"

Even as she's pleading she knows it's useless, that she'll buy her sweet small son a minute at most. The cloaked figure is raising a wand, and she descends into panic.

"This is my last warning-"

"Not Harry! Please… have mercy…have mercy… Not Harry! Not Harry! Please – I'll do anything-"

And she would've done anything. She would've joined the Death Eaters, she would've betrayed the Order, she would've strode into the Ministry and killed the Minister – she would've done anything to keep her son alive. Lily's about to die and she's so helpless.

All she has is blood and bone and flesh and love and that's not nearly enough. _If only, if only_. Lily imagines wrapping herself around her son, her protective love the only magic she has left.

"Stand aside. Stand aside girl!"

The wand rises and Lily is cringing back because she's _afraid_ , so selfishly afraid. _Did it hurt, James?_ she thinks desperately. _I don't want it to hurt. Where will I go?_ _Will it last long? I couldn't keep him alive, James – and I miss you already._

Lily takes one long desperate, hungry look back. Harry's clutching the bars of his crib, staring back at her with her own puzzled eyes and James's face and she _sobs_ –

* * *

 ** _The Daily Prophet Archives – Vault 34, Filing Cabinet 7, Drawer C._**

 ** _Daily Prophet Obituaries for 1981:_**

 ** _Greta Lovegood*: Died January 12_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981: "Dance, then, wherever you may be"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Buried in St Ottery Catchpole Church. Survived by sister Camilla, brother-in-law Ben, and brother Xenophilius._**

 ** _Cuthbert, Lucy, Marlene, Benjamin and Sammie McKinnon*: Died July 3_** ** _rd_** ** _, 1981. "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Cremated. Survived by none._**

 ** _Edgar, Tammy, Bliss and David Bones*: Died July 14_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "Gone too soon"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Buried in Mould-On-The-Wold. Survived by sister Amelia and brother Percy._**

 ** _Benjy Fenwick*: Died July 29_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "Once met, never forgotten"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Remains unrecovered. Survived by wife Kalia._**

 ** _Fabian and Gideon Prewett*: Died August 18_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "Do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against the dying of the light"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Buried in Godric's Hollow churchyard. Survived by sister Molly and mother Kara._**

 ** _Dorcas Meadowes*: Died August 28_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "The song is ended but the melody lingers on"_**

 ** _*Murdered by You-Know-Who._**

 ** _Buried in Hogsmeade. Survived by brother Bertie._**

 ** _Mary, Liam and Sammie Vale*: Died September 6_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "Always loving, always loved"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Buried in Hopworthy churchyard. Survived by none._**

 ** _Caradoc Dearborn*: Died September 23_** ** _nd_** ** _, 1981. "Fought well"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Death Eaters._**

 ** _Remains unrecovered. Survived by wife Lark and daughter Penthe._**

 ** _Anna Rogers*: Died October 5_** ** _th_** ** _, 1981. "I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet"_**

 ** _*Cause of death unknown._**

 ** _Buried in Upper Flagley. Survived by mother Ellen and father George._**

 ** _Lily and James Potter*: Died October 31_** ** _st_** ** _, 1981. "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death"_**

 ** _*Murdered by You-Know-Who._**

 ** _Buried in Godric's Hollow churchyard. Survived by son Harry and sister Petunia._**

 ** _Peter Pettigrew*: Died November 2_** ** _nd_** ** _, 1981. "A true and loyal friend"_**

 ** _*Murdered by Sirius Black._**

 ** _Remains unrecovered. Survived by mother Daisy._**

* * *

 ** _YOU-KNOW-WHO DEFEATED BY BOY-WHO-LIVES_**

 ** _The greatest threat the wizarding world has ever faced was destroyed last night by a mere child – Harry Potter, the six month old son of Lily and James Potter somehow defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in a mysterious battle that left his parents dead. Godric's Hollow, the site of the Potters' home and You-Know-Who's last murders is currently swarming with Aurors, but we've gained exclusive knowledge from an anonymous source that the cottage that housed the Potters has been destroyed completely, possibly the work of a slew of powerful curses and Dark Magic._**

 ** _This past year has been full of loss for many wizarding families as You-Know-Who and his followers stepped up their rebellion and cemented their control – committing some of the most brutal murders yet against those who fought against him. But now it's over._**

 ** _Who is this unlikely child saviour? It's been an emotional day and night for many witches and wizards who've lived in fear for years under You-Know-Who's reign of terror, and families across the country are coming together to celebrate this new beginning and mourn those lost forever. Despite You-Know-Who's defeat, we must remember that Harry Potter has lost two parents tonight, even though we've gained our world back. We owe him our lives and freedom, and all over the world, the wizarding community is celebrating this event, and raising glasses to Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived._**

* * *

 ** _THE BEGINNING_**

* * *

 ** _A.N. Thank you.  
_**


End file.
